I really wanted to eat the pupusa mom made, but I can't. It's not part of my diet. I'll have popcorn instead.

And water. I can't forget water. It makes me full. Pure, healthy, no-calorie water.

I'm not hungry...

But I really want that pupusa...

Why did I have to live in a Hispanic household? So much delicious food...

-April 3rd

It was day six of my changed diet. I was so hungry.

My stomach kept growling throughout my classes. The embarrassment I felt every time--

Today, the class was taking a test. My stomach just had to growl loudly. I felt my face heat up as people glanced at me. Some of the girls snickered to themselves. I quickly drank some water from my second water bottle. It was almost running out, and I only brought two with me. That wasn't good.

Not to mention the effects I had of being so hungry. My head felt like it was splitting open. I could barely focus on the exam. I should've eaten breakfast this morning, but I didn't have enough time. I woke up feeling exhausted.

I didn't eat past five yesterday and haven't consumed anything today. It wasn't a surprise I felt this way.

Didn't make anything better. Pain and exhaustion filled me.

Food, I needed food.

I needed to eat something.

It was 3:10 pm when I made it home. I waved my friends, Clara and Lucy, goodbye. They haven't noticed anything. It'll be nice to keep it that way.

Relief filled me as I went inside home. My first priority was to eat.

I saw a bowl of cookies on the table. They were some type of soft cookies that mom got in the store. Everything was stocked in the house because of the grocery trip. I hesitated. Maybe, I should have a proper meal, and then something sweet.

My stomach growled and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Making a proper meal would take to long. I rushed to the cookies and ate one.

Sweet, sweet pleasure filled me. Relief coursed through my body as I devoured the cookie.

More.

I had to have more. I looked around me. No one was in the kitchen.

Good.

I quickly stuffed my face with cookies. I didn't care about anything else. I was just so hungry. I needed to eat something, anything.

And so, I ate and ate. The crumbly cookie melted into my mouth and the cookie pile got smaller and smaller. I stopped. I didn't want the cookies anymore.

The sweetness hurt my brain.

I searched the kitchen for something else. I looked at the stove and saw some cold spaghetti mom most likely made earlier.

I turned on the stove and grabbed a wooden spoon to move the spaghetti around so it could cook evenly. I lowered the heat and went through the pantry to find something to eat while that was cooking. How pathetic, I thought to myself, can't even wait for the spaghetti to cook.

A box of lucky charms was on the bottom cabinet. My favorite cereal.

I opened the box and grabbed a handful of it; shoving it into my mouth with no regrets. Such an odd combination of food to have. Cookies, cereal, spaghetti...what else?

Another handful of cereal and I went back towards the spaghetti. I didn't even bother to get a plate, instead, I grabbed a fork to quickly try it.

"Oh, how I missed you," I muttered, chewing on the hot, savory spaghetti.

I grabbed a plate at some point, then a banana, and that ice cream looked so good...

Having a little bit won't hurt.

Just as I went for another spoonful of chocolate ice cream, I stopped myself.

What the fuck am I doing?

All the food I ate, all my progress-

I quickly let go of the spoon and it fell with a clatter. This wasn't supposed to happen. I backed away from the kitchen. Pure regret started to fill me as I clutched my stomach. I wasn't supposed to eat this much. I wasn't supposed to go back to binging!

I rushed to the bathroom, shaking as I stepped on the scale.

I gained weight.

Now, I gained it.

All of it.

I collapsed to my feet. All my progress just...gone. All because I binged. I binged and ate and-

I didn't follow the diet.

My shaking hands wrung together. I gnawed on my bottom lip.

Okay, I have to think rationally. Of course I'll gain weight, I weighed myself right after a binge, so the increase of weight is normal. I need to calm down...

"Crap," I whispered as my logical thoughts diminished as I paced around the restroom. "I messed up, of course I did, I always mess up."

I squeezed my eyes shut, the horrible memories of my birthday coming back to me. Me eating a piece of cake with glistening eyes. That was supposed to be a happy day, not a sad one.

"It's okay..." I said, trying to reassure myself, "There's always tomorrow.
I'll be fine..."

I desperately wished that my words would come true, but it sounded like lies. Filthy, horrible lies-

It's okay. Tomorrow is another day.

Tomorrow...

I was scared for tomorrow to come. I was scared of messing up again.

I tuned off the light to the bathroom and left with disappointment.

---

A/N: How's your day going so far?