~Truth or Nothing~

#Nandini's outfit

As I stand under the cold water, I let my mind free. Every nerve in my body that was earlier burning with anger now seems to be a little at peace.

The coolness of the water washes the heat away, and after a number of failed attempts to block my mind from the incidents that took place a few minutes ago, I finally succeed. I let myself sink under the affect of the cold water running down my body, letting it take away all the tension that has been residing in me.

After about twenty minutes of standing under the water, I bring myself to shampoo my hair. The sweet smell of strawberries helps my mind relax a little more. I rinse off the shampoo and the soap and turn the faucet off.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrap myself in a big blue towel and squeeze out the remaining water from my hair. I walk over to the sink and look at myself in the mirror. I just stand there staring.

I don't know what I ever did to get all that I am getting.

I must have been a pain in someone's ass in my past life. I must have pissed that person off. Maybe that's why I've not had a single happy day in the past one month, maybe it's staring now. The torture.

I laugh at my own thoughts and step away from the mirror to walk back into my room. My clothes are spread all over the bed from when I was trying to find something to wear while also throwing away my wardrobe in an attempt to realse my anger.

I walk over to the bed and pull out my favourite light blue sundress from underneath the pile of clothes. My bestfriend Cassandra had gifted me this one for my birthday last year and I had instantly fallen in love with it. Now all I have to do is pair it up with the beige coloured heels.

I walk over to my closet and bend down to open the shoe drawer when I hear a loud thud from behind me. I swing around and a very high pitched squeal escapes my mouth when I see the source of the sound.

My eyes widen and the squeal turns into a scream when I see Manik sitting in front of my window in the whole Spider-Man position.

"No. No. No. No." He chants as he walks towards me in long strides and blocks my screaming mouth with his hand. "I am in no mood to deal with that thing downstairs."

That thing?

But I'm in too much of a shock to react any other way. My back hits the front of the wardrobe and my heel bangs against the open shoe drawing, causing me to squeal again but this time from under Manik's hand.

"Do not shout. You have to listen to me, Nandini." He says and I read the urgency in his eyes.

The next second there is the sound of footsteps right outside my door and then a knock following it. "Nandini, are you okay? What was that noise?" Karan asks.

"Look, just listen to me. I know you have no reason to but I have to talk to you and you need to listen to me, Nandini." Manik whispers. "Or if you want I can also fight with him," he jerks his head towards the door, "but I don't think you'll like that very much."

I frown at him anxiously.

"I know you want to hit me right now but I won't go until you listen to me. So we can either do this peacefully or we do this my way." He says.

And I assume his way won't be peaceful, of course.

"Nandini? Are you in there?" Karan asks again.

I move my eyes from the door to Manik.

I know I don't want to listen to him. I know I don't want any explanation because I don't want to hurt again and that's exactly what Manik is here for. Being near him makes me feel like.. I don't know, I just feel right but that is exactly when he overrides that feeling by hurting me and breaking my heart into million little pieces.

There is a sane part inside me burning with anger, pumping sense into my brain, telling me push Manik away, but this other insane, stupid, stupid person residing inside me won't let me. That person wants to hear all his excuses, or as he calls it 'explanations', and maybe even wants to believe it.

And in between those two people, I am stuck with my mouth covered by a hand I am about to scratch off with my nails. But then, I look at him. And his eyes. And I know this is wrong. I know that I am going to regret it when this moment passes and I shouldn't do what I am about to but I do it anyway.

I nod, agreeing to keep shut and listen to him.

He considers it for a second before he removes his hand from my mouth but doesn't move an inch away. I am completely aware of the distance separating us and it isn't even enough for a thread to pass through.

"Nandini, are you okay?" Karan asks again.

"Um.. Yeah, I am okay. I just.. There was this big big spider in my drawer and I just freaked out." I lie.

"Well, is it gone yet?"

My eyes dart up to Manik and I clench my jaw, "Nope. Still right here." I say and watch Manik's lips stretch into a grin.

I take that moment as my cue to kick him in the shin with all my power.

