~Here And Now~

Two weeks ago

Manik

"I am telling you it's a right! Take a damn right!" Nandini shouts as I take a swift left turn.

"I just did." I say as Chainsmokers continue singing Closer.

"That was a left!"

"But that was right to me."

"Eh?" She looks at me with her forehead covered in frowns, failing to decipher what I am coming at.

A second later she settles back into her seat, laughing. "Please tell me you were kidding. That's a pathetic one."

"But you're laughing."

"Yeah. At your stupidity. God, I don't expect this out of you."

"You shouldn't have too much expectations out of God, little girl. I'm doing my best I can." I look at her with the corner of my eye, expecting the same reaction again.

And there it is. That laugh. Again.

"Stop with the lame. Just stop with the lame." She says. "I know it was a right that you had to take but why didn't you?"

"Because, little girl-"

"Don't."

"- I took a left turn from that point just yesterday and that landed me home. So unless you don't want to go home and spend a little more time with me, I can always take a wrong turn on the next diversion." I say.

"But I know it was a right. I remember." She whines just like she used to when she was actually a little girl.

"You remember wrong. Big deal. And please change this crap song or I'll-"

"Oh. Hey, hey. This is no crap. Please respect good music." She hold her hands up defensively.

"Please play good music."

She huffs and then ignores me anyway.

The soundtrack changes to yet another Chainsmokers song that I know because I heard Sharon play it in the morning.

I continue to drive as the only sound filling in the silence is of the music.

I see Nandini shift a little in her seat as she pulls her legs up and hugs them. She has not changed even a bit.

I always keep on searching for something, something that tells me she's not the same person I knew five years ago but I always end up failing. There is absolutely nothing that has changed about her.

"Hey, hey. Were you raised in a barn? Feet off the seat." I warn.

"What? Its comfortable that way. My feet hurt." She complains.

"Do you think I care? My car, my rules. Feet off the seat." I repeat.

She stares at me for about another second before throwing her feet off the seat.

"Better."

"Don't speak to me." She dismisses me and looks away.

"What?"

"You know I always do that." She turns back to me again.

I give her a side glance and watch her frowning at me.

"No one does that."

"I do."

"That's because you fit! That doesn't mean you have to put your feet up on my seat. Do it in someone elses car."

"Fine!" She again looks the other way from me.

And just like that, silence fills into the car once again.

Minutes pass by and another song blares through the speakers. Another Chainsmokers I think.

I don't even think I have so many of them. Unless of course it's not mine. I move my eyes from the road and check the stereo and find one of Sharon's C.D inside it.

Should have guessed it already.

"Why is it only playing Chainsmokers? You're that into them?" Finally Nandini speaks after a long silence.

"It's not mine." I say.

"Oh. How long have we been on this road?" She asks.

"Couple minutes?" I shrug.

"Forty five." She says.

"Then why'd you ask?"

"You said it'll take less time. Why is it taking so long?"

"I don't know. Can't you guess? It's raining. I can't drive like Vin Diesel right now, can I? Traffic no traffic, when it pours like this," I glance outside the window where the rain is literally slicing through the wind with it's super speed and huge drops, "It takes time to drive."

"Okay, smarty pants." She mumbles and then leans her head on her window.

I remove my eyes off the road and take a moment to look at her.

Her hair, I notice, are dishevelled. Totally. Her lips are a dry mess. Her eyes are tired. But even then, she looks perfect to me. Times like this it's harder to control myself. It's harder to remind myself that I can't touch her, I can't be near her- at least not the way I want to, I can't hold her in my arms and let all the tension slip off from her.

"Eyes on the road." Nandini turns towards me and I suddenly zoom out moving my head back to the front.

"Yeah, sorry." I shake the feeling off me and try to focus on the road.

"Um.. There's water in the glove compartment, if you need."

She reaches for the compartment and takes out the bottle of water. "Thanks." She says before drinking it to her fulfilment.

And then we continue on the road, again in silence.

A loud roar errupts from the sky above and then a flash of light strikes somewhere, illuminating the sky for a blink.

And that is when my phone decides to ring.

"Oh. Your girlfriend's calling." Nandini says.

"What girlfriend?" I pick my phone up from the side. The screen flashes Sharon's name. "She's not my girlfriend." I say before I pick the phone up.

"Where are you?" Sharon bursts.

"Hello to you too."

"Are you home yet?"

"No. Not yet, just driving."

"What route did you take?"

