~Only Half Lies~

Dark circles? Check.

Red nose? Check.

Sore throat? Check.

Throbbing head? Double fucking check.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror across the sink. I feel tired in every cell of my body. Every bone in my body is asking for that bed of mine to sink itself in the comfort of the blanket and the matters, and doze off for a couple of days.

I sigh and open the tap letting the water run in between my fingers.

Thank God for this free class. I didn't think I could survive another second sitting in that class, listening to another word the Professor was saying.

I feel feverish all over.

A message pops up on my mobile screen and it vibrates on the slab.

"Meet me in 5. Behind D-block"

And although it is an unknown number, I think I know exactly who it is from.

Without wasting another second I splash the cold water running through my fingers, making them numb now, on to my face. I think it's supposed to make me feel somewhat better, but it doesn't.

Wiping my face off the dripping water, I throw the tissue paper into the bin and walk out of the washroom with my bag on my shoulders.

"What took you so long?"

I jump right on my spot the moment I step outside the washroom and stumble back towards the closed door.

"What on earth.." I steady myself, "were you THINKING?!"

Karan stares back at me with an apologetic expression. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"You should be." I say and start to walk away.

"I didn't mean to scare you." He says, following me.

"You should have thought that before you decided to sneak up on me like that. What were you thinking standing outside the girls washroom?" I look at him as he falls into step with me.

"I was waiting for you. I saw you walk in and then you didn't come out for ten minutes. Plus you look really sick so I thought I'd check in." He says.

"Why?"

He frowns. "Because you looked sick and we're—"

"No, I mean why were you waiting for me?" I ask, walking faster. I don't know how to dodge Karan at this moment. I can't tell him where I'm going for obvious reasons. It's way too late into the period to say that I'm going to class.

"Oh. I.. uh.. I wanted to talk to you. About that day— Okay. Can you slow down a bit?" He stops. "You're walking like you want to get away from."

I stop in my track and turn around to face him.

He walks up to me. "What is it? Are you running away from me?"

"I'm not running away from you... I'm just.. I'm in a rush. That's it." I say.

"What are you in a rush for?"

"I've forgiven you. If that's what you're worried about." I say.

I hadn't got much time to give a thought to Karan. Manik has pretty much occupied my entire brain ever since he has walked back into my life. He's pretty good at that. Always was. So, I don't really know if I have time to be angry with Karan about something that was so random and weird.

Karan opens his mouth as if to say something, but doesn't. He presses his lips together and sighs deeply. "Are you not angry at me?"

"I'm not. Whatever it was, I don't have the right to be angry at you. I was for a little time when you left me in the middle of the road that day but then I'm sure it might have been because of something important and unavoidable."

"It was." He steps closer and puts his hands on my arms. "It was really important and unavoidable, and I am really sorry to have left you like that and to have shouted on you like that but I was just... It was... I—"

"It's okay, K." I say. "You don't have to tell me something you don't want to." I can see the struggle on his face.

Maybe it's better if he keeps whatever it is to himself, if that's what he wants.

He pulls away. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure.  You idiot." I tap on his head lightly. "I'd never want to force you into telling me something you don't want to." I smile.

His lips widen into that charming boyish smile that can make any girl in the world swoon. I would have too if it wasn't for another smile that had captivated my heart long before.

And with that thought I remember there is somewhere I have to be.

"I've got to go now." I say, and step back.

"Where are you going? It's the last period anyway." Karan asks.

"To the library." I say. If only I didn't have to lie so many times to people I care about. "I've got a presentation to make and I need a few books." 

"Then I'll go with you." He says moving forward.

"NO." I shout and he stares at me, perplexed.  "I mean no need for that. I.. my friends.. group mates will be there. It's a group assignment." I swallow hard.

"Oh." He frowns. His face expresses the doubt his mind holds. He probably doesn't believe me. I probably have sold myself out. "I'll see you at 5 then?"

I release the air out of my lungs that I didn't know I had held in. "Yeah. Definitely." I smile and turn away from him.

I work my legs harder towards the D block and even harder to go behind it. It's been two months since I've been in this college but I still get lost sometimes in the corridors.

I finally reach the backside of the D block and look around to find Sam.

"You're late." I hear a voice.

I turn around but find nothing. I frown. Am I hallucinating?

"Yeah, you're not crazy. Just look harder." He says. 

"Sam? Where are you?" I ask scanning the entire ground.

"Look a little higher princess." I move my eyes up and find Sam sitting high above against a window in the building.

"How'd you reach up there?" I ask, bewildered. He's just sitting casually on a window of the third floor.

"It's a skill," He says as he shoots himself off the window— my breath gets caught in my throat— and keeps a clean foot on the small bridge which connects two buildings of that block from behind, "that not many posses." He continues and jumps again from the connector, only this time he doesn't land on concrete but holds onto a brick that protrudes from the building.

"You'll fall!" I shout, hands on my mouth.

"I won't." He chuckles as if he isn't actually hanging from a building almost about to break a bone or ten. 

Sam leaves the brick he has been hanging from and falls swiftly towards the ground before holding onto another one of the bricks on the wall. He hangs from that for a few seconds before freeing his hands off it and landing on the ground from almost ten feet above.

He doesn't stagger, doesn't fall, doesn't show a sign of ache or hurt. It's as if he's been doing this all his life. Climbing buildings and jumping off them. Watching him get down from a twenty feet high window was like watching a ninja climb down a tall building.

Light as a feather.

Swift as an arrow.

I stand still, fixed to the ground as Sam dusts the dirt off his hands and walks towards me.

"How can you even do that?" I ask, processing what happened.

