Dark Themes: bullying, violence, split personality(or something like that)

"Come on dear, don't you want to play with the others?"

The woman's voice makes me look up from a copy of Gulliver's Travels. I blink at her a few times, trying to rouse my mind from the world of little people and the troubles of being a giant. I hear a sigh as one of the voices decides that I've taken too long, and I don't bother trying to wrestle control from her.

"No thank you, Ms. Solis," she says politely, a sweet smile on my face. It's the first voice, or Jacquelyn, as she decided to call herself after reading Robert Louis Stevenson's book. "I like reading."

"There's nothing wrong with that, but why don't you go outside? It's a lovely day, well, at least they think so." Ms. Solis tries to smile as she gestures to the library's large window. The other orphanage children are happily playing about, pushing each other and playing tag under the warm sunshine.

It's a good thing that Jacquelyn's in control, otherwise the caretaker might have questioned my frown. Despite being in the orphanage for almost four years, I've never gotten close to any of the other children. They all find me strange because of how unpredictable I am since Jacquelyn and Heidi are with me. They don't bother me anymore either, though I'm not sure whose fault that is.

Jacquelyn smiles as she shakes her head to Ms. Solis's question. "No thank you, I'd just like to read."

"Well, if it makes you happier, go on ahead. Just...try to play with the others a little more, okay? You should try to make friends."

"Okay!" chirps Jacquelyn, giving a cute grin that charms most adults. It only makes the staff at the orphanage uneasy though, and I can't blame them.

Ms. Solis gives us a smile that was either sad or scared before leaving the library to check on the others. As soon as she leaves, my eyes return to the book. My eyes scan the words, but none of it is registering in my mind. I eventually just stop trying and lean back into the armchair before bringing Brownie closer to my chest. I can still feel the knife inside him, and it's oddly comforting. It just feels safer knowing that I can protect myself, or that Heidi can anyway.

As I hug my bear, the memories of how my I ended up in the orphanage and my life here so far drift through my mind.

After I fell asleep, I had woken up in an empty room in the police station, still holding Brownie and the knife inside him. The detective, a tall man who carried the scent of tobacco, came into the room a little bit after I woke up. He tried to be understanding to me, but he looked annoyed that the only person he could ask was a little girl. I didn't want to answer him, but I didn't want to make him angry either. Jacquelyn said that she could answer if I let her, so I did.

Did I see anyone? Yes. Do you remember what any of them looked like? No, they were wearing masks. Any names? I heard some of them call each other Alin and Seth. Did they say anything? Two of them were talking, but I don't know about what. I remember that they took one of Mommy's tubes though. Tubes? Yeah, my Mommy has a garden with a lot of pretty flowers and other things. Sometimes, she cuts parts off and squishes them to get their juice and she puts them in little glass tubes. I tried to drink one of them once, but she just got mad at me. She said that I would get really sick if I drink it. Do you remember what plant that came from? The one she got from me was from this really pretty flower called bella-something. Wait, belladonna? Mmhmm. I remember the one that the people in the room got though. Mommy called it nightshade.

I remember his eyes widening when I told him about the nightshade extract. He asked me more questions, and when I told him that Seth told me to tell him about warehouse 430 by the pier, he jumped up and left the room. I asked Jacquelyn why she didn't tell him about Nate, and asked me if I would have done it. I didn't reply. A nicer man came in after him, and he wanted to know if I had any aunts or uncles. I shook my head. Cousins or grandparents? Another shake. Then he looked sadly at me as he said that I had to go somewhere since my parents wouldn't be coming back. A day later, he took me to the orphanage.

It wasn't too bad in here, but I had to keep hiding Brownie until Jacquelyn helped me borrow some things to hide the knife in him. The needles were easy enough, since Mrs. Hopper is the one who patches up clothes. Whenever she pricks herself, she drops them and doesn't pick them up anymore. She'll ask whoever's closest to the room to pick them up for her. Nobody really likes her, so they try to avoid the room where she does her job. She was surprised and actually smiled when I came in and asked if she wanted help. She taught me how to sew so I could help her mend the clothes and she smiled again when I picked the needles up when we were done without being asked. She left the room with a basket of patched clothes and I left with half a dozen needles in my pocket, since Heidi insisted that we have a few extra just in case.

