I bring the blade

against my skin

and whisper

please don't do this again

a tear slips down

as the first drop is seen

but yet I still find

a sense of relief

and despite my silent protest

my hand keeps moving

again and again and again

and before to long

my side burns with pain

from opening the scars

that haven't yet healed

from the last unbearable pain

the blood trickles down

and I sigh in relief

because at the moment

I can't feel anything

no pain or grief, all I feel is numb

as I stare blankly at the blade

not caring enough

to stop my endless charade

I don't want to cut

I know that it's bad

but the pain it takes away

only makes me feel glad