Dear Diary,

As I left the bar that night, drunk and wobbly as a newborn cow. I thought to myself: I must stop Johnny's precious Christmas from coming! But how?

Then I got an idea! An awful idea! I got a wonderful, awful idea...

Now, I'd just like to make it known that I'm not proud of what I did next. I mean, we all do stupid things when we're drunk. But admittedly, I did all that and then some...

I was so wasted that I don't even remember most of that night. The words that best described me were drink, drank, drunk. But what few snippets of memory I've been able to recover, I will share.

I left the bar late that night, it was dark and no one was on the streets. I flopped into Johnny's car, and found his coat that I had snatched when I stormed from the house. I searched the pockets, until I found it... Johnny's skeleton key. The one that opened every residential house key in the neighborhood...

Then I reached into the back seat and found the bag with my elf uniform in it. I clumsily wrestled it on and grinned in the rear view mirror.

"With this key and this outfit, I'll look just like one of Santa's helpers..." I giggled drunkenly.

Next thing I remembered, I was traipsing through a house. I slithered and slunk, with a smile that was not so pleasant. I began to take every present! I stole the decorations and the food. I put it all in bags and threw it into the trunk of Johnny's car. Last but not least, I unplugged the Christmas tree, got behind it and began to push it towards the front door.

All of a sudden I heard a small voice coming from the other side of the tree.

"Miss Elf?" It said. "Why are you taking our Christmas Tree?" It sounded like a little boy's voice.

I'm amazed how quick my drunk ass was at remedying the situation.

"Don't worry, little guy" I cooed. "I just noticed there's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. My boss has asked me to bring it in to his workshop. We'll fix it up there and then bring it back here."

And the kid must've fell for my lies, cause I heard foot steps climbing back up the stairs.

I then proceeded to shove the tree through the front door and into the back seat of Johnny's car.

💚🎄💚

"Y/N...?"

"Y/N?"

"Y/N!"

I snorted as I snapped awake the next day. I groaned at my aching back. I had slept hunched over the steering wheel of Johnny's car. I groaned as I lifted my head. The sun was shining right through the windshield and into my eyes. That big glaring bastard...

"Are you alright?" Johnny asked, tapping at the car window. "I've been so worried!"

Speaking of bastards...

I got out of the car and realized I had driven Johnny's car right into the mailbox at the end of our street. One headlight was busted, and so was the header panel, and the grill was dented to shit.

"Aw Christ!" I moaned. "Sorry about the car, John."

"Who cares about the car?" Johnny exclaimed. "Are you okay? I was up all night waiting for you to come back. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go out looking for you, but you took the car, and I didn't want to call the cops because you taking off in my car wouldn't look good and-"

Suddenly, a geyser of green vomit sprayed out of my mouth and across the hood of the car.

"Oh... wow," Johnny raised a brow. "Are you possessed?"

"No, just extremely hungover." I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, only then realizing I was wearing his coat. I must've put it on coming back from the bar, I took it with me when I walked out yesterday.

I sighed heavily. Yesterday, I could've killed Johnny for snooping around in my emotional baggage. But now, here I was standing in front of his wreaked car, hungover and wiping puke on his coat, after he took me in. I must look like some destructive, ungrateful troll to him.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized. "I'm such a fucking mess. I fuck everything up. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Y/N, you've just had a bad week is all," Johnny said sympathetically. "Get in the car, I'll take you home and get you some coffee."

I got into the passenger side, and Johnny drove us home.

I felt like shit, both from my pounding head and my guilt. What was it about Johnny that made me like this? The man got under my skin, with his perfect face and perfect life and perfect understanding, positive attitude. But why did I let it get to me? Why was I acting like such a destructive mess from the moment I stepped into his house?

I don't know. Maybe my subconscious tells me to do this stuff to try and get a rise out of him. To see how far I can take it before he loses it on me and sends me packing. To test how far his perfect generous nature goes. But then again, there's a part of me that's gotten used to his cheery antics. His sweetness. His niceness. Either I actually like this dork, or I've developed Stockholm syndrome.

Johnny parked the car in the garage and turned to me. "Hey, do you remember what today is?"

"My head is pounding so hard I can't even remember my middle name," I shook my head.

"It's Christmas Eve," Johnny grinned. "You can slip upstairs and sleep off your hangover. I'll bring you some aspirin and coffee."

I was lost in thought and only half heard him. I could feel his eyes on me and the awkward silence was deafening.

"Do you want to talk about the elephant in the room?" He asked softly. "Or... car, I guess?"

"Which one?" I asked. "The fact that I stole your car or that you slept with me after finding out about my dead fiancé...?"

"The last one," Johnny said. "Listen Y/N, I didn't go to Who Village to snoop. I just... I was so curious. Curious as to what could happen to this girl to make her hate Christmas. And now that I know the story... I agree with you."

