I sauntered over to the table a bit sweaty. All those googling eyes staring at me makes me
wish I had thought about what to say. I'm biting my lip thinking of my opening line when I'm quickly saved by Ashley jumping out of her seat squealing.

"Derek!  It's Derek???  Omg like that's so awesome he's so cute!!"

I was about to answer and stop that rumor quickly but instead I decided to shove a piece of pizza in my mouth to give me time to think about it. Derek did say he was leaving again tomorrow. Then I can say I broke up with him before he comes back for break. It's almost perfect.

"Yeah" my mouth full pizza decided to blurt out. "We're going out now". 

The girls squealed and Lusty Lana pursed her lips like she was sucking on an invisible lemon. That sealed the deal. If it bothered Lana, Derek and I were definitely on second base rounding third!

Ashley begged for details and I was laying it on thick. Just then Lana starts calling the boys over to the table to join us. Derek and his friend thankfully pay our table no attention and walk out the door laughing with a tower of pizzas in hand. I quickly jump into action mode snapping at Lana.

"He can't hang out, it's a private grandma birthday thing. I'm supposed to go but you guys are my Besties and I had to put you first!" I lied like I was Ms. America. Big smile, shoulders back and a not a drop of new sweat, man I was good!

Tracy was first to start the word parade "Oh my God, your so mature. Most people dump their friends for a hot guy".

"Well, I'm not that girl. You guys are my bae's! I won't leave you hanging!"

By the time I'd spent an hour there I was exhausted. We had already planned the virtual wedding and named my first three children. I felt a little nausea creeping in. I knew it was time to bail. I left 10 bucks on the table and fake yawned.

"I'm beat, between the show, spending time with Derek, looking this awesome, and meeting you guys I'm at quota today. I gotta bounce."

Everyone gave me air kisses and congrats on my new status. Except Lana who gave me the stink eye. I gave her a special duck face to show I wasn't bothered by her. As I left, I promised to keep them in the loop and for good measure (and in a sprit of self promotion) promised them all a special sneak peak of our relationship status on my next show.

Ashley wanted to walk with me (to prevent walking with Lana who lived two doors away from her) and jumped up when I did. We marched toward the door arm in arm singing the theme song from Lavern and Shirley.

As we got to the parking lot I noticed Derek's car was still in the exact same spot it had been when I got there. A stack of pizza boxes were in haphazard pile on the gravel and pizzas were scattered face down all around the drivers side door. There was a huge pile of roadkill by the back bumper and it had a blood soaked skid trail all the way into the woods behind the lot.

Ashley paused beside the pizzas. "Derek is still around? If he's waiting for you I can walk by myself. It's so great that you guys are going out".

I was in a hurry to get her out of there. I didn't want to run into Derek and have to play my hand so quickly. I at least wanted to suck a few days out of this. I deserved it, I worked hard on making this happen.

"Umm, no, he's really got a family thing and I'm tired anyway. I'm not sure what happened with all the pizzas. Let's get going in case he's pissed. He probably went back in to get new ones after dropping all these. He's so clumsy!"

Ashley and I walked slowly pausing by the steaming pile of roadkill.

"What do you think that was? It's huge! And it looks like it's got a chunk of Derek's shirt attached to it!"

I looked a little closer. It did look like part of Derek's shirt was in the middle of the ooze. My eyes trailed toward the woods where the skid marks ended. There was a slight moaning coming from the edge and in the tree line I could see my tuxedo tree, standing tall, arms waving in the wind.

"Who knows Ashley! Guys are nuts! Him and his friend probably ran over something and tried to move it. Or they wrestled and skinned a deer out here, it's disgusting. I'll probably have to hear all about it tomorrow. Let's go before he shows up and starts blabbing now!"

Ashley led me drag her toward the sidewalk. She started giggling "you already sound like a long time girlfriend."

I sort of feel bad for lying to Ashley. We've been friends for forever and I pride myself on being a good friend. But I know giving her something to feel good about is a gift. She's happy for me, and that means she's happy so I leave well enough alone.

Walking together with Ashley took me back to our silly elementary school days. We begin making up an insane story about Derek wresting with a bear over ownership of warm pizzas and deciding he likes it so much he becomes a professional bear wrestler.

For an instant we worry about the pile of goop wearing clothing in the parking lot and wonder if we should have looked into it more. But then I trip on a broken piece of concrete and we erupt in a fit of laughter.  Ashley pulls me up giggling out "You guys are a perfect couple. Your going to need to wrap your kids in bubble wrap!" 

When we finally get to her house we do our secret high five exclusive and promise to star chart text in the morning before school.  As she walks in her quiet dark house I find myself look towards her bedroom and see a shadow in the window. I instantly get the creeps and look closer. I'm positive it's her brother, but in this light it almost looks as if he's tall and has multiple arms.

********************************
A/N:
Looks like somebody's jealous (and I don't mean Lana).

Maybe Derek did skin a deer spur of the moment in a pizza parking lot snd lose his shirt. It's not impossible.

What about Ashley?  Is her brother waiting in the window? 

On a side note, I really miss being able to bold. Boo.