me: yeah i forgot my medicine at mom's house but we can just get some more tomorrow

my dad: um do you want to go to the ER again??? we're getting it today

me: dad when we went to the ER for that it was bc i was off my meds for like 3 weeks-

my dad: dO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE ER AGAIN

me: i dont think this is the same circumstance im certain i'll be fine

my dad: wELL I GUESS YOU WANT TO GO TO THE ER AGAIN

yeezus

anyway heres a drawing of me bc why not

this is how imma start drawing my hair bc its a lot more accurate like i dont have bangs idk why i draw myself with bangs

but since im lazy the cover wont change til next month alrighty??

school starts in three days oh y a y

help mE

next day:

twO DAYS IMMA SCREA M

I HONEST TO GOD TO NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM 8TH GRADE IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS A COUPLE MONTHS AGO THAT I WAS COUNTING DOWN TO THE FIRST DAY OF 8TH GRADE BUT BITCH NOW IM GOING INTO HIGH SCHOOL AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO

life update: i thought my period was over but after i fingered myself i realized my hand was covered in blood whOOPS

hAHA REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I WAS GOING TO SEE PANIC! WELL MY MOM JUST POSTED A PIC OF INSTAGRAM AT THE CONCERT IMMA LOSE IT

i suddenly feel like crying whY AM I SUCH A BABY MY GOD

btw her last text was a reference to this indian dude she used to work with who said it once

also👏dont👏tell👏me👏how👏cool👏the👏concert👏was👏you👏didnt👏take👏me👏

im so salty rn dont even fuckin breathe in my direction

and my friends are mad at me for cancelling unconfirmed plans even tho i have to go to my high school for even more fun registration stuff and shop for school supplies siNCE SCHOOL STARTS IN TWO DAYS

idk why i just suddenly feel really angry and defensive like bitch-

whY am i so depResseD heLP mE

my mom is sending me panic! vids and i cant tell if im happy to see these glimpses or clinically depressed :/

oh my god maria from gentle whispering asmr uploaded please free me from my depressive episode while helping me sleep

next next day:

oh wow its the first day of school and im scare

doin me a frighten

its currently like 5 am since thats when i wake up on school days

im already tired

gosh golly

i am nervous

like

i went the entire summer with very little human interaction and didnt go to very crowded areas and i am just hoping i dont have a panic attack or smth when i get to school

especially since i dont have any friends

i remember last year on the first day i got really anxious and terrified at all the people around me

but it made me feel better when i found my friends to sit with

bUT I DONT HAVE FRIENDS AT THIS SCHOOL SO FINGERS CROSSED THAT I DONT GET MEGA ANXIOUS

i dont have an anxiety disorder (most likely) im just an awkward and scared person

last night when i was getting ready for bed i noticed there was a new dapgames anD a new tøp music vid

i was about to watch them but decided to skeet and watch them in the morning to make me feel better and b0y 0h b0y am i glad i did that nice call past emerson i actually am not scorning you this time

next next day:

i actually had a good time at school and now its the end of friday heck

this teacher came into our class for a sec to make an announcement and he said "hey guys, gals, and nonbinary pals" aND I LOST MY SHIT

AND THE BAND IN THE ASSEMBLY THIS MORNING PLAYED VICTORIOUS BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO FUCKING-

ya'll can i just say how much i love my new school???

its great

the people here are so awesome

we'll see if it changes later in the year

but i have high hopes

sPEAKING OF HIGH HOPES WHEN I WAS WALKING OUT OF AN ASSEMBLY IN THE AFTERNOON YESTERDAY THEY PLAYED HIGH HOPES BY PANIC! AT THE DISCO ON THE SPEAKERS SKDSKDKSKD WEEPING

also in our assembly this morning there were this dancer girls and lemme just say my gay increased by like 10 percent

i was sitting alone at lunch (not sad or anything i just dont have friends yet but i actually dont have too hard of a time making friends) today and just drawin in my sketchbook and this group of guys came up and sat at my table bc ya know it was empty

i drew so much porn during that lunch period and none of them noticed i cant fucking breathe

i do get really tired after school tho its weird

like yesterday i went to bed at 5 pm and woke up at 4 am and now its 5:30 pm and im still tired lol

people are sh00k bc of where i live since i live like twenty minutes away from school which isnt super bad but its still twenty minutes

practicing some foreshortening uwu

next next day:

YA'LL MY FRIEND HAS STARTED CHECKING UP ON ME BC READS THIS AND IS WORRIED ABOUT ME AND LEMME JUST SAY YOU SHOULD GET A FRIEND LIKE THAT

FRIENDS WHO SUPPORT YOU AND TRY TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR MENTAL STRUGGLES ARE THE BEST FRIENDS STAN BEKAH STAN TALENT