"Well... Bondita..." Anirudh started, as he gazed into her eyes, "It's..."

He hesitated for a moment, not sure how to deliver this news in the right manner. In a way that she wouldn't break down. He was on the verge of breaking down himself at the mere thought, but he was afraid... more afraid for her, because she seemed very determined to treat the situation normally.

"First you tell me... what did you want to say?" he said instead.

After he broke the news, she would not want to speak to him about anything else. That was for sure.

Bondita looked at him from his lap, her hands on his cheeks, feeling his stubble prick at her fingers.

"Many things."

"Let's go through them one by one then," he told her softly.

Bondita took a deep breath, deciding that she had to somehow ease him into talking about his feelings. She would talk to him about other things first.

"I rested on Maa's lap today," she said to him, "Maa told me that there's nothing to worry about. That because you're here with me, you won't let anything happen to me. That you'll take good care of me."

Anirudh nodded, forcing a smile. He tried to make it look genuine, but she could see through everything anyways.

"I won't let anything happen to you Bondita," Anirudh told her firmly. Which was why he had made the decision that he was soon going to disclose.

"I know, you're my Rakshak Babu after all!" she said with a soft smile.

At the mention of Rakshak Babu, his heart ached again. This Rakshak Babu of hers, failed to protect her in the deepest of levels.

He had falsely believed that he wouldn't do anything to ruin her innocence. He had so much confidence in himself, that even alcohol or drugs didn't work in front of his sixth sense for Bondita. Kaka tried many times to bring Anirudh and Bondita closer in order to get his much desired waaris, but none of his attempts ever worked.

However, at the end of the day, Anirudh still ruined her. Kaka's plans may have never worked... but they never even mattered, when the result was the same anyways.

Bondita continued, "Maa said she had been very scared when she was pregnant with me. But my Baba, Thakumaa, and Shoumik Kaka supported her very much. She never felt like she was lacking anything."

Anirudh nodded, "That's very good Bondita."

"And... Thakumaa also said something," Bondita explained.

She hesitated, and Anirudh's eyebrows furrowed together slightly, upon noticing her expression. She always hesitated like this when there was something that she needed to convince him for.

"What is it Bondita?" Anirudh asked her, sounding slightly impatient now, "What did Thakumaa say?"

"Well... she said, that I should get my nose pierced now," Bondita explained, "She said that there's a nerve in the nose, that when pierced, will make delivery easier. That's why it is a part of our tradition, that a woman gets their nose pierced."

Anirudh's eyebrows furrowed even more.

"By piercing your nose, delivery gets easier, Bondita?" Anirudh asked, his volume getting loud now.

"Wait, listen first..." Bondita whispered, and Anirudh took a deep breath, nodding, reminding himself that his volume could affect the... baby.

"You've heard of acupuncture right, Pati Babu? It's like that... or... like Yoga, pressing on certain points of your body, or moving them in different positions triggers the release of different chemicals and hormones in our mind," Bondita explained. "So... it can be true, right, that there is an effect of constant pressure on that portion? I'm not saying it is right or it isn't, but there must be a reason that our culture pierces the nose for females. It can't have been merely for fashion. Even Durga Maa wears a nose ring!"

Anirudh looked at her with a gentle gaze, lifting his finger up to her nose, and caressing it softly, as he envisioned her with a nose ring. A piercing adorning her nose, would certainly accentuate her beauty even more, no doubt about it.

"But the piercing will hurt, Bondita," Anirudh murmured to her.

"Just for a small amount of time," she said softly. "And... nearly all married women have their noses pierced. Even Sampoorna Didi started to wear a nose ring after marrying Sasurji. I've been very late. Maa also got her nose pierced at the time of her marriage, but after Baba passed away, she got rid of all her jewelry."

"You want to get your nose pierced because married women do it?" Anirudh asked her, frowning slightly.

"Not just married women, even unmarried women can, Pati Babu. Thakumaa wears a nose ring too... she said that along with reducing the pain of childbirth, it can cause less painful periods, and also is said to reduce infertility, according to Ayurveda."

Anirudh nodded. He had read of this in his studies too.

"Then you want to get your nose pierced, because you want to reduce the pain of childbirth?" Anirudh asked her softly.

If this was true, then he would be the first one to get Bondita's nose pierced. But he would need to study this more to figure out the link. He had read about it only briefly, where it seemed to be connected with a female's reproductive organs.

