im tired

i cut my hair again

i had a panic attack last night

that was fun

funky

i feel like im underwater

its really weird

forgot that this is an art book for a second lol heres art

all the drawings are out of order

u guys should uhh follow my instagram bc im mega inactive here

and you can get art without having to deal with my bitching

last time i had a panic attack i called emily

and she helped me calm down

but this time my panic attack was a result of feeling like my life was falling apart

especially since emily is upset with trinity and i right now

whats happening

why is it happening

my world is spiraling and i dont know what to do

everything is spinning

im so tired

i was planning on killing myself january 4th

but i didnt

why didnt i?

i wish i had

i wish i had

sorry

sorry for being such a bother

i'll leave you alone now

who am i even talking to?

im just shouting into a void

im tired of waking up

tired of staring out my window wishing i could be somewhere else

but i dont know where else to be

i want to go back to 2015

yeah haha

thats where i want to be

sorry

im just

idk

grace dont worry about me please

you're like the only one who still reads this thing

life is tiring

i thought for a short while

"hey maybe im getting better"

maybe not killing myself back on january 4th was worth it

but im back

back where i started

on the floor in the dark

i have scratch marks on my neck because i was hyperventilating so badly last night that all i could think to do was to scratch at my throat and face

it worked ig

alec's upset with me

but its okay

i dont want to see anybody

i dont want to see myself