This one is going to be depressing, so grab the tissues.

Seriously, like I cried while writing it and shit gets intense.

Triggers- extreme self-hate, depression, death, (fictional) attack

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The world meeting was being held in Paris that fateful day. It was sunny out and the sky was pure blue, not a single cloud appeared the eternal sky. America had been sitting at his normal spot at the meeting table, which was, of course, the head. He watched all his bullies fight one another. That's right, bullies. No nation really liked America all that much. Centuries of bullying finally began to show through America's face. His eyes seemed lifeless, dark rings were always present underneath those lifeless eyes, his skin lost its glow, his hair lost its shine, his smile twitched slightly, his cheeks were sunken in, and his laugh was strained. But, nobody noticed. Nobody noticed how every insult made his eye slightly twitch and fraction his smile. Nobody noticed how he never ate around them. Nobody even noticed how meek he had become. But they still continued the verbal abuse: the insults, the comebacks, the mockings. Matthew didn't even defend him but instead joined the bullies as they berated Alfred. Alfred couldn't take another meeting with it, so he finally snapped.

He had just stood up with a full presentation, one which he worked months for. As soon as he got to the podium, he could see the sly smirks and silent snickers coming from his fellow nations. Before Alfred could even open his mouth, a bucket of ice-cold water dumped straight onto him. It ruined it expensive suit, destroyed his nice leather shoes, and totally disheveled his once well-kept hair. Alfred clenched the podium as everyone began to laugh.

That. Was. Enough.

SNAP

"WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER FUCKING DO TO ANY OF YOU?! I KNOW I HAVE FUCKED UP AND MY IDEAS AREN'T THE GREATEST! BUT AT LEAST I'M FUCKING TRYING TO HELP THIS DAMN PLANET! I TRIED TO MAKE UP FOR MY MISTAKES! I TRIED TO BE NICE AND LITERALLY TOOK THIS CRAP FOR FUCKING CENTURIES! MY ASS HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE WHEN ANY OF YOU NEEDED HELP! I SUPPLIED EVERY ONE OF YOU IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! WHETHER IT BE A NATURAL DISASTER OR WAR, I HELPED OUT OF MY OWN FREE WILL! THIS IS WHAT I GET IN RETURN!" Alfred stuck out his arms, showing the drenched suit to the now utter silent nations, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO ANYMORE! DOES MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT REALLY HELP YOU ALL FEEL THAT MUCH BETTER ABOUT YOURSELVES?! IF SO, THEN YOU CAN FIND A NEW PUNCHING BAG! I'M FUCKING OUT OF HERE! I DON'T NEED THIS BULLSHIT! LOOK OVER MY PRESENTATION YOURSELF, JACKASSES!" Alfred stormed out and slammed the doors shut behind him. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he bolted from the meeting room. He ran out of the building and breathed in Paris' fresh air. He began to walk back to the hotel to pack when he heard a high pitched shriek.

WITH NATIONS

Everybody was silent. America just got angry. Not even playfully or passively angry. But full force angry. The nations held their breaths until England got up to look at the presentation his former colony was about to show. The papers were detailed, organized, and clean. The writing was professional and eloquent, almost as if an Old English poet had written it. The idea itself was marvelous, bright, and useful. England's so-called "disappointment" was in fact an intelligent, patient, and hopefully forgiving soul. England showed the paper to Germany, who showed it to China, who showed it to Japan. Each nation got a good look at that "dumb American's" idea. It was a perfect solution to which they all agreed upon. Suddenly, France went rigid and he began to cough madly. He collapsed to his knees and began to tremble. England and Canada knelt beside him and helped steadied his breath.

"Somebody, turn on a bloody television!" England ordered.

"Hai!" Japan found a remote and switched it on. A huge building was up in flames, the reporter speaking quickly in French. Seychelles and Monaco were able to catch most of it.

"It iz an attack. Five armed men stormed ze building and threw mustard gas. Zey zen went to ze higher floors and soaked ze rooms in petrol, zetting it on fire. Ze men vere caught, but zere are still people in ze building," Monaco explained to the others. They all looked at the TV and saw a familiar cowlick in the midst of all the chaos. America was there, ordering others around in perfect French. He was helping put some organization into the chaotic scene. More loud booms echoed from the building, and nearly every nations' stomach lurched as America ran into the building. Like lightning, every nation left the room and ran towards the scene. They needed to stop America before he actually hurt himself.

