248 - Her Melting Heart & Anirudh's Embarrassment?
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Manika was stunned, when she heard Vikram say that the reason he didn't want to get married was her.
What did his marriage have to do with her?
"Me?" Manika just asked softly, as Vikram looked into her eyes.
He looked away for a moment, his heart hurting.
He thought, 'How do I tell you, Bondita's Manika Didi, that I love you so much? I don't know how it happened, or why it happened, but I don't think that I can marry anyone else after falling in love with you.'
Manika continued to look at him, and Vikram just forced a smile, saying, "I mean, I don't want to get married, unless they're someone I love. I don't want to be pushed into a marriage, and have it hurt... looking at you I wish..."
Manika continued to look at him, wondering just how deep his words, his voice was, as if he had experienced a whole lot in his tender age.
"... I wish that you didn't marry your husband," Vikram concluded, "And because I saw where that lead, I don't want that... to happen again..."
Manika looked at Vikram, her eyes flashing pain now.
"You think that because my husband treated me badly, that the same thing will happen to you?" Manika asked. "Vikram, you shouldn't lose faith in the world just because of me. I want to be the reason for your hope, not the reason for your faithlessness."
His insides warmed up when Manika claimed that she wanted to be the reason for his hope. If only she knew just what she was to him.
"No, it's not that," Vikram replied, "I'm not afraid of that."
Manika looked at Vikram, as he just mumbled, "Nevermind, Bondita's Manika Didi. I don't think I can explain it to you."
"You can try," she suggested. "Maybe I'll understand Vikram."
Vikram looked at Manika with a sad expression. Could he really explain to her that he wanted to spend his life taking care of her? That he had a small bit of hope in him because of what her husband did to her, that even though he may never be able to have her, maybe he could still stay by her side, as her well-wisher, and maybe even a friend?
"I don't think if I get married, my wife would understand why I want to take care of you," Vikram just said.
Manika smiled and she said, "I'll just explain to her then, that her Vikram has a great heart, that he always wants to be there for others. I can do that much for you, right?"
Vikram shook his head, his heart hurting, when she referred to him as someone else's.
"She still won't understand."
She won't understand that I'll spend more of my time thinking about you than about her, he finished in his mind.
"Okay then, you're still young. Marriage is some time away for you," Manika said, "You don't need to worry about these things."
"Weren't you my age when you got married?" Vikram just asked bluntly, looking at her.
Manika looked at Vikram, grief in her eyes.
"I was 17," she confirmed.
"Not too much older," Vikram responded.
"I guess not," Manika said softly, "But I also didn't go to school. I was not educated. Marriage was the only thing I could look forward to in life."
"And the thing that you looked forward to the most, let you down," Vikram said, his heart hurting for her.
Manika looked down, nodding.
"Was it always like this?" Vikram asked her softly. "Did your husband always treat you this way?"
Manika shook her head.
"Not in the beginning. In the beginning, he was kind. I was happy. We used to have fun. He used to take me to places, he bought me gifts. He treated me well. But over time, he got used to me. The novelty of the relationship died... which I guess always happens," Manika said, looking down sadly. "Whether it's a romantic relationship, or a friendship, the newness of the bond fades with time, and what remains is understanding, trust, and respect... but when our newness faded, we didn't even have that left over. We never cultivated it in the beginning stages itself."
Vikram's heart hurt again, as she explained that her husband was actually good once upon a time. A man who did treat her well.
Why couldn't her husband stay good, and treat Manika well? Then even though Vikram would have to stay away from her, at least he could find his happiness in her smile, in her happiness.
"You know Bondita's Manika Didi, Bondita's Pati Babu explained something to me and Batuk once. About love. He said that to love someone properly, you need to have developed yourself individually first, and when you are mature and have explored yourself, then you can extend your heart to someone else, a friend. A friend with whom there are no layers between you two," Vikram explained.
After that explanation, Vikram had been determined to work on himself. Not to get Manika, but to be able to be there for her properly.
"That's why Anirudh's and Bondita's bond is so special Vikram," Manika said softly, "They had developed that friendship, and had explored their own selves first, before they explored each other. They had grown as two mature individuals, before coming together and working on their relationship."
Vikram smiled fondly at the thought of both Bondita and her Pati Babu, and he agreed, "They really are special."
"I had once written a letter to Bondita -- not by myself, I had gotten someone else to write it. But I told her that one day, every couple would aspire to have a relationship like Anirudh's and Bondita's. And see? Today, even I'm using their example. Through them, I have learned what to do in a relationship, and where I went wrong... but I won't get a chance to do it all over again."
Vikram looked at her, a small frown on his face.
