Chapter 22 : Regret [edit]
Chapter 22 - Thinking about what I've done to you, I regretted it very much.
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Posted on 16 August 2015
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Enjoy reading~
Woohyun's point of view
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We finally arrived at the hospital after a few minutes.
I quickly jumped out from the ambulance and followed the medic staffs and a doctor that pushing Hana's stroller into the hospital.
My tears flow more and more on my cheeks. Everyone in the hospital stared at me and I dont care at all.
The important thing in my life is Yoo Hana. My one and only and she is here, infront of me but in a worst state I never seen in my entire life.
Hana-ah.. You cant be like this.. P-Please wake up.. T-This is not the 'you'. You're always so cheerful and full of sweet smiles. B-But now.. w-why.. y-you are not even s-smiling and j-just stay still like a froze mannequin..
Again, my tears fell down while followed Hana frozed figure with her eyes closed and bloods all over her. I held her hand tightly. Not even thinking of letting it go.
"Hana.. P-Please.. Wake up.. I-I need you.. P-Please.. I-I'm sorry, Hana..", I cried while said that and put Hana's hand on my right cheek.
We were walking towards a room. I looked up and saw a 'Surgery Room' sign.
"W-Wait.. D-Doctor.. Is she going to be okay? She will, r-right??", I asked in a shaking voice.
My whole body were shaking really bad.
The doctor looked at me with a concerned expression and then he patted my shoulder.
"Lets just pray for her. I cant guarantee anything right now. I'm sorry.", The doctor said then left me all alone then entered the surgery room.
Hana's hand and mine, slowly pulled away as her stroller started to move forward.
I looked at Hana sadly while my tears still flowing on my cheek when I saw her figure entered the surgery room and dissappeared from my sight and the door closed.
No.. Hana..
I started shaking again. A terrified imagination came across my mind.
I ran towards the door and punched it loudly, many times.
"H-Hana! H-H-Hana! N-No.. No! No! You cant leave me! Y-You cant! P-Please! Dont! D-D-Dont l-leave me.. Yoo Hana!", I shouted loudly while crying.
I slided down onto the door. I put my my left cheek against the door.
Tears keep flowing non-stop. And I guess, it never will.
"Hana.. Y-Yoo Hana.. M-My Hana..", I punched the door weakly as my strength started to fade out from my body.
I sniffed then wiped my tears.
"Sir, you cant do this. Please be patient and pray for her, Sir.", I looked up when a nurse came towards me and pulled me up.
I nodded weakly as she helped me took a seat on a chair near the surgery room.
She left me when she saw I already calmed down.
I held my head as it started to get dizzy.
My head already flood with my old memories and it really hard for me to handle..
"H-Hana.. I need you..", I said then looked on my left and stared at the surgery room.
The sign 'Surgery' on top of the room already turned to red color which is mean, the surgery already began.
"God.. p-please.. save her.. s-save her.. P-Please, dont take her a-away from me.. God please.. I am begging you f-for the last time.. P-Please save m-my Yoo Hana..", I said as my voice started to cracked because of too much crying.
I quickly took out my handphone from my jean pocket when I felt it vibrated.
I looked at the screen and I saw Sungjong's name on it.
I slided the green icon and put the phone on my ear.
"Woohyun! Where's Hana? I called her but she didnt pick up. I need to talk to her.", Sungjong said with a cold voice to me maybe he is still mad at me with what has happened for past few days.
I cleared my throat and started sniffing.
"S-Sungjong-ah..", I said then silently cried on the line.
"Y-Yah.. W-Why are you crying?? You scared me.. W-What happened?? Where's Hana?!", Sungjong said on the line and his voice started to get louder.
I took a breathed and exhaled. Tears started forming again in my eyes.
"H-Hana.. s-she..--", I stuttered and cant go on with my words.
"Yah! Tell me what happened! Where are you right now?!", Sungjong got mad on the line.
"I-Incheon Hospital..--", Then, before I could go on with my words, he already hang up and our conversation ended.
I sighed then put my handphone on my pocket back.
I looked at the surgery door again and wiped my tears.
Hana.. please.. wake up..
After a few more hours, the surgery room finally opened and the light turned off, means that the surgery done.
I quickly stood up unpatiently and ran towards the doctor before when I saw he walked out from the surgery room.
"Doc, h-how is it going? S-She's going to be f-fine, right?", I asked the doctor with a worried voice and a shaking hands.
My heart keep beating faster as I waited for the doctor to spoke up.