WITH AMERICA

"Bouclez le périmètre dans un rayon de 5 rues. Les flammes vont très probablement se propager. Toute source d'eau devrait être utilisée de l'extérieur vers l'intérieur. Contenir le feu et aider les victimes sont des priorités absolues" Alfred ordered, helping another woman to her feet and guiding her to a medic. A chorus of "oui" was heard by the emergency workers.

(Contain the perimeter to a five street radius. The flames most likely will spread. Any water source should be used from outward in. Containing the fire and helping the victims are top priorities)

Another loud explosion shook the streets and America looked up to see a woman clutching a baby.

"Aidez-moi!!!" she cried, coughing on the smoke. Alfred saw that the baby was being exposed. He began to run in, turning to face the emergency crew over his shoulder.

(Help me!!!)

"ne laissez pas entrer de piétons! C'est trop dangereux!" Alfred ordered as he burst through the flaming hot door. Alfred covered his nose as he climbed the stairs towards the woman. He eventually got to her and the baby, running to her aid, "mesdemoiselle, vous devez rester calme. Couvrez-vous le nez pour bloquer la fumée, faites de même pour le bébé. Je vais vous sortir d'ici. Je le promets," Alfred hoisted her into his arms, making sure that his wet dress shirt covered her soot-covered nose. She did as told and covered the baby's nose with the blanket. Alfred ran through the building when he heard another exclamation of help. Alfred's head shot towards the plea, but couldn't risk the woman and child's lives. He ran out of the building and handed the two off to a medic and was about to run back in. But a police officer caught his sleeve.

(do not let in any pedestrians! It's too dangerous!) (miss, you must remain calm. Cover your nose to block the smoke, do the same for the baby. I will get you out of here. I promise.)

"monsieur, vous ne devez pas revenir en! Le bâtiment est trop instable! Il va s'effondrer!" Alfred smiled softly at the officer with knowing eyes. The officer saw the look in the young American's face, and let him go.

(sir, you must not go back in! The building is too unstable! It will collapse!)

"Je vais être bien. Mais j'ai besoin d'être utile en quelque sorte." Alfred bolted back into the building and towards where he heard the plea, "est ce que quelqu'un reste ici? Je suis ici pour vous sauver! Faites du bruit pour que je sache où vous êtes!" Alfred heard another bang and ran to it. He saw a little boy stuck underneath a large pile of beams.

(I will be alright. But I need to be useful in some way.)(is anybody still here? I'm here to rescue you! Make noise so I know where you are!)

"aidez-moi, s'il vous plaît! Mes jambes ne bougent pas! Je suis coincé!" the child cried.

(help me, please! My legs will not move! I am stuck!)

"Il est ok. Je t'aiderai. Dites-moi votre nom, de me parler. Mon nom est Alfred." Alfred lifted some of the beams, shifting them to help loosen the grip on the boy. He then lifted the boy into his chest.

(It is ok. I will help you. Tell me your name, talk to me. My name is Alfred.)

"mon nom est Percy. Merci beaucoup, Alfred." the boy replied.

(my name is Percy. Thank you so much, Alfred)

Alfred and him were about to get ready to leave when the whole building shook. More debris fell from the ceiling and Alfred shielded Percy. His suit burnt to a crisp and his skin was exposed to the seething heat. Alfred began to feel weak but still tried to escape. A bark was heard and a police dog approached them. Alfred handed Percy to the dog.

"Percy, tout sera ok. Va avec le chien policier et tu seras en sécurité." Alfred's breathes began to feel laborious.

(Percy, everything will be ok. Just go with the police dog and you will be safe.)

"Mais vous en pensez quoi, Alfred?! Tu as encore besoin de t'échapper aussi!" Percy cried. Alfred smiled weakly at him.

(But what about you, Alfred?! You still need to escape too!)

"Je vais être ok à la fin. Si Dieu me veut vraiment, il me prendra." Alfred explained as the dog carried the small boy on his back. The flames began to engulf the space around Alfred. Finally, his reality cut and his world went black as the building caved on top of him.

(I will be ok in the end. If God truly wants me, he will take me.)

WITH NATIONS

They had arrived just as the building collapsed on itself. The scene was chaotic as the building fell. The nations approached the barrier, and Canada, England, and France were snagged by police officers.

"Let me go, eh! My brother is in there!" Canada cried as he saw the building turn to dust and rubble, "Alfie!"

