~Trust Issues~

The rest of the day goes by in a slow, torturous motion.

I try to busy myself with the assignments I had to work on to prevent my mind from circling back to whatever Navya had told me a few hours ago. Though that never happens

None of the distractions work. I keep thinking about what Navya had said, the things that happened with her, to her. I couldn't leave it alone knowing that whatever had happened, Manik played a part in it, that he already knew about it and did nothing to stop Aarav.

Did he really just stand there and watch Navya get embarrassed in front of everyone? Is he capable of such a thing?

I am not the same person, Nandini.

His words ring in my head and following that, Navya's voice fills in..

He isn't the same, Nandini. You have to know this. He was the one who sent me to the auditorium. He was the one who kept standing in a corner when all this was happening to me.

Whatever little bit of clearance I had gotten yesterday, all of it seems to have vanished with Navya's story. I can't seem to come to a conclusion anymore, not even a slightest bit of it. Although Manik hasn't told me anything yet but even then I was satisfied with the fact that the person I knew is still there somewhere inside him, waiting for me to reach out and bring him back but now, I don't think I was right. If he helped Aarav in doing this to Navya then I don't think that that Manik is left in him anymore.

Thinking of which I glance over at my nightstand to check the time on my alarm clock— which, by the way, never rings. It's ten past eleven.

I'll be back by the evening.

Manik's voice plays in my head.

It's way past the evening time, it's almost midnight and he still isn't back. The last thread holding me to him is this promise of his to come back. After what I got to know today, if he doesn't show up I will have no choice but to believe Navya's truth. Because if he doesn't come today it would mean that he lied and if that is true then all that Navya told me about him is also true.

But what if he genuinely gets stuck somewhere? A tiny voice inside my brain wonders.

But he can't. He can't get stuck anywhere. It's way past evening and I can only wait for him so long. He has to come because this is a test. He has to come. He has to.

A knock on my door breaks me out of my reverie. I look up and find Navya at the door.

"How do you feel?" She asks.

"Um. . . the same. I think I still have a slight fever and the body ache is still there." I tell her.

"And you are sprawled amongst papers and books? You've gotta know better, Nandini." She walks up to me and takes the pen away from my hand.

"Hey!" I try to reach out, still sitting with my legs crossed but Navya backs away.

"You won't be able to go tomorrow."

"I will." I say and close the books in front of me. My shoulders ache due to bending forward so much. I lie back on my hand and look at Navya, "I can't miss tomorrow, I have an assignment to submit."

"If you can't miss college then you've gotta rest yourself and also, eat. It's past 11, Nandini. Aren't you hungry?"

"What, are you in some kind of an alliance with mom? You're speaking her language now." I retort.

My mom has been continuously calling me in gaps of an hour since the morning. The first time she called me today I made the horrible mistake of telling her that I might be sick and since then I have been receiving calls from her all day long. My dad, on the other hand calls in three times a week to check on me. He says work has been keeping him busy and it might take sometime for them to come back. I don't like it that I have to stay away from my parents for so long. It was a fun idea in the beginning but I've been missing them a lot lately. Not that I have a problem in staying with Navya (Well, not anymore at least), but I still miss them.

"Okay then, it's up to you. You wanna fall sick and stay back alone or you want to try and get better and attend classes tomorrow? Choose. Meanwhile, I am gonna go and sleep." She gives me a plain emotionless smile.

"And by sleep you mean you're going to be on the phone with mystery guy for about a few hours? I raise my eyebrows.

Navya grins at me, "You betcha!"

I laugh, shaking my head.

"Ta." She winks and wiggles her fingers at me before leaving the room.

"Close the door!" I shout but it's a bit too late. I hear her enter her room and close her door.

I sigh loudly, feeling really tired. Even though I had slept in till late today, I have to say I still feel tired. Every muscle in body aches terribly and my eyes are burning. I am definitely sick now.

I throw myself off the bed and clear away the mess of papers and books from it. Closing the bedroom door I walk over to my closet for a fresh set of clothes. I didn't bathe all day long and I am craving a nice warm shower right now. Taking the fresh clothes, I throw them onto my now cleared bed and grabbing a towel I head into the bathroom.