The doctor looked at me then he pulled down his white mask that covered his mouth.
"She's safe.", The doctor finally said a good news about Hana but his expression was opposite with what he just said.
When I heard the good news, then a really glad, glad, glad smile appeared on my face.
"Thank god.. Hana.. Thank you..", I said while covered my whole face then tears fell from my eyes. A happiness tears.
"B-But..", Suddenly the doctor spoke up and looked very guilty.
W-Why..
"W-Why, doctor?? Is there anything else going wrong with my Hana??", I asked louder as I got very nervous when the doctor looked at me with a guilty expression.
No.. no.. theres nothing more wrong going on with Hana.. No..
"I'm sorry to tell you this but.. Ms.Yoo will be having very difficult to open her eyes, talk, eats and all because she is currently.. in coma.", When the last words escaped from the doctor mouth, I cant feel my body anymore.
My legs gave out. I fell on the floor.
N-No.. t-this is not happening.. n-no.. this is--.. Hana.. I.. No..
"N-No.. N-No.. No.. No..", I kept repeating the same words as my tears flow down crazily on my cheeks.
"No.. Hana.. Y-You cant do this to me.. N-No..", I cried loudly like I am the only one in this world as I feel really empty in my life cuz theres no Yoo Hana in it to cheer my life.
"I'm sorry, sir. I will try my best to cure her so that she will wake up from her coma.", The doctor said leaned in then patted my shoulder as he understand what I feel.
I just nodded weakly then the doctor left me all alone to calm myself.
I blankly stared on the floor as I already sat on the floor.
I braved myself and got up. I still can feel my legs trembling but I ignored it and quickly walked towards Hana's room.
I want to see her. I need to see her.
After a few walks, I finally arrived infront of Hana's room door.
I nervously pulled the knob and revealed Hana's worst state infront of me.
I frozed infront of the door and looked at Hana sadly.
I walked towards Hana then sat beside her bed.
I observed her. There are full with wires around her and there are full of needles on her. Her head is covered with a white bandage. There are so many scars all over her. I can saw her breath in the oxygen scoop that covered her whole mouth.
"Hana, I'm here.", I said while fakingly smile then carrased her cheek smoothly.
I cant hear anything else except just her breath that keep repeating exhale and inhale.
"How are you? Is the surgery hurt? It must be hurt, right? I'm sorry cuz I didnt accompany you during the surgery.", I said again like I'm talking with her.
Still, theres no any response from Hana.
Tears started forming again in my eyes.
I know, I'm not a man today. I keep crying over and over. But I dont feel ashame not even a bit cuz my tears are worth for Yoo Hana. My one and only love.
"Hana, you know, I still remember the first day we met.", I started a conversation with the froze Hana.
I painfully smiled.
"You know, I never tell you about this but, Hana.. when I first saw you, to be really honest, you are the most beautiful and kind person I ever seen. Believe me.", I confessed eventho I know Hana cant hear me.
"That moment when, you cutely stroked a puppy that you just found along the street eventho the puppy was full with dirt and smelly but you dont mind it and smile happily while held the puppy in your arms. Your white school uniform already full with dirts. You gave the puppy your food that suppose to be your lunch. And you keep smiling nonstop while watching the puppy ate.", I said then took a deep breath as I keep talking nonstop.
I then chuckled while carrased her right hand.
"And then, at school, you suddenly bursted into my class with your dirty uniform because of the puppy case earlier. The teacher scolded you because you came late but you just stood there and smiled like an idiot.", I smiled when I remembered about that scene.
"You look so cute that day. Eventho, the others were laughing at you but you cant imagine how bright and bigger my smile was when I was looking at you. I was surprised and never thought that you will be my classmates and that moment was the happiest day in my life. I got the chance to know about you more.", I said then looked at Hana's weak face.
I tugged her hair that fell on her face, behind her ear.
"I'm sorry cuz your first impression of me is not good. I mean, worst. That time, I dont know how to approach you cuz its the first time for me to really got interested in a girl. So, I thought being a badass to you, you will like it.", I said then chuckled again.
I remembered so much things about me and Hana.
"Then, the result I got from you was a slap. W-Well, its my fault too cuz insault you by taking a photo of you when you were sleeping and spreaded it to the school. I spreaded it because I really do think that it was cute. The next day, everyone were laughing at you, not everyone actually, just some of your enemies maybe cuz all of them are girls that you argued from before. They were jealous for sure because everyone else didnt even respond or give any negative reaction about your photo. I told you, you were very cute while sleeping.", I said then smiled painfully while looked at Hana.
