~Sleepless Bitchy Soul~

His fingers slide up my legs feeling hot and rough. His body presses against mine as he wraps my legs around him and my body crashes into a wall.

Normally it should hurt but right now it doesn't because all I feel is anything and everything but pain.

I can feel the warmth of his body.

I can feel it in every vein, every part of me. Every single inch of my skin touched by him burns. I can feel every bit of this moment running through my veins like it's in my blood.

And it's good.

Whatever it is, it feels so damn good.

His hands move up my legs, above my thighs, making their way up inside my camisole. His mouth presses against neck, his breath feels hot against my already on fire skin.

Waves of unfathomable pleasures are rushing inside me and it's a feeling I've never explored before. It's a feeling that I've never felt before.

My hands dig into his hair as he continues his path up from my neck to my chin, my cheeks, my ears, and then-

"Ouch!" I shriek when my forehead comes into contact with the dashboard of Navya's car.

"Oops. Sorry." Navya says, "Speed breaker. Missed it."

"Could you drive any more recklessly?" I press onto my forehead, right where it hurts and pull myself back.

"Are you challenging me?" Navya smirks devilishly.

"You did that on purpose." I say feeling completely irked- a feeling that has been my constant companion for the past few days.

"I did? Oh." She keeps her eyes on the road. "Maybe that's because you weren't paying attention to me. And also because you drifted off while I was still talking."

"Have you ever considered the possibility of your talks boring me to death?" I shift in my seat, sitting upright.

"I wish it did but sorry to disappoint you, it only made you doze off! Besides, has no one ever told you that you don't sleep sitting in the front seat when someone is driving?" Navya turned towards the right, jerking me towards her.

"You drive rash." I remark.

"Thanks. Well anyway, what was it that you were dreaming of? You were literally drooling."

My eyes open up wide and I stare at Navya, "I was not."

"You so were." She smiles crookedly at me. "So tell me, who is it that you were having sex with?"

I nearly choke on my own spit.

What?

How is it that she guessed what was happening in my dream? More importantly, what makes her guess that particular thing?

I stare wide-eyed at Navya who casually makes another turn coming back to the road that leads straight home.

"Why.. why would you.. why would you say that?" I ask, failing miserably at hiding my discomfort.

"What?" She laughs, "I was kidding! God, look at you all flushed."

I bring myself to calm down hoping I didn't put forth more than there was to. I was so not having sex in my dream. I was just... On the verge of doing something.. With someone.

"Oh." Is all that I can gather myself to say.

"Were you really having wet dreams?" Navya asks, smiling amusingly.

"What? NO!" I look away from her, hiding my face which is turning red each passing second.

"Oh God. You totally need to get some." She laughs again.

And I turn redder.

Partly with embarrassment and- okay. 95 percent with embarrassment and 5 percent with irritation.

"Can you please just shut up and drive?" I come out rather annoyed than I want to.

"Yeesh. I was just trying to lighten up the mood." She says.

"I don't need lightening up." I say a bit too harshly, though I don't intend too.

"I don't think I agree with you."

"When do you ever?" I say with the same tone.

"See. This is what I'm talking about. You don't think I notice? I mean, I might be good at hiding that but I do notice. You don't really have a choice when you're in the same space with someone almost all the time."

"Notice what?"

"You're weird." She says.

"And that is something you noticed now? God, aren't you being saying that for the last 10 years?" I scoff.

"No. I mean, yes. But that's different. You're really really weird these days. Like you're not yourself, you're lost. Is something bothering you, Nandini?"

For the first time in three weeks I hear the same concern in her voice that had been there on my first day after my first encounter with Manik.

"And you are concerned why?"

"I ought to be. We agreed on certain terms, remember? This is me being like a normal concerned sister."

"Where was this person a few minutes ago?"

"Rising from underneath the person who hated your guts for years." Navya says sounding casual.

"Ouch."

"You know what I mean. Besides that's not even the point here. I know you've not been sleeping for the past two weeks."

I haven't.

"That's not true." I say.

"And I'm not talking about stealing naps in between classes and car rides."

