Mommy? Mother? Mom? I could call you all of those names, but they would literally mean nothing at all. Because you are not my mother! You thought that you could just come back and everything would be okay. But you left, you made that choice, and it's not okay. I don't care what your reason was. A mother does not leave her children. She does not go away, after promising that she would never leave and that she would come back. She does not go years without calling her children. But most of all a mother does not leave her fourteen year old daughter in charge of raising her kids for her. You did all of this, you are not my mother! You ruined my life the day you took off for eleven months, with no contact with us at all. No phone calls, no letters, no birthday cards, nothing! We were the children you forgot to pick up at school, when you took everything to court for a custody battle. "You had every right see us" He said, but You left! You made that choice! It never had to go to court! But you were granted visitation and you forgot. Then almost a year after you left the court said to bring us to you. You thought that food and presents would win us over, and make us forgive you. But they didn't, nothing will ever make us forgive you. We had to sit in a small room for two hours every other Sunday, for two fucking years. Because that's all you wanted. Now what? We get one extra hour, and we get to go into the community. But it's three hours, Three fucking hours! Every other sunday. And what do we do in those three hours? You take us to a park and expect us to play. News flash: We are not little kids anymore, we are teenagers. We don't play on playgrounds anymore. But what else do you do? You completely ignore me. You talk to them, you talk about how beautiful my sister gets every time you see her, and how she should have been a model. You talk about how my brother is so smart and perfect and gets perfect grades. You talk about them while you smoke away on your cigarettes giving us second hand smoke and lung cancer probably and you ignore me. I am invisible to you, and that's okay because i'm use to it. You ignored me before and you'll ignore me now, nothing has changed. I was never your favourite child I was the unwanted one. The one that made you have to marry my father. And you blame me for that like everyone else, and you hate me for it. But don't worry I hate me too. If it weren't for me my siblings would still have a proper mother. Yeah​ they might not of been born into our family, which would suck because I love them like crazy. But they would have a mother that would love them and care about them. But that didn't happen. I was born, and i'm still alive if you like it or not. I'm here but I don't need you. You haven't been my mother for years now. A person who leaves their child can not be considered a mother. You decided to leave, you can not just keep changing your mind if you want your children or not. A child should always feel loved. They don't deserve to be hurt by their own parent. But that's what you did! You hurt us! But the thing is I honestly do not give a crap about myself. Because I know that I deserve to be hurt, and that I don't deserve a mother's love. If you had just left me, and taken them, I wouldn't of cared, because they deserve and need a mother. But you didn't take them, you left them, for me to take care of. I can tell you right now whatever your excuse was to leave those two children were not acceptable. You weren't the one who had listen to them cry in their sleep for their mommy and take care of them when they were sick. You might think I am being selfish for thinking like this over a person who is suppose to be my mother, and holding a grudge against you for all these years. But who was there to hold me after my first breakup? Not you! Who was at my graduation from public school? Not You! Who was there when I came home from school crying because of bullies at school? Not you! Who was there when I was sick for a month straight and refused to eat anything? Not you! Who was there when I had blood taken from me every single week? Not you! Who was there when the majority of my free time seemed to be in hospitals, while doctors ran test after test on me to see what was wrong with me? Not you! Who the fuck was there? Not you! I use to look up to you when I was little. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. Not because you were nice to me, but because you were my mother and you were always there, no matter what even if I did something terrible. I loved you more than anything in the whole entire world. But I don't look up to you anymore. I no longer want to be  like you. The worst thing in the world is when I do something wrong and i'm yelled at that I am just like you. I don't want to be like you. I don't want to be the one to ever break my child's heart. But no matter how much I want to hate you, for what you did to us, I can't. I can't hate you. Yes I will always be hurt, for the rest of my life, because of what you did to us. But I will still love you because it is not your fault for what happened. It's my fault. After you left, it seemed like everyone blamed me, so over time I started to believe them, and started blaming myself as well. It's all my fault, if my own mother can't love me than I obviously did something wrong, and it is all my fault. 

Hey guys sorry I know I said that I would start posting on Mondays and start last week but I didn't get to, so I'm really sorry guys. I've been busy with school and this semester ending so i'm trying my best so when I can I will post guys. Thanks for 15 reads though <3