CAMERON

Call me a child, but why won't I let her believe I am triumphing over her defeat? I'm a narcissist, anyway; she agrees to that.

However, it saddens me to admit that tonight, nothing of the sort she's assuming really happens. I might intentionally mislead her the whole night when we all go to bed to make her believe I'm having a good time with those girls just as I do in the bar, but it's not what it looks like. From her perspective, I'm a whore, she says.

And that's good; anything that will have her not think of me with strong sentiments as her first. We shouldn't have happened, so I will be her villain, to make her forget the profundity of the ecstasy we reached together. That was my first time too, sharing the same feeling at the same time with someone.
I will make her hate me but I'm not as bad as she thinks.

Let's rewind six hours back to last night after the bar situation so I can tell my side of the story.

***

Jake chauffeurs us back home after we successfully locate the first girl, who earlier, in the restroom, I clarified to her that nothing would happen between us because, believe it or not, I hated having those girls near me, ever since I tried sleeping with... was it Tina? and all through the time she rode me, my head was a whirlwind of thoughts.
However, I hop on a sinking ship, all in the name of promoting my 'whore reputation' and express my willingness to compensate the two girls for their company if they agree to hang out the whole night, given I would give everything to test the outrage in Amy. The first girl after my preposition, excuses herself to smoke outside and ponder the proposal, and that is how I lost sight of her until almost when we were leaving.

The whole way back, I'm partially drunk, and I feel better than I did at the game. As we walk into the house, I feel on cloud nine, ignoring Amy's hissings and her unnecessary cautions at the girls I brought along.

"Take off your shoes," Amy warns them in the foyer when Jake goes to grab her some water, and I am sitting on the stairs watching her fumes.

"You are kidding, right?" one of the girls pouts.

"Do not get the place dirty. Take it off," Amy retorts harshly, and the girl's eyes turn to me begging me to interfere and when I shrug nonchalantly, they share glances between themselves, rolling their eyes and blowing out breaths but they end up complying.

"Good! We won't be here if Jake and I just get our place, chaste and immaculate, far away from-"

Holding the railings for support, I push myself up and lurch forward. Almost stumble, but I successfully step up to Amy, bringing my hand over her mouth.

"Shhh! Just shhh!"

"Don't touch me," she swats away my hand and chews on her inner cheeks, while she polices the girls to unlace their high boots.

"So only you can kiss someone, and you get mad when others do?"

"Do not talk to me about your stupid life, mostly when you're a mess like this. Go worry about a coherent sense and a better vision when putting in a condom tonight because you can be a sudden father before you know it," she mocks and brushes my arm passing me to join her boyfriend in the kitchen.

Well, is not like I plan to have sex with anyone. She can keep her sarcasm.

Rolling my eyes, I led the girls to the third floor, my bedroom. I don't let anyone sleep in my room, mostly girls; my bed is for me. But I got myself into this situation; the girls want to have fun. Amy needs to believe the worst. So, here we go.

They turn up the music, take off their clothes, and dance naughty on the couch and on the table, everything they can jump on, except my bed, which I warn them. They try all they can to get my attention but no part of my body reacts to any of their seductive tricks, and they're quite okay looking.

My mind is somewhere else the whole time I am watching them, wondering about the way Jake is holding Amy in the fan cam. What if it's all a lie?

All I do first is send a picture message of Erin to a guy I know at my desk, and somehow I go blank waiting for a reply.

My eyes open in the next hour or so at a scream and giggles, and I figure I'd pass out on the swivel chair, leaving multiple new messages on the screen.

My body feels heavy, and when I peek over my shoulder, there's a girl, fully naked, smoking my joint and dancing in the dim light. I don't understand how none of them pass out; I just hope they don't mess with my things.

Where's the other girl, though? She can't possibly get lost again.

I tilt my head to the other side, searching, and so much hair covers my eyes, nose, and mouth. Suddenly in a panic, I pull back, rubbing my face and praying it shouldn't be what a part of me believes, but a naked girl is sitting astride my lap. She's the one weighing me down. Her arms are wrapped around me in a cuddle. I don't do that. But that's not what's worse; my pants are unzipped, and she has nothing on her body. I can feel myself inside of her.

