(UhhhHhHhhh... Idk... I just like this song and I haven't been feeling the.. happiest or best lately, uh yeah)

TW: Self harm

(Please don't hurt yourself, you matter more than this one shot.)

Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.
Five on each wrist.

Brendon shakily drops the blade into the sink and he steps back. He looks at the cuts on his wrists and he lets out a quiet sob.

'You said it would be the last time so long ago... god, you're pathetic.'

He softly cries as all these thoughts race through his head.

'You lied to him.'

'You said you'd quit, so much for that right?'

'You're pathetic, worthless even.'

He grips the sink tightly and hangs his head. He takes in a shaky breath before looking up at himself in the mirror, his cheeks are tear stained, his eyes are red, and his hairs a mess, not to mention the blood dripping from his wrists.

Few of the cuts are deep enough that gentle streams of blood are flowing down his arm and onto the counter. A habit he had was to start off gently and then cut deeper and deeper as he went up his arms. Whatever he did to one arm, he did to the other.

Brendon shakes his head and reaches for a towel. He soaks it in water and gently begins dabbing his cuts with it until they're hardly bleeding.

Once he's done this, he grabs his bandages and quickly wraps up both of his wrists securely. He's still shaking as he does so but tears are no longer rolling down his cheeks.

He grabs his black sweatshirt that he's left hanging over the bathtub and he quickly slips it on, pulling the sleeves down over his hands to cover the bandages.

Okay fine, it was Dallon's hoodie that he'd stolen a long time ago but Dallon hadn't realized, so as far as he was concerned, it was his.

He'd always worn long sleeves no matter how hot he was, it didn't matter to him as long as he could hide his cuts. He also never took his shirt off in front of any of his friends, even his boyfriend.

Brendon had seen his boyfriend shirtless but never has anyone seen him. He felt bad about it but he didn't want people to be worried about him if they saw the bandages on his wrists or even the small cuts or scars he had up his arms or thighs.

Nobody knows about his cutting, not even his boyfriend and he plans to keep it that way.

What they don't know can't hurt them, right?

He didn't want them to think he just wanted attention out of it, everyone wants attention at some point in life.

He cut because it was the only way to make him feel satisfied. He wanted to feel pain.

He has numerous scars all up his arms, and some down his thighs. His old scars are so faint that no one could even see them unless they looked hard enough. So far no one had looked hard enough.

He was clean from it for several years, only did he actually do it in high school. But now, it had sadly become a regular thing.

He'd always repeat the words, 'This is the last time, I promise.'

But never did he actually stick to his promise.

He had everything he ever wanted, an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, you name it, and he probably had it or was satisfied without it.

His boyfriend, Dallon, was absolutely amazing. God, he was perfect. There is literally nothing wrong with him, at all.

He's supportive and is always there whenever Brendon needed him.

Brendon needed him now, badly.

But he wasn't going to tell him about this, this was the one thing he swore never to tell Dallon. Otherwise, he would tell him everything.

He didn't want Dallon to worry about him, he didn't want to wreck his smile.

He knew if he did tell him, he would be concerned and he didn't want to face the fact that he would be the reason Dallon was upset.

So, he kept his mouth shut and said nothing, only would he cut in the middle of the night or when Dallon had to go to work.

He cleans up the small droplets of blood around the sink before quickly fixing his hair the best he could.

He grabs his phone from the other side of the counter and he turns it on, glancing at the time.

2:45 AM.

If he was lucky, Dallon wouldn't be up, but if he wasn't lucky, Dallon would've woken up when he left the bed.

He sighs and fixes his hair one last time before he grabs the blade and wipes the small amount of blood off of it. He then grabs an empty pill bottle and drops it in it, quickly shoving the bottle in the farthest corner of the cabinets.

He makes sure larger items are covering it or sitting in front of it so that it's not noticeable whenever you open the cabinet.

Once he's sure it's well hidden he quickly washes the towel of his blood the best he can. There is some still left but, it couldn't be that noticeable, right?

He folds it and also tucks that into the back of the cabinet, making sure it's also unnoticeable.

Brendon splashes a bit of water in his face to try and make it look like his eyes weren't as puffy and red as they really were.

He dries off his face and grabs his phone, shoving it in his hoodie pocket before turning the light off in the bathroom and opening the door very slowly.

He manages to get out of the bathroom sneakily and he pads quietly back over to the bed, making no noise as he does.

He lets out a quiet sigh of relief when he sees that Dallon is still asleep in the same position as he was when Brendon got up.

He slowly crawls onto the bed next to Dallon, carefully moving so that he doesn't wake the peaceful man up.

Once he's successfully in the bed, he shifts closer to dallon so that his back is against the taller's chest.

Dallon's arm subconsciously moves to be wrapped around Brendon's waist, and he pulls him even closer if it's possible.

Brendon hums a little sadly, yet contently.

As long as Dallon was happy, he was happy and content, or so he told himself.

His eyes close finally and he's almost asleep before he feels Dallon shift behind him and he feels as though his breathing stops as he tries to lay completely silent, and still.

