Words Count - 4050
Attached Song - Let me down slowly.
___________

[ Neha Mehra ]

 "Are you sure?"

"Yes sir. I need a leave for the next four months. It's a medical emergency." I replied back, determined.

"Okay, Dr. Neha. I'll discuss it with others and let you know soon." He complied. I nodded and turned to leave the room.

As soon as I turned around, I collided with a certain hardness.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm really sorry." I heard the voice of the man, whom I have been trying to avoid. Dr. Gupta!

With no mood to talk ahead, I walked out but, I didn't miss that sly smile plastered on his face.

I saw a panel of people sitting around the glass door of the ICU. All familiar to me. Through the glass door, I saw Ayushi sitting beside Raaz and trying to move his fingers.

Later, she asked some of us to enter inside. Maybe, for the motor and sensory memory test.

"Kshiraj, Ask the ward boys to take him for a CT scan and MRI." I heard her voice.

I saw her discussing and writing something along with Zara. Seeing her emerging out of the room, I approached her.

"Is he fine?" I questioned.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Mehta. But, his Glasgow Coma Score is quite low. It's 8 and that's pretty shocking. He has underwent severe TBI." She sighed.

"I can only conclude anything about his current condition after seeing his test reports, MRI and CT scan." Her hold on my shoulder was the only thing keeping me from falling down.

"He is still in danger. His chances of survival might come out to be low if he has DAI (Diffuse Axonal Injury)  because he is already showing symptoms of secondary injury. Also, he might lose his memory partially." She clarified, scaring me more.

Can I survive without him?

Can I live a life, where he doesn't recognise me?

Even if he forgets me, can I ever make him recall who I am to him or who I was?

Still, wouldn't it be better to have hatred in his eyes for me than to be named as a mere stranger?

'Neha, If he doesn't remember you,just walk out of his life forever', My consciousness spoke back.

But, what if he remembers me?

Am I ready to face his hatred?

Never!

"Neha, are you there?" I saw Jia, waving her hand at me.

"Ye-yes." I managed to croak out as I wiped my traitor tears, which kept leaking.

"Come, let's grab something to eat. You haven't touched anything since morning." She mused but, I had no appetite.

As I said so, she dragged me to the cafeteria.

"Are you still stuck on that possibility of amnesia?" I heard her ask. To which, I nodded meekly. Seeing me, her lips twitched into a small smile.

"Don't worry, Neha. Ayushi said, he might go through a partial memory loss. It's not definite. I don't know, how well you know him but I have known him since our childhood days. He is a fighter. Nothing can ever ruin his patience and courage." She smiled a big one, instilling hope in me.

"I hope so." I presented her a smile back.

"You won't believe, how crazily he wanted you and was in love with you. Arjun bhaiya and Uncle used to tell me and Saanvi about how he used to blush and talk about you all day at home, during his med-college days." She laughed.

"He was so broken, when you said that you loved someone else. While he was trying to overcome your loss, he lost everything. Still, I never saw him dejected. The one, you are seeing today is not the Raaz, whom you met eight years ago. He is Dr. Surfraaz Mehta, who never gives anyone a second chance in his life nor mourns over anyone's loss." She delineated.

"Neha, you were special enough to get a second chance. But, maybe you both aren't meant to be together. I hope you have realised till now that nothing can be repaired between you both anymore, so move on. He won't give you another chance this time. I doubt, if he would ever see your face again even if he still remembers you." She pleaded with me to move on. But, did she think it was so easy to move on?

"I want both of your happiness, but I can't see my friend in pain anymore because of you. I am tired of seeing him dull and lifeless. Please, I request you to get away from his life. It's perfect if he forgets everything. Not seeing you around, he will definitely forget you. He will gradually learn to live happily."

"Without me." My thoughts added to her last line.

Jia explained, tears blurring her vision though she smiled softly. Her hand held me as if asking me to agree with her.

"Someday down the lane, maybe you both will live a delighted life having your respective soulmates by your side." She mused as her eyes glinted in a new found gleam.

What if I say, I have already found mine?

In the same person, from whom she is asking me to stay away!

"Alright." I muttered in a hoarse voice and she jumped on me as soon as I said so.

We re-entered the hospital main area, to see Ayushi examining the reports with her mobile's torch.

"There's a subdural hematoma and intracerebral hematoma along with DAI." She addressed to Kshiraj and Zara.

"God is merciful! Only his cerebellum and brain stem is affected, not the frontal or temporal lobe. Or else, there were chances he would have lost his memory." Everyone relaxed at the revelation as I felt life touching me again.

"But, we need to conduct three surgeries in the next three days. He is still critical, his posture, speech and behaviour would have a lasting effect after the recovery of TBI." She revealed.

