I groan at the sound of someone knocking at my door.

"It's your future husband" Cyrus says and I smile a bit.

"Come in" He walks in and closes the door behind him, and the fact that he hasn't smiled once worries me. "You okay?"

"Not really, listen we need to talk about yesterday and what happened in the hospital"

"What happened?" I ask confused a little, I mean I do remember him storming out but I don't know why he got so mad.

"I've been thinking, and I don't think I can just be friends with you anymore. I trust you-"

"But I don't trust myself" I cut him off "I got drunk Friday night, when I promised myself that I wouldn't and things happened"

"What things?"

"Just things" I snap.

"I can keep secrets, what happened dirty truth or dare? Did you find a group of friends you can't talk about? What-"

"Nothing that concerns you point. Blank. Period, and if that's all you have to say you can leave now"

"Jonah-"

"I said LEAVE!"

"Actually you said-"

"Go" I shove him away from me and I fall back on my bed with a sigh.

"Fine I'll go, I would say see you at school tomorrow but you got suspended." He leaves and I sit back up punching one of my pillows.

Why can't no one see that I don't want to talk about Friday. What happened has happened, and I just want to bury it and leave it alone.

I just want a normal life.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

"Are you still not talking to me?" My mom asks me on our way to the therapist.

I sigh and I look out the window, hoping that's a good enough answer for her.

"Jonah this is just doctors orders-"

"I don't have depression" I mumble.

"Well you're obviously not happy" She mumbles back, and I don't know if I was meant to hear that or not.

She parks the car. "We're here"

"Great" I say sarcastically, getting out of the car.

We walk into the building together, and my mom talks to the lady at the front desk before we start walking further and we get to this room.

"Okay now you don't have to answer all of her questions-"

"I'm not answering any, how many times do have to tell you this?"

"And how many times do I have to tell you to lose the attitude? You may not want to be here, but I'm trying my best to find things to help you Jonah. I am your mother, and hearing that your child wants to kill there selves is not something you want to hear." By the way her voice cracks at the end I can tell that she's about to cry.

I sigh "Mom-"

"I'll be in the car" She walks off before I can say anything else and I hesitate before I open the door and walk in.

"You must me Jonah, nice to meet you I'm Lydia" she smiles and I sit down on the couch across from her in the room.

"This is a comfortable room, you can say whatever you want and I won't tell anyone I promise. Think of me as your best friend" She pauses I guess she's waiting for me to say something but I stay quiet. "Okay, so today what do you want to talk about?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"Your mom did inform me that you were shy over the phone, how about I tell you some things about myself so you can warm up to me?" I shrug again and she continues. "Alright, well I was a foster child I've been in the system until I was 16, I grew up thinking no one wanted me but my foster family they helped me through that. I learned that it's better to get things off your chest, because if you let all your feelings bottle up you'll just explode"

I tried killing myself, I'm pretty sure I already exploded.

"Still not saying anything I see...well we got at least 50 minutes left so take your time"

Fifty minutes? You have got to be kidding me? Is it that hard to just let me sit in my room? I don't want to be here on earth at all.

Like what's next? I'm bullied physically, I can never seem to make the right choice, my dad was abusive, I'm pretty sure I have a drinking problem, I used to think Jade and Jordan were my friends, and speaking of Jordan he raped me.

Out of all things that could've happened to me...

"Jonah are you okay?"

I now realize that tears are rolling down my cheek, and I wipe them away quickly. "Can I leave?"

"Of course but-"

I stand up and I walk out of there and straight to my mom's car.

"What happened?"

"Just take me home" I whisper, and I stare out the window on our journey back trying my best not to break down and cry.

Once we get there I get out of the car quickly to find Cyrus playing on his phone on the porch. "Jonah I wanted to say sorry"

Of course he does, he always feels the need to apologize for everything, when it's always ends up being my fault.

I ignore him though and I walk into our already unlocked house, finally letting all my tears fall.

Everything is my fault, I should've just listened to Cyrus, Buffy, and Andi when they tried to pull me away from Jordan. I shouldn't have went up those stairs with him at that party, I shouldn't have let him talk me into drinking.

I punch the wall next to my bedroom door in aggravation, before I walk in and I go straight to my bathroom.

Where is it? Where is my blade!

I look around frantically, before I just give up running my fingers through my hair viciously and pacing back and forth in my room.

"Jonah calm down" Cyrus says.

"Don't tell me what to do, no one listens to me and until then no one gets to tell me what to do" I snap

"I do listen to you"

"You do? Then why did you take me to that party!?"

Why did I let him take me to that party? That's my fault too.

All of sudden my chest starts to tighten and I start to find it hard to breathe, like a fish with no water.

I slide down my wall gasping for air, it's like I'm breathing but I'm not. It's hard to explain.

My body begins to shake and I bring my knees up to my chests, crying harder.

"Take deep breaths sweet heart" My mom sqauts down next to me and she starts to slowly move her fingers through my hair.

I try to do as she says and I take deep breaths and she begins to hum a song in my ear.

"Cyrus can you go get him some water?"

"Yeah" Cyrus leaves and I continue to take deep breaths.

My shaking begins to calm down and I stretch my legs, my hand still shaking a bit.

"Here's your H2O my little prince" Cyrus flashes me a small smile before he sits down next to me and hands me a glass of water.

I take the water and I drink it quickly, placing the cup on the floor.

My breathing slows down a bit and goes back to being somewhat normal, I lean my head on Cyrus's shoulder and I just cry more.

"Can I talk to him alone Susan?"

"Umm yeah, I'll be in the kitchen if you guys need anything" My mom leaves and I wrap my arms around Cyrus cuddling him.

"I can't kiss you on the cheek, but you can lay and hug me"

"Shut up" I laugh a little and I sit up wiping my face. "What did you want to apologize about?"

"I wanted to say sorry for earlier, for coming in here and telling you I couldn't handle us being friends because my feelings were to strong for us to just be friends but then I realized that our relationship status isn't as important as you right now, so I can wait as long as you want"

I take my finger and I place it under Cyrus's chin to make him look at me, our noses brushing past each others.

"Can I kiss you?" I ask.

"Well I mean, I don't think kissing me would help with the fact that you just had a literal break down, but I'm not complaining"

"So that's a yes?" I ask for clarification.

"Yes"

I close the space in between us kissing him, trying to release all of my negative energy and I've realized just how much I've missed him. I missed this. I missed us.

We pull apart breathing heavy, his face begins to turn red and a smile grows on his face causing one to grow on my face.

"I love you" I say

"I love you too"

*+*

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