Started - 20th April, 21
Word count- 3335
Attached Song - Ok not to be Ok.

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[Surfraaz Mehta]

The sun was hurriedly hiding behind a trail of colours, before dissolved. The colours were on a race. The red strongly heading the race. It was beautiful to sight, but somehow it made me recall the sorrows.

"You die every evening from darkness and I die everyday." I whispered, seeing the setting sun.

We are just so similar!

The dark alleys were running behind, surreptitious yet fast. The gale slapping upon my face, rolled over the length of my hair and tossed them, leisurely. The colossal canopies of the banyans occupied my vision from sighting the sky. It's darkness and beauty.

Nights are scary!

But, I've grown up loving nights because nights are comforting. They are healers. Nights have always made me feel loved and protected, like no one did ever for me. It made me amazed with it's unparalled beauty and sofistication; made me feel loved with its solitude and made me feel protected, hiding me from the cruel world in its dark ambience. It pampered me each day and made me love my own self, my own struggles and successes.

Driving through a narrow deserted lane, I rolled the glass windows down. Night ride gives you the utmost peace.
That's why, I said, night is another name of comfort. Comfort from your dilemmas, your miseries and your broken life.

The fast beating of my own heart wasn't unnoticed by me. I knew, it would because I am aware of all my heart's 'why's. And, no one else knows anything about it. That thought itself made me feel at peace.

Sometimes that's a blessing!

A blessing, because no one would humiliate or tease you for feeling what you feel. For no one has any idea about what's going on in your heart. And, sometimes that's essential.

Because, mental peace matters the most!

I could feel my poor heart palpitating faster. My eyes were glossy and my lips trembled. That twig of pain from that almost decayed era of my life has been hollowing me since decades. The pain was fresh, still.

I hopped off my car. My palm was shaking badly as it held onto the winter-touched silver gleaming body of my car. I leaned my back onto the cooling touch of the car as my eyes trailed ahead to the huge red sandstone mansion.

"Mehta's mansion", it read.

Maa, I wish, I could know how to make you proud of me!

Then, my eyes fell on the gold medal hanging around my neck.

'What's the purpose of this?', I wondered. Being an outsider in my own house had never hurt as much as today.

"Calm down, Shay. It's nothing new. You gotta deal with it, bravely." I sighed, exhaling through my mouth and advising myself.

'This too shall pass', I mumbled. Pain isn't forever, or is it? I had no idea.

'But, you can hope that better days are coming ahead. Can't you? Be optimistic.' My inner self again reminded me.

"I'm tired of being optimistic." I told to no one in particular.

"I'm tired of my own expectations. Because, everytime it wroughts me nothing, but disappointment." I said bitterly, sitting on the far end of the cliff, looking at the dark horizon. That is how, my life looked too. Dark and aimless!

Talking to myself was the only thing I did. I'm not an introvert. But, I'm not even that extroverted to share my pain to someone. It's not like I've someone to share it with, either.

I wish, I had someone to share my pain!

"But, again, finding that someone can land you in pain too. Only if the quest goes a little wrong." I chuckled at that thought.

I've been through that, too!

'But, again, there's a sleek chance that the quest might go right. Won't life change henceforth?' My inner self piped in, again. I just sighed.

"My life can never go easy. This universe can't ever be that merciful." My lips thinned, distastefully.

'Huh? Don't act cute now. I'm not your wife that I'll go gaga over your cute face because I know better, behind this cute face is just a pessimistic heart and over thinking brain. God! Your breath stinks.' My inner self snapped at me, as I scowled.

"Brain, you are so irritating." I mumbled, closing my eyes.

"Shay, jumping from here would end all your worries." I paused and smiled this time, painfully as I uttered those words to my own self.

"And, there would be no one, who'll cry for you even if you die." I added, with an ample of disappointment pressing my shoulders down, slouching them.

"What have you ever done for this family, Huh? You are just a disgrace to the 'Mehta' family. Completely Useless!" Maa's sharp words ringed in my ears, too loud for me to bear.

