Consultants can't explain why

Only wonder why I didn't die

Called in a priest to issue my last rites, he

Only got through the first verse, my eyes popped open, and he

Nearly died, had a heart attack, and passed out on my bed, I was feeling a bit miffed for

Until now the nursing staff had been fussing over me, it was not

That I'm moaning, it wasn't as if I'd been able to enjoy it, but you can be

Sure, when they move the priest off my bed, I'm sure as hell, gonna make up for it

Footnote:

Picture 3, it would be negligent of me if I failed to throw in an acrostic, and to me, this one seems particularly funny.