I'm split.

How am I to be?

What am I to feel?

I should feel down for being the mess
that I am.

Shame should weigh heavy on me
all the time.

It should sit in the pit of my stomach,

sinking...bubbling...festering.

No...

I should try to cover my head in a large

blanket to conceal what leaks from me.

Others have climbed the tree of wisdom,

tasting the delicious fruits that it bears

for those that make it there.

I'm still trying to grab the first branch.

Every time I think that I'm going to

get my start, my hand slips and I fall

back on the ground.

Embarrassment oozes from my eyes;

I internally tremble,

and my face turns pink with unworldly emptiness.

I immediately want to disappear;
right on the spot...

just go away.

It sounds so good at that moment.

I arise, dizzy and lightheaded,

and I stare up at the intimidating
wisdom tree.

"Why can't you stay up there?

Why can't you climb?" I tell myself.

Then, I'm drained.

Then...I feel nothing.

Words and thoughts are missing.

Nothing is left.

Shame just follows behind me,

keeping track of my footprints and path.