Like now.. but I dont like it. The way you are sleeping right now. I really dont. So, please Hana.. wake up.
I held her hand then played with her fingers then I interwhined my fingers with hers.
"Then, the next day you got mad at me and said that you hate me and I am your first enemy you ever made. I was laughing that time and replied I dont care but to be honest, my heart crushed into pieces when I heard that from you. I was supposed to make you fall in love with me but things got twisted. I am so pabbo.", I changed my seat position then sat beside Hana on her bed.
I fixed her blanket so that she didnt feel any cold.
"So, started from that day, I stopped my routine habit and stopped following you and make you annoy. I stopped pissing you off and else. I basically avoided you. Its really hard for me at first cuz its already my habit to argue/fight with you everyday.", I said while still held Hana's hand in mine.
I suddenly laughed then continue my words.
"But, Hana.. I think I already successed in making you to fall in love with me that time. After a few days, I realized that you will always looked at me and prepared to avoid me but I'm the first one to avoided you. You got surprised but I just walked away like we didnt know each other. You seriously need to see your face that time. Hahaha.", I said then put Hana's cold hand on my cheek.
I closed my eyes and let Hana feel my warmth.
"Since that day, I also realized that you keep wanting to talk to me but I ignored you and I didnt thought that it will pissed you off. You're so weird, Hana. I dont know what actually do you want.", I opened my eyes then smiled at her.
The only sounds I heard right now are my voice, her breath and the square machine beside her that keep showing her heart rates.
"The next few days, I took a nap on the rooftop. Suddenly, you bursted in then walked towards me. I shocked and wanna get up but you suddenly pinned me on the floor.", I said as I smiled widely when I remembered about what happened that day.
-Flashback-
My peaceful sleep got disturb when suddenly I heard the door behind me got slammed.
I heard a footsteps coming towards me. When the footsteps coming closer and arrived near me, so, I decided to get up but suddenly someone sat on top of me then pinned me on the floor.
I'm shocked and more surprised when I realized that someone was Yoo Hana. My crush.
"W-What are you doing??", I asked and looked at Hana's face that only separated by a few inches.
My face already got really red.
Aish. What the hell is this girl thinking?? You hurt me yet you still doing this to me? Ugh.
"What the hell ARE YOU thinking?", Hana suddenly asked me with a half angry voice while she pinned my hands on the floor, beside each sides my head.
"Huh? What are you talking about? Let me go, idiot!", I scolded her but actually my heart already raced too fast because of her figure was too close to mine.
I cant take it.. Her scent is really good and nice. Suit her much.
"You're the one who is an idiot! You keep torturing me all the times but then! you suddenly stopped and ignored me. Dont you damn think what I will feel?! Why are you avoiding me so sudden?? I need an answer!", Hana yelled at me then her eyes started forming tears.
W-W-Wait.. why is she crying??
"Y-Yah..--", I stuttered when her tears suddenly fell down exactly on my cheek.
"W-Why.. Why are you doing this to me?? Do you think I'm that easy?? I-I'm not.. I am not.", Hana mumbled while crying but I still could heard her cuz we were too close.
I frozed.
W-What does she mean by that??
"Idiot. Why am I feeling like this?? This is not right! I-I'm suppose to be glad that you're a-away from me.. b-but.. w-why.. why do I keep wanting to see you? Why do I keep wanting to meet you? Why do I feel like.. I miss you..? Why am I feeling this way?! Why?? You answer me, Nam Woohyun! Answer me!", Hana released my hands then started covered her face with her hands while crying and still sat on top of me.
I confused.
Wait.. what.. I.. She.. Do..-- It cant be..
I stared at her that crying on top of me while covered her whole face.
I sat up and automatically Hana was sitting on my laps.
I grabbed her shoulder then hugged her. She was still crying in my arms while sat on my laps. I just patted her back, not knowing what was going on.
I looked at her state. Then, I realized something. I understand now.
I see..
Without my knowing, I suddenly chuckled.
Hana looked up at me.
"Yah! What are you laughing for--", Before Hana could finish her words, I quickly grabbed her head then put it back on my chest.
She struggled but I just let her be.
"I never thought that you will come back in my life. I thought I was going to lose you and I just wanted to give up. I'm glad.. that it was not just a one-side.", I said to her but full with hints.
I like you..
"Y-Yah! What are you--", Hana wanted to look at me but I held her tight in my arms.