I couldn't get the thread from Mrs. Hopper, since she only brings enough to mend the clothes. I did, however, find that the tablecloths in the orphanage were really old and were washed a bit too roughly. Before dinner time, I helped Mr. Hartworth to set up the tables. When he left to check on the food, I pulled the thread from the tablecloth and used the knife he set aside for dividing the chicken later to saw off the end of it. When he came back, he scolded me for holding it, but didn't notice the thread peeking out of my pocket.

I even found the zipper for my teddy bear's back, though it was the hardest to get. Around that time, I found out that Billy, the biggest of the orphans even though he wasn't the oldest, liked to bully the younger kids behind the staff's back. Jacquelyn and I didn't like him, and neither did Heidi. Sneaking over to the boys' room at night wasn't nearly as hard as Heidi thought, and with a pair of scissors from the last Arts and Crafts session in the orphanage school, Brownie got a zipper sewn into his back. The effort of scrubbing it to make sure that it was clean and the trouble of sewing under the moonlight was worth it to hear the other kids laughing at Billy when he came out of the bathroom the next day with a face red as a tomato as he clutched the sides of his pants to keep it from falling and showing his underwear.

Around that time, I still wasn't that good at switching control between the voices and I, so I failed to take control from Heidi before she gave a smile of satisfaction at the bully. Billy saw it and knew that it was different from the stifled laughter of the other children. After all, it was the kind of smile he had whenever he managed to get someone else in trouble. He immediately singled me out as the one who had done it, even though logic would have told him that I couldn't go into the boys' room any more than he could come into the girls'. I don't think that he had any though, which ended up working in this case.

From that moment on I became his number one target.

His first action was to sneak dead bugs and frogs under my school desk to freak me out. It worked the first day, since I didn't expect it. The slimy dead amphibian under my desk was accompanied with my horrified shriek and the boy snickering. The next day, I had the sense to have Heidi in control. She would only take over until she disposed of the corpse for me. Billy got increasingly frustrated at how I no longer even looked afraid of the creepy crawlies he'd sneak into the school just to scare me. The other children, especially the girls, began watching every morning to see if I really wasn't afraid of the dead things under my desk. Despite this, it took about week before Billy stopped this method of bullying me.

That day, Billy had gotten the biggest roach he could find and stuffed it under my desk. Heidi had picked up the large cockroach by its antennae. To our surprise, it twitched. She continued messing with it, even gathering rain in her palm since we were seated near the window and splashed it onto the roach. No matter what we did, it only twitched, and she decided to put it out of its misery via shoe stomp. The crunch it made was louder than expected, and Billy, who was watching with mouth agape since Heidi had us pick it up, looked a bit sick as my foot came down on it a few more times to ensure that it was dead. The other children were equally horrified or surprised at what Heidi was doing. Sometime before the fifth stomp, Heidi gave me back control. I proceeded to get a few sheets of tissue from the box always on the teacher's desk, wipe the bug juices off my shoe, do the same to the dead bug on the floor, and throw the tissues away. Billy never tried to scare me with animals after this, and the experience actually helped me get over the fear of frogs, newts, lizards, beetles, cockroaches, and a couple others that would make the other girls scream.

The next thing he did was reckless. My hair was long back then, and I liked it that way. Whenever I combed it, I remembered how my mother used to do it. It was a little happy memory I still had. Billy had gotten the information from some girls of how I treasured my hair, and decided that he had found his way to get back at me.

The orphanage I was in had a goody box full of many kinds of candies. If one of us was well-behaved for a week, he could choose one of the candies to eat. I was usually one of the children to get a sweet, since I found that helping the Mrs. Hopper mend the clothes or helping Mr. Hartworth set the table was something to do when bored. Sometimes, they 'd even sneak me an extra. By targeting the younger children, Billy convinced them to choose gum as their candy of the week. After getting a dozen or so pieces of the sticky stuff, he put his plan into action. After dinner time, he told Mr. Hartworth that he wanted to help do the dishes. The man gladly accepted his assistance, since even with me helping him out, over fifty children were still living in the orphanage. I had just finished gathering an armload old of empty plates when I noticed the bully leaving the kitchen with something shiny in his hand. I realized that it was a glass, but Jacquelyn told me not to tell Mr. Hartworth.

