Dear Diary,

I don't like to bring this up in front of Johnny... but I worry about him after the holy terror of a woman he was with before. Y'know, she who shall not be named, the creature from the blonde lagoon, Johnny's relatives refer to her as Turd. I just love that!

When I first watched the trial, I had to laugh. But the closer I got with Johnny, the more I began to wonder if she might've messed him up a bit. I mean, no one lives with a psycho like that without being changed a little bit psychologically.

It's just something I wonder about from time to time. I never had any real reason to worry about it. Until I did...

Johnny's going to the dentist today. Those rude fuckers in the tabloids have been giving him grief about his teeth for years, for the most part we just ignore it. An occupational hazzard, Johnny calls it. And I can safely say that his teeth never stopped him from kissing like a pro. But at his last dentist appointment, Dr. Kiser said some new choppers might've been the best cause of action for him. So today, Johnny's going in for some extensive dental surgery.

"How you feeling, Bub?" I asked as we sat in the waiting room.

"Well..." Johnny sighed. "In less than an hour, a man's going to yank out all the teeth out of my head and replace them with new teeth, which he will fuse to my jaw bone with titanium. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of running out."

"It won't do any good," I told him. "I'd catch you. Running is one thing you never excelled at, John. Music, art, acting, fatherhood, philanthropy... yes. But athleticism... no."

Johnny moaned.

I laced my fingers with his and gave him a small, supportive smile. "You won't feel a thing," I reminded him. "The anesthesia will numb your mouth completely and knock you out for the whole thing. And when you come to, I'll be there to take you home and put you to bed."

"Why do you seem so happy about this?" Johnny asked me.

"Because I know you'll be completely doped out of your gourd by the end of this. You'll be all loopy and high as a kite when I take you home."

"And you'll be able to laugh at me?"

"I'll finally be able to take care of you," I corrected him. "You always take care of me, to the point where you outright spoil me. So it's nice when I get the opportunity to look after you for a change." I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"Well, aren't you just the conniving little sweetheart?" He smiled. "Plotting my downfall just so you can love me."

"That's me," I nodded. "As spicy as I am sweet."

"Mr. Depp?" The secretary called. "They're ready for you."

Johnny's eyes grew wide. "You're sure I can't outrun you?"

"I walk every morning, and you used to play hooky from your high school gym class to smoke," I reminded him. "It's pretty one-sided."

Johnny heaved a reluctant sigh.

"I'll be right out here for you," I told him. "I'm not moving from this spot until I'm allowed to see you again."

"Okay then, let's get this over with." Johnny got up and walked into the back room.

💕🦷💕

About two hours and a whole lot of old magazines later, Dr. Kiser emerged from the back room and informed me that Johnny's dental implementation surgery had gone off without a hitch. He led me to the back, where a drowsy-looking Johnny was resting comfortably in the chair.

"Now, the amnesia won't wear off completely for another three to four hours," Dr. Kiser informed me. "When it does, he might have some mild discomfort but nothing major. When you get him home, replace the cotton in his mouth and put him to bed. If he's still hurting, give him some Tylenol pain and call me. No solid foods for the rest of the day, just chicken broth, jello, anything that doesn't require chewing. I booked him a follow-up appointment for next month to make sure everything is healing properly." He handed me a card and some extra cotton balls. "Other than that, he's all yours."

"Thank you, Doctor," I smiled gratefully.

"And be sure to thank him again for the autograph," Dr. Kiser smiled. "My daughter is going to be thrilled."

He left me and Johnny alone in the room. I leaned down next to my drowsy, doped up husband, and ran a gentle finger down the bridge of his nose.

"Johnny? Hey... C'mon, sleepyhead."

Johnny's eyes peered open, and he gazed around in stunned confusion.

"Hey, baby..." I whispered softly. "I am so proud of you. It's all over. You did it!" I leaned down to give him a congratulatory kiss.

Johnny leaned away and put his palm against my forehead. "Back off, Missy!" He mumbled around a mouthful of cotton. "I have a wife!"

"I am your wife, silly," I giggled.

He stared at me. "Oh!" He recognized me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to take you home and put you to bed," I told him. "You've had a big day, and you need a nap."

"A sex nap?" He asked way too loudly.

My eyes widened. "No, just a regular nap..."

"But I want sex!" He whined loudly.

I looked around, hoping no one could hear him outside. "Maybe later, if you're good," I said.

"You got it, Pontiac!" He gave me a thumbs up.

