(This has Christmas stuff in it because I can.. and I wanna.. so there.. hope you enjoy!

The other song that was not written by Dallon is above!)

When Brendon received the news, he was absolutely broken.

His husband had gone out to serve in the military three years ago. Three years ago he said he'd come back.

They should've known you can't predict the future.

Brendon thought it was unfair. His husband had done nothing to ever deserve death, he had never done anything to even deserve being harmed.

He had always said he'd be with Brendon whenever he needed him, but where was he now?

Brendon laid in bed every night and just sobbed. He couldn't believe the love of his life was dead. He wouldn't believe it.

Their young daughter would always ask about him, but Brendon just had no answer. He couldn't figure out a way to tell her, let alone figure out a way to make himself believe it was real.

He told himself that everything was alright and that his husband was fine. It helped him get through it easier, but he was still broken. Their daughter also helped, she had no idea what was happening, but she knew that her dad was upset.

Whenever he received his husbands possessions he broke a little more.

Their little girl was currently with Brendon's sister, and he was glad she was. He didn't want her to see him cry.

He dug through the box, most of it looked to be a little burned but you could still tell what it was. Brendon searched through the box, taking everything out and looking over it, one item at a time.

Eventually he came across a small book. It's edges had signs of burning but it was mostly in good condition.

Taped onto the cover was a small heart shaped paper, and Brendon was immediately able to identify what it was.

It was a note that he had written to his husband the day he left. The day he said he'd come back.

Brendon tears up a bit at this, but he opens the book. On the front page there's pictures from their wedding, them together, and a few of friends and family.

He flips the page again and theres nothing on it so he skips a few pages.

After a few pages, he finds a page with writing on it. The page is full of neat words, and he runs his fingers over it before his eyes scan the page.

It has no year, only the month and day, so he has no idea how old it is, but he honestly didn't care. He sits back on the couch, making himself comfortable before he reads the words.

Dear diary, June 20th

Proper way to start, right? I mean.. I don't know but that's what we're going with. Anyways, I hate this. I hate it so much. I want to go home. I want to get away from all of this. I want to go home and see my baby again. God, I love him so much. I've been here for almost two years, as a matter of fact, around Christmas it'll be two years, and I still miss him a little more everyday. I can't wait till I get to go back home, but for now I guess I'll just write my feelings away.

-Dallon Weekes

Brendon sighs a little before he moves on to the next page. It has writing but underneath all of it, it appears to have song lyrics.

Dear diary, July 1st

I've neglected writing in this, I have no idea why. I guess it just makes me even more upset than I already am.
I still hate this, and I still wanna go home. I'm willing to fight for other people but that doesn't mean I have to like it, and believe me I don't. I want to go home and be able to see Brendon again.. I miss him so much.. sure we get to call each other and everything, but I still miss him. Talking to him over a screen isn't the same as talking to him in person.
-Dallon Weekes

Love at first sight

Could this be love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
You're photogenically dressed
The conversation begins.
Oh god, now what did I say?
Let me start over again.

Could this be love at first sight— oh wait, I said that before.
I need a place for the night
Happy to sleep on the floor.
But don't go out of your way
And I won't talk anymore

Turn the lights off, I'm in love.

Wouldn't you like to, wouldn't you like to kiss her?
Wouldn't you like to, wouldn't you like to dance with her?

Darkened nights and violent things
Vaudevillian girls and violin strings
All of these things are the prettiest things when I'm in love.

Brendon sucks in a shaky breath.

Dallon used to always write him songs and he loved them. He sighs and he flips to the next page but more words catch his eyes.

They're more lyrics, and presumably the end of the song on the previous page.

Turn the lights off, I'm falling in love with you.
Wouldn't you like to, wouldn't you like to kiss her?
Wouldn't you like to, wouldn't you like to dance with her,

Dark, dark nights and violent things
Vaudevillian girls and violin strings
All of these things are the prettiest things when I'm in love.

