Quick Author Note
*Self harm trigger warning*

As Jade, Jordan, and I sit there on the ground giggling at just about anything my phone goes off.

I look at it to see I got a text from Cyrus.

Oh shoot I forgot I had tutoring with him.

I stand up wobbling a bit "I have to go guysss" I slur.

"Well here take one more" Jordan offers me another bottle and I gladly take it chugging it down, I'm gonna need it if I'm facing Cyrus.

"That's your third bottle, are you okay walking alone?" Jade giggles.

"Yep" I throw the bottle down watching it shatter to pieces on the ground like my heart. "I'll be on my way, see you guys tomorrow?"

"Yeah just meet us right here we're ditching tomorrow too" Jordan says.

"Cool" I smile and I begin my journey to my house, swaying side to side I finally make it and I spot Cyrus sitting on my porch playing on his phone. "What's up dude?" I walk up to him and I raise my hand for a high five.

He slowly stands and stares at me for a good minute before he just slaps me out of no where.

"What the heck dude?!" I put my hand on my face where he slapped me, my cheek still stinging a bit.

"You're obviously drunk"

"No I'm just living like Larryyy" I slur almost falling over on top of him but he catches me and stands me up right. "Do you know Jade and Jordan?"

"The kids who skip school just to get drunk and high?" Cyrus rolls his eyes and I begin to unlock the door with my house key.

"Yeah them, they said I was cool" I walk inside the house with Cyrus closing the door behind me.

"It's not cool to do illegal things, you can go to jail" He says in a duh tone.

"And you're not my dad...but you could be my daddy" I smirk sending him a wink.

"How much did you drink" Cyrus places his hand on my forehead.

"Why does it matter, a guy can't think you're cute? You know I think we should talk about Friday you almost kissed me and I still really want to kiss you" I admit.

Cyrus stares at me and then to my lips and then back at me. "You're just drunk, you don't really mean that" he begins to walk back to the door.

"Yeah I do, I think I like you Cyrus" I walk towards him.

"No you don't. Just go to bed I'll come back tomorrow" He sighs and leaves out the door leaving me all alone.

He doesn't like me.

NO ONE LIKES ME!

I storm through the house breaking things as I go, anger raging through me as I make my way into my bedroom and then into my bathroom. I pick up my razor and I stare at it, before I place it to the upper part of my forearm.

"Nobody love you" I say out loud tears streaming down my face by this point.

Cut.

"Everyone hates you"

Cut.

"You're a worthless human being who should just die already"

Cut.

Cut.

Cut.

"It's not like anyone would care" I whisper sliding down my door watching the blood slowly drip down my arm, new scars covering up my old faded ones.

I'm broken.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I sigh looking down at my arm before pulling my sleeve back down and looking at myself in the mirror.

You're gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay.

I reassure myself and I walk out of the bathroom.

I was so stupid, I am stupid. How could I let this? I just had to drink didn't I? You just had to be cool? You've just stayed at school or you could've just ran when Jordan offered you his first bottle of beer.

I walk out of my house and I freeze when I see Andi, Cyrus and Buffy.

"We came to walk you to school to make sure you didn't do anything crazy" Buffy walks towards me and grabs my hand pulling me towards them as we all start walking to school together.

"Cyrus told us what happened" Andi says, I haven't spoken to her since middle school. Last thing I remember is that she had a crush on me, which I'm pretty sure she is well past over by now.

"I remember when all four of us used to hang out at The Spoon back in middle school" Buffy sighs.

"Same, Jonah you should join us. Give tutoring a break" Andi says.

"Yeah, you've gotten pretty far but then again I am your teacher so that's not a surprise" Cyrus smirks, so he's just gonna forget what happened yesterday?

I just nod my head yes, and the three smile at me.

"Great" Buffy says.

Yep just great, I stare back down at my arm and I look back up plastering a fake smile on my face as we walk to school together.

We ended up passing the alley that I was in yesterday and Jade and Jordan glare at me as I walk by.

Don't stop and turn around, don't stop and turn around.

I repeat to myself over and over again.

"Bicycle!" Jade calls my name and I stop and turn around, doing the exact opposite of what I told myself not to do.

Ignoring Cyrus as he calls my real name I turn the corner to find Jade standing there with her arms crossed and Jordan has his usually amused smirk stuck on his face.

"I knew he couldn't hang with us for long" Jordan laughs.

"Shut up" Jade smacks the back of Jordan's head "So what's with the new friends you couldn't hang with us? We were thinking about getting high before school, you in or are you one of them now?"

"Jonah lets go" Buffy rolls her eyes at Jade and she grabs my wrist trying to pull me away but I stay put.

"H-high?" I stutter quietly.

"Yeah high, higher than the clouds. But first you got to choose the losers or us, you want to be cool don't you? We won't hurt you like everyone else we understand you" Jade flashes me a small smile

They understand me?

I walk forward but I get yanked back roughly by Buffy.

"Jonah I'm not letting you do this to yourself" Buffy says.

"Neither am I" Andi grabs a hold of my other arm and I wince a bit, but nobody seemed to notice.

"So the losers?" Jade laughs.

"Yeah the losers" Cyrus speaks up "Lets go guys"

Buffy and Andi pull me along with them as we make our way back to school in silence.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I sit at The Spoon quietly sipping my milkshake, the awkward tension is highly noticeable after this morning we haven't really talked to each other. We would just look at each other in the hallway and keep it moving.

Buffy is making it very clear that she has some type of problem with me because she won't stop glaring at me.

"Buffy stop" Andi hisses.

"Were you really going to go and get high with those people?" Buffy asks me completely ignoring Andi.

I shrugh my shoulders, I really don't know. They said they understood me but that could've been a lie, I should've just kept walking. "I'm so stupid" I accidentally whisper out loud.

"You're not stupid" Cyrus places his hand on my thigh and I remove it clearing my throat.

"You just don't have enough good influences in your life. They don't understand you Jonah, friends don't help you break the law" Andi says.

"It was a yes or no question" Buffy says.

"I-I...Don't Kn-kn-know" I sigh.

"That's not a yes or no"

"Buffy leave him alone" Andi says.

"No, I can't be mad at someone for almost putting there life in jeopardy? I think I can what he did was really stupid" Buffy has a point.

"But all he did was walk forward" Andi says.

"Yeah and he got drunk the day before" Cyrus says "Jonah are you okay? I can help you"

"WE, can help you" Buffy touches my hand from across the table and I quickly move my hand back.

"I don't need your help" I whisper.

"Yes you do, it's okay to admit it" Andi says.

"If you need anyone to talk to just text us or something" Buffy says.

"We're here for you" Cyrus smiles at me and I quickly stand up.

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I'M FINE, PERFECTLY FINE!" I yell having enough I turn and storm out of there not looking back making my way to the alley.

Hopefully Jade and Jordan are still there, they know how to help me they know how to make the pain go away.

Tears begin to fall and I wipe them away as I continue walking.

When I finally get there Jade and Jordan are smoking and they look up at me.

"Missed us?" Jordan smirks handing me a beer bottle.

I sit down and I open the bottle "You have no idea" I say before bringing the bottle to my lips.

*+*

2 chapters in one day, woo hoo!

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