fellas i wanna die lolol

heres a r t

kinda old but its all good

its from december LMAO

y'all uhh follow me on instagram i dont know why the fuck i even go on wattpad anymore tbh

im fuckign depressed gamers

i desire antidepressants

and death

mostly death lolol am i an edgy cool teen now

maybe i can actually make some fUCKING friends because i am tiRED of not having any

i miss my old high school

other than having alec i actually hate my school so fucking much its not even funny how much it makes me wanna kill myself

my mom said she felt bad about making me transfer like lol bitch u should

even though i was still depressed as hell at cv i still felt like i was in a place i belonged

the people there were so similar to me

and i had this group of friends i joined and they were so welcoming

they helped me forget about how badly my mental and physical health was deteriorating

but now im at a different school

a school that is filled with people who are just carbon copies of one another

they all look and act exactly the fucking same i dont??? get it??

my mom tried to hype up the school by saying it was super diverse but haha it indeed is! but its still full of people i hate

talking to people other than alec makes me so anxious now

i feel like i cant trust them

haha @ chloe thanks for ruining my mental health by making me have trust issues and severe insecurities!!

dont u just love when your best friend and first love goes and spreads rumors about you, calls you a slut, then tries to push the blame onto someone else bc i sure do!!!

i havent talked to her since christmas eve but im still not over it

i have no idea what people are sayying about me since its going around at a different school and it makes me so anxious

im crying

my eating habits are falling back to where they were in 8th grade and i dont know what to do

it took so long to fix them

i keep getting dizzy and light headed at random times from little to no exercise

i used to think it was from malnutrition since i was kinda malnurished back in 8th grade

but it aint from malnutrtion bc im not malnurishED ANYMORE

and its not from sleep deprivation since i actually do get enough sleep practically every night

im still always tired though cause ya know

depression

next next day:

heard my brother and dad on the phone having a lil conversation about how fucking BROKE my ass is

yes we know i have no money i get iT

my dad is pushing me to finish this commission by saying "i aLreAdy pAId yOu wHY iSnT iT doNe yEt???"

like bitch FIRST OF ALL

lining and coloring a drawing that size takes a LOt of time

i also have fucking school to take care of as well as unmedicated depressiom

also bitch u were supposed to pay me up front not after i finished the sketch what the fukc

i am so fucking depressed i am astounded that i am still capable of doimg homework and going to school just be grateful i havent offed myself yet like i planned to

depression has literally taken over my entire life and caused me countless mental breakdowns from a mix of stress and unmotivation but its fine!! i'll just get the commission done!!!

im honestly surprised i havent committed toaster bath yet tbh