I quickly get out of my clothes and step under the warm water. I wash my hair and notice something red dripping from my hair on the floor. My heart takes a leap when I realize what that is.

It's blood.

The incident from last night comes sliding through my brain.

My back pressed against that man's front, my hair getting wet in the blood dripping from his shoulder due to the knife that I stuck in there. A cold shudder passes through me as I recall that once again. I close my eyes tight and rinse off the dirty blood from my hair that I had missed last night. I shampoo my hair, rinsing away any remnants of the dried blood of that stranger.

I feel giddy while I furiously rub at my hair.

After standing for a good fifteen minutes in the shower I step out, making sure that there are no remnants of blood in my hair anymore. I snatch my towel and dry my hair. Wrapping myself in the towel I walk back to room and get changed into the fresh set of clothes.

I glance at the clock, it's thirty minutes to twelve.

Manik still hasn't showed up.

The sinking feelings grows in my heart but some part of me refuses to let it spread. I don't feel that tired, I can wait for him. The test is still on. . .

With this I go downstairs to fetch myself an apple. I don't think I can eat something solid and filling, I just need to eat something before I take any kind of meds. I pour some lukewarm water into a bottle because I can't have the refrigerated one and I've been dehydrated all day long because of the flu. I need fluids. I never should have had the coffee this morning. Though dehydration is a symptom of flu, the coffee added to the effect of it.

With an apple and a bottle of water in hand I walk back up the stairs and into my room. I turn to lock the door—

"BOO!"

I jump up on the spot and scream, covering my ears and closing my eyes tight. The apple falls on the floor along with the bottle of water. I back away a few steps, my heart thuds against my rib cage planning to get out of it when a laugh cuts through my scream.

I open my eyes and find Manik standing behind the door, laughing with his hand over his stomach.

My blood boils and fills my veins with anger.

I march up to him in three fierce steps and hit him all over. "YOU ASSHOLE!!" I shout, not caring about Navya who might still be awake in the other room.

"Ouch! Ouch!" Manik covers himself by wrapping his arms around him but I continue slapping his arms right and left. He is still laughing! JERK.

My heart still beats like a drum. "Never do that to me again! Do not do that to me again! You freak!"

Manik quickly stops my hands and holds them tight before pulling me closer. "Okay, okay, Nandini stop."

I try to pull away from him as I force away the tears. For a second there I thought of that man in the kitchen last night and my heart was ready to leap out of its place.

"Leave me!" I say, not so loud anymore, and pull away from him but his grip is as strong as iron.

"Okay, stop moving away. I'm sorry." He says, not laughing anymore.

I realise Navya hasn't showed up yet. Maybe she slept earlier than usual today.

"It isn't funny." I glare at him in anger.

"I know and that's why I am not laughing anymore." He says.

"Never do that again, Manik. You should know better considering you witnessed what happened last night."

Manik's expressions turn grim as realization hits him. "I didn't— I totally didn't think of that, I'm so so sorry, snow." He pulls me towards him and I let him. He wraps his arms around me and I breathe in his familiar scent. "I just wanted to surprise you." He mumbles against my hair.

I snuggle in his warmth and ball his shirt in my hands as I cling to him with my eyes shut tight. My beating heart starts to go back to it's normal rhythm.

"You need to refer to a dictionary. Looks like you've forgotten the difference between a surprise and a heart attack."

I feel him laugh and then he pulls away, looking down at me, "I didn't intend to give you a heart attack." He says.

I look up taking in his familiar face in the dimly lit room. "You're late." I say.

"I got held up." He makes an apologetic expression.

"When did you come back?"

"15 minutes ago. I changed quickly and jumped out of the window and I saw you leave the room before that."

"And you thought it'd be fun to scare the shit out of me." I stand back.

"In my defense, I thought I was surprising you."

"Yeah. Well, next time before surprising someone like that, make sure they haven't been attacked around that time, okay?" I walk away from him and lock the door before walking to my dresser. I take a comb to brush my tangled hair.

Manik comes and stands behind me.

"I'll keep that in mind." He says. "So, what have you been up to? What did you do all day?" He asks as he bends down to pick up the fallen apple along with the bottle. "Missed me?" He winks at me from the mirror as he sets the contents in his hands on my study desk.

Missed me?