"Why won't you get a chance to do it all over again?" he asked her.
"I can't go back to my husband," Manika said.
"And if not with your husband? What if... with someone else?" Vikram asked, his words were soft, and they were in no way pressuring.
He gulped slightly, anticipating her response.
Manika looked at Vikram, her eyes widening.
"Vikram, how is that possible?" Manika just said, "I'm already married!"
"But you won't be forever," Vikram said softly, "You are going to leave him, right?"
"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I can just go and be with anyone!" Manika told him, her eyes wide.
Vikram asked, "Not anyone, but someone you like?"
"Like?" Manika asked, blinking a couple of times, "It's not possible. A girl who has already been married, can never marry someone else! I don't have the right to like anyone in that way!"
"Why not?" Vikram urged, "Can you control your feelings?"
"It's a sin in our society!"
"A sin to love?" Vikram asked.
"Not love, but... I don't know Vikram, how can I ever? It's just not right!" Manika went on. "The whole society will look down on me, on my son. And who even would like me, after being with someone else? They will see me as someone impure and one who was left by her husband! A chhodi hui aurat! Which man would accept someone like me?"
I would... anyday, without a doubt, in the blink of an eye... Vikram thought.
Instead, he just said, "There will be someone who would. I'm sure of it. But I would never pressure you to do anything you don't want to. If you feel uncomfortable about the idea, then you are correct."
"I'm correct?" she asked, shocked, because he had just questioned her words.
"If you say day is night, and night is day, if it makes you happy, if it makes you comfortable, then I will always consider you correct," Vikram confessed.
"But then I'd be wrong," Manika said, her heart warming over his confession.
"Not to me. To me, you can never be wrong," Vikram told her softly.
"Vikram... why?" she just asked. She wondered, Why are you so sweet?
Vikram smiled and said, "Because I look up to you, and I admire you."
"Why?" she asked again, her heart fluttering slightly.
"You're very blunt and honest," he confessed, "You never try to sugarcoat things. You always say what you feel. You are very strong. You are so kind."
And he could go on and on.
"But that's not the reason I admire you..." That's not the reason I'm in love with you... he corrected in his mind.
"Then?" she asked softly.
"The reason is that there's no logical explanation behind my feelings. There's no reason. I can't tell you why. I just... do."
If there was a reason, then if the reason left, that meant the love would leave too. Then it wouldn't be unconditional.
Unconditional love could never be reason-based.
Manika smiled at his confession. He really admired her, and she could feel it to the depths of her heart.
Not just admire, Bondita's Manika Didi. Love. I love you a lot.
Manika just continued to look at him, her heart not just fluttering, but also melting by his sweet gestures.
What she didn't know, was that he just confessed to her the depth of his love, using the pretense of admiration as a cover-up, just so that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
--
Later that day, Vikram found Anirudh in the study and asked if it was okay that he teach Manika to read and write.
Bondita was sitting on a desk at the side of the study, finishing her homework.
Anirudh was sitting behind his own desk and looked up at Vikram with pride.
"What an amazing idea Vikram!" Anirudh said, quite pleased. "You should definitely teach Manika. Then she will feel more confident about herself, and maybe she can also get a job and support herself too with these skills."
Bondita looked up and smiled, liking the idea too. She knew that Vikram genuinely wanted Manika to do well, and he was in no way trying to get close to her.
"I want her to learn properly. Do you think I can be a good teacher for her?" Vikram asked. "Or should we ask someone else?"
Anirudh shook his head and assured him, "You'd be the perfect teacher for her. Don't think too critically of yourself. You will do very well Vikram, and I'm extremely proud of you for taking this step."
Vikram smiled at Anirudh and confessed, "I learned from you, Bondita's Pati Babu!"
Anirudh smiled back at Vikram, by now not oblivious to Vikram's admiration for him. Vikram had made his admiration quite obvious.
He was like Anirudh's personal fanboy!
"You are so inspiring, and so amazing!" Vikram continued, his eyes glittering. "Nobody can be more extraordinary than you!"
Bondita looked at Vikram, raising her brow, nearly giggling.
She loved hearing praises about her Pati Babu, but sometimes she wondered whether it was Manika that Vikram was in love with, or her Pati Babu!
Anirudh just chuckled and said, "Enough now Vikram. I'm not that great. I just have a vision, and I'm working towards it."
Bondita smiled and said, "Pati Babu won't ever accept how amazing he is! But you're right Vikram! He is inspiring, amazing, extraordinary, sensational, breathtaking..."
She had only just begun, and Anirudh's face went red.
"Flabbergasting, mindblowing..." Bondita continued.
Vikram wasn't his only fanboy, but his own wife was also no less than his fangirl.