"No... I want to get one because I always loved jewelry, Pati Babu," Bondita said softly. "I always loved the idea of dressing up, whether that's with clothing, jewelry, makeup or sindoor... and everytime I used to look at older ladies with the nose rings, I would dream about how I would look with one."

Anirudh couldn't help but smile softly when she said this. Bondita used to dream about nose rings when she was younger?

"You never told me," he murmured.

"It slipped my mind Pati Babu! I never felt like I was lacking anything in my life, when I was with you... all these desires, suddenly disappeared," she admitted. "But... now that Thakumaa brought it up, I was reminded of my childhood, when I used to admire Mami's nosering!"

He glanced at Bondita's nose, wondering how much pain she might have to go through to get one.

"If you say no, I won't get one," Bondita told him softly, "But it really won't hurt! Maa even pierced my ears when I was a baby. I don't even remember."

She wanted to say that they may need to get their own baby's ears pierced too, but now wasn't the time to be discussing future plans about their baby, and she knew it. They had a long time left to discuss these matters.

Anirudh glanced at Bondita's ears. She had taken off her earrings, but there were small holes there, which had the piercings.

"I won't say no," Anirudh told her softly, "If you want to get your nose pierced... I won't say no Bondita. As long as it's what you want."

She looked at him with a smile, as she asked, "Really?"

He nodded, holding her against his lap.

After all, he had gotten used to her getting her hair waxed, and even her eyebrows threaded now. It seemed for some reason, that madame enjoyed these painful procedures just to look nice.

This piercing would be a one time thing at least, and if she wanted to get it done, he would not refuse it.

The only thing that worried him, apart from the pain, was that she may look even more like Durga Maa when she took his class if she got her nose pierced! But he always welcomed that fierce avatar of Bondita. He loved her feistiness so much.

"Really. If you want to, you can get it pierced," he said softly. "Is there anything else, you want to talk to me about?"

"Yes, Pati Babu, but you also wanted to say something to me," she told him.

"You first," he murmured, "I'll tell you at the end."

Bondita looked at him and said, a little nervously, "I wanted to... hear what your worries are. And... solve them."

Anirudh looked at her with surprise when she said this.

"You want to solve my worries?" he asked her softly, his heart aching. "Bondita, I'm not... worried."

He didn't want to give her any tension, especially in this period she was going through.

Bondita looked at him sadly, knowing that he was pretending.

"Is there something you are feeling, that I can't feel, Pati Babu?" she asked, clearly conveying that she was well aware of his pain.

Anirudh's heart panged even more.

He looked away from her, his throat drying. He removed her arms from around his neck.

"Bondita... I want... water."

Bondita looked at him with a tinge of sadness in her expression, knowing he was only saying this so she got off his lap.

Her own heart ached, but she stood up, as Anirudh went towards the jug of water on the table in their room, and poured the water in a glass. He brought the glass to his mouth, taking long sips nervously.

"Do you want?" he asked her from his position, referring to the water.

She shook her head no, in response.

After he drank the water, he placed the glass back down on the table, and rejoined Bondita on the bed, this time sitting beside her.

Bondita took his hand.

"Pati Babu... say something," Bondita whispered, almost in a pleading tone.

Anirudh pulled his hand away from hers, and Bondita looked at their hands as they parted, her heart hurting when he did this.

He kept on doing this, and each time, it kept on adding to the sadness in her heart.

"Bondita..." Anirudh just said, looking down, "You have to rest. You have to care about your health. Don't worry about me, please."

Bondita took a deep breath. This was all he seemed to know how to say now. She really wanted to throw her arms around him, pull him close, and kiss all his worries away... but it seemed like he was suffering through the same guilt that she was, and she was scared that if she threw herself on him, he would go into a worse state right now.

"That's not what I'm talking about," she said softly. "Say something... about how you feel."

Anirudh looked at her, pain in his eyes.

How could he speak his heart out, when his words would only hurt her? Seeing him in pain would bring out the tears in her own eyes. But, being unable to speak was also hurting her. He didn't know what to do, when she knew him so well that he couldn't even fake it with her.

Bondita edged closer to him on the bed, placing her hand on his thigh, making goosebumps rise everywhere.

"Pati Babu, I... can sense, that you're... hurt," she told him, her voice cracking, as she opened up the topic, "I... I know you're in pain. I know you never wanted this to happen. You... you blame yourself. I know. B - but... I can't see you like this."

As soon as he saw the tears in her eyes, his heart dropped with fear and he cupped her face immediately. She couldn't cry in this state.

