"Nay, bakit po kayo umiiyak?" inosenteng tanong ko sa aking ina. Nang narinig ang aking tanong ay dali-dali niyang pinunansan ang kaniyang luha. "A-ah, wala i-ito, Anak," nauutal na sabi ni mama at saka pekeng ngumiti. My small hands reached for her face. Because of my gesture, she hugged me.

Akala ko noong una ay iyon na ang una at huling beses makikita ko siyang umiyak, pero mali pala ako. Dumaan ang ilang araw na aksidente kong makikita 'yong mama ko na umiiyak sa kwarto nila, dahil ilang beses ko nang nakita ay minsan ako na ang kusang pumupunta para tingnan kung umiiyak ba siya.

Palagi na lang akong nakatingin sa kaniya mula sa pintuan. Dahil sa edad na 7, hindi ko alam kung paano papatahanin 'yong mama ko. Palagi na lang akong nagda-dalawang isip na lapitan siya, and every time I do see her cry, I can always feel my heart ache.

Si Papa, hindi na siya umuuwi. Kung umuuwi naman ay palaging alas tres na ng umaga. Hindi ko alam kung alam niya ba na umiiyak palagi si mama, o hindi niya alam.

The thought that father didn't care about my mother didn't occur to me as a child, since I saw how he was in love with my mom... before.

On a rainy day, I finally mustered myself and approach her. She was crying her heart out; her hands covering her eyes. Her body was shaking all over, and she didn't notice me until I uttered a word, "Ma," nanghihina kong sabi.

Gulat naman siyang napatingin sa akin. Dali-dali niyang pinunasan ang mga luhang lumabas sa kaniyang mata. She then cleared her throat. "O-Oh, anak." She moved her body towards my direction and held my hands. "What are you doing here?"

Unti unting namuo ang luha mula sa aking mga mata. Ang mga inipon kong emosyon ay unti-unti nang lumabas. "Ma," naiiyak kong sabi. Hindi ko napigilan ay napahagulhol na ako.

Kita kong nataranta naman si Mama sa bigla kong pag-iyak. She held my shoulder and asked me restlessly, "Anong problema, anak? May nangyari ba?"

Hindi ako sumagot sa kaniya at pinagpatuloy lang ang pag-iyak. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pag-iyak dahil sa sakit ng nararamdaman ng puso ko. "Shhh," mahinang sabi ni Mama at saka niyakap ako.
Mm
"Ma." I sniffled. "Ma, bakit palagi po kayong umiiyak?" tanong ko sa kaniya at muling umiyak ng napakalakas. I can see sadness in her eyes while looking at me. "Huwag na po kayo umiyak, sumasakit po dito kapag kita ko po ikaw na umiiyak," sabi ko sabay turo ng kung saan naroroon yung puso ko.

Kita ko ang pagkagat niya ng kaniyang labi, at may expresyon siya na hindi ko maintindihan. Nang hindi pa ako tumigil sa pag-iyak ay at niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit.

"S-sorry, Finn." She caressed my hair as she said her apologies. "Hindi na iiyak 'yong mama mo, anak. Kaya, tahan na," she assured me. And we spent the rainy day crying our hearts out, while embracing each other.

Pagkatapos nang araw na iyon ay hindi ko na muling nakita yung mama ko na umiyak. Masaya na siya palagi kapag kaharap ako at tila ba'y wala na siyang dinadaramdam na sakit.

And as I grew older, that's when I realized that my mother's pain didn't go away, but she became strong because of the rainy day. She became strong because of... me.

I was glad that I mustered up the courage to approach her that rainy day, the rainy day which made her into a strong woman. A strong woman who built up the courage to leave the man that didn't see her worth.

If I didn't do it that day, maybe a lot of things would have changed, for the worse. My mom would have still cried every night, she would have still been sad and helpless, and she may not have had the courage to leave her cheating husband.

But even after all of those, my dad didn't learn. He still had a ton of women, and his attitude still didn't change despite us leaving the house.