Well, you can say I thought a lot about you but a less about when you will be back and more about what all lies do I still have to hear or when am I going to know the truth.

"I. . .wanted to ask you something." I look at him through the mirror and catch him frowning a little.

I turn around to face him, "What?" He asks. But before I can reply he starts, "Oh. About the truth. . ."

The truth?

Oh, yes. THE TRUTH. I completely forgot about that for a while. All I had in mind was what Navya had said. The bigger picture was lost somewhere between these smaller plots in my head.

"That too." I say.

"That too?" He seats himself on my bed behind him. "What else?"

"Something else that's true. . . " I say and stand close to him.

He extends his hands and grabs my waist, pulling me closer to stand in between his legs. "Well, all I have for you is the truth now. No more lies. And by the by, I found nothing about that guy."

I frown, "Nothing at all?"

"Not a single thing. I don't know what he wanted from you besides the things that you've told me. I do have a theory but that's stupid."

"And maybe it isn't stupid for it to be coincidence?  Some stupid burglar gang? Maybe he was just bluffing about wanting to get a hold of me and stuff?"

"I don't think so." Manik shakes his head. "I still think my stupid theory may not be so stupid—"

"Keep your stupid theories to your stupid self, Manik. You're over thinking." I say.

"Nandini—" He begins to argue further but before he can, I interrupt.

"Why does Navya hate you?"

My question takes him off guard. He looks at me with a baffled expression on his face, the one that says where does this come from?

"Manik, why does Navya hate you so much?" I ask again.

"Because I don't like her either?" He says, his expression not wavering. I keep my eyes fixed on him to notice even the slightest of a change.

"Isn't there something more to it?" I ask wishing for him to come out with the truth and prove Navya's point of view wrong.

Could things not be different than what they had seemed like to Navya at that time? Could it be possible that Manik never knew what Aarav was planning?

"I think it's because of that sandwich I ate from her plate when we were 10. She didn't like me a lot before that but after that incident she kind of hated me. She gave me that aggressive look like she'll eat me up alive."

"Manik." I look at him. "Tell me the true reason."

He chuckles, "There is no reason why she would hate me— Oh." His stops mid-sentence, his face telling that he has realised what I was talking about.

"Oh." I repeat.

"I know why she hates me." He says. "But why are you asking this all of a sudden? Did she talk to you?"

"Uh..No she didn't tell me anything but Navya keeps bugging me about staying away from you. So I thought maybe you'd know why." I still don't tell him that Navya had spilled everything to me. I want to hear his side of the story first. I notice a slight relief in his eyes. "So did you or did you not?" I ask, my heart starts beating loudly, preparing for the worst yet hoping it doesn't come.

"I. . . I did." He says.

This is the worst. I lied when I said my heart was preparing for it because it hits me like a wrecking ball.

He did? He knew about Aarav's plan? He did that to her on purpose?

"You did that on purpose?!" My voice grows louder but I don't care anymore. I move away from Manik's hold and his hands drop from my waist.

He looks at me, puzzled. "It was just one time. Why are you getting so upset? Then she started doing it too and I wasn't even interested in going over and saying hi to her. I hadn't seen her in over six years and I never liked her either. Plus I was on a mis—"

"Wait a minute. What are you talking about?"

"About not saying hi to her the first day. That's why she hates me." He stands up straight.

"I am talking about she hating you because you sided with Aarav when he humiliated her in front of a bunch of people, Manik!"

The confusion on his face vanishes as a look of realization sets on. "How. . . How do you know?" He asks.

"Navya told me."

He frowns, "You said she didn't say anything."

"I lied, Manik. You're not the only one with that right."

I think I see a flash of hurt pass through his face before he turns his expression to the neutral stone face. "So, what are you trying to imply?"

"I am not trying to imply anything. I'm just trying to know your truth!"

"What did Navya tell you?" He asks.

"That you sent her to the auditorium when Aarav planned on playing that footage and that you did nothing the entire time the footage was playing in front of a bunch of students and also, that you took Aarav away when some guy was giving him what he deserved— kicks and punches."

The stern look on Manik's face doesn't waver. "And you believe her?"

"I believe there is something you are hiding for me."