I sat there silently, thinking where I went wrong. Was it even my fault?

No!

It's not my fault that my mother counts everything in the terms of profits and money. It's not my fault that my mother deems money more significant than relationships.

But, I did have some faults too. Biggest of them was dreaming to become a surgeon. Because 'Mehta's don't become doctors. They are born for business'. Her words, not mine. And, my second fault was that I still craved for a mother's love. My mother's love and attention.

I was too busy mourning to see the glimmer of rays emerging. A faint light brightening the dark world. It always made me feel giddy. Because, somewhere, I too yearned for the same.

Someone to brighten my dark sky!

This gives birth to another of my reason for waiting this golden time every day. The reason is simply that, the way sun rises fills in me confidence over my future after the night's darkness. A bright future!

I smiled, sitting on the car as it was already 5 am in the morning. I brought the engine to life and rode to my small apartment, that was hardly 20 minutes away.

As I parked the car, my phone rang, disrupting the moment. I saw Kshiraj's name flashing on the phone.

"Congratulations, Pal." I heard him shouting on the other end of the line.

"Thank you, Shiru." I uttered. Damn, I could even imagine him scowling at me.

"Shay, I'm leaving you just this one time. But, I won't spare you if you call me that girly name again." He complained, making me burst into laughter.

"Sure, Shiru." I teased him again, keeping my tone quite serious. But, his snorting from the other side, made me laugh even more.

"I shouldn't have called you." He grumpily cut the call and I saw three eyes staring at me, curiously.

Maybe, I laughed too loud.

"It was Kshiraj." I beamed, while informing them about my drama queen best friend.

"The way you were laughing, we thought you lost your mind." Saanvi and Aisha rolled their eyes at me, as my doll innocently analysed their features.

"Mum, teach me how you did that eye roll? Pretty please." Urvi, my doll nudged Saanvi, making us laugh at her.

"Come on, stop laughing." She whined, and left to her room, stomping her feet. I gestured Saanvi to go after her and she quickly ran to fetch our upset doll.

"Congratulations, bro" Aisha wished, hugging me tightly. Aisha is my only sister. Our princess!

Following her, Saanvi stood before me to congratulate me and hugged me. Thereby, I heard a light hush of footsteps as my little bundle of joy walked to me with few colourful balloons in her tiny hand.

Displaying me one of her rarest heart-warming smile, she hugged my knees. Softly holding her up in my arms, I kissed her chubby cheeks and they hurriedly turned red.

My blushing doll!

The only reason of my life's existence. I smiled at the touch of her sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"Congo, Dada." She mused and the other two musketeers sent her a flying kiss, complimenting her for having done a good job, that made a beautiful smile to break on her round face again.

"Bhai, you made me so proud today." Aisha said for the tenth time.

"Finally, all your hard work paid off, Shay." Saanvi smiled, glancing at me as my lips twitched into a soft smile and my eyes were holding onto my tears of anguish and happiness, both of the present and the past.

My phone buzzed, disrupting my tearful acceptance of this small victory. Tearful acceptance; because success has always been too precious for me. Messages and good wishes filled in all my social media accounts from my friends, mentors and colleagues. Even from Viraj bhai.

It made me happy to a small extent. They huddled back to their rooms after the short moment and I strolled towards the refrigerator.

I saw a platter with mouth-watering food served in it, kept in the refrigerator, as usual.

A smile lit up on my visage as the picture of her smiling face zoomed in my mind. Swiftly, I closed the fridge door, trying not to make more noise. Smiling, I drew a big heart in a sticky chit of paper and wrote - "Thank you so much, Sharda Aunty".

Leaving the food untouched, I gulp down the whole glass of apple juice and walked to my room to sleep, if my eyes allow me to. But, I know, they won't, because insomnia and I have been best friends from a decade.

It was nothing new!

Something that you have been through for the last eleven years, it can't be new to you. Can it?

................

It was 10:30 am, when I woke up. I quickly showered and was wearing my shirt, when someone knocked.

