(this chapter isnt edited yet so bear with me)

The following Monday after the party was the beginning of the week of holiday festivities that was an annual tradition at Matthew and Gilbert's school. It was the week before Christmas and people were getting increasingly excited as their half-month of vacations came closer and closer. It was a school tradition to pass out "candy cane-grams" to raise money for the local children's hospital to provide gifts and decorations for the kids spending their holidays in the hospital. Basch Zwingli, a senior, had come up with the idea when he was a freshman after walking in on his sister Lily watching Mean Girls and falling in love with the idea. The idea was that students would buy a candy cane for a dollar and write down who they wanted to send it to, and then at the end of the week one of the seniors put on a red nose and deer antlers and hand them all out.  

On Wednesday afternoon, Matthew finally decided to buy some candy canes. The booth was run by Francis and Antonio on Monday and Tuesday and Matthew didn't want to get teased by Francis while he bought candy canes so he had avoided the booth like the plague. But on Wednesday the booth was being run by Basch so he finally decided to send some. After handing Basch five dollars, Matthew picked out 3 multi-colored candy canes and 2 red ones. Using the pencil Basch handed him, Matthew wrote Alfred, Arthur, and Lovino's names on the first three and then put Gilbert's name on the 2 red ones. As Matthew handed the candy canes back to him, Basch thanked him for his donation, and Matthew thanked him back for running the fundraiser. 

After saying goodbye and turning around to head towards the library for his silent study, Matthew saw Gilbert heading towards him with a smirk on his face. "Oooo who are you buying candy canes for?" he asked, eliciting an eye roll from Matthew as he pecked him on the cheek. The peck recieved a few "aww"s from some girls passing in hallway and immediately made Matthew blush. Gilbert laughed at his red face and Matthew composed himself before saying, 

"I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you." 

"Guess I'll have to wait till Friday to find out then" Gilbert replied. 

"Guess so... Anyway, I have to get to study. See you later-"

"Wait! What are you doing Christmas Eve? Because my dad is going to a party and Ludwig is going to Feliciano's... I was um- wondering if you wanted to come over?" Gilbert asked, looking slightly nervous as he awaited a response from Matthew. Matthew didn't know why his boyfriend looked like a deer in headlights, but he assumed it was because Matthew had never been to his house before. In the entire time that they had known eachother and the time they had been dating, Matthew had never even seen Gilbert's house, nevermind gone inside. Matthew had never met his parents, and he had never really remembered a time where Gilbert had mentioned them. Now that he thought about it, it was quite strange. 

"Sounds fun. I'll finally be able to see the elusive Beilschmidt house" Matthew joked.

"Yeah, haha.. Sorry about that. My dad is kind of uptight so I don't really like having people over. He's got both the looks and the OCD of Ludwig" Gilbert admitted, feeling slightly awkward as he fidgeted with the electric guitar keychain on his keys. Matthew furrowed his brows at how anxious he seemed and gave him a little pat on the back in a lazy attempt to make him feel better. 

"Well, I've got to get to study" Matthew uttered, turning to walk away as he left Gilbert by the candy cane stand. 

"Bye Birdie, see you in chem!" Gilbert called out from across the lobby, making Matthew smile as he turned back to say goodbye. 

"See you! I love-" Matthew began before immediately shutting his mouth. Matthew felt his heart stop as he almost said those three weighty words that he hadn't said to anyone before. Feeling his body heat up, Matthew immediately panicked. He couldn't move. He nearly ran away, but as soon as he felt the urge, Gilbert asked,

"What? I can't hear you!" Matthew's heart nearly stopped for the second time. Gilbert hadn't heard him. Matthew's lungs regained the ability to breathe as he felt a weight life off his chest. 

"I just said, see you! I love your shirt!" Matthew stammered, giving one last wave goodbye from the other side of the lobby before practically sprinting down the hallway towards the library. Matthew felt a bead of sweat drip down his face as his face flushed. He felt slightly nauseous as  he realized what he had just done. For the first time in his life, Matthew realized he was in love.  

- 

When it was finally Friday, Matthew had been pondering his quasi-"I love you" for a few days and every time he thought about it he felt nauseous. Did he really love Gilbert? He didn't know. Was he ready to say "I love you" to him? He wasn't sure. If Gilbert didn't love him back, his heart would be shattered. He wasn't willing to take that chance. 