I have an idea~, she said, and I could almost see an evil smile on her face.

That night, Billy chewed all the gum he had taken and put the glob in the glass after filling it with water. He snuck out of the boys' room and into the girls', wearing socks to muffle his footsteps. With what he had learned from Lily, one of his regular victims, he knew which of the cots was mine. He raised the glass, ready to dump the gum on my hair.

Then I screamed.

He was so shocked that he dropped the glass, making it shatter. The loud noises woke all the girls up, and they screamed as well. Somewhere in the chaos, I managed to open the room's light, though I felt like I stepped on something. Ms.Solis and Mrs. Hopper came in, their sleep having been interrupted by the shrieks of the girls. They caught sight of Billy, the broken glass, and the whitish blob on the floor. Mrs. Hopper scolded him while Ms. Solis tried to gather what had happened. Jacquelyn gladly spoke up, telling the caretaker that I had been woken up by footsteps and saw a figure looming above me, so I screamed.

"I see now." Ms. Solis turned to Billy, arms crossed. "Well young man, you have a lot to answer for tomorrow. For now, go back to the boys' room and think about what you've done."

As he left the room grumbling, Mrs. Hopper came in to check on us.

"Child, are you bleeding?" she said, squinting through her thick glasses as she looked at my feet

"Y-yeah. " I said uncertainly. Jacquelyn had returned control to me so she could rest, leaving me to speak. "I must have stepped on it when I turned on the light."

"Oh you poor dear," said Ms. Solis. She left to fetch the first-aid kit while Mrs. Hopper helped me get to my cot before dealing with the glass.

"Hmph, that boy is going to be in a heap of trouble," muttered Mrs. Hopper.

And he did. He was forced to clean the boys' room for a month and couldn't get dessert either. These punishments only made him spite me more, and he promptly went back to plotting his revenge on me.

I'm sure that he regretted what he did next more than I ever could. Nobody picked on me since then, and he never picked anyone either. I had fallen asleep in the library, and Billy had decided to steal Brownie from me. He left a note, and I know that he was the one because it said "Mete me in thi bathruum ur elze Il rip yur bare a part."

I was angry, Jacquelyn was angry, and Heidi was angry. I remember stomping through the halls to get to the bathroom. I passed by Mr. Hartworth, who was bringing in a tea tray for the staff, and I ducked under the silver platter as I ran, causing him to stare in shock for a few moments. The other children who saw me got out of my way, faces scared by the murderous look in my eyes.

By the time I reached the bathroom, Billy had been waiting for a while. His face was bored, but when he saw me, it turned white. I didn't see Brownie, but his ears and an arm were floating in the toilet. I screamed and launched myself at him, pulling and scratching and strangling and punching and kicking. I don't know how much of that was me or how much of that was Heidi or even Jacquelyn, but I know that we were making him pay for everything he had done to me. He yelled for help when I wasn't choking him, he squirmed and tried to run whenever he got free for a few seconds. The last few moments before the adults came in was filled with his apologies and pleads.

When Mr. Hartworth did come with the staff, he looked like he was going to faint. The ladies brought their hands to their mouths while the children gaped at me.

Gone was the sweet child who liked to help out in the chores, gone was the polite girl who thanked the staff and looked ecstatic when one of them snuck her a candy, gone was the quiet bookworm who carried a teddy bear with her to read storybooks. In her place was a little demon whose nails were caked in the same blood that stained tiles on the floor, whose eyes screamed bloody murder, and who had the worst boy they had ever seen sobbing on the floor, begging for mercy.

I blinked at them a few times before shutting my eyes. When they opened, the hate was gone, replaced by confusion and regret and shame. I stood up, and I weakly offered my hand to the boy on the floor. He looked at me as if I was a monster. I gave up and brought my hand to my side.

"Where did you put Brownie?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

His hand shakily pointed to the medicine cabinet. I scooped Brownie's ears and arm out of the toilet before snatching his main body. I ran out of the bathroom, shoving some people aside as I went to the garden. A trail of bloody footprints and tears followed me. As soon as I was in the garden, I went to the faucet that the gardener uses for watering the plants. I scrubbed the blood off my hands before washing the pieces of my bear, carefully making sure that none of the stuffing would fall out. When I was done, I sewed them back on with thread from my sleeve and one of the needles I kept hidden.

