I have wrote this in 2017, six months after losing my dad to ALS. I was in a darker place then, so if you get easily triggered by depressing shit, just skip this!

I just wanted to know.. how am I still alive?

Its pretty much six months. I know to everyone, that may be annoying. Both to real people I know, and any internet friends, but six months from a death means a lot. Especially if it's a family member.
Six months is half a year. It means that time is passing too quickly. I am scared of that. Soon that six months will turn into a year. Then five years.

I am now just realizing how much has happened over the last year.

I really am surprised that I am still alive. Meaning I haven't killed myself yet.

And I'm trying so hard not to. I don't want my family, friends, and just people in general to think that I'm that type of girl. That one teenage girl who just cuts herself and whines about pathetic life. I don't want to become that. I really am trying hard not to dig myself a hole.

Why do I even have to act all 'strong' and tough for..?
I mean, I deal with school stresses, home stresses, hell, I barely even hang with friends do I avoid stresses from them. Self identity, a few family members dying, and my own parent slowly dying. I mean... I had to become a nurse in just a few weeks.

Just ugh, why do I have to think all of this and stress myself out.
Anyways.. I really wanted to get that out, and it made me feel better that I wrote this.

(Will probably delete this later)