"I-"

"Look, lie all you can but I can still see those dark rings underneath your eyes hidden by layers of compact. I notice you. I can see how tired you are and how more than usually agitated you are." Navya turns the car towards the left driving into the driveway of our house.

"I'm just trying to settle in." I say in my defence.

But she ignores it anyway. "I also know that despite there were several chances in the past few days to enroll yourself into that stupid dance thing, you missed them all. On purpose." She stops the car and turns the engine off.

I get out of the car and head towards the back door to take out all the stuff we bought. Navya does the same lending me a hand in picking up quite a few number of polybags filled with groceries and other necessary items that we were gone to buy.

Last week the shifting got completely over. At least my part of it. All of the supplies were shipped back here and with Navya's help I managed to re-arrange my house. We got all the connections connected and made this place worth living.

That does mean that we would not have the excuse of ordering in all the time now that we have the kitchen appliances in place along with all the grocery required.

"I told you, I've been tired." I kick the car door shut with my leg and walk towards the house with my hands full of bags.

"You wouldn't miss that for the world, Nandini. You know I wasn't really noticing you that much until Karan told me you missed like 3 extra chances that he personally arranged for you." Navya follows me.

I set the bags aside on the floor and dig into my sling for the house keys. I find them in less than a second and push it into the key hole, unlocking the door.

"I think he likes you." She says looking all goofy.

I push the door open, pretending to ignore her comment.

Navya walks in first heading straight for the kitchen. I pick up my share of bags and follow her in.

"You know it could be that I don't feel like doing it anymore." I shrug.

I place the bags in my hand on the kitchen counter where Navya has already spread her share of groceries.

She looks at me clueless to my intended reference.

"I mean the dance society thing." I say.

"I don't believe that for a second." She stands leaning against the counter with her hands on her hips and stares at me until I give in and look at her.

"What? It's true." I play with the house keys.

She takes a sharp breath in, "Something happened didn't it? You've been... Not you for the past few days and I'm beginning to wonder this all started that day you came home when we had that rainstorm."

At the mention of that day, live memories come rushing into my brain. Everything feeling like it just happened a few minutes ago.

Everything.

"Is it about you being locked up in that basketball room?" Navya asks noting my expression. "Because if it is then I told you I know who did that. I am just about sure it's those evil twins and if you want me kicking their asses I can do it. Just say yes and I'll turn them into dust and ashes."

I had been generous enough on myself to let atleast that piece of horrible information out of my chest.

I look at Navya, smiling. "You would do it for you more than you'd do it for me."

"I hate their guts!" She agrees.

"Yeah.. But um, it's not about them. I mean even if they did that, they've not really done anything suspicious again and I'm not feeling rebellious at all."

Even though that incident had hit me pretty bad, I let it slip because something worse had hit me harded than that. And that is the only thing clouding my head all the time.

"See that's what I'm saying!" Navya picks up cereal boxes from the counter and arranges them inside the cupboards. "You not feeling rebellious equals you not being you. There is something very wrong!"

"There is nothing wrong!" I pull the refrigerator door and start to do my part of the work- stuffing things in.

"If it's not that then what? What else happened? It's either you're going crazy or you're not telling me something."

"I didn't know we had to tell each other everything." I try to contain my irked self inside.

I can fight Navya for a lot more time than this but somehow I just don't seem to have enough energy to do that. I guess the lack of sleep is finally showing it's true colors.

"Well that's the whole point of being cousins, isn't it?" She asks with an expression that clearly says she does not know how to do this.

"It isn't exactly. I can have my secrets just like you have yours."

"I don't have any secrets." She shrugs cooly flipping her hair off her shoulders.

"Oh yeah? Well, I don't know how else would you explain the guy who sneaks in every night and has been doing so for precisely.. what? Two weeks now!"

The cool expression drops right off Navya's face.

"Wha-"

"What am I talking about? Well, I am talking about that guy who sneaks in, or no wait, whom you let in almost every night through the front door into your room without my knowledge." I try to sound as calm as I can but I know I am failing badly.

Navya's smart mouth is zipped shut. It's usually words and absolute nonsense flowing through her but right now she stands stunned and busted.

