"And what might these rules be?" Pein asked coldly, eyes narrowed. I picked up Konan kitten and sat her gently on my coffee table.

"I'll change you back after I explain a few things, alright." I said calmly, ignoring Pein's venomous glare. She nodded with a small mewl and I sat, gesturing for the others to do the same. They all sat on the couch. "As for rules: 1) I have as much authority over the Akatsuki as Pein. 2) No-"

"It's leader to you." Pein interrupted. I shot him an icy glare.

"You're staying in my house for free. So shut your fucking mouth before I blow your damn brains out." I hissed. I noticed Hidan and Deidara snickering pervertedly and realized what I had said. My icy glare turned steely as I focused on them. They quickly noticed my look as they paled slightly. "And as for you two jokers, I will have a special kind of torture for you. Perhaps cut your dick off and feed it to the neighbors dog, Hidan, or shave your head and dye the hair purple before shoving it down your throat, Deidara." I threatened, making their eyes grow wide in fear.

"Shit..." Hidan whispered. I cleared my throat and crossed my arms as I put my feet on my coffee table.

"Now I will continue the rules. 2) No using your powers outside of the house or if I have company, assuming you can still use your powers her. However using your powers in front of my friends is perfectly acceptable. 3) Hidan, no sacrificing people, unless they are people who come to assassinate me. Which happens around thrice a month."

"What the fuck does 'thrice' mean?" Hidan cut off. I sighed in annoyance.

"Once, twice, thrice. Try picking up a book now and then and you'd know that you illiterate little shit." I said coolly. He shot me a dirty glare, which I ignored. "4) Zetsu, please refrain from eating anyone who is not one of Hidan's finished sacrifices. If you cannot eat normal food I will buy you plenty of raw steaks, so rest assured that you will not go hungry. But while we are buying you all clothes I will need to know whether or not you can eat normal food. 5) If you make a mess, clean it up. Failure to do this will be noticed and will be punished in the cruelest way, specified to the person of course. 6) if its broken and not able to be fixed, you will be my personal slave for three days to work off the debt. All these rules apply to everyone in this room." I said with a pointed look to Pein. His eyes narrowed again, but he said nothing.

"What now, un?" Deidara asked. I let an evil smirk creep its way onto my face and he tensed. "Why are you smiling like that, hm?" He asked cautiously. I chuckled darkly.

"Because now we are going to call my friends."

~•~

"Where are they?!" Sam screeched, blowing up my door like usual as she ran in. She glomped me, grinning like mad. "Bitch if you are fucking with my brain I'll kill you! Where the hell are they?!"

I grinned as I pointed at the couch. She looked up and her gaze immediately locked on the blonde bomber.

"Yosh!" She yelled, jumping up and leaping at him. He cried out in surprise as she glomped him from over the back of the couch. "This is my bomber!" Sam declared, holding his head to her chest possessively. "There are cosplayers of him but he mine!"

Deidara was blushing madly as his face was being pushed into her boobs, which made me give a slight chuckle.

"Are they really here?!" Alex asked cheerfully, skipping into the living room. She spotted them and made her way to Tobi. "Hey Tobi! I'm Alex! Do you want to color with me?!" She asked. He nodded quickly and jumped to his feet, hugging her tightly.

"Yes! Tobi is Tobi and Tobi wants to color with Alex-chan! Tobi is a good boy!" He yelled. She hugged him back before grabbing his hand. They ran off and I chuckled again. I looked over just in time to see Jody poke her head through the doorway.

"Sorry Nina. Sam blew up your door again..." She whispered.

"That door provokes me!" Sam yelled defensively, still clutching Deidara tightly. "Why won't it just stay dead?!"

I shook my head at them in amusement.

"Don't worry about it Jody. I'll just get another one. Why don't you go take Sasori to the art room so you two and work with the clay?" I said with a gentle smile. She looked at Sasori and blushed deeply before nodding, whilst Deidara perked up at the mention of his media.

"Okay." She said quietly. She and Sasori both left and Sam took the now vacant space beside Deidara and the two got into a deep discussion on bombs.

"They all hit it off pretty well." I hummed thoughtfully.

"I'll say." Konan agreed, smiling. She was dressed in a blue T-shirt and black skinny jeans. "So what do we do now Nina-San?"

"Please, just call me Nina. And I suppose I'll make some lunch."

"I still don't see why you don't hire servants!" Sam yelled at me.

"Because I hate people." I answered simply.

"You don't hate me, Alex, or Jody and you don't hate Marcus"." She pointed out. "How is Marcus doing anyways?"

"I'm not sure." I sighed heavily. "He hasn't called in a while."

"Your boyfriend?" Konan asked.

"Mn... My brother." I corrected, looking at my far underused cell phone on the coffee table. "He's at war in Arabia."

"Oh..."

"Alright, lunch." I sighed thoughtfully, standing up. I headed for my kitchen and looked around. Two thirds of the large space was gathering dust from under usage. "Maybe I should clean first..." I mumbled thoughtfully.

"Would you like some help?"

"I'd be careful sneaking up on me." I smirked, turning to look at Kisame. "I have weapons hidden all over the house and could have easily killed you if I thought you were a threat."

He gave me a wide, toothy grin.

"In case you forgot, I'm half shark," he pointed out. My smirk grew.

"Then I would have turned you into sushi."

He snorted and put a large hand on my head.

"Sure, what ever you say Kid."

"I am not a Kid." I growled, ducking my head.

"Whatever. So I repeat, want some help?"

"Hm... Sure, thanks."

~•~

"Food!" I yelled.

And all hell broke loose.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Deidara, Hidan, Tobi, Alex, and Sam bolted into the kitchen and I sidestepped, putting my arm out and clothes lining Hidan. He fell, effectively tripping the other four, and the five of them formed a small, dazed pile on my kitchen floor. Kisame barked out a laugh as the others came in to get their food.

They all either stared in amusement, scowled in annoyance, or laughed at the five idiots at my feet.

"Next time I'll use a pan." I decided as I rubbed my surely bruise forearm. "A cast iron if Hidan's in the lead again."