I remember spending the rest of the day outside, leaning against a wall and hugging Brownie until I fell asleep. Nobody tried looking for me, and when I went to the girls' bedroom, my cot had been pushed to the side. Jacquelyn and Heidi didn't talk to me for a few days after getting Brownie back, I still don't know if I would've liked them to. I learned the next day that Billy had to go to the hospital for stitches and that I would be banned from the library for two months and had do chores for the the same time period. The chores were the things I had done before, but now the adults' eyes watched me warily. They stopped watching me that way a few months ago, but there's still fear in their gazes, even though they try to hide it.

"Umm, excuse me?"

I look up to see Lily, one of the youngest girls, peeping her head through the doorway. She looks at me nervously, but I don't mind it anymore. It takes a few seconds before she speaks again.

"They want us to go out, there's visitors again." The words are fast, then she scurries off.

It should be there're not there's , mumbles Jacquelyn.

I ignore her while Heidi groans about her being a grammar Nazi to return the book and head outside. The orphans are all in the playground or garden now, each one looking curiously at the men and women who might become their new families. I let them crowd while I sit on the now-empty swing set. I never really cared if I would be adopted or not. Besides, the people coming in had be aware of the behavior of the children, so they would learn about how I attacked Billy. I remember how a young lady had come by a year and a half ago, specifically asking if they had a quiet child, preferably elementary level, who didn't mind chores and who likes literature. The staff had pointed me out, and she even took a liking to me when I politely greeted her. But when it came to behavior, they mentioned what had occurred a month back. Her face paled and she left the orphanage, never turning back. A myriad of others had come, but they would all turn away ashamed to look me in the eye after learning about the incident.

My eyes scan over the ones who have come today. As usual, they were couples, seven, to be exact. Five of them were young couples, probably newly married. The other two were a bit older, and they seemed to be friends with each other. I noticed that those two had a child each that tagged along with them, something rarer to see. They were likely brought to see who their new siblings would be, or to help choose. The two children were probably friends, since they were pushing each other and letting out a laugh now and then. It was interesting though, since one of them was a girl about my age while the other was a boy in his late teens, so the boy exaggerated whenever he was pushed. I noted that they tried to avoid eye contact with us orphans though, which I thought was smart. If they did lock gazes with any of us, they'd feel guilty later on. That's how most looked after taking a child home anyway.

Nevertheless, I moved so that I was facing away from them. Better safe than sorry.

"I wish that they'd let us inside. Reading is better than this."

Yeah, looking at the others is like being in a pet shop, Heidi grumbles. They try to look cute and give big, sad eyes so they'll be taken home.

Pointless, anyway, adds Jacquelyn. The visitors always have such specific wants for their ideal child. It's still ridiculous how some try to get a child that looks like them so people don't ask about it.

I giggle softly. "Yeah, ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous?"

I stiffen as I see the boy from earlier looking at me with an eyebrow raised. I turn my head away as I hug Brownie. "Nothing, I just like talking to myself."

"I talk to myself sometimes, too." Based on his shadow, he's gesturing to the swing beside me. "Anyone sitting here?"

I flinch as I stop Jacquelyn from giving a sarcastic remark. It's been a while since I've stopped her from talking for me. "No, it's fine, the others won't come back to play until all the visitors leave."

"I see," he says, sitting down. He turns to me, and I see that his eyes are a deep blue. For a moment, the world flashes and I'm seeing Seth's eyes while my home's in flames, but it changes back in the next second. I close my eyes as I chase the thought away, and he notices. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...fine. Just...remembered something."

"Alright then." He looks away and for a moment, and I think that he's about to stand and talk to the other kids, those who actually want to get adopted. But then, he turns to me again. "Can I...ask you something?"

"Why not?"

"Why are you here when the others are near the entrance?"

I shrug as well as I can while hugging a teddy bear. "I don't care if they see me or not, I'm not getting adopted anyway, so I'll enjoy the playground while it's quiet."

"What makes you so certain of it?" I glance at him and see that an eyebrow is raised. "I mean, you seem fine by me."

