so erm here we go i guess.........

hi y'all its been awhile

omg i do not know what to post

for fuck sake

erm..........

so depression is fuckin' with me mentally and physically with my head mainly with the negativity thoughts in my head........

anxiety is fuckin' with me, i've had like 2-3 anxiety panic attacks today

havin' asperger syndrome sucks i literally don't like havin' autism because i always think that i'm completely different in a negativity way.

my thoughts in my head are telling me to kill myself and all that fuckin' shit

also after so many years of fuckin' abuse from the school i have quit that school and goin' to a youth club educational place its completely different from school and there isn't a lot of students there.

i've spent 9-10 years of being bullied in school because of my anxiety, autism, my bad hearing i had grommets in my ears. i also got made fun of when i had my tonsils removed when i was 7 or 8. i also got made fun of the amount of injuries i suffered because my muscles are so weak that's why i get so many injuries. i've had fuckin' rumours spread around my school last year about me havin' asperger syndrome. some of my teachers were assholes to me. one said i lied about my losing my voice because i was ill with a cold and i lost my voice (that was before covid started) that happened when i was 13, in year 8 my biology (science) teacher use to make me answer questions when i didn't know the answer  to and she use to make me speak a lot when i was extremely anxious and my anxiety was really bad because of her and what she made me do. last year before covid got worse my p.e teacher said i faked my soft tissue damage in my left knee which i suffer from in a tennis competition she made me do p.e when i had a permission note for me to sit out of that lesson because i couldn't run or anything like that. she also said that i had to speak up to her and i can't rely on my friends to help me talk to people because they won't be with me in future that teacher really fucked me up and my anxiety got worse and worse because of all these years of school.

i've been locked in the girls toilets at school not that actual cubicle, two girls stood in front of the door to walk in and out of the toilets to go outside.

i've been in toxic relationships

i've had been cheated on

i've lost all my confidence in tennis and sports because of my anxiety and my knee injury that i suffered

so yeah

i've had 2-3 fuckin' anxiety panic attacks today

i've got nothing else to say on this shitty book because i don't know what else to add on here