Hmpfff I've been needing to write this for a while but I wasn't really sure how to.

I guess if you don't want to hear about how depressing my life is, stop now? Because it's about to get seriously deep as I start to name: Everything that is wrong with me! Or at least is massively confusing and I can't handle!

Let's start shall we?

1. Anxiety
So, if you know me well, you would know I have anxiety. Everyone has it these days, 1 in 4 teenagers are either depressed or have Anxiety issues.

I don't have bad anxiety. I get panic attacks from time to time, sometimes bad others just small little baby ones, reminding me of the issue that I have.

But, when you have anxiety, you're scared. All the time. I have this thing where I crack my knuckles when I'm nervous or stressed. Sometimes people ( one boy in particular ) asks why am I stressed and I don't have an explanation to it.

And when you have anxiety, just the thought of doing something could bring up a panic attack. Anyway, moving on....

2. Eating problems
I have a.....problem. Lemme start from the beginning. YEAR 9! So I was having friend problems and I guess eating wasn't exactly my priority.

So instead of eating, I would be listening to the conversation and such. But I would still eat food occasionally just small snacks.

But then it got worse until the point where I just didn't eat food at school at all. Since then....it's still the same, if not on the verge. Right now I don't eat anything at school, I have a small breakfast, no snacks and occasionally I decide to not eat as much lunch.

If someone asked me, in a year do you see yourself as having a eating disorder I think I'll say yes.

But this is the thing. If someone made me eat.....I would refuse to. I'll make up an excuse at not to eat. I know it's bad. And I know my friends will be commenting stuff but I can't help it....

3. Family problems
Haha yes, so this is why 2016 was a horrible year for me.

My parents split after a 15 year marriage because, get this, MY DAD HAD AN AFFAIR. Yup, and that's the second time he's done that.

Not only did he do that, he decided to tell everyone on a family holiday in the middle of Spain. Right so I kinda....dislike him. He's a dick in other words.

And because of that, my life has been a bit upside down. I've had to move house, got used to only having one parent, not having as much money etc.

It's a bit better now and we have a routine. But they divorced when we were older so it was a shock.

4. Sexuality.
There's a chance that people from my school are reading this. Only one of them know this so.....hi.

Uh in the past year, I realised I like girls! And boys! BISEXUAL PEEPS. This all decided to happen when I was going through other things so I was confused in so many ways.

But this isn't something wrong. I'm just adding this to my list of struggles I've had. I've come out to about.....6 people. Some accidentally, others I felt comfortable.

Family for example....yea uh no. Friends at school I have to 3 people. HI THAT ONE PERSON WHO STILL GOES ON WATTPAD AND FOLLOWS ME AND KNOWS, LOVE YA! Anyway, moving on!

5. Crushes.
*silently dies in a corner* you guys are about to hate me. To be honest, I hate myself because of this.

I am the type of person who always has a crush. I can't control it. The only years I haven't had crushes is year 4 and year 7.

"BUT CHARLOTTE, YOU'RE TOYING WITH PEOPLES FEELING." Yup.....I can't help it. It's not the fact I realise I don't like someone, I change. I simply, just realise they're not as great.

I have two crushes at the moment. Ones that can actually work? My internet friends know both? ( DO NOT SAY THEIR NAMES ) and close friend knows one ( YA KNOW WHO YA ARE AGAIN )

6. Socialising
Grrrr this is what makes me a nerd and why school is so stressful for me.

During the school day, I think how stressful my day could possibly be. Each lesson is measured by different things:
- difficulty ( how good I am at subject )
- friendrate
- teacher
- seatplan

And majority of my stress comes from Friendrate. I have a massive trigger of stress if someone leaves me. If I'm alone, I have a breakdown.

And I guess just being around people who don't understand me stresses me out? Ehh

That's about it with my struggles. I can't really think of anything else other than I think I'm getting worse.

People might say that by me posting this chapter, it's a way of asking for help. And I have to admit, for two of them I need help in.

Anyway depressing Charlotte is signing off.

Bye!