"Sir, I am sorry. But no one is allowed inside the perimeter," the police officers calmly explained. Then he looked up and saw he was holding France. He then looked to Canada and England, and the rest of the nations, "are you all-"

"Oui, zey are just like moi. Now, another one of us was at ze scene. We need to see 'im," Francis demanded with a stern tone. The police officer let the G8, Prussia, Spain, Southern Italy, and China in. All the other nations had to wait. They searched the entire scene for ten minutes before they heard a small boy crying out 'Alfred' Francis was over there in ten seconds flat, "petit garçon, qui ne vous continuez à l'appeler? Dire son nom à nouveau, s'il vous plaît."

(little boy, who do you keep calling? Say his name again, please.)

"l'homme qui m'a sauvé! Son nom était Alfred! Il n'est pas sorti! Il est enterré et ils ne peuvent pas le trouver! Je n'ai jamais eu à dire "merci" à lui!" the boy cried louder and all the nations felt their stomachs drop.

(the man who rescued me! His name was Alfred! He didn't come out! He's buried and they can't find him! I never got to say 'thank you' to him!)

The nations began to search through the rubble, pick up a few corpses on the journey to find Alfred. That's when they heard a shout from one of the officers.

"Nous en avons une! Il est vivant! Obtenir une civière! Il doit se rendre à l'hôpital!" the group ran to the police officer as well as the medics.

(We have one! He's alive! Get a stretcher! He needs to get to the hospital!)

"N-no... That's impossible..." Canada whispered as tears began to pour from his eyes. There was his brother, barely breathing and covered in soot and blood. He had deep gashes all along his body and face, and blood seemed to be pooling from his wounds. The medics placed Alfred on the stretcher carefully and began to wheel him off. The other nations followed quickly, explaining what was happening to the other nations. They were told that the crew will inform them once Alfred is taken care of and to go back to the hotel. The nations then all went to the hospital, where a nurse walked by them.

"Can I help you, sirs?" she asked softly.

"Alfred! Alfred Jones! Where is he?!" Canada exclaimed as tears flew from his face, "he's my little brother! He was in the fire! Golden blonde hair, very lively sapphire eyes, bright smile!" Canada was hysterical at this point and France and England needed to help him get ahold of himself. The nurse quickly flipped through the papers and found the name.

"He is in surgery now. They don't know how he'll come out. He bled out quite a lot and inhaled a lot of smoke. They will do everything they can, but you must wait out here until he is out of surgery," the nurse helped the nations to the chairs in the surgery ward's waiting room. Since the group of nations was so large, they got their own little space with couches and a TV to watch the follow-up story about the fire. Hours passed, agonizing hours for all of them. How would they ever apologize to Alfred if he died? Canada was the craziest when it came to waiting. He had dark circles under his red eyes, he was jittery and jumpy, he kept pacing the room and playing with the hem on his shirt.

"Matvey, you might want to rest," Ivan suggested calmly. Matthew's eyes sent daggers into the Russian's soul.

"Rest?! Are you kidding me?! My brother, who we all tormented for centuries, finally stood up for himself! Then as soon as he leaves the building an attack that he had nothing to do with and didn't need to be involved in happens, prompting him to help! Now he's here! He might die! Had we just let him do his amazing presentation he wouldn't be here! He wouldn't have left the building! He wouldn't have felt the need to be a hero! I never stood up for him! I bullied him and now I might never get a chance to apologize! I can't rest!" Matthew ranted as more tears fell down his cheeks. Prussia stood up and hugged him tightly.

"Zis is so unawesome... Alfred didn't deserve zis... He vas alvays so nice to us... He put up vith us for basically two hundred und fifty years... Und now, he's here... I vas a horrible friend... I should have said something to make him feel better..." Gilbert began to cry.

"Gilbert, amigo, don't cry. I already feel like crying. I already feel like such a horrible person. So, Gilbert, d-don't cry," Spain broke as tears fell from his face. One by one, the nations all began to cry. They felt awful for what had happened. Canada was right. Had they not pulled that bucket prank, Alfred wouldn't have left the meeting. Alfred would have probably goofed on his presentation. At least he would still be there with them. The clock read 1:23 AM when a doctor came into the room. Canada still hadn't gone to sleep, but everyone else was passed out. Matthew shot up upon seeing the doctor and ran to him.

"How's my brother? Is he ok?" he asked. The doctor sighed and took the boy by the shoulder.