No... he would do anything for her to stop crying... even if it meant that he would leave from here. If he was making her cry, he would go. He couldn't have her cry over him, especially in this state.

"I'm not in pain Bondita," he told her firmly. "I'm fine. I'm completely fine."

They were lies. All lies. But anything to stop the pain that she was going through. Sadness wasn't good for her.

Bondita shook her head, as her tears fell onto his hands which were cupping her cheeks.

"If you're not in pain, then why am I crying your tears for you?" she sobbed.

Anirudh looked at her, feeling his heart ache. She was crying his tears. Tears that he was hiding from her.

Her eyes were acting as a surrogate for his tears right now. Anirudh found their relationship so beautiful, that they could feel the aches in each other's hearts... except right now, this same beautiful relationship was acting like a curse, because it was only hurting Bondita.

"Stop crying," he told her firmly, "It's not good for you."

She sniffled, and he wiped away her tears gently.

Then he forced a smile and said, trying really hard to make it look real, "See Bondita, I'm not sad. I'm very happy. This was... one of our dreams, right? It's happening. We're... going to be... parents. I'm very - very happy!"

Just like she was trying for him, he was also trying hard for her.

Bondita looked at him, the pain intensifying in her eyes as he pretended for her sake.

He was really trapped with no way out. He couldn't tell the truth, nor could he lie. The effect was the same.

Bondita reached up to touch his cheeks, caressing them lovingly with her fingers. He had slapped them earlier today, and the thought still frightened her.

"You always forbid me to hurt myself, and you..." she whispered, painfully, "You hurt yourself Pati Babu?"

Anirudh looked at her, pain in his eyes, and he said, "Bondita, you... you nearly hurt yourself even more. I'm very upset about the a - abortion."

"I know, I'm sorry," she apologized, apologizing for even more than she was saying. "I shouldn't have gone to the black market like that..."

He took a deep breath and said, "Forget that now. It's done. There is actually something important I want to talk to you about."

It seemed like the only topic she had left was his feelings, which he couldn't go into without hurting her. So the only thing left was to tell her his decision.

He held her wrists which were still extended towards his cheeks, and gently pulled them down, making her heart hurt again.

"Bondita... you... should focus only on your health. Don't -- don't worry about... school..." his voice cracked towards the end, as the sorrow of the whole situation flooded his system. "Your priority... is yourself."

Bondita just responded, "Pati Babu... I will do well in school too, shotti."

Anirudh squeezed his eyes shut. This was what he was worried about. That Bondita would try to please him, and that she would continue working hard while exhausting her mind and her body.

No... he couldn't let anything affect her health.

"No Bondita," Anirudh told her, opening his eyes again. "Forget about school."

"What?" she asked, her heart breaking. "But.."

"No buts. This is an order," he told her firmly, his heart shattering more and more with every word he uttered. "You... you won't... go anymore. I'll... remove you from school."

She shook her head, tears flooding her eyes as her heart shattered into tiny pieces. She had said she wasn't going to argue with him. But how could she not oppose this? How could she keep quiet, when this time it was his whole dream on the line?

"Pati Babu, don't... don't say this," she begged, and grabbed his hands tightly, "I promise, nothing will happen to me. Listen to me, please."

"No Bondita," he refused. "Not this time..."

"Pati Babu, please," she sobbed, and brought his hands to her face, pressing her nose and lips against them and crying into them, painfully. "Don't say this."

"You can rejoin... after... but not while you're pregnant," Anirudh whispered, his lips trembling, "B - Bondita, it's not... worth... your health."

She shook her head, her tears wetting his hands.

"Thakumaa said I can do everything n - normally Pati Babu," she cried heavily. "R - removing me from school isn't needed!"

Anirudh lifted his hands away from her face, and instead cupped her chin, lifting her gaze up so she could look at him. She was sobbing heavily now, barely able to breathe. Her face was red, and it killed him to know that he caused this state of hers.

"Bondita, don't cry," Anirudh pleaded, his own tone pained and heavy with emotions. "If you cry... how can I be okay?"

Bondita didn't know what to do or how to react. All she knew was that she needed him. His loving arms. His firm grip around her body. His warm touches. Only that could comfort the ache she was feeling inside now.

So that was what she did.

She slid even closer to him on the bed and pressed her face against his chest, practically falling against his body, crying into his shirt.

"B - Bondita," Anirudh said, worried about where her face was landing because of his brooch, and also concerned about her position. Thakumaa had said hugs were fine, that she could be normal, but he was still worried. He couldn't help it. "Stop this. These tears aren't good for you. Stop right now!"