I stifled a snicker. He looked so sleepy and cute. Like a little boy that was just waking up from his nap, with chipmunk cheeks full of cotton. And a hint of Captain Jack swagger...

"C'mon, let's get you into the car," I helped him out of the chair. "Then we'll go home and have a nice nap and some jello."

"Jello... jello's good. " Johnny nodded.

"Yes, it is."

"I remember when my Pawpaw died... My aunt made an aspic. You ever had aspic?"

"No..."

"Don't. It's ffff-fucking horrible stuff. It was this salty jello with chunks of ham, bologna, and pickle chunks in it. Tasted terrible!"

"Uh-huh..." I didn't know how to respond to that. "Well, I got raspberry and orange jello with no chucks waiting at home for you. So let's get going, okay?"

"...Yeah, okay," Johnny decided.

I put his arm around me and let him lean on me. I rubbed his back and slowly guided him back toward the waiting room. That's when it happened...

"Oh, I love you so fucking much, Amber..."

I stopped dead in my tracks. I glanced over at my anesthesia-riddled husband in slight shock. Did he... did he just call me Amber? As in his abusive ex-wife?

I shook it off and continued my task of getting him to the car. But all the way home, the words echoed in my head on a continuous loop.

What does that mean? Why did he call me her name? I mean, obviously, it was just the drugs talking, not Johnny. But the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder... Do I remind him of her? Does he still have unresolved feelings for her? What if he's afraid that I'm becoming like her? And he blames himself for it?

I mean, naturally, with the trial being so big, the tabloids compared me to her on a few occasions. We never really acknowledged it. Come to think of it, we never acknowledged Johnny's past relationship with her at all. I assumed it would be better for everyone if I didn't bring it up. Now, I'm wondering if that was a mistake. Maybe I should've let Johnny open up to me about that part of his life. Maybe it would've helped him to talk about it...

I looked over at his drowsy sleeping face in the car. It's possible that I'm just reading too much into nothing. After all, I'm not the only wife Johnny's had. It could just be a slip of the tongue.

...I hope.

💕🦷💕

We made it home, and I put Johnny to bed. I tried to fall asleep with him, but I couldn't. My mind was still swimming with theories and questions.

I crept downstairs and found Lily-Rose swiping through her phone.

"Where's Jack?" I asked her.

"Over at his girlfriend's place," she replied.

"Oh..." I leaned against the kitchen counter, in deep thought.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked, looking at me.

"Hm...? Nothing!"

"You sure? You look like somebody ran over your dog," she observed.

"Just something that happened at your Dad's dentist appointment," I replied.

"Well, what's wrong with him?" Lily asked, suddenly anxious.

"No, no, no! Your Dad's fine," I reassured her. "It all went great. He's just gotta sleep it off now."

"Then what happened?" Lily questioned.

I looked at her. I wasn't sure I wanted to drag her into this. She hated Amber from the beginning and even more when she realized how she was treating her father. I didn't want to reopen old wounds. Still, this situation was eating me alive and I would've loved a fresh perspective on it.

"Alright, it's probably not as big a deal as I think it is, but..." I exhaled. "After the surgery, I was helping your Dad out of the dentist office and... he, uh... he called me her name."

"Who's name?" Lily shrugged in confusion.

"Y'know... the um... stepmother you had prior to me..." I mumbled.

Lily-Rose stared at me, her eyes a mix of shock and sympathy. "Okay... wow..." she breathed.

"Yeah" I nodded. "Like I said, I'm probably reading too much into this. He was under anesthesia, so clearly he wasn't responsible for what he was saying or doing."

"Exactly" she nodded in agreement.

"But at the same time, I can't help but wonder... what if the drugs had some sort of... truth serum effect on him. What if, in his delusional state, he was trying to tell me something... subconsciously..."

"No, no..." Lily-Rose shook her head. "Trust me, Y/N. You are nothing like she was. She was a fucking nightmare and then some. You're way more considerate and down to earth. You care about Dad. You care about us. We know that now. You've shown that. Dad was really beating himself up over having let her into our lives and letting her mess with his head. But then he started seeing you and... you really jump started his healing. You helped him learn to trust again. You are nothing like her, believe me."

"Well, I appreciate that, Lils" I smiled. "But I just wish I knew what made him call me her name?"

"It's just one of those things" Lily shrugged it off. "I once called our tutor Maman by accident. And she looked nothing like my mother."

I nodded. It made sense.

"If it really concerns you, why don't you just tell Dad what happened?" She suggested.

"I don't really know how to ask?" I shrugged. "I'll think of a way to. But do me a favor and don't tell him about it. I should probably be the one to tell him."

