im literally reading a wikihow article on how to stop having existential crises lmao

seriously though my existentialism is starting to consume my life and voiding myself of purpose so i kinda need to get that fixed so i can function as a human being ya feel

heres arcano in a monochrome color pallette

this was a hard challenge and fucked with my eyes but i like it

next next day:

i sit here and think "you know i could do my homework or i could work on this drawing thats gonna make wyld like super happy so yOU KNOW WHICH ONE IM GONNA DO-"

i love when people try to give me existential crises but dont really know what they are so they just ask me stupid "hits blunt" kinda questions

like jfc dude thats not what an existential crisis iS

gimme something about what nothing truly is because outside the universe theres just nothing but wtf is nothing i dont-

or something about the ever expanding universe and our lack of purpose

sometimes i like to think that theres a beginner artist somewhere out there who tries their very best to replicate my art on a trashy piece of notebook paper with a dull pencil and their hands are covered in graphite and it makes me feel so soft and happy

next next day:

one time my dad was saying how he was so hungry he was starting to feel dizzy and how much he wanted to eat and i just thought

like right now im shaky a dizzy n stuff from lack of food wowza

i just panicked bc i thought it was sunday but its saturday jfc 

it just took me 20 minutes to draw 3 frames of an animatic aka about 8 seconds of the song im doing

aGONY

me trying to learn korean:

sorry for my bad korean handwriting oops

im taking notes and shiz so i can aBSORB THE KNOWLEDGE

next day:

lol its sunday and the anxiety of monday is starting to kick in crying

me: *procrastinating on doing health project by doing math homework*

im actually being productive and doing my work and its really weird

like

"gotta check the homework calender and since i dont really get what this is asking i can ask my teacher about it in the morning since i wasnt here on friday :)" kinda productiveness

like

"oof finished with my thursday math homework, friday's warm-up, notes, and practice problems and my friday homework" kinda productiveness

like

"all i have to do for the project now is print it and glue it on the board which i can do tomorrow morning since the printer's in my brother's room and he's asleep" kinda productiveness

like

"nice i finished a lesson on hanguel and took notes on it" kinda productiveness

im about to have an identity crisis if i keep being this productive

my teacher put the wrong page number of the textbook on the homework calender as well as not mentioning the online assignment she just put a page in our workbook and i feel like for some reason she's fucking with me

i mean

i found the right page and did both the workbook page and the online assignment so i mean-

im so upsetti spaghetti bc i have to read this article about japanese culture aND I ALREADY KNOW MOST OF IT

LITERALLY OTHER THAN EARLY HISTORY AND SOME MINOR DETAILS I KNOW A LOT ABOUT MODERN JAPANESE CULTURE AND MANNERS

IM NOT A PEASANT OR SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WATCHING ANIME FOR 3 YEARS AND WATCHING THE ANIME MAN ON YOUTUBE WHO ACTUALLY TALKS ABOUT REAL-WORLD JAPANESE TOPICS AND I DO MY RESEARCH JFHSHS

wait a minute did i really just spend like 3 hours on homework

ok i took like a 20 minute break to showER but jfc thats a while to be reading aN ARTICLE ABOUT STUFF I KNOW-

next day:

finished my project n stuff oOF

i made a friend on fakku dating LMAO

he says he's 18 so i lied and said im 15 when im actually 14 wowie im such a snek

it was meme day at school so betcha showed up with an empty box of life cereal filled with lemons and a bowl

so she would set the bowl down and pour out all the lemons and say "wELl whEN liFe giVeS yOu leMoNs"

there were some good memes today what a blessing

lmao when you go on fakku dating as a joke and you message a dude on there and you talk  on insta aND HE ACTUALLY ASKS YOU OUT W H AT WHEEZE

i think he assumes bc im v open about sexual stuff he thinks im flirting when in reality im just real chill and i'll show my thigh highs to anyone tbh

im skillful in avoiding topics and he flat out handed me a way to avoid the subject so i yeeted lol im not real intrested nor do i really have time for a relationship rn

i kinda just wanna ya know chiLL and focus on trying to do commission examples n stuff so i can officially open them up and not be broke all the time

im also tryin to learn korean aND improve my work habits at school sO-

tf he tells me his state is "AS" and that aint a state abbreviation so i asked him which state that was and he said arizona excuse me bitCH THAT AINT IT-

this bitch likes milf really dude the daddy kink is wear its at smh

i miss 18 year old UK dude he was a soft boi and wE BONDED OVER DRAWING

at school i didnt have any clothes pockets and i took out my bus pass then realized it was a nice day out so i decided to walk home so i just put my pass in my bra

march 14 is the national school walkout and i heard a rumor that anyone who does the walkout at my school will get suspended but all my friends agreed we'd do it together because my parents would be so proud if i got suspended for a reason like that

i wrote up all my commission info OOF only took me an hour all i have to do now is add some examples bUT ALSO DRAW SOME EXAMPLES-

i didnt work on any korean today oh no

WHY AM I EVEN DRAWING A FULL BODY EXAMPLE I ALREADY HAVE SOME JSHSHSJ

next day:

tfw when you go two days feeling productive and happy then you just get friggin slappED by emotion

the counselor took me out of class for like 3 hours so i missed half of 4th, all of 5th, and half of 6th period yay

shes like "so your teachers are worried about you because of your work ethic and these comments you make like 'nothing really matters'"

there was a fire drill near the end and i ran into joey out there and i had just stopped crying and my face was prolly really flushed and red n stuff and he was in 4th period with me when i got pulled out and he asked me jokingly if i got yelled at for my missing work and i started crying instantly and got in everyone's way of walking

he kinda pulled me forward and grabbed my shoulders and told me i was okay and that sounds harsh or whatever but it wasnt he was really concerned n stuff i have really good friends

almost the instant after i posted an instagram story saying this two people (on was wyld, love you bb) and a girl i hardly talk to asking if i was ok like jfc its weird that people care so much