"N-No. Dont look at me. I'm in a worst state right now.", I said while hugging her on my laps.
My face got really blushing and really red right now.
Ugh. I dont want her to see me like this. This is so embarrassing..
Suddenly, without my caution, Hana suddenly pulled away and looked at my face.
I quickly looked away although I know its too late.
Shit. She saw me.
I looked at my left side with my really blushing face. My cheeks already felt really hot.
"W-Why are you blushing?", Hana suddenly asked me a question that I really hoped she didnt ask me.
I sighed.
"I-I-It was b-because.. I feel the same way towards y-you.. So.. urm, I actually.. err.. urm I--", I stuttered and searched for a good words.
But then suddenly Hana cupped my face then made me faced her. Our eyes met.
My eyes widen as she leaned in and.. our lips met.
She kissed me, deeply. As I cant hold it anymore, I also immersed into the kiss and kissed her back.
Slowly, my hand went up to her face and cupped her face. Her hands that on my face earlier fell and suddenly hugged my waist.
She still sat on my laps while kissing me.
Her lips.. so sweet. Can a human be.. this sweet?
We were kissing and keep turn our face to opposite directions so that the kiss will get more deep.
After a few minutes of a really long kiss with nonstop, she finally stopped and pulled her lips away from mine.
We both took as many oxygen as we could.
Our breath sounds really unstable.
I looked up at her and surprisingly Hana also looked at me.
We were blushing to death when we remembered what we just do earlier.
"I hate you, Nam Woohyun. I really do.", Hana spoked up then pouted infront of me.
I chuckled.
Can she be more cute than this?
"I know its the opposite one.", I said then gave her my biggest smile ever.
She glared at me.
"I really do hate you."
"I know."
"I hate you."
"I love you too and can you pls get up from me cuz you're so damn heavy, Hana.", I said and yes, I ruined the perfect moment cuz I'm afraid I cant control myself any further.
She widen her eyes as she got up from me.
"I REALLY HATE YOU, NAM WOOHYUN!", Hana shouted at me while walked away.
"I love you too, Yoo Hana!", I said then chuckled.
I looked at her and saw a little smile plastered on her face while she walked towards the door and gone.
"Geez, Yoo Hana. You're so different yet so weird but I really do love you so much. Thank you, Hana..", I mumbled to myself as I got up then stared at the sky above me with a really bright smile.
-Flashback ended-
I chuckled as I sat beside the unconsicious Hana.
"Hey, Hana.. Thank you for always loving me and didnt give up on me. I'm glad you're still there with me eventho I already forgot about you. But, still you strength yourself and believe in me. T-Thank you, Hana.. Thank you.. I am so glad that I met you and I was the one that you love. I am really glad and happy, Hana..", I said while stroked her hair and suddenly, tears forming in my eyes.
I am very glad that you keep your promise and didnt leave me.. I am so happy yet so guilty when I remembered how I treat you and all..
"Hana--", Suddenly the door infront of us slided and Sungjong appeared.
I quickly went down from Hana's bed and walked towards Sungjong with a smile.
My best buddy. I miss you.
I walked towards him as he just stood still infront of the door with a pale expression.
He must be too shock..
I went to him and wanna hug him but suddenly he grabbed my arm and pulled me out from the room.
"Y-Yah, Sungjong.. Why are you--", Before I could finish my words, suddenly Sungjong PUNCHED me on the face.
I felt really unstable and fell on the floor.
"U-Ugh..", I moaned hurt while holding my chin that felt really hurt because of Sungjong's punch.
I looked at Sungjong that already glared at me.
"Yah! What are you thinking you were do--", Again, my words got cut by Sungjong with a yell.
"YOU! STOP COMING CLOSER TO HANA! I WARN YOU, NAM WOOHYUN!", Sungjong yelled at me then gave me a really dead glared.
Everyone near us already stared at us and give us a look.
"W-What are you talking about?! Its my property to visit her and always be by her side! She needs me!", I shouted too and glared at Sungjong.
Whats wrong with this guy?! Hana needs me!
"Tch. She need you? No. Not anymore! YOU ALMOST KILL HER! And you want to bring about a property here? Tell me, Nam Woohyun! Do you really deserve that after what you've done to Hana?! Just look at her! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!", Sungjong gone wild and got really mad at me.
He said that while pointed at Hana that still laying on the bed like nothing happen around her with her eyes closed.
I looked at Hana and automatically, my angry feeling fade away and a really guilty yet hurt expression replaced it.