Buttoning my shirt buttons and rolling my sleeve till my elbow, I unlocked the door to let the person enter inside. I saw ahead to see Aisha, standing before me.

"You needed something?" I asked her, confused at her arrival. She just shook her face side to side, twice.

"Bhai, I've a surprise for you." Aisha said. A hint of apprehension was quite noticeable in her features. I patted her shoulders to calm her down.

"Wow. If you brought something for me, gift it already. What are you waiting for?" I shrugged, smiling.

"Let's go downstairs." She held my hand and guided me to walk with her.
"Someone is waiting for you." She expressed, after exhaling a puff of air as she made me travel down the stairs, followed by her. I could see someone's back turned to me. He was seated on a single seater sofa.

"Congratulations, Shay." As we walked closer, I was awestruck to see my elder brother smiling at me. My fragile heart was in an uproar.

Is Maa here to congratulate me too?

Flashing my best ever smile, I enveloped him in my arms. But, my eyes wandered to the each corner of my place.

"Thank you, bhai. But, Where's Maa?" I asked with a smile plastered on my face.

"What?" He seemed puzzled.

"Didn't Maa come?Where is she? " I asked, excitedly.

"She didn't. She didn't come with me." He answered after a few seconds of silence, glancing briefly at me and Aisha.

"Oh. Thank you for coming." I smiled, trying to not show the hurt.

Viraj and I were never this close. Viraj was Maa's favourite, while I was Papa's.

But, that never changed the fact that we needed them both. This had drawn a line of diversion between us. Only last year, everything between us altered for good.

I still have no idea, what was the reason behind his change of heart? But, it was for our better, only.

"Anyways, Maa wants you to meet her soon." He informed me, and that indeed lifted up my mood. I nodded, vigorously.

"But, why so suddenly?" I asked, trying to feign confusion.

I knew very well, why she called me!

"Stop acting as if you don't have any idea. You know, it's about marriage." I laughed at the tone, he used at me. Still, I nodded.

"By the way, congratulations. You are getting married in 2 months." I smiled, hugging him again.

"Yes. I and Neha are just trying to figure out a date for engagement. Maybe, in two days or next week. You are invited." He cheerfully told me. But, he seemed a bit off.

"Neha?" That's not just a name for me. But, an earthquake, which shook my life.

"Neha Mehra, the girl , I'm going to marry." He simply put it. I could see no enthusiasm in him.

'Why are you poking your nose in his marriage?' My inner self grumbled.

"If it's in two days, I'll make it. But, next week is my friend's engagement. So, I probably can't. But, I will definitely attend the wedding." I assured him and he just smiled. After a few minutes, he left for his office and I drove to hospital.

"Sir, we were waiting for you. Come this way. " One of my junior doctor said, and I hurried up to tackle the patients into the OT.

There were two bypass surgeries lined up for today. With the assistance of other doctors, we successfully accomplished both the surgeries with ease, though the second one was a bit risky.

"Little girl, what are doing? " I was startled as a girl was touching my feet and then suddenly rounded her slim arms around my waist.

"Hey, what happened? What are these tears doing there in your eyes?" I asked her as I held her straight shoulder softly and glanced at her glistening eyes.

"Thank you so much for saving my Mumma. My dad said that she won't live long." She croaked out and hugged me again. I coaxed her calmly as a small gathering had already hoisted around us.

"Dear, Your Mumma is perfectly fine now. She is just sleeping and will wake up soon." I told her, while patting her back as her frightened eyes scanned the big crowd. I dismissed the nurses and wardboys, who reached to take her away from me.

"Sachi?" She asked with big eyes.

"Muchi." I smiled her.

"Wow. Can I meet her? " She inquired while crossing her hands like a young mature lady.

"Not now. After some hours. Okay." I answered her softly with a genuine smile but I was saddened seeing her smile dampening a little.

"So, you didn't tell me. In which class, you study?" I asked her pretending to be over curious.

"Yes. I read in 3rd grade. Uh-no, 4th. Nah, 3rd grade" She was tussling between whether its 3rd or 4th grade. I lost control over my lips and started laughing, only to receive a glare from her.