I bite my lip and deny Jacquelyn again. "I don't wanna talk about it." I get up and brush the dust off my skirt with my free hand. "You should try talking with the others, or maybe your friend from earlier. Your parents probably won't like me anyway."

Before I can walk away, the boy grabs my wrist. There's curiosity in his eyes as he speaks. "How did you know that my friend's here?"

I sigh. Maybe I should have let Jacquelyn talk earlier...

Or, we could run, Heidi suggests. Run fast enough, he won't catch up, he'll think it's rude, then he'll leave us alone.

'No,' I respond. 'Maybe if I talk enough he'll be satisfied and leave?'

I extremely doubt that.

"I saw you two shoving each other and laughing earlier," I say, ignoring Jacquelyn. "It would be weird if you two weren't friends because you're much older than her, and most couples that come here either have one kid or none at all."

"That's odd, when I saw you, your back was facing us."

I sit down at the swing again as I reply. "I probably saw you two a few seconds before you saw me. I turned around because I thought that if you looked this way, you'd already be guilty enough from all of the others looking at you."

"Hah, you're right about that," he says, eyes downcast. "I looked, and well, I saw a lot of hope in those eyes. It's...kind of why I went here. I was wondering why you weren't looking like the rest of them were. It's like they try to make you pity them, but...you didn't even try."

"I've told you why already, didn't I?" I say, kicking my legs so I can swing a bit. "Nobody wants me, and when I said ridiculous earlier, it's because I was thinking of how sometimes, the people coming here look for children that look like them."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Happens a lot. Look and see." I point to the entrance of the orphanage, where the sighs ring out as some wave goodbye to Olivia. Her green eyes match the one of the lady whose hand she holds while her chestnut locks are the same shade as the hair of the young man in front of them.

"I don't think that looks should matter." He smiles warmly at me, and it feels kind of nice. "You're smart to be able to tell that Cynthia and I were friends in a few seconds and even come up with reasons based on our ages, you're  considerate for not looking at us, and as far as I'm concerned, your a cute little girl that my parents would love to have."

The small smile that was blooming on my face disappears at his last statement. After they learn about the incident with Billy, they won't want me. I should've let Jacquelyn take over, or even Heidi. I swallow down the disappointment growing in my chest as I turn to the teen.

"Do you...know what your parents are looking for?" I ask, choking down whatever noise I might try making.

"I've kind of told you, haven't I? If you don't mind doing chores, than I'm sure that they'll love you."

Brownie's basically being crushed against my chest as I take breaths to calm myself down. "And they went inside?"

"Yeah," says the boy standing before his hand to me. "Come on, I'll introduce you."

Footsteps get nearer, and I recognize the clacking sound of heels that Ms. Solis reserves for visiting days. I get up and shake my head. "You won't have to."

"There you are, dear. There's a nice couple that I'm certain would like to see you." Ms. Solis smiles at me, and it's a smile I know well. It's the sad smile that says I'm-sorry-that-we-have-to-do-this-again.

The teen beside me jumps up with a grin on his face. "Would that couple happen to be the Enfields?"

"Why yes," says Ms. Solis, a mildly surprised look on her face.  "I take it that you're their son?"

"I'm Gabriel Enfield," says the boy, stretching his hand out. "It's nice to meet you. Mind taking me to my folks? I think that I've found someone."

I bite my bottom lip as I remind myself that I never wanted to get adopted anyway, so I shouldn't even be disappointed.

It's okay. Just think of it as...as practice. Yeah! Jacquelyn says cheerily. The tinge of sadness in her voice isn't completely masked though. I mean, this is probably the worst yet, right? After this, nothing else should hurt.

Heidi tries to cheer me up as well, but her tone isn't any better than Jacquelyn's. We'll be fine. We always have been.

"Dear, it'll be alright." Ms. Solis gently places her hand on my shoulder as she leans in to whisper.  "We'll find a home someday, but for now, you have to see them. You know what? I'll even give you chocolate a bit later, it's your favorite kind too, the one with a chewy center. Just stay strong for now, okay dearie?"

I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand. Ms. Solis is somewhat scared of me too, that I'm sure of, but she understood why I had done what I did. She was the one who found the note Billy had left in the library and put two and two together. If I stay, at least she'd still be here. I comfort myself with that thought and the prospect of chocolate as I stand up.