No... hell no!

I specifically tell them we aren't doing anything. What were they thinking? What have they done?

"Get off me, you sicko." I push her back, and she whines, transitioning to giggling.

"But you fuck her and didn't push her. Don't push me, I'm tired. I did it all."

Fuck!

"Did you... did we use a condom?" my heart is beating fast.

"Maybe, if you wore it," she laughs.

I shove her off me, and my fear is activated. I was inside these girls bare.

For fucksake!

I pull back my pants and zip them furiously.
This is Amy's doing; she's cursed me to this.

***

I haven't gotten a reply from the guy I sent Erin's picture to; he hasn't even opened the message but in the boys' group, there are lots.

Layton: My sister says she stopped by your house and saw a naked girl on your lawn.

I can only hope his sister isn't good with recalling people's faces if not, that will be unfortunate.

Garrett: Myles is worried about you, bro, you didn't accept the fight and it's about to go down.

I tap into my mail and find out my guy, Myles, hanging messages in my spam.

I would, God knows how badly I need to accumulate the money for all my priority plans that are on my laptop screen in a goal table I drew, which most importantly is to get my mom out of prison with an amount of 2 million which I'm not even halfway closer, but right now I need to find out about Jake or I can't have peace of mind.
The thing is, I take words seriously, and it sucks for me when you lie; I want to know if Jake is telling the truth about Erin, even though it's not my place.

Me: I don't know if I'm fighting tonight.

My head falls back after replying to the boys, and when I close my eyes, I am back in the arena, and there in the fan cam; Jake's eye closes, his arms holding Amy with care. Her laugh, her smile. Their kiss.

My eyes instantly open. I straighten back and shake my head to get rid of the vivid thoughts.

Maybe I'm the one overdoing it. Maybe I don't know their love. Maybe he's right; he's changed now that Amy is here. I should stay out of it.

That's easy in theory, but it's more than that. I slept with her. I took her virginity.

Rising from the chair feeling confused, I pass the fucking con girls rolling on the carpet with the bottles of my wine. "Hey handsome, you still won't come to me?" one says like they haven't taken advantage of me, but they're drunk; I ignore them and walk to my pull-up bar near my walk-in closet and I start some reps so I can breathe in a room that's so suffocating.

That's how the time flies by, anxiety, stress, regret, anger, and fear, all making me their detainee. All I hear is the soul-wrenching screams in my head, my name being called, my name being rejected. All I feel is breathless, my words pleading to flow out of my promised tied tongue and all I see is my body on Amy's and Jake coming for her with a gun.

I increase the pace of my pull-ups, trying to clear my mind and stop my emotions from overriding my brain. But that thought up there is my nightmare whether I'm asleep or awake. I need to relieve myself of even a little burden, that I just added to my shoulders this weekend. I've lived my whole life with so many horrors; I can't take this path of another life test. I had to go through so much of it when I was not even good at succeeding in any of them.

I often look calm, but inside me I have never been, I'm a chaos of different misery. I have to stop this from going far. I have to find out whether Jake had no reason to blame Amy for sleeping with me because he's still cheating and if he's really precise with his words, then I have to confront him earlier before it's too late and come out clean. He will understand; I didn't know Amy at the time. How can I know she's his?

Fuck!

The companies I had in the room were quiet at some point, and it's my only forceful panting audible in the room after I asked Alexa to turn off the music.

I desperately want to burn out even a little portion of anger; I've lost count of the pull-ups I kept going on with but the dose of pain in my arms and chest does not stop my anger from growing. I need to fight someone and beat the hell out of them. Maybe then I can breathe.

It's past 3 am, and there are still twenty minutes until the fight.

Jumping down from the bar, I grab one of my drink bottles and take a swig before replying to Myles to accept my fight. I grab a hoodie and my key, my body is trembling when I leave the house.