I frown, "Is.. All okay?"

"Just answer first. You didn't take the road that's from outside the city, did you?"

"I so did."

"Dammit Manik!" She shouts.

"What?" I move the phone away from my ear and put it on the speaker.

"Stop driving and wait till the rain subsides."

"No can do, Shar."

"Manik, it's raining Naigara Falls here! Just stop the car."

"Just stop being paranoid."

"Then stop acting like a kid. You know you can't take that road when it rains like this."

"It hardly ever rains like it. I didn't know it'll come down to this and it'll go away in a bit."

"Then wait for a bit."

"How do you even know?"

"I talked to Sam. He told me you dropped him off and knowing you I figured you might have taken that road. Now will you please stop and wait until the weather turns better?"

I turn my head to look at Nandini who already is looking back at me.

I don't want to wait. Not with her in the car, not when there's more than 90 percent chance that I will give into my weak spot for her. Or if not that then I might end up saying things that will hurt her more than I already have. And I don't want to go there again.

"There's no way. I'll be fine. See you tomorrow."

"Ma-"

"Bye, Mother." I disconnect the call quickly and keep my phone back where it was, next to Nandini's.

"Manik, she's right." Nandini speaks up just after I put the phone down.

"She's not. We need to get home fast."

"We also need to get home alive." She says.

"Do you wish to spend an extra second in here with me?" I ask, slowing the car down a bit.

I can hardly see anything anymore. The wipers aren't helping with the rain pouring like that.

"More than I wish to die? 100 percent." She laughs lightly.

"I am known to change that decision quite fast, you know?" I smirk, trying to hide my fear behind humour.

"I think I do know that." She smiles. "Stop the car somewhere. I think if you don't go all beast on me then we can manage to stay alive and make it back home in one piece."

I sigh. "Okay." I say and stop the car at a safe distance from the main road.

I turn the engine off and with that the music goes dead too. The only sound audible now is the collison of water drops with the car and the ocassional bursting the clouds and the thunder. My phone rings filling up the silent air with sound again.

Sharon, again.

Nandini, who was again sitting with her head against the window, looks at me with the corner of her eye as I pick the phone up.

"You stopped?"

"I did." I sigh.

"Good. And don't ever hang up on me. No one hangs up on me."

"News flash Shar, I do." I say, leaning my head back.

"Yeah, because I let you." She teases.

"Okay, whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Oh shut up!"

"Yeah, yeah. Why'd you call?"

"To um.. check in and also, you have my C.D?"

"The songs full of Chainsmokers?"

"Yeah."

"Got that one. Take it from me tomorrow."

"Okay so what's up? Talk to me."

"Talk to you? Why?"

"Because I am your friend and what else can do you stuck in there for God knows how long?" She asks and my head instantly turns to my left.

I see Nandini, with her eyes closed, looking so drained and tired and fragile. And I know half of it is my doing. Half of the reason why she looks so worn out is because of me. Because of whatever that I have been throwing at her.

All these days that she's been here, I've never seen her so much at peace with herself. At least not when she's around me.

There used to be a time when I was the person around whom she used to be defenseless. Around me she would drop her guard down, drop those walls and let me in.

But today it is me who forces her to guard up and close herself out.

And it doesn't matter how much I hate to be that person, I still have to be that person.

But I know she's strong. Strong enough to take whatever is thrown at her. I just don't want to be the one testing her limits because everybody's got their breaking point and I don't want to be the cause of her reaching there.

"Manik?" Sharon's voice brings me back.

"Yeah, what?"

"Do you want to talk? Since you're alone right now..?" She asks.

"Uh, no." I say. "I have company. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." With that I disconnect the call.

Nandini takes that moment to open her eyes.

"I thought you slept." I say.

"I can't." She shrugs and unbuckles the seat belt, turning to look at me.

How can she even keep looking at me after all that I am putting her through? What gives her the power to face me everyday even after when I let her down?

I just kept pushing and pushing and pushing her away. Five years were a lot bareable than these two weeks have been. Two weeks before she came back into my life and all that I had done for five years started to wash away from me.

I want to reach out to her.

I want to tell her that I don't want to hurt her, that I won't ever be able to bring myself to do that. But is that enough? Because I might never hurt her but my past could.

My past could hurt her and shatter us both.

But right now, when I am seeing her right in front of me, so close to me, I don't think I care about my past or my future.

All I care about is that I have her, today, here and now.

