Jungkook P.O.V

I've tossed and turn so many times to the point where I'm just laying in bed with my sheets over my face. The time was 8:00 am. The pounding of my head would not go away. I swear I'm never touching alcohol ever again. It tasted amazing in the moment which kept me going and going. Shots after shots. Glasses after glasses. I honestly lost count last night in how many I've consumed. Jaehyun slowly opens the door and walks over to me with some pills and water. I take them from his hand and quickly slip it down. The pain eases as I drank more water. Jaehyun leans against my wall waiting for me to finish.

"Alright come on, let's go for a run." He takes the glass away from me while dragging the sheets off my body. The cold air hits my warm skin causing me to get up. I walk towards the bathroom to freshen up while running my fingers through my hair.

I tie my shoe laces while waiting for Jaehyun to get down. My dad walks over to me patting my shoulder. I look up to see him holding some papers.

"I have some stuff that could help you achieve being at the top." He hands me the stacks that were in his hand.

"Pa.. thank you, but I think-"

"No. Take it. It could help. Have you decided which job offer to take after University? I mean there are many companies that have an open spot just for you."

"And I'm sure Jungkook will decide when the time is right. For now we're going for a run so we'll see you in a bit." Jaehyun pushes me out the door while the stacks were still in my hand. As the door closes he takes the papers out of my hand and throws them away.

"Dad gave me the exact same thing when I was your age. Never used them though." He runs back towards me.

We start heading to the trail where we always run. I tried to figure out whether or not I would want to tell him. I didn't know if he would even want to hear about it. It took about fifteen minutes until we reached the trail. Jaehyun stops to sit down on one of those big rocks. We took a water break which probably a good time to at least mention something.

"So...I wanted to talk to you about something well more like get your point of view on something." I start to stretch my arms so it wouldn't look so awkward. Jaehyun hands my bottle back to me as his nose wrinkles and a small crease between his eyebrows began to form.

"Actually let's just talk about this some other time." I shrug it off and continued to run back. Jaehyun calls me from a distance, but I ignore his words. Once we were back in the neighbourhood, Jaehyun finally catches up. He pushes my back which causes me to take a leap forward. My eyes were staring at the ground until I heard my brother speak.

"Ah Violet." Jaehyun stops us from continuing as Clara and her sister walk our way.

"Jaehyun? Hey. I didn't know you two took the same track." Violet says as she stood beside Clara. Their dog Toby starts jumping up and down my leg which automatically made me respond by crouching to pet his adorable face. I haven't seen him in so long. His soft fur brushes against my face as I go to touch his head.

"Hey Toby.." My smile grew at the sight of him.

"Haha yeah. We're heading back though. It's a nice day so I thought why not take Jungkook for a run." He chuckles while placing his hand on my shoulder as I stood up. My eyes wondering to Clara before she looks away after catching my gaze.

"Hey Clara. You're so grown up now." Jaehyun continues to make small conversation with them while I felt the need to get myself out of the situation. Clara greets Jaehyun back with a wave. Damn.. she looks really pretty.. The way her hair was tied up in a messy ponytail. Her outfit perfectly shaped her body as the sun shines on her natural face making her glow brighter than ever. Whoa. Jungkook. Where did this come from. They say their goodbyes before heading off in the other direction. I want to glance back, but Jaehyun was already running back to our place. I rush into the door as my knees become weak. My body lays on the cold wooden floor as Jaehyun leans against the wall out of breath. We share some laughter before he pulls me up.

"So wanna tell me now?" He catches me off guard. I push his chest before heading upstairs. He calls out my name one more time.

"Jungkook.. Why are you avoiding it? You're the one who brought this up." He follows me up the stairs. As I reached my room Jaehyun hits my shoulder.

"Stop ignoring me. What is going on Jungkook? You've been acting so off since you came home especially when you got very very drunk last night. You were slurring every word. I'm your brother. You can tell me."

I could tell he really meant. The guilt of ignoring his concerns for me started to eat me inside.

"Let me freshen up first."

I go outside to our back yard seeing that Jaehyun had waited for me in one of the chairs. I take a seat in the empty chair laying my chin on top of my folded arms. I never talk about my feelings nor mention anything like this, but for some reason since that night I can't seem to stop get it out of my mind. He patiently waits for me knowing this isn't something I do.

"It's about Clara." His eyes widen a bit but wasn't in shock.

"Alright.. go on.."

"I said some harsh things to her and I've felt kind of guilty about it. I don't know what to do."

"Hm.. what happened to make you feel this way?" His body shifts towards me a bit more as his arms are crossed in front of his chest.

"Well.. I invited her over to my place about two weeks ago and it was like a group of us. We started to play strip poker because I thought it would of been a fun idea and it would ease everything. I also just wanted Clara to have fun especially since it was our last year together. I just wanted us to be on good terms, but then later on it got a bit.. heated... like Leslie was there too a-"

"Leslie? Like Leslie Leslie? The one who you've slept with and had an on and off relationship." He moves in closer to whisper. I nod in response to his reaction.

