What a year it's been...
    I have done some amazing things this year.
   Obviously things with love, don't always pan out.. some times a bit more severe than others, but I made it through. The journey started in spring after breakup with Manda, and surviving seasonal depression, we started January off being lite enough to skydive with my son and his friends. It was an accomplishment just making the weight limit.
    We all took to the sky, an landed safely. My instructor was super dope and we got to talking about my paragliding dream. I was planning to try an learn it in California but he said to go to Salt Lake and learn there.
   Paragliding seems easier to me than hang gliding and although, I may still have it for a hang glider, it's already expensive enough. With school and time, it can get very expensive.
    So I set off in March for sunny San Diego to meet with the very famous Judy Parker.  She showed me around this sunny beach town where the bay is filled with ships of every sort. She pointed out her dislikes for what it has become, but I could see what she was talking about. Franky and I slept near the border near Tijuana for the night and spent a day at silver strand beach.
   We met a fortune teller on the boardwalk, who knew a few things about me by just me walking up to her. She said that I was switching jobs and on my way to finding someone who would truly love me this summer. That I hadn't met true love yet. But I would.
   She read my cards and my palms and she made sense to me and not vague.
    I had so many pictures from this year... to make space in my phone I had them placed on an external drive.
   So after this wonderful day with The Jackhammer,  Judy Parker,  I continued my way north to Lemoore, to hang out with my longtime friend and tattoo Brother, Chris Williams.
    I stayed for a few days but had to still move north.
  You see, shortly after the call to Salt Lake, I received a call from Oak Harbor from my friend, William Loydd.  He owns Nite Owl Tattoo there on the island and asked me if I could come.
   I was gonna leave anyways. I was handling broken love the best I could. And it was for the best, that I removed myself from here to deal with that. I wasn't gonna go to Washington if I couldn't paraglide there but it turns out... they too have a school for such a thing.

But they do. It was in Issaquah Wa. At a place called Tiger Mountain. All the things fit for me here, but me... I did not fit here. Believe I fought for what I did get here and the experience alone was worth my every effort.
  It consumed me like a drug and it overtook my emotional woes that tough guys never talk about. Love is dumb...
   It makes us dumb.
  In the end we turn into the worse parts of ourselves and hope we don't flatline on the rock bottom of our emotional relapses. I turned to flight.
   I don't look down much anymore. I seem to
Spot a lot of weird stuff in the sky all the time and it trips the people out that I always seem to catch these things.

My brother Scott Goldman, seen something in me and decided to come along. Now... I am still dreaming about doing what I started.  I have to put it on hold. 
   He is now, he tell me at 60 flights. He had maybe 8 when I left.
   I had to move on in the summer. I went through Idaho and dropped in at Brian and Shannon's house in sandpoint. They had to work, so.... I had the land to myself. I was able to shroom through the mornings and heal some things in my heart.
   As for true love in the summer? Perhaps I did find someone who would truly love me as I am... maybe she was the one the fortune teller spoke of. The one with the one child. Maybe she was indeed.
    I had suffered so much from love this last year, I didn't want to go into it. I'm not ready still.  Truth be told.
   I had places to go. And so off to finish my commitments with the fabulous Judy Parker. To Sturgis.

  My gripes about the black hills are valid. I feel there is little to speak off when it came to open doors with welcome hugs. This summer, was one of my worst living there. It really wasn't a favorable time for me.
   I didn't make it a secret. If you know me, you know where you stand with me.  I'm not good at faking it. However, once I've said it, I don't generally hold it against you. It's just what I'm mad about.
    Don't think I will be coming back to Rapid City for a long time if not ever. If I ever felt cold
Shoulders, that was it.
   I'm grateful to my friends at Bad Cat Tattoo for hosting me an allowing me
To see that some shit doesn't just doesn't matter. We had such a great time. And in fact if I had any good days in rapid, it was in fact due to the cool folks I worked with there. Just good
People.
   I got to do a few good tattys while I was there and I believe everyone seemed happy with me. I mean,  it seemed like a bad choice for me to go back there, but I still found doors open to places I never intended to go. And the feeling was worse than the previous year.
   I still posted stories that made my life feel like it wasn't all that bad. And for that... I am grateful.
  I didn't get to go to Wyoming and paraglide this year. I truly wasn't ready to go without instruction and my friend Johann doesn't want to babysit anyone up there.
   The rally did come and it wasn't very profitable. I wound up breaking even or just above and decided that I needed to work harder for a minute.
   I asked Victor Tackett to allow me to work in his shop in St.Louis. That was a good choice money wise. I stayed there for a month but became sick. Not with covid but with a cold. Still put me
Outta work for a week or so and by then, I was already lined up for work in Oklahoma City with my friend Clayton at a place called Levitate.
   I never knew how cool Oklahoma City was or could be. Other than it being flat, it is where it's at. Live music every night and a nightlife that was unexpected.  Every bar we went to, the band would ask Clayton to come
Up on stage and play something.
   Clayton set me up with one of his friends. She was very nice to me and I want to keep her my friend. I will always have a soft spot for Oklahoma City.
  Clayton and I went to a place for a rally that weekend called, the STUBBORN AMERICAN RALLY.  A bunch of okies riding "motors and wheels" kind of thing. We scored this tree house to tattoo in. It over looks a river that everyone was riding their off roads through.

It wasn't the dream situation... it was the dream location. A small redneck event that was fun for all.

One of my favorite things this trip in Oklahoma was seeing Clayton really shine. This dude seemed so unreal to me in the most positive way that I can put into words,  was spectacular and magical in his environment. His natural habitat was anywhere he went.
    I was happy to see you Brother. For real!
 