Every time he saw Gilbert his heart pounded a little harder and he couldn't help but think that Gilbert had heard him and had just pretended not to. He felt sick every time he thought about it. He didn't know what to do. He needed someone to talk to, but he knew Arthur and Lovino wouldn't be any help, and if he told Alfred, he would probably tell the entire school. He certainly wasn't going to ask Francis, because that would be a nightmare, and Matthew was pretty sure Kiku wouldn't be any help either. The only person he could really think of was Antonio, but he didn't know if he was even courageous enough to ask for his advice. 

Matthew was sitting in pre-calculus when Antonio came in wearing a red nose and reindeer antlers. It was the last day of school so the class was doing silly holiday-related word problems while the teacher played Christmas music, so when Antonio bounded in everyone was feeling  pretty festive. As soon as Antonio entered the room Lovino looked up and groaned, his facing turning red at how embarassing his boyfriend's costume was. 

"Time for candy cane-grams!" Antonio called out, grabbing the attention of all the students trying to figure out the cosine of the angle on a triangle on the imaginary dreidel of their word problem. Some students sighed in relief as they ignored the ridiculously long problem and waited to get their candy canes. Matthew watched on as Antonio passed out candy canes to each student until reaching Lovino, whose face was already scarlet red, and handing him his seven candy canes with a wink. Lovino scowled at Antonio and Antonio chuckled before Lovino kicked him in the shin and Antonio quickly hopped his way to the next kid. 

When Antonio finally made his way to Matthew, he reached into the bag of candy canes that he had and made a surprised expression. Matthew furrowed his brow but watched on in curiousity as Antonio pulled out a bundle of candy canes that took two hands to hold. Matthew's lips parted slightly in shock as Antonio muttered, "Dos, cuatro, seis, ocho, diez, doce, catorce, quince, sí, all fifteen here" and handed him the bundle. 

Everyone's eyes were on Matthew as they watched him recieve the ridiculous amount of candy canes. No one expected the quiet, forgettable Matthew to get fifteen candy canes. But there he was, with a bouquet of candy canes, giggling hysterically as he read the card explaining the gag. The card read:

11 candy canes, because you're an 11 out of 10. Happy Holidays! 

-Gilbert

Matthew continued beaming as Antonio moved along, imagining how ridiculous Gilbert must've looked buying eleven candy canes. The other 4 were from Arthur, Lovino, Alfred, and Francis, which wasn't much of a surprise considering those 4 had sent him candy canes for the past three years. When Antonio had gotten to the last kid, the bell rang, and everyone filed out. 

As they headed out the door, Matthew made sure to call Antonio's name and drag him into the bathroom. "What's wrong Matthew?" Antonio asked, wondering why Matthew had called him into the bathroom.

"Can I ask you something?" Matthew asked, fidgeting slightly as he tried to build the courage to ask Antonio one of the most important questions he had ever asked one of his friends before.

"Of course! But I have to get moving to deliver the rest of the candy canes" Antonio responded, gesturing towards the filled bag of candy canes that he still had to deliver. 

"How do you know when you're in love?" Matthew asked, eliciting a smile from Antonio. 

"You know you're in love when he's all that is on your mind at all times. He is the sunshine to your morning and when you see him in the hallways your heart beats uncontrollably, and every time you speak you can't help but grin from ear to ear. His voice is like a song that you can't get out of your head and when you're with him, all your problems slip away. When he laughs you start thinking about how you wouldn't want to live without that laugh. When you touch, even its something as little as a brush of his hand, you feel bliss, and when his eyes are on you, you feel like you could conquer the world. That's what love is. Or so I think.." Antonio preached, locking his eyes with Matthew's as he finished his passionate rambling. Matthew simply stood there, staring into Antonio's green eyes as he realized that everything the Spaniard had said had described how he felt. 

"Th-Thank you" Matthew stuttered, still dumbfounded as he took Antonio's words and applied them to his own relationship. 

"No problema! Now I have to go deliver these candy canes! See you later, and if I don't see you before then, I hope you have a merry Christmas!" Antonio said, giving one last smile before heading out of the bathroom and into the hallway of crowded students. 

Now that Matthew had some perspective, he knew what he thought he felt was real. He loved Gilbert Beilschmidt, and he wasn't going to let the fear of rejection stop him from letting Gilbert know.  

2nd to last chapter! AH! That's quite scary to think about... I love writing this story. Although I'm sad about it ending I'm also really excited because now I'll be able to update/edit my other stories and start actually finishing them. Yay! Anyway, I've been watching 13 reasons why and even though the acting isn't the best and its cliche AF.... I'M HOOKED.... lmk if you guys have watched it (or read it) because I'm obsessed... Irrelevant notes aside, thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed!