Memo 1

It's wrong. It's twisted. It's manipulative. It's everything I despise.

Everyone is so full of it. I didn't want that. I wanted to be different, be my own person and live my life how I envisioned it. I never wanted to be hauled into the confusing trap of it all.

It destroyed me. It threw me around like a rag doll. It drown me. It suffocated me.

If it were an ocean then I would be a fish that never learnt how to breath under water, always trying to swim up to the surface but always being a centimetre away from the refreshing air above.

It was new. It was painful.

I didn't know, didn't understand, how to deal with it. So, like an idiot, I let it consume me, take over my life and control me. It was all I though of. He was all I thought of.

It made me angry. It made me hurt.

Once I accepted it, and it took me a bloody long time to do that, I tried to embrace it but in return it opened the flood gates and everything that had ever gone wrong in my life hit me like a ton of bricks.

It.. Fuck, I don't even know what say about it anymore.

Only that I will never want anything more for as long as I live.

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