AMELIA

A lump the size of a fist lodges in my throat, accompanied by a tight grip on my chest. As I stand, I remind myself that we are in the presence of many people; it's important not to disturb their peace, nor is it logical to act as nonsensical as Cam is.

"One of us needs to be mature. I will speak to you when you are ready to speak to me properly," I tell him, batting away the tears in my eyes. His jaws are clenched, his chest rising up and down.

Serenity smiles at me as I release her and pivot away.

As I walk away, I hear someone saying, "Seriously, dude?"

He's just so rude when he's angry, deriving satisfaction from hurting everyone.

Each step I take feels like a miracle; the pain weighs me down. I don't know how I am able to move my legs, but I continue directing myself toward the directions we followed to get here, away from that restaurant.

"Leave it here," I hear a voice behind me. It's Cameron speaking to Mateo, whom I remember seeing coming along.

I don't even want to go anywhere; I don't want to feel stranded. I don't know anyone here. This isn't like my first time in Portland; I don't have easy access to home. I don't have a sweater, and it's freezing cold out there. I don't have anything with me except my handbag and my phone. When I think about it, it's so scary. So I slow down, feeling the tears running down my face. I make an effort to wipe them away, but it's useless.

My wrist is grabbed; it's Cam's touch. I recognize it instantly. I gasp, shudder, trying to hold back my sobs. He spins me around to face him, having taken off his sunglasses. His eye... Let's just say it's not as good as the other. His jaws are sharp; he's grinding his teeth and staring wildly at me.

"Are you-are you...." I swallow, my voice barely audible. "Are you going to abandon me too in a place I don't know?"

His demeanor suddenly changes; his mouth opens, his eyes widen with realization, and he stumbles back a little as though my words can push him. He doesn't let go of my hand, though.

"What?" He gasps, shaking his head, and grabs my arms with both hands. "Amy, do you believe I would do that to you?"

"I don't know anything anymore... you clearly hate me."

"Shut up. Don't say that," he retorts, his breathing rate increasing.

"I am not crazy. What you said over there implies you are pushing me to Jake," my voice breaks.

"I said don't say that," he grits, pulling me to his chest, holding me tightly as I cry.

"I am scared."

"You've always known I am nothing without you. How could I be without you?" He asks above my head.

"You are mad at me."

He lets go of me and takes my hands, placing them around him as he pulls me close, tenderly squeezing me against his warm body. "Of course, Amy, I am mad at you. You alone can bring me affliction as you alone can provide me pleasure. I am mad at you because you are the only one I have invested my emotions in. No one can hurt me except you."

I feel stupid for thinking I could handle Jake on my own. "I shouldn't have lied to you. I thought I could deal with it. I swear I wasn't going to hurt you. I just wanted to get rid of Jake on my own. I have no other intent; ask Malia."

"I don't doubt you. I know," he emphasizes quietly, stroking my lower back. "I just want you to speak to me. Let me know about crucial things like this. I implored you to keep me in the loop while I traveled. I wasn't having a great time on my own; leaving you alone had been tormenting for me. Then I had to hear about you being cornered by Jake and visited by his mother; it stings my heart, Amy," he exhales, his chest beating fast, audible to me. I nuzzle more into his arms as he continues, "I have no incredulity about your intentions or capacities, but I just want to be by your side and provide you with safety so you don't have to worry about doing everything on your own when you have me."

Is it possible for a heart to break and heal at the same time?

"I am sorry," I croak, hating myself for making him feel this way because of my foolishness.

"I am sorry I was a dick," he says too. "I should be holding you, not... I am sorry, Princess," he exhales, his voice labored. "I hate myself for making you scared and for you to ever think I could abandon you."

Yeah, I shouldn't have thought that. Cam and Jake are two different people. "I know."

"Like the fuck? Have I lost my mind?" He quips, kissing my hair. I smile, finally breathing.