"Astounding, stupefying, spectacular..." Vikram continued with a grin, as Bondita giggled.
Anirudh pressed a hand to his head, his face incredibly red as the two teenagers went on a praising spree.
He didn't know if he should be proud that they seemed to be walking thesaurus' or if he should be shy from all these praises.
"E - enough," Anirudh just said, his face red. "Both of you, enough!"
"Unbelievable, remarkable...!" Bondita continued, not listening to him.
"Bondita, focus on your work!" Anirudh just said in a stern tone, his face incredibly red.
"I'm working on my English skills!" Bondita informed, "Do you have a problem with me showcasing all these words I know? They will be very handy in essays! I am practicing!"
Vikram laughed at Bondita's retaliation, and Bondita also giggled.
Anirudh felt very warm, and he glanced at a laughing Vikram, to a happy and giggling Bondita.
As embarrassed as he felt about all these praises, he had to say, that knowing that these two students' vocabulary was this good was only just making him more proud.
His heart warmed as he focused on just how happy the two of them were. The way they laughed, was all that it took to make him smile with admiration.
He was also a fan of his fans.
--
When Vikram left the study, Batuk grabbed Vikram's arm and pulled him to the side. He had been outside the study and overheard what went on.
"Vikram, don't do it," Batuk warned.
"Don't do what?" Vikram asked.
"Don't teach Manika Didi!" Batuk said, frowning.
"Why not Batuk? Doesn't she deserve to learn too?" Vikram asked, frowning back.
"Someone else can teach her! Boudi can! Or fine, I will teach her, but not you!" Batuk pressed on.
Vikram frowned harder.
"Batuk, what's the problem, exactly?" he asked.
"Vikram, you don't understand! I taught..." Batuk gulped, his heart hurting, "Tupur. I also taught her, a little bit about how to read and write. And you see where that lead, right? I don't want the same thing to happen to you."
Vikram just looked at Batuk with a soft sigh and said, "Batuk, I understand why you're saying this, but I won't be upset even if Bondita's Manika Didi doesn't love me. I'm not doing this to win her affection. I am doing this because I genuinely want her to learn. I want her to feel strong, and independent. I don't want her to have to rely on me to read to her."
Batuk just shook his head and said, "It's a bad idea! I'll teach her, I told you! You stay away from her!"
"But being around me, makes her happy. She told me herself," Vikram said, "If she didn't like me, of course I'd stay away!"
"Vikram, why don't you understand? You're going to be so hurt!" Batuk pressed on, and then grabbed Vikram's forearms. "Don't you realize that you can never have her?"
Vikram looked at Batuk with a sad smile and said, "I know. I know I can never have her. But I told you that's fine."
"It'll hurt you, no matter how hard you believe it won't!"
"Then let me get hurt. What's wrong with being hurt?" Vikram questioned.
"You know how strong Dada and Boudi's love is, but when even Dada had to leave her at Krishnanagar, he went crazy. He almost died!" Batuk told Vikram, sounding scared, "So if a lover like Dada can almost die, what about you? What'll happen to you?"
"Nothing," Vikram said firmly. "Nothing will happen to me. You don't need to worry about me."
"Please Vikram, don't do this!" Batuk begged again. "It's a path of no return, that only ends with doom!"
Vikram looked Batuk in the eye and confidently said, "Batuk, then I'm okay with my doom."
"I'm not!" Batuk moaned.
Vikram frowned again and said, "I know something is going on between you and Surabhi. But did I even ask you about it, let alone force you to talk to her, because that's my wish? I left you alone right, because you deserve your space. I would never force you, so you also don't force me."
"I'm only protective!"
"You can be protective, but not possessive," Vikram said firmly.
"What?" Batuk spluttered, "You're talking to me like this, over a girl?"
"It's not about a girl, but it's about you trying to bind me by your expectations. It's not right Batuk. Don't do it," Vikram warned.
Then without another word, Vikram walked away, making Batuk watch him go with a pained look in his eyes.
"I only want to save you," Batuk murmured to himself, "Why don't you understand Vikram?"
And he would do anything he could to save his Sakhi from his doom!
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Did you enjoy the chapter?
Did you like the Vikram and Manika scene in the beginning?
The study room scene, where Bondita and Vikram embarrassed Anirudh?
Batuk's and Vikram's confrontation?
Are you looking forward for the next chapter?
If yes, remember to press star and leave your comments for the next part fast!
I may also even go on a spree soon. Would you like that?
There was a line I wrote in this chapter about Anirudh being a fan of his fans, and this was for all of you. This writer is a huge fan of her readers, and I want you all to know that. 🌸
I love you all very much. ❤️
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