But how selfish would that be of me.

If I could just touch her. Hold her.

Tell her how I missed her.

Tell her how sorry I am for everything that I have put her through.

Just if.

Before I can stop myself, I find words leaving my mouth. "How do you do it?"

For one second she frowns slightly, "Do what?"

Stop. No. Don't.

"Look at me, like.. like nothing happened. Like I never hurt you."

For a moment she is taken aback, it seems but the right next moment she looks at me the same way she was earlier.

"I don't know, " She says. "I just... I don't know."

"Don't you hate me yet, Snow? Haven't I caused a lot of damage already?" I don't know what it is but it's an automated response. My brain is so not processing this and hence my brain has no power controlling it at all.

A larger part of me commands me to shut down and out again but some smaller and in this situation the much more affective part says to let loose.

And right now, I so am affected by that part.

"I can't hate you even if I want to, Manik." She shifts a little closer to me, "I have talked myself into taking that into consideration but it just doesn't seem to be an option."

She looks down and bites her lip when they begin to quiver.

Oh, don't do that. Don't. Don't do that.

"It never can be an option."

"But I need that to be an option. I need that to be the only choice you have, Nandini. You should hate me." I too remove my seat belt and shift closer to her.

"It can't." She shakes her head, "It can't and I don't think it ever will be an option, no matter what you do." Her voice starts to break and she lowers her gaze again. But I know she's controlling her best to not cry.

She's being the tough girl that she always has been.

But even that tough girl can have bad days. And today has been a very bad for her.

I lift my hand up and find myself sliding my palm inbetween her and the seat that it was resting on. Her eyes move up to look at me, brimming with tears already.

"I don't want it to be an option either." I say the truth.

"So it's a need not want?"

"It's definitely not a want, Nandini." Her eyes light up as those words escape my mouth.

A small smile lingers on her lips as she sinks a little more into my palm.

"Call me Snow." She says lightly into my hand.

I laugh lightly, "I thought it was forbidden to call you that."

"You do forbidden things anyway." She says and as she looks into my eyes something kicks into me and whatever part of my brain was failing in stopping me, dies for that moment.

I can't see if that is meant to come out as humour or if there is something she means by that.

But that doubt is cleared too when I take the bold step of meeting her lips.

And everything else doesn't matter anymore.

Right or wrong? Doesn't matter.

Need or want? Doesn't matter.

Truth or a lie? Doesn't matter.

Not now at least.

Because all that matters right now is that she is kissing me back and my insides are exploding with everything that I have been holding back for five years.

Her hands touches my cheeks before she encircles them around my neck and I reach out to her waist and lift her from her seat and place her on top of me.

My hand reaches for the lever and I pull it. The seat falls backwards taking her off guard. One second she looks totally consumed, another second she is shocked to be taken by surprise and the next she is laughing and meeting my lips with hers again.

Her lips feel soft against mine. So soft that I'm afraid I'll hurt her. But she definitely isn't afraid of that because she lets my tongue invade her mouth and kiss her all over.

This is a feeling that I cannot verbalise.

Everything wrong in the world seems to be perfect. It feels like there never was a problem, we never were separated, I never hurt her, she never hated me. Nothing feels out of place.

My arms close around her tiny waist, pulling her into me. Her fingers loop into my hair as her body pushes her closer to me. There isn't any space left between us to fill but it still feels like there are miles that we have to cover until we can't be pulled apart anymore.

Not by her, not by me, not by any force in this entire world.

She breaks free after a long time and I realise I had been out of breath for sometime. But it didn't bother me at all. Not until she was there. It still doesn't bother me, only if we could not stop.

She rests her forehead on mine and I watch her while she smiles. Her lips are stretched out wide, beaming as she takes small breaths in.

"Please tell me you won't pull away again." She says, moving away a little and meeting my eyes with hers. "Please tell me this is real. Please tell me you won't let me go again."

I can't even think of another moment that I will spend away from her while I still breathe.

Screw making her hate me.

I can't live with even the thought of that anymore.

I can't let her go when what I feel about her makes me feel so good. Someone this good can't be bad. Not for me and if I'm reading her eyes correct, definitely not for her either.

"But the answers you need..."

"I don't," She says, "I don't need any answers today, none but just one.. Is this real? Will this last? Or am I going to wake up tomorrow and it'll all be over like a dream."

"Snow.." I look into her eyes, as deep as I can reach and hold here there.