He obviously didn't expect that because he stumbles back and falls on the bed with a painful expression displayed all over his face.

That's what you get, Manik Malhotra.

"Should I come in?" Karan asks and I run over to the door and lean against it to prevent it from opening but then I realise, I did lock it.

"Uh, no! I'm good now. The spider's dead." I turn over to look at Manik lying on the bed. "Or it will be." I add.

"Um.. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, totally! I'll see you downstairs in about... fifteen minutes." I say.

"Okay.. I'm.. just right down." He says. I press my ear to the door and hear the sound of his footsteps faint.

When I am sure that Karan is gone, I turn back around and find Manik sitting on my pile of clothes luxuriously. A grin splayed across his face as he looks at me.

"That's quite an outfit." He says, his grin intact.

And I take this specific moment to realise that all this while I have been in nothing but a towel. I'm practically half naked in front of him.

I spread my arms across my chest, covering whatever bit of skin there is and press my towel tight to my skin. I stay fixed to my spot, avoiding any eye contact with Manik, when he shifts from his place and starts to walk towards me.

I take a step back.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand.

"You didn't listen to me downstairs, I had to find a way to speak to you." He keeps moving, taking each step slowly, like a predator to it's prey.

But this time I hold my ground.

What do I have to be afraid of? I am not afraid of Manik. Though I agree I am not in a decent outfit right now but I don't have to be afraid of him. I have done nothing wrong.

"You can't force me into listening to you."

He stops a few steps away from me.

"Oh you want to listen to me, Nandini." He says.

"You're delusional, Manik. Now get out." I jerk my head towards the window from where he got in.

I should have known he can also do that. After all that was exactly how he used to get into my room all the time.

"If you didn't want to talk to me then you would have screamed, or shouted, or called out to that friend of yours downstairs, but you didn't." He smiles and then a blue cloth slams into my face.

I take it in my hands. It is my dress.

"You might want to change first." He says and turns back around, walks up to the bed, throws my clothes in a corner, and seats himself on my bed.

I can't seem to find any logical reason to not kill this person right now, besides the fact that I'd have to go to jail. But in this moment even that seems like a better option than letting this douche live.

"Get out, I have to change." I speak, gathering myself, with a lot of control.

"You can use the bathroom." He shrugs. The hell.

What does he think of himself? Is this the same guy who was literally begging me to listen to him about five minutes ago? Because I don't see that person anymore. What I see is a selfish, egoistic, control freak pig!

"Do you want me to scream?" I say with a warning edge to my tone. "I won't go anywhere. You go."

"Last I knew, you had a problem changing in front of me. I don't. You are free to change right here." He leans back on his arms, smiling his sly smile.

"You get in there. I want you in the bathroom, now." I point my thumb to the door behind me.

And there it is. That laugh. The laugh that had me go weak in my knees.

It takes me a second to realise the reason behind his laugh and when I do, I feel myself turning red. Manik laughs amusingly but before his pervert of a brain can process a reply, I point a finger at him and warn, "Do not say it."

With that I hide my embarrassed tomato red face and walk up to my cupboard, take out my undergarments and storm off to the bathroom with my dress in my other hand, while Manik continues to laugh in the background.

Pervert.

Jerk.

Asshole.

Ugh.

A minute later I emerge out of it, now in a much less hideous outfit than I was in before and find Manik standing by the window, his back facing me.

"Start talking." I say.

He turns around.

"That's much better." He grins addressing my clothes.

"I said talk not stall." I stand with my arms crossed over my chest.

Manik starts walking towards me but before he can close the distance any further, I lift a hand to stop him. "Stay five steps away from me."

"I just.. I wanted to.. Look, I can't.." He sighs, "I'm sorry. I'm just sorry, Nandini." All the mischief evaporates from his face.

I stand at my place, unable to move. "Well," I clear throat, "You are not forgiven." I say and move out of his line of sight and walk towards my dresser.

"You have to come with me." He says.

"I don't think you heard me, You are not forgiven." I turn to look at him. "And after what you've put me through, do you really think I want to be anywhere near you?"