"I'm fine now, Ms. Solis. Thank you."

I don't look up, but I can tell that Gabriel is looking at me. I turn away from his direction and see that Ms. Solis offering me her hand. I shake my head and cling to Brownie, and she gives a little sigh before moving on.

"Well, let's get going, don't want to keep them waiting now, do we?"

I lag behind them as we go inside the orphanage. The two in front of me try to talk quietly, but snippets of their conversation still reach me. Gabriel asks about me, and Ms. Solis tries to answer him without saying things outright. I quietly make a mantra of what Heidi said earlier.

"I'll be fine, we'll be fine," I chant softly. Somewhere in my mind, the two voices chant as well, though they replace 'I'll' with 'You'll'.

"Ah, there you are, Ms. Solis, and I see you've brought her as requested."

We get to the Mr. Nummer's office sooner than expected, and the director stands up to smile at me, but it's different from Ms. Solis's. It's force and says something like 'behave and perhaps I can get you out of my orphanage'. He presses his hand to my back to guide me to the center of his office. There, I stand in view of two of the couples from earlier. I recognize one of them as Gabriel's parents and the other as one of the young couples.

"This is the child I spoke of," says Mr. Nummer proudly, as if showing off a trophy. "She's often helping our staff and she spends her free time in the library."

He nudges me and I fake a cheery smile. "It's nice to meet you all."

The lady of the young couple comes towards me and pinches my cheek. "Well aren't you just precious?" she squeals. "Oh, and you have your own toy as well! Does he have a name?"

I step back from her and hug my bear tighter. "His name's Brownie," I mutter.

'It's like she thinks we're a cute puppy.'

You can say that again, Jacquelyn groans.

"That's adorable!" She quickly turns to her husband, grabbing me before hugging me tightly. "Honey, this is the one, I'm sure of it!"

Please let me kick her, please.

Oh, shush, Heidi, she'll be afraid soon enough.

"Well you do like her already, Darling, but there's something we need to know first." I manage to move my head to see her husband. He's dressed in a suit that looks much more expensive than Mr. Nummer's, and his watch seems to be gold plated. "Mr. Nummer, was it? Her looks are fine enough, and if what you say is true, then she'll be a good daughter, but what of her behavior?"

Mr. Nummer and Ms. Solis stiffen at that. The director goes his chair and folds his hands. "Well, you see...she's been well-behaved ever since got here. Polite and quiet as well. She isn't the kind to bother anyone unless she wishes to help-"

"Then we'll have no problem," interrupts the husband, stepping forward. "Just prepare the papers. Show me where to sign, and we'll be going."

Mr. Nummer's face is one of exasperation. This isn't the first time a visitor's acted like this, and I've been called to his office so many times on a visiting day that he's not even optimistic about it anymore.  "Sir, I'm afraid that you didn't let me finished. She's been a good child, save for one incident. About a year and a half ago, she attacked one of the children."

"Well it couldn't have been that bad, could it?" says the lady, ruffling my hair. I flinch but she doesn't notice it as she continues. "This little girl couldn't have done much, could she?"

"Madam, I'll let you see for yourself."

Mr. Nummer brings out a folder that's slightly worn from how many times it's been handled. He gives it to the husband while I squirm away from the lady, knowing how she'll react. As soon as the young man opens it, his jaw drops. His wife notices and peeks over his shoulder before paling. There were two images inside it along with a doctor's notes. One picture was of Billy sprawled on the bathroom floor, bloodied and bruised. The other was him in the hospital.

Mr Nummer sighs as he lists off the damage from memory. "The boy suffered multiple cuts and wounds. He needed over twenty stitches on various body parts. Along with that, he had several fractures and a bruised throat. She single-handedly did all that to young Billy in less than eight minutes. The poor boy was no pushover either, he was one of, if not the most troublesome children I had ever seen, a bully even."

The young man shakily closes the folder before returning it to the director. He fixes his tie as as he takes in a deep breath. "Ahem, Mr. Nummer, thank you of informing us of her behavior. She's a lovely child, but perhaps there's a another that you can show us? One with the same interests but preferably less...violent?"