"I guess, we can schedule the minor surgeries of Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy Tube (PEG) and tracheotomy. PEG to insert a tube to the food pipe and the last one to facilitate his breathing. On the second day, we can schedule the craniotomy (brain surgery)." She suggested, to which we affirmed.

One month later :

The rows of flowers, and herbs were rounding me. The faded scent of jasmines was pleasing to my nostrils. I held the tiny, furry ball in my hand. It jumped up and down, hopping to and fro. Unknown to me, rabbits have become my favourite.

"Didi, your flowers." Abdul smiled at me, forwarding me the fresh bunch of white roses and red roses with few lavenders. A money plant planted in a big cup as I ordered.

"Thank you Abdul. Here is your money and books." I gave him the old science books of my brother from high school along with the money of the flowers.

"Didi, don't worry. Bhaiya will be fine really soon. I too pray for his wellbeing." I didn't have any words to say to him. This boy is such a sweetheart. It's not been two weeks since we met when he ran into me with a bunch of flowers, asking me to buy and gift it to my husband. But, now he has become a little brother to me.

Having him, I realised, sometimes when our own blood doesn't understand us, a person sans any link to us can even stand our grounds and support us.

I patted his cheek and bid him a good bye as I sat in my car.

"Oh didi, happy marriage anniversary. Enjoy." He wished me with a teasing smile, wriggling his brows.

Kids these days!

"Thank you, chotu." I laughed as his smile faltered at the address of 'chotu'. I ignited the car, as I heard his faint voice -

"Once bhaiya is fine, I will team up with him against you in teasing you. I will also reveal to bhaiya that you love him." He huffed.

I hope this comes true!

But, I knew better. The day he becomes fine, I will be out of his life forever.

Would he want me to stay?

It's not like he has any reasons to keep me back with him. Parking the car, I trudged towards his room.

He was laying on the bed, similar to the state he was in. Just the addition this time being his head, bare of his silky hair wrapped in the bandages. He seemed asleep and tranquil.

I placed the big cups of money plant on his right corner, while the left corner was already adorned with a fully grown leafy snake plant.

On the bed-side table, I kept white and red roses with lavenders on the flower base. My hands acted slow and smooth on his feet, as big stimulations weren't good for him.

I slipped my fingers underneath him softly and feathered his hand with a sudden kiss. It seemed like I had no control over me, it hurts to stay away from him.

The first time he saw me after his surgery, he turned his face away to the other side. That did hurt a lot, even if I keep saying, it didn't. He talked with and smiled at everyone, but I was the exception. There was no happiness or hurt or hatred or anger flashing in his eyes, like I expected. In reality, his eyes had nothing for me.

He looked as if he didn't know me.

But, I was happy to see he didn't forget me.

That was my cue to leave his room that day.

Wouldn't it be enough for me to live my entire life, knowing that he still remembers a foolish girl like me, whom he loved once upon a time!

Maybe, he would even forget me altogether when the girl destined for him, comes to his life.

I can live on my own, knowing that he is happy with someone, who isn't perhaps as horrible a wife as me.

I stared at his face silently as I sat beside his bed on the stool, crying and weaving my own thoughts, while breaking my heart into the tiniest of crumbs.

I sat up straight and hugged him loosely.

'I ain't going anywhere leaving him' I murmured to myself.

I hugged him loosely and my lips felt the skin of his forehead as I kissed him.

"Happy Anniversary. I promise, I will be a good girl."

His fingers were gripping on my arm so sturdily that I was sure it would leave marks. His grip loosened, and he moved his right leg to the side.

In a haste, as I let him go, my shoe slipped sleekly. I gasped as I saw his eyes bolting open while I fell on him.

His palm rested on my waist to prevent the fall but, I fell on him as my weight overpowered his strength. At the same time, he turned his face to the other direction, resulting in our lips to touch tentatively. I held onto the metallic headrest of the bed to support myself as I heard a whimper.

As soon as my lips touched his, he withdrew as if they electrocuted him.

"Go out." He hoarsely stated. I put on his ventilator again and kept staring at the other side.

"Take care." I mumbled, as he drew his fingers out of my hold.

I came out of the room and sat on the chair outside, occasionally peeping at him. This has been my life for the past month.

"Again alone?" I heard the same annoying voice of the man, I have been bearing these days.

"Do you need anything, sir?" I grumbled.

"Oh, just wanted to accompany you." He mused with that regular smirk.

"I didn't know, doctors are so free here." I replied sarcastically and his smile dropped.

It did give a blow to your ego, Sir!

He silently walked away, letting me breathe freely.

Months flew away sooner like those clouds floating on the sky, slow yet mournful. The plasters on his forearm and leg were cast off. He has been exposed to mild physiotherapy recently.