Brendon smiles a little and he continues on to the next page, not even noticing the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Dear diary, July 3rd

You get the drill, I still hate this. But I am pushing through. I've found that writing songs helps a bit with the pain. My "friends" say I'm silly for it, but at least it helps. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, I miss home. I miss my bed, my house, my shower, MY husband. I miss it all and yet I'm still stuck here. They said I might get to go home around Christmas, so I'm looking forward to that.
- Dallon Weekes

Brendon shakes his head and he continues right on to the next page.

Dear diary, July 30th-August 15th

I've been back and forth writing this one. I've been distracted and I've almost forgotten about this thing. We're closer to Christmas at least, closer to the time I may get to go home. I don't really have much to say anymore, it seems like the same thing everyday. I've also had no motivation to write songs, I have no ideas. I'll try to get back in the swing of writing these, they still help.
- Dallon Weekes

Dear diary, August 20th

I have more ideas for songs now, they won't have music or anything but I still have words and tunes in my head. I've realized most of these songs are for Brendon. I miss being able to write him songs and see the way his eyes light up whenever I sing to him. I still sing to him over call if he's having a rough day, I know how anxious he can get. He constantly tells me how soothing my voice is to him, so I sing to him and help him fall asleep. I miss him so much. I can't wait to be able to kiss his lips again, but for now I'll have to keep waiting.
-Dallon Weekes

All of the next few pages up until November are song lyrics. Brendon reads each song carefully, but one in particular catches his eye.

Valentine

Its often told
December's cold
And January too
And February starts that way
'Til I get home to you

Valentine
Would you be mine?
If the circumstances would align
'Cause I'll be waiting on you
'Til the sky turns black
Give me a heart attack
Valentine

Valentine, if I make
I like to rewind
Back to the day
When we were so very young
Oh, I'll be waiting on you 'til the sky turns black
Give me a heart attack
Valentine

Valentine

Brendon remembers Dallon singing that song to him over call. It was very sweet and he even remembers crying a little.

Dear diary, November 24th

Well, about a month away from Christmas. They haven't said anything else about me going home and it's worrying me... I know I haven't really written anything besides songs but I just really have nothing to say. I'm glad I have more ideas for songs, you can tell that they really help. I've sung over half of them to Brendon over call and he loves all of them. His eyes sparkle and he gets a cute little excited expression whenever he listens to me. I'm infatuated by him, he's my light in the dark. I can't wait to be able to hold him, kiss him. Hopefully that'll be sometime soon..
                                             -Dallon Weekes

Dear diary,                                     December 4th

It's so close to Christmas and I feel like my hearts going to beat out of my chest. I hopefully get to see my baby soon! I've talked to him about it and he's just excited as I am. I can't wait to see his pretty little face again. I can't wait to hold him in my arms and protect him. I love him so, so, so, much. It might not even be healthy anymore. God, I might scream when I see her, OUR daughter.. I can't wait. Brendon's told me all about her and I can't wait to meet her, I know I'm gonna love her so much. We've been trying to adopt for so long, it seems like all my dreams are coming true.
                                                   -Dallon Weekes

Dear diary,                                   December 10th

We're so close I might scream. I want to see him so badly, he's all I think about. I just want to see him in person, I realize I took that for granted when I actually was with him. I'll never do that again. He's so beautiful, sweet, caring, and just all round amazing. I'm so glad he's my husband and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, forever and always. I miss my daughter as well.. she's gorgeous, and so young.. she deserves to have both of her fathers with her. I can't wait to meet her for the first time. She's absolutely precious. Brendon generally seems happier now that she's with him, that's all I could ask for.
                                      -Dallon Weekes

Brendon smiles as he reads over the next pages, silent tears still roll down his cheeks. All of the next few pages were Dallon ranting about how much he loved Brendon and how excited he was about meeting their little girl.

Brendon's mood drops once again as he sees the next one, he remembers it vividly.