"But do you believe what Navya said? Do you think I sent her there because I knew what Aarav was planning?" He stares at me, keeping his eyes fixed, not moving them even for once.

His gaze makes me nervous but I hold my ground.

"I believe that Navya can't lie about something like this. . . " My eyes stay on Manik the entire time his stay fixed on me.

I notice a change in his eyes, an uncertainty, a flash of hurt in them but before I can say it's for real, it vanishes. "So you do believe what she said. You think I was involved."

"Were you not?"

Manik laughs a cold, disgusted, detached laugh. "Oh, Nandini. And here I thought— forget it." He backs away.

"No, wait. Stand back and tell me the truth, Manik. Did you or did you not do it?" Looking at him like this shakes me up entirely. It makes it impossible for me to not believe Navya. He isn't making this easy for me.

"You believe whatever Navya told you." He repeats what I just said to him.

"Manik, just give me the damn answer!" I try to keep my voice as low as I can but Manik is really testing my patience now.

He laughs the same laugh again, "Nandini, you're so—I thought you said you trusted me."

"Did I? Did I ever say that?"

I know I've hit the target when I see Manik stop his breath for a second. He steps further away. "You said you'd trust me if I came back tonight. I came back, Nandini."

"Give me an answer, Manik! Is it too much to ask?"

"Yes! Yes, it is too much to ask of me, Nandini. Not after the last night, not after this morning!" He raises his voice and I flinch.

The last time he raised his voice with me was a few days before I left for New York. It was the first time that I had told him I was going away and he had screamed at me for leaving him. Look how the tables turned and he left me instead. I was just leaving the country but he left our friendship.

"Why don't you just deny it and clear it away, Manik?! Tell me that you didn't do it!"

"It's not about whether I— dammit Nandini! Do you seriously—"

"You told me you have changed! You told me you were bad for me and that I should stay away from you! What do you think I'd think about this now? Huh?" I scream.

I am not even worried about Navya coming over anymore. This guy knows how to get on my nerves. He makes me so furious, so damn furious—

"You're right. I did say that but that was before I said all those things yesterday. That was before I thought that staying away from you was the best way to keep you safe." He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Keep me safe from WHAT? From an unexpected attack?! How can you know when a crazy ass burglar will walk in and plan to kidnap me for ransom?!" I glare at him in disbelief.

"Ran— ransom?!" He laughs. "You don't even know what you're worth, Nandini. You're worth more than any stupid about of money right now and you are completely oblivious—"

"And why is that?! Oh, wait. I know. That is because Manik Malhotra wants to play let's keep secrets from Nandini and not tell her about some bizzaro snooping around job that I have and let her think of weird scenarios!!"

"Nandini—"

"How the hell am I supposed to know anything when you won't tell me whatever it is that you seem to know?! How am I supposed to trust you when you give me a thousand reasons not to?! Tell me, Manik. Please. I really want to know."

The frustration evaporates from his face and exhaustion stands out clearly. His eyes turn from being furious to sad and he sets them on me. "You have find just one reason to trust me among so many other reasons you have to not trust me." He walks up to me and stands a foot away. He lifts his hand and places a finger over my chest where my heart is beating rapidly. "You have to know it in here that you can trust me. It has to be about a feeling more than it is about words, Nandini. Words can sometimes say a lot and mean nothing but this," He presses his finger over my heart, "This always knows. Deep down it knows what feels right."

He removes his hand and brings them back to his side while I contemplate on what to say to him.

I want to believe what Navya said has more to it. I want to believe that Manik had no involvement with Aarav. But why can't he just say it? Why doesn't he tell me he didn't do anything and get over with this torture?

"You don't trust me, Nandini." Manik says and now I can clearly see the hurt behind his brown eyes. "I know I have not given you a reason to but ever since yesterday, I think there is more to us that just words. There has to be. It is you and me. You're my snow. There is always more to us than words and that includes this feeling of trust. You have to be able to trust me for me to tell you what you want to know, otherwise it will just mess us up even more than we are messed up right now."

I inch closer to him as his words hit home. "Just deny it, Manik and I will believe you. Just tell me you didn't know. Just tell me something that proves Navya's point of view wrong." I whimper. I am literally begging him to prove me wrong. I can't rely on my feelings anymore. I need to hear him say it. "Please, just say it." I whisper, feeling tired of all the fighting we did. Every limb of mine aches as I force myself to stand straight. I can feel my body turning hot under the effect of the fever running through me.