I looked at him in disbelief.

"I do," Johnny nodded insistently. "I can not imagine what you must've gone through. I understand now why Christmas was such a sore spot for you." He sighed. "I guess I must've seemed like a real ass to you? With all my positivity towards Christmas?"

A shuddering sob escaped my lips.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" He rubbed my shoulder.

"I'm so fucked" I sobbed.

"No, you're not" Johnny told me.

"I am!" I cried. "Look around, I stole your car and took off, got drunk and tried to steal Christmas from a house last night... and here you are worried about me! Trying for my miserable ass! But Johnny, there's something wrong with me! I can't allow myself to see past my own toxic cynicism! I ruin everything by being a bitch, because I..." I choked on my sobs. "It's so hard for me to picture moving on without Max. I always told myself I would never celebrate Christmas again because he wouldn't want me to. But now... I think that was more my decision than his. I want to be more open with people and I think I would... like to move on." I glanced at Johnny.

Suddenly a sharp pain rang through my heart. I grabbed the left side of my chest and screwed my eyes shut in pain.

"Jesus! Are you having a heart attack?" Johnny asked frantically.

"No..." I shook my head. "I'm... feeling."

"What?!" Johnny cried. "Feeling?"

"When Max died, I couldn't cope" I explained, hissing in pain. "So since then I would just swallow any feelings."

"...Wait, so the two years worth of unfelt grief is only just hitting you now?" Johnny stared at me in concern.

I began sobbing so hard I couldn't speak, I began to hyperventilate. Memories of the night of Max's death flashed before my eyes. How I flipped out on his family. How I went nuts and burned all our Christmas decorations and presents. How I pried off my ring and threw it in the fire...

My face screwed up with emotional the tears kept pouring out. I opened the door and jumped out of the car. I didn't want Johnny to see me like this...

"Y/N!" Johnny chased after me as I ran in the house.

I didn't respond, I kept walking toward the guest room, planning to shut myself inside forever.

Suddenly I felt a tug on the back of my shirt and felt Johnny's arms and warmth around me. I continued to sob and sniffle against his shirt, but he didn't let go of me. He held me close and gave me the love I needed in that moment. I clung to him like a lost, scared, confused child and we stayed there for what felt like hours. Tears began to stream down Johnny's face, because he couldn't take seeing me cry. Still he stood there, holding me unwavering and without judgement.

And what happened then? Well, in my hometown they say... that my aching heart finally started to heal that day.

💚🎄💚

Johnny and I laid on his bed. Still stuck together in each other's arms. Johnny offered me a bottle of water, since I had pretty much cried all the moisture out of my body. We spent the whole day in his room, holding each other and he listened to me as I spilled my guts about Max and how much I missed him. By the time evening came around, my heart still hurt, but the rest of me felt better. Better than I had in a long time, in fact. Like I had an emotional enema done... a weird analogy, I know.

I stared out the window as a soft flurry of Christmas Eve snow began to flutter down on our street. I began to cry again.

"What is it?" Johnny asked softly.

"I just remembered... I stole Christmas from a family last night" I told him. "Their tree, their presents... it's all in the trunk of your car."

Johnny burst out laughing.

"It's not funny!" I told him. "They had a kid!"

"Really?" Johnny put a hand to his mouth and said in a high voice: "Miss Elf, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree?"

My face fell. I bolted out of the bedroom and into the living room. I only than realized, Johnny's Christmas tree was missing! And all his decorations! There was even a scratch in the hardwood floor where my drunk ass dragged out the tree!

I turned to look at him. "If you knew it was me, why did you let me rob you?" I asked.

Johnny smiled. "Because you actually did me a favor... accidentally, mind you" He said. "You were right, I go too hard on Christmas. I think I've just been trying to capture how I felt as a child. So when I heard you come in drunk last night and saw you stealing all the decorations, it hit me: Christmas was never about how much I decorated or baked or the presents. That's all bullshit possessions. The closest I ever got to the joy of my childhood Christmases was when you came to stay with me."

"Cheeseball" I smirked.

"Grinch!" He retorted.

I gave him a playful kick under the blanket.

The rest of the evening was... not perfect. Except it was. Since Johnny's 'stolen' turkey was still frozen in the trunk of his car, we ordered Chinese take-out, since they were the only place open on Christmas Eve. I helped Johnny bring in the Christmas tree back in, only it looked pretty disheveled and not half as pretty as it did. But Johnny said he liked it better that way. It was a flawed mess, just like the two of us.

So there we were sitting on the sofa together, eating Chinese food on Christmas Eve. It wasn't a perfect Christmas by any means, but for us it was just what we needed. That was the Christmas I learned to heal and open up and Johnny was reminded that perfection wasn't needed for Christmas. We had each other and that was all we needed: A Grinch and her Santa.