Heheh I love incorrect quotes so much adhfhsoahdokjdhsjkafhkh-

~

Lightbulb: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea.

Microphone: Well then whose is it?

Lightbulb, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

~

Microphone: Are you trying to seduce me?

Lightbulb: Why, are you seducible?

~

 Microphone: Bro-

Lightbulb: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Lightbulb: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

~

 Lightbulb: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free: pouring river water in your socks!

Microphone: Why would I do that?

Lightbulb: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free!

~

Microphone: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn't see their reflection?

Lightbulb: I've never considered it but you're really shining light on what's probably a very serious issue.

~

 Lightbulb: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play?

Microphone: Did you just make that up?

Lightbulb: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Microphone:

Lightbulb: A really long fortune cookie.

~

 Microphone: Lightbulb, is that my mug you're drinking out of?

Lightbulb: No, it's mine.

Microphone: It... looks just like the one I have...

Lightbulb: You don't have one like this anymore.

~

 Lightbulb: I just drank a lego piece.

Microphone: ...what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid?

Lightbulb: Yes.

Microphone: Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?!

Lightbulb: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?

Nah cuz this one feels so canon-

~ 

Lightbulb: Microphone, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!

Microphone: Rebuke? Is that a word?

Lightbulb: You have all invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!

Microphone: What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?

~

 Lightbulb: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Microphone: Sure!

Microphone: Whats your favorite color?

Lightbulb, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

~

 Microphone: An Apple a day keeps the Doctor away!

Lightbulb: An Apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

~

 Microphone: Last week, Lightbulb tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".

~

Lightbulb: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Microphone: wHat?

Lightbulb: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Microphone: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

~

 Lightbulb: My only talent is being stress.

Microphone: Don't you mean stressed?

Lightbulb: No.

~

Lightbulb: Why does nobody tell me when people come over? I came downstairs singing All Star while wearing a "say hey if you're gay" shirt and boxers!

Lightbulb: Everyone was there. EVERYONE! Including Microphone!

Lightbulb: They saw.

~

 Lightbulb: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Microphone, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

~

 Microphone: I can't believe we have to be stuck in this room together!

Lightbulb, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.

~

Microphone: Lightbulb, we tried things your way.

Lightbulb: No, we didn't.

Microphone: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

~

 Lightbulb: Microphone told me to stop being immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

But then Mic gives in to the temptation to be a kid again and joins Lightbulb in the fort. WAIT THIS COULD BE A STORY-

~

Microphone: If I didn't know better, Lightbulb, I'd say you were scared.

Lightbulb: Heh, scared?

*absolute silence*

Lightbulb: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

~

 Lightbulb: Do you know a turtles only weakness?

Microphone: No... well, their slowness.

Lightbulb: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.

Lightbulb: Now I have a plan.

Lightbulb: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

~

 Lightbulb: Everything's fine, Microphone.

Microphone: Lightbulb, I know your relationship with the english language is strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT'S NOT FINE.

~

Microphone: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.

Lightbulb: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.

Microphone: ...

Microphone: You mean ring bearER, right?

Lightbulb: ...

Microphone: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding. 

This quote is a sequel to the proposal oneshot because I said so. And no one can tell me otherwise!!

~

Lightbulb: Microphone, you're offered 500,000 dollars, but, if you accept it, the person you hate the most in the world gets 1,000,000 dollars. Would you take it?

Microphone: Of course! I mean, why wouldn't I want 1,500,000 dollars?

This feels canon, if you remember what Mic apparently wrote in her diary (when Taco read the diary and said words that Mic had written abt herself like "annoying", "harmful", etc. GIRL FUCKING HATED HERSELF FOR LOSING SO MUCH-

~ 

Microphone: Lightbulb...

Lightbulb: Oh no, 'Lightbulb' in B flat.

Lightbulb: You're disappointed.

~

 Lightbulb: I'm so excited!

Microphone: We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...

Lightbulb: And have the biggest stomach aches ever!

Microphone: Yeah!

~

 Lightbulb, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Microphone: Do you think other people can't hear you?

~

 Lightbulb: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!

Microphone: Lightbulb-

Microphone: It- it was just an ant-

~

*Lightbulb falls over*

Microphone: Lightbulb! Are you alright?

Lightbulb: Is that you, God?

Microphone: What?

Lightbulb: It's just, you sound a lot more like Microphone than I expected.

~

 Microphone: Heyyy Lightbulb, how's your... drink??

Lightbulb: What do you mean drink? It's coffee.

Microphone: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker*

Lightbulb: *Looks to coffee maker*

*Cement sitting beside the coffee maker*

Lightbulb:...I'm on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead

~

 Lightbulb: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Microphone: Please, just say fuck.

~

 Microphone: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Lightbulb: Awww, thanks-

Microphone: That's not a good thing.

Lightbulb: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.

~

 Lightbulb: If I run and leap at Microphone, they will most certainly catch me in their arms.

Lightbulb, running towards Microphone: Coming in!

Microphone: No! I'm holding coffee!

Microphone: *Drops coffee and catches Lightbulb*

~

 Lightbulb: Who hurt you?

Microphone: *snorting* What, do you want a list?

Lightbulb: ...Yes, actually.

~

 Microphone: Lightbulb, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.

Lightbulb: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

~

 Lightbulb: It's alright, we have salt packets.

Lightbulb: Not the ones that snap in half, but sure.

~

 Lightbulb: Okay, two person huddle.

Microphone: You can't huddle with two people. This is just a hug. 

~

Alr that's it for now!!! I am planning on either making a story where Lightbulb runs away from her abusive parents (it's a headcanon of mine) or Mic and Lightbulb building a fort or smth. Welp, we'll see. I'm leaning towards the last one tho.

Welp, stay tuned!