"Sure, no problem" Lily-Rose nodded. "So did Dad say anything else while he was drugged up?"

"He mentioned that his aunt brought bologna and pickle jello when your great grandfather passed...?"

"Oh! The aspic story" she chuckled. "Yeah, he told us that one when Granny Betty passed to cheer us up."

"Did it work?" I asked.

"It did" she replied. "But we couldn't stomach jello for a year afterwards."

I laughed.

💕🦷💕

The next morning, I woke to the twang and hum of guitar strings, and the crackling of amps.

Someone's feeling better... I thought, opening my eyes.

I walked into the living room and saw Johnny pacing around playing his six-string. He stopped when he turned and noticed me.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked sympathetically.

"I'd rather wake up to music than an alarm clock" I shrugged.

"I wanted to let you sleep in" he kissed my nose. "Since you were such a great little nurse for me yesterday. Did I give you much trouble?"

I looked up at him. Now would be the perfect time to bring it up. But he was looking at me with such admiration and love in his eyes... I just couldn't ruin his good mood.

"I couldn't have asked for a better patient" I gave a small smile.

"I didn't say or do anything stupid, did I?" He asked. "There's always videos online of people coming home from the dentist and acting loopy."

"Well, you did ask me for sex... loudly" I told him.

"Oh, Christ!" Johnny squeezed his eyes shut in disbelief.

"Yeah..." I giggled. "And you brought up the time your aunt brought aspic to your grandfather's funeral."

"Oh, yeah" he pulled a face. "With bologna and ham and..."

"...Pickles" We said in unison.

"Right" Johnny nodded. "Is that it?"

"Yeah" I lied.

"So what do you think of the new veneers?" He smiled, clicking his new teeth.

"I think I liked the old ones better" I frowned.

Johnny pouted. "Really?"

"Just kidding" I grinned. "I don't care if you have pearly whites, gold caps, dentures or no teeth at all. So long as your lips still work." I kissed him.

He smirked softly as he rested his forehead against mine. "For the rest of my life, I'll wonder what I did to deserve you..."

What he did to deserve me? I thought. He still thinks he needs to placate me, just like he did with her!

"I'm not that great" I said softly and modestly. "Besides you know I'll always help you whenever you need me. I'm not just gonna sit around this house all day, spending your money and drinking wine." It was only after I said it that I realized how painfully on the nose that was.

"I know you're not" Johnny told me.

"Just making sure" I played with the hem of his collar. "You hungry? You want some breakfast?"

"I was thinking we could go out for breakfast?" Johnny said. "My treat since you looked after me yesterday."

"No, no!" I shook my head. "I want to cook for you. I'm your wife, it's my job to feed you."

"Well, that's not entirely--"

I picked up his guitar and handed it to him. "You play some more, I'll call you when breakfast is ready."

"Okay..." Johnny shrugged.

🦷 Johnny's POV 🦷

Sit around the house all day, spending your money and drinking wine? I thought. What was that about? Something's off about her today...

I sat on the couch, fingering the strings lightly, my head was somewhere else though. Why was Y/N talking like that? Why did she keep looking at me like... like she was scared of me? Like I was made of glass and she was a bull in a china shop?

Half an hour later, Y/N called from the kitchen saying breakfast was ready. I put my guitar back on the stand and walked into the kitchen. I stopped in my tracks upon seeing the table. Mainly because... I couldn't see the table from all the food on it! There was platters upon platters overloaded with bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, biscuits & gravy, ham steaks, sausages, coffee, orange juice, French toast, oatmeal, bagels & cream cheese, bear claws, hash browns and waffles!

Y/N walked over in a bright floral sun dress, her hair tied up in a bun and a pair of heels clicked on the floor beneath her. She was carrying a platter with stacks of pancakes.

"I didn't know if you wanted pancakes or waffles, so I made both!" She smiled. "The waffles are plain, but I put blueberries in the pancakes, just how you like."

"What, uh...?" I stammered. "New look...?"

"You noticed!" She smiled, smoothing out the skirt of her dress. "I had it in the back of the closet. I just felt like looking pretty for you."

"For me?" I echoed.

"Of course!" Y/N shrugged. "I mean, you work hard all day long and what do you come home to? A slob."

My heart dropped hearing her say that. "Y/N, you are not a slob" I told her.

"I just want to look like a woman" she replied curtly. "Why don't you sit down and have your breakfast before it gets cold?"