I take her hand and keep it on my stomach. She frowns but doesn't say a word.

"Do you feel this?" I ask as I breath in and out. "Do you feel me breathing?"

She nods.

Now I take her hand move it further up to where my heart is.

Placing it on the top, I press onto it until I she moves her eyes up to me again. "Do you feel that too? Do you feel it racing?"

"Yes."

"As long as these two things are real, this- us is also real."

And just like that without any warning her eyes well up. Big tears run down her cheeks.

"I didn't know it was a bad thing for this to be real." I smile, playfully.

She sniffs, "You're a bad thing for my cardiac system, Manik Malhotra.

"Snow, I'm nothing if not bad for you." I say. My earlier thoughts resurfacing.

"If you're bad for me, then so is oxygen. And if bad is what you think you are then I'll take bad. I'll take whatever you come as. It just has to be you, good or bad, it can always be negotiated with." She smiles.

"Nandini, you don't understand.. I'm not who I was, you need to-"

"I don't care what you think about yourself, Manik because I know you don't know you like I do. Even after all these years, I see you and I know you. I know what you are no matter how much to try to pile yourself with dirt. I will always see you." She says and closes the distance between us, placing her mouth against mine.

Her hands fall out of my hair and now they rest on my waist, her fingers exploring the exposed part of my body. My hands slide up her top and I feel her bare skin burning against my own.

I don't know if it's her or me but I can feel the heat now more than ever.

Her body's reaction to my touch makes her shiver and now I know for sure this can never be bad.

Not now, not ever.

Another few minutes pass and Nandini pulls back, "Okay, okay." She says while her bright smile infects me and I mirror her expression. "I just.. I don't wanna go too fast with this."

"I've waited five years, I think I can keep up with your pace." I smile.

She tucks her hair behind her ear and pushes herself up, sitting right on my lap instead of all over me.

"Well," She looks outside the window, "It's not raining anymore."

"Yeah, I see that." I say, sitting upright and closing my arms around her.

God, I don't ever want to let go of her.

"So we should go." She says, still smiling.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I move away a stray strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"Yes, I am sure I want to go." She says and rubs her nose against mine before hopping off me and sitting back on her side.

"I don't like this very much." I pull my seat back to sitting position.

"What?"

"You. There." I point at her seat and she laughs.

"What do you like then?"

"You. Here." I point at my lap.

She pulls her seat belt back on, "We also need to get home, Manik. What if it rains again?"

I too put my seatbelt on. "Then we'll do what we just did, again."

I watch Nandini turn red all over again. She looks away and bites her lip, controlling herself from smiling ear to ear.

I inch forward and drop a kiss on her cheek.

"I did not know Miss. Kickass was capable of blushing so much." I start the engine and push on the gas, starting the car and get back on the road.

"I think-" Nandini starts but gets interrupted when her phone starts to buzz.

She picks it up and moves it away from her ear.

I can hear incoherent voices in the background but I can't make any sense out of it.

"I am on my way." She says once the voises subsides.

"I know it's late." Pause. "I know, I'm sorry." Pause. "Yeah." Pause. "No, I'm not alone. And yes, I am perfectly safe. Nothing bad can happen now." She says into the phone but her eyes are on me.

I take her hand in my own and give it a reassuring squeeze.

Until now I was about protecting her from me but I spent five years away from her doing that. I don't know if I have it in me to hurt Nandini.

How can I?

Five years, three months and almost three weeks.

I can't do staying away from her anymore.

And in the way she is smiling, it says the same about her.

Maybe after all, we can find a way for us in between all my mess.

Or maybe not. But I think I'm ready to take the risk. I'll take all the kinds of risks until I have her with me.

--------

Okay guys! Eeeeeee! I know!

What a turn that took! I was so skeptical about making Manik give in so soon but then I realised five years in no way qualifies for "so soon"

Nope. Nada.

So I let him lose himself and find Nandini.

I was so excited to write this part. I kept on changing the storyline just to get this one right and now I think I am kinda happy with the storyline I am going to go ahead with now.

There is a slight change in the time gap since Nandini came back.

I have made the changes in the previous chapters but you don't have to read it again because I just told you. So if any time span makes you confused, remember I did change it.

It was one week ago from this particular scene when that hallway scene took place and the basketball court scene happened two days after the hallway scene. If this makes any sense then it's all settled!

Hope you enjoyed! More chapters on way!

Also, please ignore typos.

Do comment your views.