Manik takes a step forward, "Nandini, I-"

"No. Step back." I interrupt. "If you have said all you wanted to then now would be the perfect time to leave." I point towards the window again and turn to face the mirror.

Manik comes and stand behind me.

"What part of 'stay five steps away' do you fail to understand?" I look at his reflection.

"I can't do that. I can't stay away from you."

I spin on my feet, "Bummer. You have to." I say and start walking away from him.

He follows, "I had to go-"

"I didn't ask."

I come to a halt just outside my closet and dig into it, searching something, anything, as long as it keeps my hands working so that I don't claw off Manik's eyes.

The nerve of this guy.

After two weeks of absolutely nothing he comes back demanding a chance for explanation? And being the dumbass that I am, I give him that chance?! I can't get anymore stupider than I already am.

Manik comes and stands behind me, "I can't-"

"I said I don't want know! Just get out of here!"

I feel Manik's hand around my elbow and he turns me around with force, sending me off balance but I prevent myself from falling. "Nandini," He sighs and puts his hands on my shoulders but I step back, throwing his hands off me.

"Do not touch me, Manik Malhotra." This time I do stumble on my feet and fall over the shelf inside the closet.

Manik puts his hand on either side of me, his fists slamming against the back of the closet, and leans to level our faces, "Why can't you see it? Why can't you see what I am doing is because I want to keep you safe!"

My breath quickens, "Keep me safe?" What does that mean?

He closes his eyes, jaw clenching, and sighs before lifting himself off me. He takes two steps back turning away instantly. He says something obscene under his breath and runs a hand roughly through his hair. A gesture showing his frustration.

"Look-"

"What do you mean by that?" I push myself off the shelf and stand straight. "You have to keep me safe? Keep me safe from what?"

Manik hesitates, "From..." he pauses for a second as if trying to contemplate what to say and then continues, "from all the trouble that you keep putting yourself into."

"Uh.. excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow in question.

"You are a trouble magnet."

"Uh, am not. And don't even think for a second that this sudden gesture of affection and care is actually going to get you anywhere." I say, "I think we're done here. You can leave." I jerk my chin towards the window behind him.

He glances behind then back at me again, frowning, "Why do you keep pointing towards the window? I suppose people usually walk in and out from the front door."

"Normal people tend to that, Manik but you don't."

"What? It doesn't pose the risk for me to fall and die?"

"You just came in through that." I stress on keeping myself from bursting out.

"Yeah, and I almost died. It doesn't affect you even a bit that I could have died?" He mocks.

"Wh- No, you didn't! You landed perfectly like.. Spider-Man."

A sly grin appears on his face, "So you think I'm Spider-Man?"

"You're an ass-hole."

"So it won't affect you if I die?" He asks ignoring me.

I close my eyes shut, gathering myself, "Get out before I throw you down that window. I am not in the mood for your silly tactics and you won't be able to distract me either."

"I won't go until you talk to me."

"Why haven't you been talking then?! Why are you stalling for the past five minutes?" I shout a little too loud forgetting completely about Karan downstairs.

I just hope he doesn't hear.

"I've been trying to but you keep strolling all around the room or keep cutting me off. I can do this for as long as you want but I think your boyfriend down there would start to get a little suspicious. Don't you think?"

"He isn't my boyfriend." I say through a clenched jaw.

"Yeah, right." Manik rolls his eyes.

"What does that mean? You know what, don't tell me. I don't care what you think or feel, you can think and do as you please."

"You don't know how much control I am putting in not doing as I please." He says and I know what he means by that.

I wish I didn't but I do and he knows that I know it too because of the stupid grin plastered on his face. I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks and the colour turn. A glint of victory flashes in Manik's eye. He thinks he's winning.

But I can't let him think that. He can't win. He cannot have the satisfaction of watching me go red with his stupid comments. He knows he affects me too much. He knows where I will fall weak.

I step forward, closing the two feet distance between us, "Am I stopping you, Manik?" I know my face has given me away but I don't want to let him have the pleasure in watching me this way.

He reads the challenge in my eyes, "Right now, you're provoking me."