I stared at her, trying to read what was going on in her head. But decided to just do as she said. If she didn't want to talk about I wasn't going to force her.

She loaded up a plate with a stack of pancakes, a mess of bacon, a heaping spoonful of scrambled eggs, four sausages and a ham steak. She drowned the whole thing in maple syrup and placed it in front of me.

"Enjoy!" She walked away.

"Where are you going?"

"I've just gotta get to waxing the hardwood floor upstairs" she said. "And I want to give all the bed sheets a wash. Let me know when you're done eating, so I can start on the dishes."

"Babe, are you feeling alright?" I asked her.

"Never better" she smiled.

She was lying. I could tell. Cooking and cleaning were not her idea of a good time. And she usually dressed in dark yoga pants and sweaters, now she looked like Donna Reed. What was she playing at? Was she trying to tell me something? Did I do something wrong? I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong, unless... unless I said something after my dentist appointment. That must be it. I said something that hurt her feelings.

God, I must've told her she wasn't a good wife! I must've told her she drank my wine and took my money! I might've even called her a slob! Poor Y/N! What was wrong with me?! Why'd I say that?!

Lily-Rose walked in after Dani dropped her off.

"Hey, Dad" she looked up from her phone and stared wide-eyed at the table. "Are you expecting someone for brunch?"

"Y/N cooked all this" I replied.

"For who?" She asked.

"For me!" I chuckled exasperated. "And now she's upstairs waxing the floor and cleaning the sheets."

"Why?" Lily-Rose shrugged.

"I don't know!" I told her. "She's acting like one of those Stepford Wives! I'm not sure what's gotten into her! Did she say anything to you?"

"No..." Lily-Rose avoided my glance.

"Lily..."

"Dad..."

"Lily-Rose, look at me" I stared her down. "You know something, don't you?"

"I promised Y/N I wouldn't say" she muttered.

"Wouldn't say what?" I asked.

"Well... you said something to her when you were doped up for your dentist appointment..."

"Christ!" I cringed. "I knew it! What did I say to upset her?"

"She's... more concerned than upset" Lily shrugged apprehensively.

"Lily-Rose Melody Depp" I said impatiently. "What was it I said?"

"You called her a name..." Lily said softly. "You know, that name we don't use... except when you had to use it... in court."

"In court...?" I muttered. Then it hit me. "I called her... the A word?"

"Yeah..." Lily-Rose nodded. "She said she wanted to ask you about it, but I guess... I guess she didn't know how without hurting your feelings."

"Now that sounds more like Y/N" I nodded remorsefully.

"I tried to tell her it was an accident" Lily said. "That you knew the difference between her and that witch. But she didn't seem fully convinced."

"Don't worry" I told her. "I'll fix this."

"Please don't tell her I said anything" Lily-Rose moaned.

"I won't!" I vowed. "If Y/N has an issue with something I said, she has to learn to speak up and tell me about it. I'm gonna remind her of that... with my Marlon Brando impression!"

Lily's brow furrowed. "You've lost me..."

I kissed her temple before heading to my room. "Baby, you just have to trust that your Dad knows what he's doing..."

"Well, I'm not stick around for this disaster" Lily grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

💕🦷💕

I

returned to the kitchen wearing a white muscle shirt and a pair of jeans. I grabbed a can of beer from the fridge and shook it up, before opening it and spraying the foam on me. The look and smell was complete, now for the act...

"STELLA!!! STELLA!!!" I hollered.

Y/N didn't respond.

"Y/N!!!"

"Yes, dear?" She came running in. She looked at the plate she gave me earlier. "You didn't eat your breakfast?"

I grabbed the plate and flung it like a Frisbee. "You call that a breakfast?!" I snapped. "I wouldn't feed that to a dog!"

"...Okay!" She chirped. "Sorry."

I was stunned. If I had done that a few days ago, I wouldn't have heard the end of it.

"Damn right you're sorry!" I told her gruffly. "Now get me another beer, woman!"

Y/N turned to the fridge and got me another beer can.

"...Because I drink" I elaborated. "I drink a lot! I'm a booze hound like that!" I took a large swig of the beer I already had.

Y/N cracked open the can of beer and handed it to me. "Well, you're allowed to unwind on your day off" she ran her tender fingers through my hair.

Is the woman I married even still in there? I thought incredulously.

"Don't tell me what I'm allowed to do!" I shouted, crushing the beer can and tossing it across the kitchen. "And why the hell don't ya dress nice?! Lookatchya! You look like... someone who doesn't dress... nice..." That one got away from me.

