I cannot describe how much I regret our story. I regret it for all the times I hurt you no matter how much you told me otherwise and for how it all ended. Yes, the end has my deepest regrets. Because I didn't get the chance to tell you how much I loved you. How indescribably much I loved you my sweet darling...Francis.

A bar, a drink, and some stress. That's how it all started. Drinking myself away without any real reason. I can't remember why I was there. Though I do remember the first words he said to me. I asked for another fill. I had already been there for a few hours asking myself why I even tried. When he poured my drink he said:

"My name is Francis." And he sat down right next to me. It didn't take much more for us to start a conversation.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Why did you introduce yourself?"

"Well you looked like someone who needed a person to talk to." He was right. I couldn't help but smirk in my half drunken stupor.

From that day on we grew together. I learned that he worked two jobs. One cleaning rooms and such. The other at a bar. He spent time wasting away his amazing beauty just to live. He seemed broken at times that's when his heart leaked through the cage. When he told me all he learned in life, it seemed like he knew more than anybody else.

He was the kind of person who would put family first and throughout all the time he and I spent I never met his family. He still placed love above all else. Then telling me that love was special and that I used love to freely when I wrote my poems. It was odd.

God, he was amazing. Helping when times were at their worst. Debt. Because of such a thing he would do things that I would never let him do. I had to stare at the scars that lines his arms from selling his blood.

"I keep telling you I can do it myself."

"I know but you need the time. I just thought I could help."

"But why?"

He didn't answer the question instead he asked one. "Can you make me a promise?"

"Yes, anything."

"Promise me that you will try. No matter what just try to get that pen to move."

"I promise." He gave me a kiss so sweet I swear I thought I would get diabetes. This man was amazing. So indescribable that I regret making such a promise.

I spent hours writing. Almost playing the part of a pen writing down the things that go wrong and telling the sweetness of it all. Each words worth determined if things got better. They did slightly. I would often worried that I would never get to pay back all he had done for me but he told me he didn't care. That at least I try.

"Effort is the Siamese twin of success." He said. Trying so hard to help me. I was grateful but I would never show it.

"Everything looks like a wrong answer."

"Then I'm your best guess." He had this charisma that would shine through his tired voice.

We lay there on the dirty bed that we haven't had the time to clean along with our hearts in the way things have gone. We lie there like dirty laundry waiting to be clean. But there was no way so we never do.

"Life is supposed to be dirty. If by the end you haven't hurt me at least once than you didn't try." He told me trying make things better. "You have to try when love comes around. Please try..." Tears ran down. I put a hand on his beautiful and tired face.

"Don't worry I will." I whispered looking into those sparkling eyes. I found myself crying too. "Things will get better but it will leave us with scars. Scars that we will wear on ourselves like decorations."

He described life like a war. Telling me not to count my pride among the casualties. That maybe faith means never keeping score.

"There's more to trying than just switching gears. You should give your life into trying because effort is worth more than plain old tears." He told me one day when I just wouldn't seem to work up my hand to write. "You have to try." Such words pushed me into trying. Like I plugged myself into an amplifier and effort is heard twice as loud.

The words he spoke always came out like a sweet song. A melody I couldn't help but hum. Implanted onto me like a tattoo so everyone can know that he was always there with me in some way. His finger prints were the same. Each print staying like small tattoos and if you look close enough you can see how close he held me. With that damn smirk playing on his face as he did so. I have to admit...it was kind of sexy.

He sometimes worried that he was just a backup plan. I would constantly tell him that he was everything to me just to see that smile on his face.

"We'll live long enough to see uncertainty go away and then things will be okay." I told him. "It will just fall into the crater that it made echoing our names, forgotten forever."

"Hopefully..."

I remember when he met my mother. She told me,

"I like the way he looks at you." I looked to him looking at the little knickknacks on the shelves my mother had and I smiled.

"I like it too." She chuckled at those words.

He always looked at broken things like he was trying to make them new. Sometimes I thought he looked at me that way. Other times I caught him wearing a smile that didn't seem real.

"A good way to get rid of distance is with two tin cans and a string. We can be like little kids in neighboring houses telling secrets through the cans hanging by the windows."

"That seems like a dream." And a dream it was. Just like that very day.

The day I regret.

I got a call.

Everything happened so quickly.

The cab ride felt so long.

My heart was seeming adjusting waiting for something like the impact of a bullet.

They told me they couldn't stop the bleeding.

I try my best to keep my composure.

They told me that his heart was failing. But it wasn't the really his heart failing. It was a way tot tell time. Ticking like a clock down to the last second.

I took his hand and held it tight but not enough to feel him go.

But I never broke the promise.

I tried.

My sweet darling...I tried for you.
That will always be true.

I will miss everything about you.

My darling...Francis.
With a voice that spoke words like magic. Sweet shimmering eyes like an ocean. Golden locks like priceless gold. Indescribable beauty.

I love you.
I will always try just to make you happy.
I will do everything for you.

My darling Francis.