He brought his hands to her hair, slipping them through her tresses, as he tried to give her even a little bit of comfort... comfort that he didn't even think he had left in him to share anymore. It seemed like all the positivity had vanished from his life.

How could a worn out candle, light another one?

"Please don't... don't pull me out of school," she cried against him. "Don't do that. Pati Babu, I... I'll take lots of breaks. I won't study too hard. I won't tire myself out. I will take c - care of myself. B - but don't pull me out of s - school. P - please Pati Babu."

Anirudh's eyes were infiltrated by tears, and they slid down his cheeks one by one.

"Bondita, one day... you can go back... I will send you b - back myself, but not while you're p - pregnant," Anirudh said, his voice cracking, as he caressed her hair. "I promise. I'll let you go back. We just... will take a break. A break, is okay, right?"

Bondita was struggling to breathe. He was sacrificing everything in this protectiveness, and she wasn't ready for it. She couldn't handle it.

Everything they had worked so hard to build, would crumble just like that if she accepted this decision.

She knew he was doing all this for her. He was giving up everything he stood for, for her. Even in this, his love for her shone beyond everything else... and this decision wasn't just heartbreaking for her, but for him too.

How was she supposed to just say okay to the very thing that would kill him like slow poison? No... absolutely not... she would never be able to be okay with the destruction of her Pati Babu.

She had to do anything... whatever it took, to make him understand that she would be okay. That she didn't have to leave school.

She lifted her face up, breathing heavily, and she just gasped through her breaths, "You... you... don't... trust me..."

"What?" Anirudh asked her, shocked, not expecting this outburst, "I trust you more than anything Bondita!"

Bondita stood up, her intense eyes on him, her face red, tears all over her face, and she shook her head, bringing her hand to her chest, as she stumbled back.

"You... don't."

Anirudh looked at her, alarmed, when he saw her state.

"Bondita calm down," he told her immediately, standing up and rushing to her.

This was what he had been afraid of. This kind of reaction which would only hurt herself. This was why he had been so afraid to break this to her. If he could barely handle saying this, how could she handle taking this kind of information?

Her lips were quivering, and she looked so fragile.

"Sorry Bondita, sorry... don't cry, please," he begged her, apologizing, tears pouring down his cheeks as he saw her broken state, but her tears weren't stopping.

He was the cause for this. She wasn't even able to breathe because of him.

He went to the window and opened it, allowing fresh air to enter the room. Then he rushed over to her and placed his hand on her back, leading her to the window and letting her breathe in the cool air from outside.

"Breathe... breathe Bondita, breathe..." he murmured softly into her ear, rubbing her back as the cold breeze blew the strands of her hair back.

She managed to breathe a little better, and then she turned to face him, her eyes red with pain.

"What's the point of breathing, when my reason for breathing is barely alive himself?" she questioned, and then she grabbed his waistcoat, her fingers clutching it tightly, as she looked at him with a fierce look.

Anirudh looked into her eyes, his heart hurting so much but trying hard to not let his facial muscles give way, and show her his pain.

"Bondita," he said in a desperate voice, reaching to her cheeks and cupping them, "I'm alive. I'm okay, Bondita. I am! Don't ruin yourself thinking I'm not okay!"

"You're not okay," she cried, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"I am!" he responded firmly.

"Then promise me you won't... won't pull me out of s - school!" she demanded. "You won't stop me from going!"

"Bondita, your health!"

"I'll be fine!" she cried.

"You study late into the night! There are many days you don't even get adequate sleep! On top of that, the environment isn't suitable for your comfort!" Anirudh argued, wiping her tears away firmly.

"I'll sleep adequately! I'll be comfortable!"

"No, this is something I can't let you do," he told her firmly. "Not in this state."

Bondita reached to his hands, and this time, she was the one to pull them off her cheeks, breaking Anirudh's heart.

"B - Bondita?" he asked her softly, looking at her like he was in a state of shock.

All of a sudden, before he could figure out what exactly she was doing, she had fallen to the floor, sobbing her heart out. She grabbed his feet, clutching them tightly.

Anirudh's heart nearly failed when this happened, as she pressed her face against his feet, begging him.

"Pati Babu, please, please, please, please, please," she cried desperately, "I will do everything else you ask me to do! But please d - don't stop me from going to school! Don't be a wedge between the dreams you yourself have shown me! Please, Pati Babu, please!"