"Skills." He smirks.

"You could have fell. Probably broken a bone or two."

"I wouldn't have." He says in a awfully calm way.

"You could've gotten hurt." I argue.

"Yeah, well. I didn't though. Besides I got bored when you decided to be late."

"I... I got caught up with.. something." I say. "What if someone caught you over there? What about the students in that room whose window you were monkeying around."

"This part of the building is under construction since a year. No one comes here." He says and settles himself down on the stairs.

"Why are the both of you so weird? Aren't you supposed to be the sane one?"

"That's right." He replies, "I am the sane one, that's why you're here talking to me, waiting for me to give you the answers that you need."

"So then tell me." I say, looking at him. "Give me the answers.

"I can't... I can't tell you everything, Nandini." He looks at me. "I shouldn't even be here talking to you about this— about Manik, but I can't see him like this anymore."

"See him like what?" I ask.

"Like broken. Lost." He exhales. "I've known him for five years, Nandini" Sam stands up and walks towards me. "And in those five years I've seen everything. I've seen the worst side of him and I've seen the best."

I feel my heart slow down. I feel how it touches my chest as it beats. "Is there even a best side to him anymore? Because I can't seem to make out."

"There is. You just can't see it because he doesn't want you to see it."

"Why?" I say after a pause. "Why can't he show me the best side of him? You're his best friend now, you must know everything. Why did you ask me to not give up on him?"

I have so many questions and not enough words to frame them all.

"All I can tell you is that he needs you. He always has. When you weren't around for so long it was easier for him to stay away but now that you're here, living next door, studying in the same college, he's having a hard time staying away. He just ends up getting closer to you and when he realizes that, he hurts you so that you'll go away."

"But why? Why does he do that? Why can't I know whatever secrets he's hiding?"

"Nandini, I could tell you all of it. I could answer all your questions but I won't. Manik is my best friend and would you out your best friend's secrets to anyone else?" He pauses and searches my face for the answer. "You won't." He says reading my silence. "All I can tell you is that he's not the bad person he makes you think he is."

"How do I even know that is true?" I say, holding my tears back."

"Trust? Faith? Belief? Do you have any of those towards him?"

"How can I when he won't tell me anything? How am I to trust someone without knowing what I am putting my faith into?"

He locks his eyes into my glassy one's, "That's a risk you'll have to take. There's a thing called, 'leap of faith', you've got to take it."

His words hit home.

Even though somewhere within my heart I knew I should put my faith in Manik, I was always scared. I still am. Maybe I always will be.

"I have no reason for that either." I say.

"The guy you knew before you left the country, is still him. He's there." Sam says, "How's that for a reason?"

"You're lying. He's not." I say and turn away from Sam before the tears in my eyes start dripping down.

"He stopped the rumors about Navya last year."

I spin around and stare at him, a frown on my head, confusion in my mind. Somewhere deep within I think I knew Manik wasn't capable of this, but I let the doubts cloud my judgement.

I do feel relieved but also a wave of guilt is rushing all over me now. Consuming me.

"He unplugged the projector the moment he saw what was happening and he made sure people never spoke of what they saw. At least not while they were in college where Navya could hear them. He warned them that if anyone behaved indifferent with Navya, he'd personally deal with that person." Sam continues.

"But he.. he said that—"

"I know he let you believe he was involved with this but he wasn't. And you will have to ask him the reasons yourself."

"Why would he do that? And how do you know this was what we were fighting about?" I ask.

"Nandini, Manik tells me almost everything. Whenever he is done bottling up his feelings, he vents it all out to me. Besides, I've know him for five years now, and I know he might not be easy to read for you, but I can read him inside out."

I don't know if that's him gloating or just telling me, because it hurt.

There was once when I was in Sam's shoes. I was the one who he confided in, and I was the one who listened to his rants, although there weren't as many as there were mine. But nonetheless, it was me who was his best friend and I can't help but feel the pain of jealously stabbing my heart over and over.

I miss him.

I miss my friend.

I miss Manik.

And even though he's right around the corner, he feels so distant. I hold out my hand to reach him and every time I feel his warmth closing in, I feel him touch my hand and I feel my heart ache to inch closer and hold his hand tight, but he pulls away that very instant, or does something for me to push him away.

"Why are you telling me all this? Why do you want me to know? You asked me to hold on. Why?"

Sam sighs deeply before looking at me again, "Because I don't want you to not be a part of his world. No matter how twisted and dangerous it might be. Out of a few other people, you have kept him sane in the past few years. Believe it or not he was in love with you at fifteen, and that never went away."

I know it's selfish of me to not put much thought into your safety than into that of Manik's sanity, but I can take that tag if it helps my best friend out. I know he doesn't tell you anything and I don't put light on much either, but there are something it's best you hear it from him. For now I can guarantee that whatever he does to push you away is something that is to be ignored. He's a fucked-up person. Reasoning with him will bring me nothing, that's why I am telling you. Stick. Stay. He needs you."

I stay still as if my feet are stuck to the ground as Sam walks past me saying all he had to say.

"It's a big secret that he's hiding, Nandini." Sam says. I turn around to face him. "And he's not wrong in doing that. He thinks he's protecting you and it's best if you don't know about it."

"But it's not his decision to make." I say.

"For what it's worth, I think the same now." He turns back and starts walking away. "I've given you too many hints, Nandini. Too many hints." And with that he turns right and leaves.

Leaves me with a confused brain and more questions than I had before.

But one thing is for certain, no matter how hard Manik tries to escape out of telling me the truth, I will get it out of him.

This time, Manik, you're not escaping anything.