I stare into his eyes, provoking him to do something, anything, but I don't know why. I don't know what I want him to do. I don't want to listen to him, I don't want him anywhere near me, but when I am standing this close to him, I am waiting for him to do something. And the words 'why' and 'what' hang in the air.

Soon that goading look washes off his face and another, much subtle look replaces it. The hard lines on his face turn soft, his pupils dilate. The colour of his eyes turn a shade darker, his breathing uneven. There is something so different about his face. Something new that wasn't there about a few seconds ago, or maybe it was but he was good at hiding it. Something about the way he is looking at me, like he is pain. Like he's hurting right now. Like he has been hurting for a long time.

Who am I even kidding? I know what I want to know. I know what answers I want. I know what I want him to do and it's not something I should want. But why do we always want things that we can't have?

Like a lighting struck midst a storm, realisation strikes me.

I jerk away from him, completely baffled, like breaking free from a hypnosis spell.

But something seems to have changed in Manik. Instead of throwing his guard up he reaches out for my hand and pulls me back to him. I try to protest but we both know I don't want to. He backs me up to the nearest wall and blocks me, his hands resting on the wall, his arms caging around me.

He leans in, his head dropping on the side of mine, his breath tickling my ear. And somehow, just somehow, I feel at peace for the first time in two weeks.

My breath slows down. The air around me seems to have gotten thick. I hear Manik mumble something into my ear but I can't seem to make out what it is. It's like he's not even saying it but the words are still on his mouth.

We stand like that in complete silence, inhaling the air from each other. He smells of dust and soap and some boyish cologne. I hesitantly put my hand on either side of his stomach, and I feel him suck a breath in.

He drops his head into the crook of my neck, his soft hair tickling me, and sighs heavily. A bolt of electricity runs through my body, teasing me in all the places.

"I can't..." I hear him say. "I can't do this anymore. You don't know how much it hurts."

My heart tightens. Every syllable he speaks breaks my heart. There's so much sadness in his voice.

"What hurts?" I find myself asking as if out of reflex.

"To not have anyone. To not have you. I can't stay away. I know I should, I have to but I just can't, I can't, I can't." He lifts his head off my side and looks at me. "You don't know, Nandini. You don't-"

"Then tell me." I move my hand from my side and place it on his jaw.

"I-" I feel his jaw tighten, "can't. I can't tell you."

"Why? Why can't you tell me? If something's hurting you this much then why are you doing it?"

"Because I have to! Because this is what I am and this is what I do! This is what I have been doing. I can't jeopardize your safety just because I am selfishly in l-" He stops. I freeze.

His face changes colour every second until he jerks himself off me.

What was he going to say? Is he.. is it.. what? Why did he stop?

"What were you going to say? I ask, my feet frozen still.

Manik shakes his head and stumbles back. "I have to go." He turns towards the window and starts walking towards it.

"NO!" I get a hold of his hand and stop him. I stand in between him and the window.

"Nandini, I just-"

"No. You stand right where you are and now you are going to talk." My voice cracks in between but I manage to keep myself from spilling tears.

All of my composure is starting to wear off. I am at the brink. Everything that I had kept pushed under is just at the rim now. A burning feeling arises in my throat. I lower my eyelids to keep him from watching me struggle with the tears.

"I can't tell you anything." He says but I ignore him.

"You said," I swallow back a lump, "You said it was real." I raise my eyes off the floor and I feel a tear dropping off my left eye.

Manik keeps standing still, staring but not saying a word. I keep looking at him to start talking but all I get back is silence. He opens his mouth to say something but then thinks better of it and doesn't.

This causes the last ounce of calm inside me to implode. "What do you think I am? A doormat? You can just walk all over me as you please? You can't waltz back into my life and then leave whenever you want to! You can't.. you can't do this to me! "

Manik backs away and paces around the room. "It is not as it looks like."

"Then what is it, Manik? What is the truth?" I block his way.

"Nandini, it's.. I can't.." He closes his eyes and releases a breath. "You have to trust me." He looks me in the eye, almost certain of my reaction.