His heart was hammering so fast out of fear when he saw Bondita in ruins like this, crying, begging him to a point she had never begged him before.

He couldn't see her like this. Not on the floor, clutching his feet and begging him, whether she was pregnant or not.

He lowered himself on the ground to pull her up, but she refused to budge.

"Bondita, please don't do this," he begged, his cheeks wet with tears.

I'm the reason for your pain right, Bondita? I'm the one who keeps making you cry. I'm the one who brought you to the ground, like this... I... I just have to remove myself from here. I won't let you feel my pain, I'll... I'll go, he thought.

He pulled his feet away from her grip, and she got onto her knees, looking at him with fear.

"Go to bed..." he told her firmly. "We'll discuss the school matter tomorrow."

He had already made up his mind though, and he wasn't planning to change his decision.

Bondita stood up and grabbed his hand, shaking her head, tears flowing down her cheeks in agony.

"Stay with me," she begged, because she had a bad feeling that he was thinking of leaving her here right now.

And add more pain to you? Keep making you suffer, because I'm an emotional wreck myself? he thought.

He pulled his hand away from her and took her shoulders, gently walking with her to the bed, and seating her down on it. Then he pressed on her shoulders and laid her down onto the pillow.

He sat on the bed next to her and caressed her hair.

"I'm with you Bondita... I'm always with you," he told her.

But I only want the best form of myself to be with you.

She looked into his eyes, gripping his hand tightly against her cheek.

"Pati Babu, I made... you... hurt..." she whispered. "I made you... cry... I made you lose hope in our dreams."

"No Bondita," he said, his voice cracking. "You didn't do anything like that."

She breathed into the palm of his warm hand, and said, "If you don't want to talk to me, it's okay... I know you need... time, maybe. I won't... force you to talk to me. You never force me too. B - but don't do anything out of impulse... please."

Anirudh squeezed his eyes shut as she held his hand against her cheek.

"You love me so much," she whispered against his hand, "You love me so much that you're willing to sacrifice our dreams for me. But this sacrifice isn't needed... Pati Babu, understand, please."

How he wished she was right. How he wished he could tell her that he understood, but Sampoorna Maa's words kept on ringing in his head.

He had already caved into his sexual instincts, made her his way too soon... now, he couldn't hurt her further.

No, he couldn't destroy her further.

More than any dreams, Bondita was precious to him.

He was willing to burn, lose himself and his dreams completely, just for her to live, just for her to shine. He was willing to do everything... everything in his power, to keep her safe and protected.

She was more important to him than everything else.

Dreams could come back, but Bondita could not.

He just forced a smile and told her, "Bondita, get some sleep. We will talk about this tomorrow."

"You won't go anywhere, right?" she murmured against his hand.

"No," he told her, bringing his other hand just below her chest, where her ribcage met her stomach, and patting it lovingly. "I'll be right here."

Her eyes closed. She was drained... physically and mentally, she felt very exhausted.

Anirudh continued to pat her gently, until her breathing evened, and she fell asleep. It took some time, but she managed to drift into a slumber.

Tears slipped down his own cheeks, and he whispered, "I told you that I'll be here for you Bondita, and I will... but I'll be back in the morning."

He gently removed his hand from hers and left the room, closing it behind her, as he drifted to his study, immersing himself in the loneliness of it.

Even Bondita couldn't get to him this time.

But like the saying went, 'it's darkest before it's dawn', and a painful, dim pathway, was always just the foundation, a setup for the most beautiful of reunions. It was a conspiracy, an illusion, a pitfall the universe itself created, so that love could win once again, and shine all over again.

A beautiful tale was being crafted, to showcase the desperation, the sacrifices, and the slow passion of two souls who could burn out their own existence, to keep the fire of their loved one burning stronger than ever.

In the end, only love could win.

--

This was an emotional one for me to write... but hang on, because the way I imagined what's coming is going to be such a beautiful phase of their lives. Like a phoenix, which rises from its own ashes... a phase where Anidita who may seem to be 'separating' mentally, but really, they'll crave, desire and fall all over again for each other. How beautiful would that be? The last few paragraphs of this chapter sums up well what I plan!

I'm super excited for this phase, and I'm considering posting another part today. If you're eager too, then do press star and leave your comments on this part so I know you're reading and are caught up!

Any thoughts/parts you liked about this chapter?

Anirudh has decided to pull Bondita out of school, but we all know this won't happen (I hope you have this faith in me 😝)... so what will change his mind?

Any further guesses for what's coming up next?

Love you all! ❤️