"Uh.. I can.. How do you-"

"Know? Yeah, I know. You know how I know? You guessed correct! I haven't been sleeping. So while I don't talk to you about your secret guy or even question you about why he keeps coming into my house late at night without my knowledge, I think you should give me some space as well!"

Wow.

"Okay." She clears her throat. "If that's what you want.."

"Yeah. That's exactly what I want. You not poking your nose around in my business."

I know I sound like a super bitch right now but I somehow can't control it. I can't tell her what's keeping me up all night and I certainly can't tell her why it's been bothering me like that.

"I'll then.. I'll just.. Go." Navya steps away from the counter looking way too nervous and walks outside the kitchen.

Mumbling a string of curses I continue to shove back the stuff into their respective places.

About ten minutes later when I feel satisfied with my work, I stop and stand back. My head falls into my hand as I lean against the counter feeling way more exhausted than I should be.

Last couple of days have been a whorl of bad incidents and now this. Again. I seriously wish this talk never happened. I mean that guy sneaking in doesn't even bother me!

And for all I know that's the only guy who has been sneaking in almost everyday so at least I know if ever I will have to be worried for Navya that would be because of one guy and not a bunch.

Ugh.

I can't believe this. I just can't believe this.

There hasn't been a single normal day since the moment I walked into this country.

What is it with this place? Is the air or is it just me going crazy?

I have spent last two weeks waking up in the middle of the night to a face I never thought would give me nightmares.

They shouldn't even be nightmares! They should be good, and I mean really good dreams. I don't know the last time when such dreams even qualified for nightmares.

That day, it wasn't a nightmare. That day was... It was the best day of my life. I was so happy. I was so.. Complete.

It was what that happened after that day which had been my worst fear. And now my worst fear bites me in the ass every night. Every time I close my eyes it's like his face is staring right at me. Like I am what he wants me but he just can't reach me.

Or doesn't want to.

I don't know.

"Um.. Are you okay?"

I stand up straight, startled, and find Navya standing at the door.

She is all changed up and dressed into a light yellow dress with a denim jacket and brown boots. She looks really good with her hair falling freely down to her waist.

"You look-"

"Nevermind I asked. I'm going out and don't wait up." She says and turns around to walk out.

"Wait. Where are you going?" I ask.

"Why do you care?" She says without turning and continues her way down the hall.

I follow her.

"Look, Navya I'm-"

"And by the way," She turns around and I stop, stumbling back. "I was going to tell you about 'that guy'. Just.. Sorry for waiting two weeks for you to get better to hear my issues."

I open my mouth to say something but I don't know if anything I say right now would be what she wants to hear or what I actually want to say.

So before words take an auditory form, I shut my mouth and watch her leave me alone in this big house filled with silence and my sorrow.

"Great, great, just great!" I shout into the silence. "Good job Nandini. One relationship that was headed towards something good and I ruined it again! Great!"

Damn it.

I stomp my feet hard on the floor and turn towards the living room. I jump onto the sofa so hard that it nearly springs me back to the ground.

I fricking need to sleep!

After a few heavy breaths and a whole session of telling myself how worthless I really am, I finally come to a borderline peaceful state.

Borderline.

Because just when I close my eyes again, there it pops up. That face.

That one good-looking face of that one person I can't bring myself to hate.

Manik.

Everything starts with Manik and everything stops at him.

I don't know if I deliberately fish for the trouble that starts with a M and ends with a K or is it that he purposefully collides right into me.

Every time I tell myself that this is the last I had of him, I find myself dragged towards him. And I don't even try!

It's like I find him even when I'm not looking for him.

And I don't want to find him but I can't help it.

I can't force myself into anything else that my body doesn't allow me to do. Not after what I know and especially not after whatever happened two weeks ago.

I just need to let go.

I need to forget.

But I can't. Because that's not what I want.

Definitely not want.

But then again, I also don't want to ruin new friendships just because I am trying to save something I no longer know what it is.

Is it friendship?

Or is it something else?

I let my eyes remain closed as they drift back to the day that has lead me to become a sleepless, bitchy soul.

That car.

The rain.

Me,

him,

and that kiss.

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Please ignore typos.