The first two months were really tough. During the plastic surgery of his right leg and left hand, the skin of his thigh was extracted to graft in the injured area. Every time, the bandages of that area were ripped out to dress again, he screamed.

His painful screams often made me cry. I would yearn to go to his side, and hold his hand to lessen his pain. But, no one wanted me to be anywhere around him.

I would just hold the door handle clutching it firmly and stand on the threshold, hoping that all his pains would disappear magically.

"Bring me a scissor or a knife." I heard an abrupt commotion.

"Ma'am, sir is awake and he is throwing things away. He is asking for a scissor." The panicked nurse ran to me.

It has been a routine thing for the past four and half weeks. I ran to his room, the whole room was a mess. As he saw me, he moved his face away.

The times when the half dried skin of his thigh itched too bad, he would be in an uproar. He would scream for a scissor, to cut those bandages and throw them away. But, that could give rise to a bacterial infection, which his body can't afford right now. The only person who can console him is that girl.

He only listens to Saanvi.

I walked to him in slow steps. He was stubbornly sitting facing that money plant in the extreme corner. In these whole five months, he never looked straight at me. The times our eyes met by mistake, I could see not a single thing in those black orbs, that once had overwhelming warmth and love for me. 

His ignorance burned my every cell,  every second. When every time he turns his face away with just a glimpse of me, I feel my heart being crumbled and drenched in pain over and over again.

I held onto his right shoulder and circled my arms around his neck as his shoulder stayed in contact with my front. I drowned my head, more into the curve of his neck as he used to do with me. His grown beard was kissing my cheek, as I placed a chaste kiss on his shoulder.

"Raaz" I whispered. His body still  remained stoned and rigid.

"Won't you look at me?" I muttered, as my eyes rained some more, wetting his neck. His arms relaxed a bit.

"Talk to me, please." I hushed. I felt his head bending and soon enough I felt his hand gripping my hand.

Please, don't leave my hand ever!

The next second he left my hand, I felt him snatching my phone from my hold.

He typed a phone number on the dial pad and called it.

"Hello. Come back. I am hungry." He mused.

"Yes, baba. I am about to reach. Ten more minutes." Saanvi talked from the other line, sweetly.

"Hmm. Have you brought it?" He asked her slowly, shooting a furtive glance at me.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"Scissor and knife. Don't tell it to anyone, okay." I smiled at his childishness.

"Why?" She asked.

"My leg is itching. We will cut all the bandages together and go back home. I don't want to stay here. You also leave me here alone with her." He talked animatedly with a frown as if I wasn't there.

"I am sorry, baba. I had some papers to be filled up before the training begin." She said.

"Okay, I understand. But, tell her to go away from here. I don't want to see her." He complained as tears rolled down my eyes. My grip on his shoulders loosened and finally dropped.

He kept the phone in the bed for me to pick up as he still faced the other side. Wiping my tears, I picked my phone and strolled out of the room.

To detach myself from the throbbing headache, I listened to my favourite tune. The sound of the waterfall slapping against the rocks.

I was in a dreamflum and departed off the stress surrounding me until my phone rang. For a moment, I was still in a trance. It was Saanvi.

"Hey, Neha." She muttered.

"I am stuck here. It will take me another two hours to reach there." She described the scenario.

"Okay. I am here." I mumbled.

"Can you please feed him?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes." I hushed in an unsure voice. He denies seeing me, how will I feed him?

"Thank you. " She exclaimed in a relieved tone and hung up.

I knew, he didn't like the hospital food so, I asked Kiara Di to send some homemade food through Kaustuv.

In about half an hour, Kaustuv reached the hospital with two boxes of food, one for him and the other for me.

Taking the lunch box in one hand, I walked towards his room again. The room that was looking like a typhoon had just passed across it, now, looked normal. The curtails were spread out, that made the room dark though the day was still bright by the sizzling sun's shine. The smell of disinfectant and medicines were swirling in the air.

I parted them and straightened the creases in them. From behind the snake plant, I drew out two glass cups filled with solidified scented wax with rose petals. Abdul made it specially for him as he loved this scent. I lit them up, one on each of the two corners near the plants. It's proven that colours and scent near us affects our health and recovery rate in a much broader way, than we know.

The faint scent of lavender and rose along with that of some scented herbs disseminated all around the room, fighting against the disturbing smell of the hospital.

As I turned, I saw my hubby sitting with a grumpy face. I pulled the stool closer to the bed and unboxed the lunch boxes placed on the table. I could see him sniffing the fragrance of the food. My foodie boy!

The wafted fragrance of the food in the air watered my mouth. It didn't take the genius brain in us to guess that it was Maa, who made the lunch.