   Steel Guitar put this guy on stage everywhere he went. He was soooo shiny.
   It was sad leaving this place but as all things go... so did I. Events seem to be what I did all summer.
   Shortly after arriving in Tucson, my friend Victor Tackett invited me to my choice of events. The more profitable one was my choice since I had been traveling I was in dire need of stabilizing.
   I chose well.
   Arizona Country Thunder was the event and I will admit it, quite honestly, that if I had chosen to go to country concerts in my younger years, it probably would have curved my music taste immensely. These dance at their concerts. And I mean like with in reason. No fights. No crazy bullshit.
   Country concerts are pretty nice. Maybe it's age. I dunno.

   I have known Victor Tackett since 1999 and he will always be my friend. Forever. He inherited the first tattoo company I ever chose to work for an honestly one of the greatest choices I ever made in my life.
   When I started a tattoo career here, I had no idea what I was really signing into. I thought I did. But I really didn't.
   In a lot of ways, I may have taken my career for granted. I mean, in some way on some level, I believe that we all have done this somehow... But yeah...
   I've rode on tattoos my whole life. Good ones. Bad ones. I've raised my kids on them. I've floated in and treaded water here an there. Sure.
   But when I started here, I breathed tattoo. I slept and ate on tattoo. And tattoos helped me through the highs and lows of this curvy life.
   Aye! The Tackett Family gave me a start and the reasons I came back here are always the same. They are family.
    We have had our good and our bad years and just like we all do,  we find ways to look past them. Victor is a great mentor. He has had some great mentors.
  And like my brother James B, he has been a brother to me for a great deal of years. I've learned most from him that people do what they do and to not take it personally. Given time and patience, the time will come when paths cross over again and where the door was closed once, it shall come again.
   This dude is kind and patient but could knock your teeth out. Believe that.
   I never want to know him like that.

  Our at concert tattoo shop was a hit despite many little obstacles including the wind. This was a four day festival and honestly it was a blast. Everyone was in good spirits and generally having a great time.
  If I had ever went to one of these back in my twenties, I probably wouldn't have been so snobby towards country music. Yeah. Some of its sad but shit, I guess if that's the case, metal bands are singing country these days. Jajaja.
   This show changed my musical direction a little I guess. Maybe I'm more open to calmer shit in my older age. I dunno.
   November and coming up on thanksgiving and I have a lot to be grateful for. My prayers were answered in every way, even if they weren't in my favor...
   They have been answered.
   In the coming future, I'm gonna plant my ass in Tucson and try to meet some goals.
   Getting a group together to skydive, just once. 
   I want to ride in an ultralight hang glider in Maricopa.
   I want to get my passport.
  Attempt learning scuba diving.
  I want to end my year taking on a paragliding school in Salt Lake City.
   These are reachable goals. If I work hard, I will achieve some Of them. If I get half an f them, I will probably be loud about it.
    Better things are coming. My hands feel like they want to fall off...
   I only have to work for a little while longer. I hope tattooing can afford me a second breath in these future years as I cross train into a newer funner life for myself.
   I love tattooing. I do. It has afforded me many lavish things in my life. I just want to slow down. Stabilize.
   I'm out here traveling a road with no end and it does wear on my soul. I never have to get too close to anyone. I get to be myself with my troubles far behind me.
   In someway, I feel justified. Like I've earned this freedom. I've been under the thumb of consequences and out from under them and still now trying to keep a thumb on myself. It is hard for me to explain what I know, is alright.
   In order to do these things for myself, it will take some hard work and some patience. Dedication. And tolerance.
    Believe me, I miss a lot of things from my past lives. I do miss you.
      When all the doors shut to me. At least the ones I thought would never close that did, taught me lessons I never really thought I was gonna have to learn... but I have.
    The kindness I received this year came from the most unexpected places and the possibilities that came from them outnumbered what was familiar to me in a lot of ways. With that came some newer angles to look at for my own responsibility and a yearning for my own integrity.
    This has changed me. These things do matter. I'm a better person because of it. I believe that.
   I can't imagine all this time went by and you haven't changed a bit yourself. I believe that you too have been doing something for your own growth. You were beautiful when I met you. That hasn't changed. I see you.
   I am happy you are happy. And if you're not... thanks for hiding it. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy.
   Working towards these goals keeps mind away from my own emotional torment.
  (I keep picking this story up and dropping it. If it's hard to follow, seems on a different track every time I pick it up.)
   None the less, I look great in November. I've trimmed my fat and built some muscle. I do have a grasp of this reality. I do. I will look like a viagra commercial by next summer. This is something I will work on.
   You know, I remember growing up and seeing my body change into a man. I remember flexing my wings for the first time. I remember getting a chest. Building muscles in my calves and floating on those gains.
    I was so confident. Proud of the muscle I've achieved.
   Shit man, coming back from 320 lbs just four years ago.... No small feet.
   Nothing more am I proud of this year than my top two tiers of ab muscles and a center line. I am down to a weight that bounces from 235-245 on any given day and clip my toenails and it out breathing hard.
    Franky is responsible for most of my weight loss. I love my dog. I wouldn't be in any good state without my boy.

  Frank is my champion. This is a pic of him at the country Thunder show infront of the big stage. I fucking love this dog. He's like my one my kids. Except maybe he's a little more excited that I came home.
    I hope this finds you in good graces. I hope you are blessed and your family is happy as go into these holidays ahead. Know, I love you, even if you think you know better.