The last word is a whisper, but I hear it anyway. I watch the lady looking away from me as her husband speaks more with Mr. Nummer. While Mr. Nummer gives the address of a different orphanage they might want to visit, Gabriel gets the folder lying on the desk before handing it to his parents. I turn away so I don't have to see his guilty expression later.

"I'll be find, we'll be fine," I whisper into Brownie's fur.

You'll be fine, we'll be fine, chant the voices together, trying to be a source of comfort.

I don't know how long I just stand with my eyes closed and we chant until the words don't mean a thing anymore. It doesn't help me much, but I don't stop because as long as I'm chanting, I can focus on just saying it again and a again and not think about other things. But even if I can stop thinking about it, it doesn't stop me from feeling, and I have to keep wiping my eyes and take shallow breaths so I don't end up crying loudly. The voices seem to fare better than me, but maybe that's just because they aren't the ones with the body right now, so they don't have to worry about tears. A hand on my crossed arms makes me open my eyes, but what I see aren't Ms. Solis's gray orbs.

I step away from Gabriel until he's not touching me anymore. The kneeling boy doesn't move, and I'm grateful for that. Instead, he turns to Mr. Nummer. "Sir, you said that the boy she attacked was a bully, yes?" Mr. Nummer mutely nods. He's seems just as surprised as I am that Gabriel went to me.

"Did he ever bully you?"

I bite my bottom lip as I think of a way to answer. Jacquelyn's too shocked to answer and Heidi isn't good at conversation. After a minute of silence, I simply nod.

"Can you please tell me how?" he asks, voice patient like the man who brought me to the orphanage years ago. His eyes are kind, making me wonder how I could have seen them as Seth's cold ones.

It takes a while for me to find my voice, and even when I do, it's weak. "He used to sneak dead frogs or bugs under my desk. He also tried to put gum in my hair before."

"That was very mean of him. You have very pretty hair." Gabriel smiles at me, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see Ms. Solis and Mr. Nummer watching with interest. "On the day when...it happened, did he do anything to you?"

"I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, he took Brownie and left a note that I should see him in the bathroom or else he'd rip him apart. I...I became angry." I clutch the bear closer as I think of the events that followed." When I got there, he already ripped Brownie's ears and arm off and left them in the toilet. It made me angrier then..."

Gabriel's eyes drift down to the bear, and they pause at the stitches keeping his ears on. "Brownie, he means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, he's the last gift my Mom and Dad gave me before...before they died." 

"I see."  He then gets up and calls out to his parents. "Ma, Pa, I think that what she did was justified, don't you?"

His parents look at each other in silent agreement. "Mr. Nummer," says his father. "Please show us where to sign."

Mr. Nummer makes a choking sound while I nearly drop Brownie. I'm...getting adopted?

'Jacquelyn, Heidi, did you guys just hear what I heard?'

If what you heard was that Gabriel's father wanted to see the papers, then yeah. Jacquelyn sounds uncertain, and she's never like that. Heidi, please tell me that I heard that right and we're not going crazy.

Jacques, I think we are crazy, cause I heard it too. We're going to be in that family. I can't believe it, we going to be in a family again. We're going to be in a family again. We're going to be in a family again. We're going to be in a family again...

Oh man, she broke.

"Mr. Enfield, you do understand what this child is capable of, don't you?" Mr. Nummer's voice has more hope than I've heard for a long time, but it's unbelieving as well. "Are you sure that you want to adopt her? When you do everything she does will be under your responsibility. Are you ready for that?"

Gabriel's mother answers, and despite her small stature, the look in her eyes is enough to make a grown man like Mr. Nummer pale. "Listen here and listen well, Mr. Nummer. My husband and I may one day have second about this, but we trust our son's judgment. By the sound of things, you don't even enjoy this poor child's presence. We will gladly take her off your hands and we are confident that we can take care of her, isn't that right, Jonathan?"

"Of course, Sarah. Now, Mr. Nummer, the papers?"

"Oh, um let's see," says Mr. Collum, searching for the papers. "Here it is! When you're done reading, sign over here..."

"Looks like you were wrong."

I stare at Gabriel, still unbelieving of what's happening. "Why are you doing this?"

"I've kind of told you why already, didn't I?" he says, smiling as he repeats my earlier words.