"Well, if you don't like it, I could run upstairs and change" Y/N smiled.

"Oh God!" I gave up. "I can't do this! I don't like talking to you like this! I don't like drinking this early in the day! And this beer is getting sticky..."

"I'll run you a bath" Y/N headed for the bathroom.

"No!" I grabbed onto her skirt and pulled her back to me. "I don't want a bath! I don't want a continental breakfast! I don't want a maid! I don't you to take any of this crap from me! I want my Y/N back now!"

"What do you mean?" She frowned. "I'm right here..."

"No, you're not" I told her. "I didn't marry you for this, I married you because of you. Because I loved you... And I know you're only doing this because of something I said and I'm going to put everything right. But first get outta that dress and put on your regular clothes."

"Yes, dear" She smiled.

"And stop saying that!" I groaned.

🦷 Y/N's POV 🦷

Johnny was quiet the whole drive, I had no idea where he was taking me, until we were about five minutes away. He was taking me back to the source of the problem: the dentist office. Which only raised further questions?! What's his plan? Have the dentist drug him again? That doesn't seem advisable...

Johnny ushered me into the dentist office and asked the receptionist something. A minute later a woman came out, with the same color and length of hair as me.

"This is my wife" Johnny introduced me to her. "Y/N, this is the dental hygienist who aided Dr. Kiser with my surgery yesterday."

The young lady shook my hand. "Hi, I'm Amber" she said.

My face fell, before breaking into a small relived smile. "Amber..." I nodded. "I'm Y/N."

"We just wanted to drop by and see about getting a copy of the bill for my appointment" Johnny fibbed. "For health insurance purposes..."

"Sure" Amber went in the back and spoke with the receptionist.

Johnny glanced over at me, smirking knowingly. I put my head down, as I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. God, this whole awkward mess could have been avoided had I just asked...

As we left the dentist office and got into he car, Johnny studied me with his eyes, a small smile tugging at his mouth.

"I'm not mad" he told me. "I just don't understand. Why didn't you just tell me?"

I sighed heavily. "Because I didn't know how" I replied somberly. "I didn't know how to bring her up without upsetting you. I hate her for what she did to you. I don't know how you lived with her for so long. Then when we got together, I wanted to help you heal. I loved you so much, I wanted to erase all memories of her and the pain she caused you."

"You know how you can help me?" Johnny told me. "By being you. By being your sweet self. Not some complacent little housewife who's trying to please me all the time. I want the crazy, weird girl I fell for. The girl who tells me not to open the microwave door before the beep because the radiation will cause cancer. The girl who tickles my back at events to get me to smile big for the photographers. The girl who argues with me about my Southern eating habits and tries to make me believe that mac and cheese isn't a vegetable. The girl who farts in bed, then kicks me and says gross, because she's too shy to admit she cut one."

"Because flatulance is biologically impossible for girls" I told him. "And mac and cheese isn't a vegetable!"

"Uh-huh..." Johnny smirked. "Regardless I want that girl back."

"But don't those things ever get annoying?"

"They are annoying" Johnny admitted.

I scowled.

"...But I love them because they are a part of you" Johnny continued. "You worry about me even when you don't have to, and I know that's how you show me you love me." He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

"I do love you" I told him.

"I know you're not like her" Johnny told me. "She was a part of my past. And she's certainly not the only mistake I made in my past. I healed from her a long time ago. I don't regret it though."

"Really?"

"No, cause if things didn't go so bad with her. I would never be able to appreciate a great girl like you, who loves my crazy ass."

I smiled brightly "I love you, Bub."

"I love you, Boo" he smooched my lips. "Now, if I'm not mistaken... my nurse promised me some extra TLC. So... just how extensive is your doctor-patient confidentiality agreement?"

I grinned and glanced over to the backseat. "Depends on how tinted the windows are back there?"

I grabbed a hold of his shirt collar and kissed him as I pulled him into the back seat with me.

"No more secrets then?" Johnny asked.

"No more secrets" I shook my head.

"You promise to let me know when something is bothering you?"

"Promise" I placed kisses up his neck.

"Good. Now c'mere..." he wiggled out of his pants. "I've got a thermometer and a need to check your temperature."

"Yes, dear..." I chirped.

Johnny's eyes widened. "Don't start that again!"

"And don't tell me what to do, ya Brando-lovin' butthead..." I giggled. "Yeah, that's right! I caught onto those Streetcar references! STELLA! STELLA! STEL--"

Johnny cut me off with a kiss before crawling on top of me. I loved my Brando-lovin' butthead...