I forwarded a spoonful of the Maa's made delicacies to his mouth but he turned his face to the other side again.I held the spoon still straight to his mouth. It has been three months, he stopped being fed through the pipe.

As he still kept behaving stubborn, I kept the box in the table and neared him to feed him the contents of the spoon, like we do to a baby.

His nudge on the spoon, dropped it on the floor.  I sighed looking at the petty victim of his anger, laying on the marble tiles.

Poor spoon!

I cupped his cheeks softly. I felt his face wriggling in my hold. My lips placed against the bandage of his head as my hand cradled his head. I heard a faint whimper.

An abrupt jerk thwacked me on the bed-side table. My head struck straight on the edge of the table, the steel slicing through the skin of my forehead. Erstwhile, the broken glass pieces hovered over the ground painted my palm red, with my own blood.

The stinging pain made my mind dizzy and foggy. With my trembling fingers of the left hand, I plucked out the sharp glass pieces struck on my skin one by one, slowly. I heard a buzz behind me.

The same buzz sound that echoes as the patient taps on the switch beside their bed to complain to the attending doctor about any discomfort. As I realised he tapped on that switch, I panicked.

He has some discomfort!

All the distress and dizziness left my body at the snap of a finger. Through my blurred eyes, I saw him sitting facing the opposite side, clutching the pillow so tightly that it was on the verge of tearing apart. 

I stood up weakly, and strode towards him in two long steps. His arms protested weakly as I tried to get closer to him. The cup of snake plant and the lunch boxes fell down with a deafening sound.

I could see tears bubbling on the nook of his eyes, as his glossy eyes reflected excruciating agony. His arms were shaking weakly as his whole body vibrated as if a colossal earthquake ignited inside him.

"Raaz, how are you feeling? Is something wrong?" I whispered.

With my left hand, I handled him with utmost care. Following another whimper of torment, I felt his face adhered to my chest as if seeking a musical solace off his sufferings by playing with the strings of the elastic walls of my heart. His arms wound around my waist loosely, keeping me perfectly against his front.

His faint whimpers grew into soft wails, that soon turned into amplified shrill weeps. The more intense the torment grew, the hold of his arms around me drew taut. I could measure his agony with the intensity of his cries and him squeezing me.

"Raaz, you will be fine. Abhi would be coming soon." I informed him as I continued to caress his back in circles and pat his back gently.

Nine weeks ago, after Dr. Ayushi had a miscarriage. Abhi along with Rohit, Kshiraj and Zara have been really busy trying to cheer her up. So, it's just me, Saanvi, Viraj looking after Raaz.

I crawled out of my reverie as the door of the room, dashed open. I saw Abhi and Kshiraj barging into the room, quite distraught.

Kshiraj injected him with sedatives and anti-convulsant to provide relief from seizures and headache. Seeing him sleeping calmly ushered peace in me and stirred a new emotion, yet another version of love.

I hissed as Abhi held my bleeding palm and examined the cut on my forehead.

"Neha, how did it happen? It's so deep." He inquired with worry. As he dabbed a sanitised cotton ball with antiseptic liquid on the wound, followed by an ointment.

"I fell down." I replied curtly.

"Did he push you?" He asked, doubtfully as his eyes scanned the room. I kept my silence intact.

He didn't probe the matter any further to know its crux. He washed my hand and bandaged it after providing it with the required aid.

I called the staff to clean the room properly. Soon, Saanvi came back. She was shocked to know about all the happenings. So, she asked me to go back home for a day.

Unwillingly, I obeyed her saying. But, I had a gut feeling that something bad was coming next.

The whole night criss-crossed with me seeing and feeling his shirts. Sleep was distant from my eyes, drowned in his thoughts.

It was still an hour left for the clock to buzz at the alarmed time. I dressed up and set out to the hospital, without having breakfast.

It seemed as if the primal requirement of my day was to see him doing good. I saw Saanvi dozed off on the stool, inclining her back on the wall. But, the bed was empty.

I called Abhi, Kshiraj, Jia and Viraj. But, none picked up the call. I checked the washroom, which had no one inside it.

As I paced around the room, my eyes caught a folded note stuck on the wall near the charging lot. It was addressed to Saanvi, where he wrote -

"I am going away. Don't try to find me. Stay happy. Sayonara!"
~ Your Shay.
____

Hey peeps,

Hope you are doing good. Don't be too surprised that I gave a quick update. Lol, I can be a good girl sometimes.

So, how was the update? I know, the med stuff might have bored you.

So, now we get to know Shay is Surfraaz's nickname.

By the way, keep voting, commenting and writing your feedbacks to me. I loveee it.

I appreciate each one of your efforts. I'm really grateful. 😁💖

Have a great day/ night ahead.

Love,
Biswa❤