Dallon buries his face in Brendon's neck and hums a little.

Brendon exhales the breath he didn't know he was holding and he thinks everything's okay.

"Bren?"

Well crap, so much for that.

He tries to remain absolutely still and he closes his eyes, trying to pull off the act that he's asleep.

But of course, Dallon knows better and he places a gentle kiss on the back of Brendon's neck.

"Bren, baby, I know you're not asleep," his voice is soft, quiet, and soothing.

Brendon sighs and just opens his eyes, staring at nothing but black.

"You okay, love? What's up?"

Dallon nuzzles Brendon's neck and tightens the arm he has around his waist. Brendon lets out another shaky breath.

He wants so badly to turn around and hide himself in Dallon's arms, never leaving them. He wants to tell him about what's happening, he wants Dallon to comfort him.

And yet he still says nothing about it.

He was slowly tearing himself apart on the inside but he still chose to tell no one at all. He was very determined to keep this whole situation a secret for as long as he could.

"I-I'm fine, Dall. It's nothing, promise."

Dallon just sits up a little, his face having a worried expression but of course, Brendon can't see that.

"Babe, that was the fakest sentence ever, anyone could tell. Please, just tell me what's up."

Brendon shakes his head no and continues staring into nothing but the black of the room.

"It's nothing. I'm fine, I swear."

Dallon just sighs and Brendon then feels extremely bad. He could tell Dallon was upset by the way he got quiet and just went back to holding him silently.

Brendon then makes a bold move for himself and he turns around in Dallon's arms, hiding his face in Dallon's bare chest and tucking his arms in between them.

Dallon's clearly taken aback for a second but he quickly holds Brendon close and kisses his head.

Brendon sniffles quietly and lets out a soft cry.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I d-didn't w-wanna, I don't know why I-," he was cut off by his own sobs and Dallon just sits up against the headboard, pulling Brendon against his chest.

He reaches over and switches on the lamp on their bedside table, before putting all his focus on the boy in his lap.

Brendon just continues to sob and he hides his face in Dallon's chest. Dallon starts to rock a little in attempts to get Brendon to calm down.

"I-I'm so s-sorry! I-I'll s-stop! P-Please.. don't l-leave me.."

Dallon was slightly confused but he wasn't focused on that, he was focused on calming his boyfriend down.

"Baby, Hey, hey, it's okay. Calm down, just take in a few breaths," he rubs Brendon's side soothingly and the smaller starts to calm down a bit.

"There ya go, that's my boy," Dallon kisses his cheek as Brendon calms down all the way, though a few tears still fall down his cheeks.

"Now, just tell me whatever happened when you're ready, you don't even really have to tell me if you don't wanna, okay?"

Brendon nods and wipes his eyes a little as he completely regains his normal breathing.

Instead of actually verbally telling Dallon what was wrong, he just pulls down his hoodie sleeves to reveal his bandages that in some spots, have blood that's bled through them.

Dallon's eyes widen and Brendon can hear him lightly gasp as he caresses his wrist.

"Baby..."

"I-I'm sorry.."

Dallon lifts Brendon's chin up slowly so that their eyes meet. Brendon notices how Dallon's eyes look glossy like he's about to cry.

"Listen to me, don't ever do this again. Come talk to me okay? You don't need to hurt yourself, come talk to someone.. please baby.. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you," Dallon's voice got a lot quieter at the end and he just goes completely silent as he just holds Brendon tightly.

Brendon nods against his chest and he sniffles a little.

"I'm so s-sorry.."

Dallon just shakes his head and shushes him.

"Honey, don't apologize, okay? I'm just glad you're okay and that you didn't do anything worse. But please, if you feel like doing this again come talk to me."

Brendon nods again and cuddles a little more into Dallon, his eyes closing as he listens to the steady rhythm of the taller's heartbeat.

"Bren, baby, how long has this been going on for?"

Brendon's breath hitches a little and he sighs a little before mumbling out, "T-Three years.. I used to only do it and high school and then I was c-clean for like a y-year. After I g-graduated it got m-more c-common.."

Dallon lays back down with Brendon still on his chest. He starts to gently card his fingers through Brendon's fluffy hair to make him fall asleep.

"I love you baby boy, don't forget that."

Brendon smiles and lazily mumbles out an "I love you too".

Dallon smiles at that and just continues carding his hand through Brendon's hair. He reaches back over and turns off the lamp before sighing contently and closing his eyes.

Brendon by now has fallen asleep on top of Dallon and he rises and falls along with Dallon's breathing. He still has a small smile on his face but it's mostly hidden by his sleeves.

Dallon stays up and makes sure that Brendon doesn't wake up once again.

Once he's positive he's not waking up, he slowly lets himself drift off to sleep, listening to the sound of both their heartbeats and Brendon's gentle breathing.

(Hey lovelies so I dunno about this one XD I just had an idea and went with it no matter how sad it was. I hope you enjoyed!
-xXCollarFullXx)