"Hana..", I mumbled Hana's name while looked at her worst state.
"Ugh! J-Just please, Nam Woohyun! Go away from her! Stop hurting her anymore! This is what you want, right? See, its as you wish. Now please, I warn you! STAY AWAY FROM HANA!", Sungjong said while look really frustated as he walked into the room and closed the door.
No.. No.. This is not what I want.. You are wrong, Sungjong. You are wrong.
I quickly walked towards the door and spin the knob but its locked.
"Yah! Sungjong! Open up! I need to see Hana! She need me! She need me by her side! Open up!", I knocked the door loudly until I forgot that I'm in a hospital.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I looked behind me and there were a few security stopped infront of me.
"Sir, you cant do this here. Please, get out as I still using a nice way.", One of the security said while asked me to get away from Hana's room.
"N-No! My girlfriend is inside here! I cant go anywhere! No!", I replied then quickly turned around and knocked the door gradually.
"Yah!! Lee Sungjong! Open this door right this instant! Hana needs me! You cant do this Sungjong! Open up!", I shouted loudly as my eyes started forming tears again.
I cant go anywhere when Hana is in this state. She needs me. I need to always be by her side. I cant leave her like this!
"Shut up! Its all your fault she is in this worst state, Nam Woohyun! If you didnt ignore her and treat her in a bad way, this will not happen! Never happen! This is all YOUR FAULT!", I heard Sungjong shouted back from indoor.
Ugh. I felt a sharp pain in my heart.
Its felt like I got stab thousand times. Sungjong words really hits me this time.
I stopped knocking and the securities started pulled me away from Hana's room and walked me to the front door of the hospital.
I nodded at them as I shived their hands away.
They get away from me and doing back their job.
I plainly stood there and my tears fell.
Its all my fault.. Its all my fault until Hana's in this state and in coma.
"I-Its all my fault..", I said between crying soundly.
I sat on one if a bench in the near park.
"Its all my fault.. If only I didnt treat her that way.. If only I chase her before she got into the accident..", I sniffed when I find myself as a burden to Hana.
"... If only, I didnt forget about Hana.. I-I only.. I didnt get an a-amnesia.. everything would be fine.. all of t-this wouldnt happen..", I mumbled to myself as tears keep flow down again.
I covered my whole face with my hands. I cried soundly.
This is all your fault, Nam Woohyun. This is all your fault..
*****
I tiptoed and sneaked into Hana's room quietly.
I looked around and glad that Sungjong already went home.
I looked at Hana and she just like the last time I saw her. Lay on the bed like a frozen stone.
I went to her then painfully smiled.
"I'm back.", I said while carrased her cheek smoothly.
"Sorry for leaving you for awhile Hana. I try to calm myself and thinking logicly. I came to a conclusion. No matter what, I cant leave you. You're so important to me and moreover, you really need me in this state. I wont leave you. No, I cant leave you.", I said then sat beside her on the bed.
She still breathing normally eventho she unconcisious. And that was the best thing I seen today and glad that she didnt leave me.
Fight it, Hana. You cant leave me without my permission. I still want to say a lot of things to you. You cant leave me hanging like this. Please, Hana.. wake up.
I carefully sneaked into Hana's bed and wrapped her blanket around me and her.
I hugged her and put her head carefully on my left arm. I hugged her waist carefully.
I pulled the blanket over us.
"Dont worry, Hana. I woudnt never leave you alone again. I promised you.", I said while hugged her and lay beside her in the hospital bed.
"I miss you already eventho I just didnt see you for a few hours.", I said to her then I pulled my arm back and changed our position.
I let her lay down straight and I just hugged her waist and put my legs beside hers.
"Hmm.. I miss your scent so much, Hana. You smell really nice. I love it..", I said in between my yawn.
I digged my face beside Hana's waist level then slowly fall into sleep.
"Please wake up tomorrow or sooner. I miss you so much, Hana..", I said in between my sleep and slowly I went to my dreamland while still hugging Hana's in my arms.
I miss you, Yoo Hana..
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~To be continue♡~ Thanks for reading!
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Thank you for the lovely book cover jinbeans♡ I will dedicate it to you formally later cuz I'm using my phone right now :)
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Sorry for the late update ;-; I am so busy with my holidays and school stuff these past few days. So, I am sorry.
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Your comments really inspired me A LOT.
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Lots of love for you guys xx
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VOTE.COMMENT plss
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SORRY for any GRAMMAR or SPELLING mistakes.
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*****STORY by; kimsyaz*****
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