"I won't." He says and takes a step back. "You're everything to me, Nandini. I agreed to risk it all and tell you the truth. I agreed to risk my job and your life. I came here to tell you the truth but how can I when you don't even know if you can trust me?" He starts to back away towards the window and my heart sinks with each step he takes.

Don't go. Stop. I trust you. Please. I trust you, Manik. Are the words that I want to say but something doesn't let me.

"Just say it. Once. Just give me one good reason why and I will believe you." I don't know why but I can't seem to trust my feelings. How can I ignore the fact that the Manik I knew, the Manik that was in fact a good person, let something that embarassing and humiliating happen to a girl, even it's someone he dislikes?

"Now, I don't know if you would even believe me if I told you what you wanted to know for so long. I can't risk telling you something that big when I know you cannot trust me. What if you don't trust me when I tell you what you want to know? I thought— I know there aren't a lot of reasons for you to do so but there always will be one reason to trust someone that is bigger than all the other reasons that you have to not trust them." He says.

That is because your heart says so, I remember.

I remember this is what his mother told him.

"Manik, if you just tell me the truth, I will trust you. Just tell your side of it." I beg.

I don't want him to go away but I know he will and no matter what I say he won't stop. Not even if I say I believe him. He won't listen to me. Not today at least. I know it but I still can't seem to stop trying.

"Nandini, don't you get it at all? No matter what I say, you can't trust me because you're afraid to do so. You're afraid to take a chance—"

"I took a chance! I took a chance and asked you—"

"But you didn't take a chance and trust me. Instead it was convient for you to jeopardize what we had by not trusting me even after what we said to each other last night. You. . . You're afraid to be with me. . ." He says with a realization.

"Am I wrong to be afraid?" I ask. My heart aches for him. I want to be near him, so close that even air can't pass through but the distance between us is more than just a few steps. It's a space that I put in there and it can only be filled by me when I learn to trust Manik.

I understand that.

But. . .

"You aren't." He gives me a tired smile. "I never gave you a reason to not be afraid. I've broken your heart again and again and again. You have every reason to have doubts and to not trust me but, Nandini the kind of trust I'm asking you to have in me isn't the one build by knowing each others secrets. It's the kind of trust that you have when you know that no matter what happens, you are going to be safe with that person. The kind that doesn't need words, it needs to be felt."

With a cruel ache his words sink into my heart, like an arrow to a target, as I realise what he is trying to say. "Manik—"

"I trust you, snow. Even though I haven't known you for the past five years, even though I don't know how you changed, even though you look at me like I'm a stranger to you, I still trust you and I don't need you to give me a reason to do that. I trust you because it comes straight from my heart whenever I look at you, but maybe it doesn't for you. . ."

It does. IT DOES! I want to scream those words out loud but. . . I can't.

I can't.

It may sound stupid but I can't seem to let go of what Navya said about Manik's involvement with Aarav in that. It might be something he did a year ago and maybe I should let it go but how can I? Navya is my sister. I can't side with a person who did wrong to her and if Manik was involved with Aarav in humiliating Navya, then it would destroy all of my principles to let it go and trust Manik anyway.

But it is crushing my soul to see that look on his face. My soul, my entire existance seems to be crushed and destroyed.

I know that you are lying when you say you are over him. I can read it in your eyes. You.. You love him, Nandini. You always have.

"Goodnight, snow. Sweet dreams." He says when I don't reply and slides out of the window. I watch him walk two small steps ahead before making a jump for his balcony.

No, don't leave me again.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I sink down by the foot of my bed, my heart slowing down, and watch Manik jump into his room through his window and not look back.

He doesn't look back.

He doesn't look back.

------

Oooohhh. What do you think about this? Is Manik right? Or is Nandini?

I'd say they both are in their own way but I feel bad for Manik😢 He's such a boooo! Whatever's he's done. . . He really didn't have much of a choice. Aw.

Anyway, next chapter coming up on TUESDAY! Maybe a little early? I don't know.. We'll see.

Stay tuned!

Like and comment and ignore the typos!

Xoxo💋