If I was the one to choose, I would have cut ties from him the moment we left the house, but if we did, we would've struggled to live, we would've struggled financially.

"Today's lunch is, sinabawang isda!" She clapped her hands, and after that placed the tupperware right in front of me.

I tried to control my expression as she immediately opened it. Tila'y napansin niya naman ang expresyon kaya parang nawala ang liwanag sa mata niya. "Ayaw mo ba nito?" tanong niya sa akin. Agad naman akong umiling.

"N-no, I want it. I was just surprised," sabi ko naman kaya bumalik ang liwanag sa kaniyang mga mata. Hindi talaga ako makakatanggi kapag si Eloise na 'yong nasa harap ko.

Kahit hindi ako kumakain ng sinabawang isda ay pipilitin ko na lang kumain, para sa ikakasaya niya.

"Yay! Kain na," masaya niyang sabi at nagsimula nang kumain. I gulped and slowly ate the food that was in front of me.

Surprisingly, the food was not that bad.

Hindi talaga ako mahilig kumain ng isda, lalo na ang sinabawang isda. Kung kumakain man ako ng isda ay yung bangus lang.

I don't know how many times did I already say this to myself, but saying that I'm happy being sith her isn't enough.

She arrived in my life as a ray of sunshine, after a day full of thunderstorms.

At first, she was only a friend that I was truly thankful to have. A friend that I could confide with, a friend that would joke around with me, and a friend that I could lean on.

Ironically, the day I realized that I like her—or better yet accepted that I already have feelings for her, was on a rainy afternoon.

It was one of those cliche dramas that most girls would watch. Because it was rainy, I had to stay at the waiting shed beside our school since I didn't have any umbrella.

"Finn!" I looked at the direction where I heard someone call for my name, and there I saw Eloise. She was smiling from ear to ear as she approached me. She was holding a red umbrella, and her backpack that is supposed to be positioned on her back is already in front of her.

"Wala kang payong?" she asked, and the answer was probably, already obvious. But even so, I answered, "Wala eh," sabi ko at saka napakamot sa aking ulo.

Napaisip si Eloise ng ilang sandali, at habang nag-iisip ay ipinikit niya ang kaniyang mga mata. Sa ilang sandaling nakapikit siya, I admired her beauty. Ang mahabang pilik mata niya, ang kanyang matangos na ilong, ang tamang laki na kulay roses niyang labi, at ang hanggang leeg niyang buhok.

Nagulat naman ako nang bigla niyang minuklat ang kaniyang mga mata at saka tumingin sa akin. "Let's share!" maligayang sabi niya at saka pumalakpak ng dalawang beses; tila ba'y may naisip siyang napakagandang ideya.

"A-ah, hindi na. Okay lang—" "Hep, hep!" Putol niya sa sasabihin ko sana. Umiling siya at saka itinuro 'yong payong niya. "Mag-share tayo dito."

Umiling ako at saka konting umatras. "Hindi na, mababasa ka pa niyan eh," nahihiya kong sabi.

"Ano ka ba? I insist. Mag-share na tayo dito," she said, certain that she's extremely willing to share an umbrella with me.

I sighed in defeat, and eventually nodded.

Matagumpay naman siyang ngumiti nang nakita niya iyon. "Oh, tara na," she said and lent me her hand.

I stared at her hand for a couple of seconds, before I finally accepted the hand that was reaching out for me.

And that was the moment of realization—acceptance.

Everything wasn't always good though. The moment I heard that I had cancer, I wanted to run back to my mom and cry in her arms. I wanted to tell her that I was dying, that I didn't have enough time left in this world.

But I didn't want to add to her worries.

"Anak, okay ka lang?" mom asked. "May bumabagabag ba sa iyo?" muli niyang tanong. It was the day that I learned I have cancer. My heart was heavy, and I wanted to tell her so bad about it. "Okay lang ako, Ma," sabi ko at saka tipid na ngumiti.