I can only stand stunned until Ms. Solis comes over to tell me to pack the few belongings I have. She accompanies me to the girls' room, giving me a small sack to place my clothes and toothbrush.

"I guess that you won't need the chocolate after all," she says a bit sadly. "The others are going to miss you. Emilia and Paul are going to have to get used to not having you around anymore"

"They'll be relieved too. They won't have me to be afraid of."

My words make Ms. Solis frown. "Is that really what you've been thinking all this time?"

"Yes, actually." I say, confused. "They looked scared whenever I was near them. Even you had that look."

"Dearie, we weren't afraid of you, we were worried for you," she sighs. "Yes, what you did to Billy was terrible, but believe me when I say that many of us knew that it was coming for him, it's just that none of us expected it to be you. You were sorry, and we knew that, but the families that would come here wouldn't. We were afraid that good child like you would never find a new home." Her frown deepens as she realizes something else. "This is how you viewed the other children too, isn't it? That's a shame. Some might have been frightened, but most wanted to be your friends, they were grateful to you for stopping Billy."

"Oh," I whisper, unsure of what to say.

"It's alright, dear," she says, giving me a small hug. "I  suppose that it doesn't matter now, since you're leaving. We're going to miss you."

"I'm...going to miss you too," I say, returning the hug. "And Mrs. Hopper and Mr. Hartworth, and the others. You'll tell them for me, won't you?"

A soft laugh escapes her lips as she lets go. "Of course dear."

I hold Ms. Solis's hand for the last time as we walk out of the orphanage. As we leave the orphanage, I try to remember everything we pass by, from the painting of Mr. Nummer's grandfather to the glimmer of needles still left in the floorboards of the sewing room.

"There, you are," calls Gabriel from the front gate. "Ma and Pa are waiting in the car."

I run towards the Gate but stop halfway to turn back. Ms. Solis watches me with a smile on her face as she stands by the front door of the orphanage. I lift my hand and wave it, saying goodbye to the kind lady. She returns the wave even as I turn back. Passing by the nearby children, some watch with envy or surprise. A few even say goodbye or good luck. I realize that waving hand isn't just a farewell to Ms. Solis anymore, it's to the old manor and its children too.

"Goodbye, good luck!" I call to the other children. It's received with smiles and waves. It really was a shame that I didn't try harder to make friends. Reaching the gate, I turn around to see it all one last time.

"Ready?" Gabriel says, offering his hand.

"Yeah."

I'm going to miss this place, Heidi sighs.

It's been our home for three years, Jacquelyn mumbles. Of course it's hard to believe that we're leaving it.

I wonder how the other orphans felt when they left. Were they happy because they were getting a new family, or were they sad because they were leaving their friends? Maybe it was for the better that I didn't make any then. My train of thought leads me to another idea, one that makes me stop in my tracks.

"I hope that I don't lose this new family," I mumble.

"Hmm? Is something wrong?" Gabriel asks concernedly.

"It's nothing," I say quickly, walking faster.

I catch a glimpse of his worried face out the corner of my eye as we get into the car, but he doesn't question it."If you say so."

Come on, let's just try to enjoy this. We can't do anything about it now, anyway.

Yeah, cheer up! It can't be that bad.

Don't jinx it now, Heidi.

'Alright,' I smile. I might as well as be happy while I can.

But as the scenery passes by the window, I still can't help but wonder when the next tragedy will come.

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A/N: Wow. Never thought I'd make a chapter with over 7000 words in it, but I guess I just did. Sorry for the long wait, but my mom has just given me a quota of only 4hours of playing electronics because she fears for my eyesight. Well, my brother has too, but it's going to make things a lot slower since writing takes time, especially when on an IPad mini with a cracked screen. In other news, I don't think that three chapters will be enough for this thing, so the others stories are going to be delayed somewhat. Honestly though, if you really want something else, just mention it in the comments. I can try to work on that one instead and just fix the order later. If not, well, I'll just continue while following the order of the songs/poems/I'm not entirely sure anymore what they are.

I guess the first two chapters of Jacquelyn and Heidi are more for the purpose of backstory and a bit of how the voices interact with the protagonist. Sorry if they don't seem consistent with the last one but it's been a while and I type mostly at night.

Goodbye, readers, see ya next time!