"Trust you?" I wipe my wet cheeks from the back of my hand. "I need to trust you? Trust- then show me how! How do I trust you? Do I have any reason to trust you?" I step away from him.

"Listen to me, Nandini-"

"Oh, no. You listen to me, Manik. Every day for the past one month, no actually for the past five years, I have thought of you. There hasn't been a day when you weren't on my mind. I didn't know what went wrong or what my fault was-"

"It wasn't your fault." Manik interrupts.

"Then what was it? Why? Why did you abandon me? Why didn't you call? Why did you forget me?"

"I-"

"You have no idea what I went through. No fucking clue. But.. you know what? I surived. I surived those five years without you, without hating you. But the last two weeks were worse than those five years, Manik." Tears fall down my cheeks as I continue, "You just.. Left. Again. Without a word. After you told me whatever we had was real, you left. You left me to feel like trash! Like a.. Like-"

"I left you because I had no choice!" Manik intervenes, startling me. "I had to go."

"And you couldn't tell me before leaving?"

"I am not supposed to tell you! I... It's not that simple." His shoulders fall down, exahustion clearly spread across his face.

"What do you mean you're not supposed to tell?" I ask.

"You think it's been easy for me? All these years, staying away, pushing you away, making you hate me, hurting you, breaking your heart, you think it's easy for me?"

"I don't think it not. What do you even kn-"

"I know that whatever I did was because I wanted to keep you safe." Manik puts his hands on my arms and pulls me a step closer, "I had to do it, Nandini. You need to trust me-"

"Why do you have to keep me safe? What is it that you're hiding? I don't understand anything! You are not supposed to tell me? What does that mean? What-"

A knock on my door knocks the words out of my mouth. My eyes widen in reflex. I look at Manik and find him looking back at me but his expression is much neutral than mine is. It's like it doesn't matter to him if Karan finds out.

And why does it matter if he finds out? Why don't I want anyone to know about this?

I don't dwell much on this and separate myself from Manik's hold, rushing to the door. I reach the door but before opening it, I rush back to the table on the right side of my bed and grab my phone. I open the door and squeeze myself out, shutting it behind me.

Karan is standing outside, a puzzled expression on his face. I quickly hold a finger up asking him to wait and put the phone to my ear, pretending to be on a call.

"I don't care! If you can't tell me anything then don't talk to me. Ever!" I say it loud and take the phone off my ear and pretend to disconnect the call.

I look up to Karan, smiling a guilty smile, "I got busy." I say holding up my phone.

"What was that about?"

"Just some friend from New York. I'll just be back with my shoes and then we can-"

"Ah, no wait. I've gotta go, actually." He says in an apologetic tone. "I just got a call from home, my mom needs me to be there."

"Oh." I say feeling a little deflated. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's probably nothing. I'll be back soon though and maybe Navya will be back by then too."

"Oh no, she didn't say she'll be back soon." I say.

"But she's gone shopping. She will probably come back empty handed. She can't decide what looks good on her." He laughs.

"But we're still going out?" I ask.

I was so caught up in Manik that I forgot I was actually pleased and happy to be going out and forgetting about Manik for sometime.

"Depends. If you're going to wear this same dress, then yes." He winks.

A loud, crashing sound comes from my room. I jump in surprise, my hand flying over my mouth. Karan frowns in confusion and begins to draw his hand to the door knob but I beat him to it. "It's the wind. My lamp must have fallen down." I lie. I don't have a lamp in front of the window.

"Oh."

"Yeah." I smile, leaning my weight against the knob.

"Well, I'm gonna go. See you later." He turns around and starts trotting down the stairs.

I wait outside my room until I hear the front door open and then shut.

I heave a breath in relief. Twisting the knob on my bedroom door, I jerk it open,"I really have no expectations from you, Manik but the least you can do is keep qu-" but I find the room completely empty.

The curtains on the window were pulled aside and the lamp which was on the other side of my bed was lying on the floor.

--------

Loads of confusion. Dollops of mystery. One character.

Quite unfair, isn't it?

Next chapter will be up in a few days! Please ignore the typos, if any. It's a tiring process. Editing.

Bbye!