Bumuntong hininga si mama at saka tumango. "Kung mayroon man, please don't hesitate to tell me. I'm always ready to listen if there's something that's bothering you."

Mas lalong nadagdagan ang bigat sa puso ko ng narinig ko ang sinabi niya. Kilalang kilala ako ng mama ko, at alam niya kung kailan ako hindi okay sa ekspresyon ko pa lang sa aking mukha.

"Sige, ma. Thank you," mahinang usal ko at saka pumunta na sa aking silid.

Pagkarating ko sa aking silid ay mahina akong humikbi. I touched my chest and clenched my hand as I felt my heart aching even more.

I don't want to tell you now, but I promise to tell you the moment I am ready, ma.

After everything that happened until now, I realized that there were people who appeared in my life temporarily. There are people who suddenly leave without saying goodbye, and people who have gone away but would come back eventually.

Just like Eloise, she suddenly appeared in my life. She was the first person who I thought I could be with for the rest of my life. But because of my emotions and my cancer, I was unable to be with her.

I still like her, and I still miss her—so much, but I thought that I wouldn't see her again.

"Kain ka na, hijo," sabi ni Nurse Ali at saka nilapag 'yong isang plato na may laman na orange at apple sa aking harap.

Marahan ko siyang tiningnan at nagpaawa, at napatawa naman siya sa aking ginawa. "Alam kong hindi mo ito gusto, hijo, pero kailangan mo pa rkn itong kainin," sabi niya sa akin. Hindi ako sumgor at ngpatuloy sa pagtingin sa kaniya.

Umiling siya, wala pa ring effect sa kaniya ang ginawa ko. "Sige na, kainin mo na. Kinaya mo ngang kainin 'yan sa tagal ng pananatili mo sa ospital na ito. At alam kong kapag nakalabas ka na rito ay baka sobrang dalang mo na lang kumain ng prutas."

Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin dahil sa sinabi niya. Hindi siya mali dahil kapag nakalabas na nga ako ay baka hindi na ako kakain ng ni isang prutas.

Ngumuso ako at saka nagsimula nang kumain. Matagal na nga akong kumakain nito pero hindi pa rin ako sanay. "Hijo," tawag ni Nurse Ali sa akin. Napatingin ako sa kaniya habang ngumunguya ng mansanas.

"Kapag nakalabas ka na, sana maging masaya ka't magawa mo ang lahat ng gusto mong gawin bago pa mahuli ang lahat. Kaligayahan mo lang ang tanging hiling ko, Hijo."

Napangiti naman ako mg narinig ko ang sinabi niya. Noong una, hindi ko aakalain na magiging malapit sa akin si Nurse Ali. Ayokong maging malapit ulit sa kahit na sino, dahil ayokong masaktan muli.

Pero dahil sa sincerity ni Nurse Ali, naging malapit din ako sa kaniya.

She's willing to listen even on my deepest thoughts, and wouldn't judge me for it. She would advice me on things that I am conflicted about, and she shows that she cares about me—not just as her patient, but like her own son.

"I will miss you, Nurse Ali," I sincerely said and hugged her. She gently caressed my back and also hugged me in return.

She's one of those people who I cherish, and I would remember for as long as I live.

"Ako rin, hijo."

Pagkatapos ng pag-uusap na iyon ay tinapos ko na ang kinakain ko at naghanda na sa aking pagdi-discharge bukas, pero halos si Nurse Ali lang ang gumawa ng halos lahat.

"Nurse Ali, ako na diyan. Kaya ko naman po eh," nahihiya kong sabi, pero umiling siya. "Hindi na, hijo. Ako na, magpahinga ka lang diyan," sabi ni Nurse Ali at nagpatuloy na sa pagliligpit ng aking gamit.

Wala na akong nagawa kung 'di ay hayaan si Nurse Ali.

Pagkatapos naming magligpit ay humiga na ako, at masayang pumikit para ang buks ay agad namg dumating.