Dear diary,                                 December 20th

They lied. They lied so freaking much. They told me I would go home, they told me I'd see them for Christmas! So much for that! I should've known, I should've know from the beginning that they were just saying that. I just want to see them.. god, why did they do this to me? They know how much they mean to me! They've seen the wedding ring I never take off, and they decide to do this? I hate them. I hate them so much.
                                                  -Dallon Weekes

Dear diary,                                    December 24th

I have nothing to say. Nothing I want to say. I just hope Brendon and Amelie are having a good Christmas.

Brendon sees two song titles written neatly under his words. He reads over them carefully.

Christmas drag

Another Christmas without you
That makes it two in a row
Just wrap me up like a present
I'll tie you up with a bow
I'll just stay gone until New Years
Or I won't come back again
Oh, how I wish it was last year
When we were still best friends

Christmas is a drag sometimes
Please say next you that you will be mine
And all you've got to do
Is say that I love you

And Christmas next year will be fine
Christmas is a drag sometimes
Please say next year that you will be mine
And all you've got to do
Is say that I love you

And Christmas this year will be fine
Will be fine
It will be fine
It'll be so fine, fine, fine

(A/N this next song is not by Dallon but it makes me cry and I love it soo.. its here now. It talks about praying and stuff)

Camouflage and Christmas lights

Another year has come and gone
And he's still there holding on
To his rifle and a picture of his kids
Sayin' it's a holiday
But it sure don't feel that way
I don't think Jesus meant for it to be like this

A paper star on a plastic tree,
Cotton snow in a manger scene
He'll do the best he can to make it feel like home
Turkey dinner on paper plates,
Sergeant bows his head to pray
Boom box playing silent night,
Camouflage and Christmas lights

His families up on the hill by now
Bundled up and sledding down
Catching snowflakes on the edge of their tongues

Standing up at the top of the hill would be
The prettiest girl he's ever seen
Whispering a quiet prayer for everyone

A paper star on a plastic tree,
Cotton snow in a manger scene
He'll do the best he can to make it feel like home
Turkey dinner on paper plates,
Sergeant bows his head to pray
Boom box playing silent night,
Camouflage and Christmas lights

Some say he's a hero, but he's just a dad
Who's just trying to protect the most precious thing he has
Someday he'll be home again,
His world will be right
But for tonight...

A paper star on a plastic tree
Cotton snow in a manger scene,
He'll do the best he can to make it feel like home
Turkey dinner on paper plates
Sergeant bows his head to pray,
Boom box playing silent night,
Camouflage and Christmas lights

Thank god it's a silent night..
Camouflage and Christmas lights

Amelie, Brendon, I love you. Merry Christmas my loves.

Brendon breaks out into a full on sob as he finds that those two songs, and the little note, were the last things he wrote in the journal.

He frantically flips through the pages, trying to find something, anything else while tears still stream down his face. He finds nothing and he places the book down beside him, crying into his hands.

"W-WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?! Y-YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE H-HERE!" Brendon sobs out, his voice already sounding hoarse.

"W-Why..?! Why D-Dallon why?" He curls up a little, squeezing his eyes shut tightly trying to stop his tears.

His daughter was staying with his sister for the night so he could cry as much as he wanted too. He could do anything at this moment and no one would be there to stop him.

He finally gains enough strength to take the box of Dallon's things upstairs and to his dresser. He sets the box down in front of his dresser and he takes the journal and puts it on his bedside table.

He collapses on the bed, pulling Dallon's pillow to his chest. It still somewhat smelt like him, so he found some comfort in that. He curls up more and just sobs into the pillow.

"I l-love you D-Dallon.. so m-much.. F-Forever and a-always..."

(Wow okay.. XD I was actually thinking about making this a full book, except instead of just the diary writings, it would be Dallon's letters to brendon and he wouldn't be dead. Idk what do you think?
                                            -xXCollarFullXx)