"He is stable, we were able to seal his wounds and restore him to a healthy state. However, his head did suffer a bit. His memory might be a little off or he might be a little on edge, we won't know until he sees someone he knew previously. You must be patient with him," the doctor ordered. Matthew nodded and clasped his hands together, "come with me. I will take you to his room," Canada followed quickly and arrived in room 143. The irony of that room number made Matthew want to puke. The doctor quietly opened the door and let Matthew in. He left them alone and Matthew just stared at the lump in the bed. Alfred wasn't facing the door, he was facing the window. Matthew was about to talk when he heard Alfred's mumble.

"mistake...me...sorry...disappointment...try harder...I'll fix me...I'll d-do better...I'm sorry...I want to be perfect...But I can't...I'm a screwup...They're going to be mad...But I'll d-do better...I have to...be...perfect..." Alfred was trembling in his bed. He had a blank stare as he gawked at the window. Matthew felt his heart crack.

"Alfie?" Matthew whispered gently. Alfred shot up and hugged himself. He began to tremble harder as if he was scared. Matthew went to touch him, but Alfred yelped and flinched, "Alfie... It will be ok... I won't hurt you..."

"Can't...see...yet..." Alfred mumbled as he tried to scoot back, away from Matthew.

"What can't I see, Alfie?" Matthew tilted his head and gently brushed Alfred's cheek. Matthew felt his heart break more when he felt how shallow it was.

"M-me...I...I'm not ready...Must...be...perfect...Must...try...harder...Show everyone...I'm not a screwup...I must b-be prefect...can't see me until I'm perfect..." At that, Matthew felt his heart shatter. Alfred's mindset had completely changed. That's when the other nations barged in, the door flinging open. Alfred jumped nearly a foot in the air as he felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

"Lad! Oh, thank God! I was scared, Alfred! I was scared I would lose you!" Arthur cried into Alfred's shoulder. Alfred's brow creased in confusion and he tilted his head as if he was a puppy.

"I...don't...understand..." Alfred whispered. Arthur looked at his ex colony's face, gasping at the mere emptiness in Alfred's eyes.

"Alfred, amour, what do jou mean?" Francis asked softly. He noticed every detail about Alfred: how skinny he was, how his eyes seemed nearly lifeless, and how his face was contorted with confusion.

"Why...would...I...I just...I..." Alfred began to shake again and his heart rate spiked. The others began to worry even more. This wasn't their Alfred.

"Alfred, deep breaths... Jou are safe..." Prussia tried to comfort Alfred by brushing his bangs from his face. But was met by trembles and flinches. Gilbert withdrew his hand and looked at it, then back to Alfred. He went to gently touch him again, "jou are ok. Ve von't hurt jou," Gilbert was once again met with trembles and flinches, and this time a tiny yelp.

"P-perfect...me...have t-to...be...perfect...why...were y-you scared? I s-still...need to...fix me..." Alfred explained, pointing to himself as if he just wanted to throw himself away. He looked like he hated himself, "n-not...good...enough...yet...I'm...not...good...enough..." Alfred saw the confusion so he went on further. The other nations felt just like Matthew, their hearts shattered. They had broken such a spirited young soul. Now, he thought he was nothing.

"Arfred-san, you are wonderfur. You're good enough, you're amazing. I was hoping to pray video games after the meeting with you," Japan tried to smile, but his trembling lips won that battle. Alfred shook his head.

"It's ok...I know...I know how w-worthless I w-was...Th-that's why...I'm going to fix...me...I'll...be...I'll be good enough...I'll keep working...Until I f-finally won't...screw up..." Alfred smiled pointing at himself as if he was proud to announce he would fix himself. That broke the nations' completely and they all began to cry. Alfred looked around frantically upon seeing the tears, "w-wait...don't cry...It's ok...I can fix me...I can..."

"Stop!" Canada yelled and hugged his brother tightly. Alfred felt fear as his brother put him in a death hug, "Alfred! You don't need to fix yourself! Please, just stop saying all those awful things! You are amazing! You have the sweetest laugh and the calmest singing voice! You have the brightest smile in history and your eyes shined liked stars! You always found the good in everything, Alfred! Why can't you find the good in you?!" Matthew cried as he embraced Alfred tighter. Alfred once again looked confused but hugged Matthew back.

"So...I don't need to fix me?" Alfred asked, quirking his head cutely. All the nations shook their heads.

"No, comrade. You are perfect just the way you are," Russia smiled as he wiped his tears. Alfred nodded and looked straight. His eyes were still empty, but the nations made a promise. They were going to fix what they broke. They were going to fix Alfred. They were going to make him love himself again, even if it took an eternity.

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Y'all probably hate me right now. But please, let me know what you think!

XOXO,

Kimiko Lee