"Uncle, this is bad manner. Mumma says that it's bad to laugh at people, who are in difficulty." She explained me some basic ethic like a teacher and I found her way too cute.

"I am sorry, my little teacher." I told in a childish tone and she too indulged in laughing her heart out.

"Okay, I am Akanshya Sharma, a 10 year old." She paused.

"I have written my final exam for 3rd, and I'm even admitted to 4th but my classes haven't started, yet. So, do I belong to 3rd or 4th?" She kept rambling and finally sat on the chairs arranged there, still thinking the same.

"Such a big question, which class you belong actually?" I too joined her thought session, sitting beside her.

"Okay, leave that. Let's go out to have chocolate ice-cream."

God! I just saw a 360 degree rotation in her face, the glow her face had was worth watching.

"Okay." She mumbled excitedly and clutched my hand while following me.

Sitting close to each other, we fed each other ice-cream. The nurse informed me, the girl's mother had regained consciousness. So, I asked her to take her in order to meet her mother.

"Bye, Akanshya. Take care of yourself and your family. Have a wonderful life ahead." I handed her to the nurse, touching her head for the last time.

She went back with the nurse. I turned to stroll towards my car to reach back home soon. But halted, when I felt a tug on my coat. As I saw down, there was Akanshya. She gestured me to kneel down and I obliged. Nearing me, she planted a soft kiss on my left cheek softly. I too kissed her forehead and waved her bye.

"Write your phone number", She ordered me. Laughing, I wrote my personal number on the piece of on her hand. And, she ran away happily.

" What a lovely child!" I exclaimed gazing at the direction she went.

"Do you want one of your own?" My inner self jested me, knowing clearly about my heart.

............

Smiling to myself, I reached back home. I was excited to go home because I knew, Sharda Aunty must've returned from her village.

"Sharda Aunty" I shouted, after seeing my dinner in the table.

"Come and sit. I don't like to eat alone. You know, I can't digest my food without the use of my voice box." I saw in the kitchen. I pouted, trying to pull her with me, which made her to laugh heartily.

"Beta, you haven't changed a bit after all these years, even after being so successful in life. You love your family a lot. Then, why don't you go back to stay with them?" She asked me, but I had no answer.

What should I say her?

That, the ones, whom she calls my family never considered me as their own.

And the ones, who considered me as their family are somewhere lost.

Or should I lie the same,which I have been doing since years?

"Sorry beta. I should've stayed in my limits. I say everything without thinking. Please don't mind." She suddenly covered up, seeing my hesitation.

"No, Aunty. Don't ever say like that. I am your son too, and you have every right to ask me anything you want. It's just that something was bugging me. But , I guess I am ready to return now." I told her smiling and she carressed my hair lovingly.

"Now, sit with me and tell me how's Nidhi in her in-laws house." I asked her as I forwarded a morsel of food on her mouth.

Nidhi is her and Ratan Da, our driver's only daughter.

We chatted for a while, and then she asked me to move away so that she could clean the table.

Sharda Aunty is our house maid since the time, I was born. So, I naturally share a lovely relation with her. She is more than my mother.

When my own mother had no time for me, she was there for me. All she had known ever in her life was money and business.

"Beta, I was thinking something. Why don't you marry after your elder brother, Viraj? You know, I will be relieved a bit from my job of accompanying you in your meals." She laughed, but I could just manage a microscopic smile. That L-word is something, neither do I want to hear nor think of it.

Because, Love reminded of her. My losses.

Love is just another name of hazard, the beginning of your disaster. Without any response, I just hugged her. I saw my princess and doll coming down the stairs. Both are the only reason, I live for.

My lifelines!

They make this world a better place for me to live.

•••



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The first chapter of the book is out. Hope you liked it.

Do vote, comment and share. Please, please pretty please. Do read it. And, any suggestions are welcome.

My heartfelt love to my dearest divineEarth infiniteflames_99 wittyspirit for your support.💕💕

Will update the next chapter soon.



Thank you for reading.😍

Love,
Biswa.❤