"Yes, but that's not the point. Moving on she asked Clara a question about who'd she sleep with in room and she didn't say anyone and then Clara asked me and I said Leslie even though I knew it felt wrong because it wasn't an honest answer. So long story short everyone left and it was just Clara and I. I helped her get dressed, but a part of me didn't want her to leave so I asked her to stay. It was dark in the room and the tension between us was quite.. sensual. She said no at first, but then I asked her again and she said yes. Something about her just being able to stay for a bit made me feel this kind of way. She sits down beside me and the next thing I know, I'm leaning towards her. Of course I had to ask her this question before anything gets any further, but she stopped before I could even continue. She freaked out on me and then I freaked out on her and I said some really harsh things to her.. I told her that she's not my type and that I would never sleep with her and I felt like such an asshole after that. Then Leslie walked in. Oh god. Watching her storm out of the room and not going to apologize in the moment was something I regret, but it built up more tension between us especially our competitive side and I just don't know.. what is this? Do I like her? It can't be that. We hate each other."

Jaehyun doesn't say anything. He pushes his hair back and slouches into his seat. I begin to fiddle with my fingers and my palms began to get a little sweatier. I don't know why I felt so nervous about revealing my thoughts to him. I know he'd never judge me.

"I have a few questions for you."

"Go ahead."

"What were you really going to ask her that night?"

I try to think back to that day. My heart races thinking back to that moment.

"I was going to try to ask her is she's ever you know.. not about her virginity.. just if she's ever.. done more than kissing.." I attempt to say, but it didn't turn out how I wanted.

Jaehyun sighs in frustration. "Jungkook. Isn't that literally asking her about her virginity?"

"Well.. it wasn't intentional. I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I wanted to know if she's done more than kissing like a heated make out..." As I talk to Jaehyun about this I realized what the hell was I even trying to ask? I obviously wasn't going to ask her anything like that at all. I would never. I was interested to see if a girl like her has even done anything fun like that.

"Did you sleep with Leslie after that?"

"No I didn't. It didn't feel right. I had forgotten about Leslie when I asked Clara to stay."

"Jungkook.. Do you like Clara? Perhaps maybe even be i-"

"Don't even go there." I stop him from saying anything further. "I-I don't even know how to feel right now. I don't even know if I like her. I can't talk or even see her without needing to feel like I have to be the bad guy. As if I need to keep that persona. I can't explain myself without her walking away from me. Every time I see her I get all tense and tough. Just like how I've always been with her until this year started. I didn't want to be that kind of guy, but it turns out I am that guy. Always ignoring the things that's bothering me. I feel so overwhelmed to get these grades and be top of my classes. I don't want to use my skills to get back at her. I want to be able to enjoy what I do and not having to turn it into a game to win." I lean my head back on the chair as I sigh deeply while my eyes stare at the clouds in the sky.

"Then don't turn it into a game. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. You don't have to mention about how you may or may not have feelings for her because right now she sees you as this guy who doesn't care about anything but himself. Show her your vulnerable side. Maybe after that you two could develop a slight friendship. I mean Violet and I are friends and we've never felt the need to compete." His eyebrows raise, waiting for me to answer.

"That's because you two aren't the same age and didn't grow up being in the same classes and always seeing each other at school." My voice becomes stern as I stare into his eyes.

"Hey it may not be the same, but I'm telling you Jungkook, Clara sees you as this flirty jerk. A guy who's smart, but who flirts with girls and sleeps with people. What she doesn't know is that there's this whole other side of Jungkook. This side that feels the pain and pressures of being that perfect child. Perhaps you two could potentially bond over that, but hey, I can't tell you what to do or how to feel. You need to figure this out yourself and as your brother I'll help you."

"Well I don't feel anything towards her. Nope. Nothing." I cross my arms while looking away. I was in denial about this whole feelings thing. I couldn't. She isn't who I'd imagine to be with. We're too competitive. I could never.

"You are so stubborn!" He gets up from his seats and huffs in annoyance. He kept shaking his head at me. "You will admit that you do have feelings for her because Jungkook I watch you talk about it. The words that leave your mouth. You care for her, but apparently too blind to see it."

"Stubborn?? Too blind?? Jaehyun we stopped talking for so many years. The only conversations we'd have are about our grades. Always bashing each other, but end up with the same scores. I don't care for her." I follow his lead which causes my chair to push back aggressively.

"You came to me. You asked me. So don't get mad at me for telling you want you're afraid to admit. I told you I'd be there for you and that's what I'm doing, but being in denial won't help this situation at all."

I could feel the my veins slowly pop out of my arms as I start to breathe heavily. The door slides open to reveal our dad.

"Get inside. You two are getting quite loud and I really don't think our neighbours would like to hear the two of you argue at 1 pm."

We both walk inside, both heated from the situation. Our parents separated us. Jaehyun with our mom and I'm with our dad. I sit in his office while my fingers roam through my hair intensely, slowly moving down to my neck where they rested. My dad sighs before coming up to me.

"Look.. Your mother and I overheard what happened. We didn't hear all of it just so you know, but Jungkook-ah.." I look to see his expression. His eyebrows were relaxed as a slight frown appears on his lips. "If somethings going on let us know. We want to support you. I know that sometimes I'm hard on you, but I just want you to be as good as your-"

"As my brother. I know. I think I've heard it enough to know." I slowly exit the room. I see Jaehyun waiting outside the room for me.

"Come on. Let's go walk."

"Okay.. so you're finally admitting."

I throw my head back with a sigh.

"Yes that's what I'm saying. Maybe, but it's not for sure. I still feel iffy." I slowly toss some rocks into the water.

"It's good we went for a walk. At least we've both cooled down.." He hands me a few more flat rocks so we could toss them.

"I know you probably don't want me to talk no more about this, but I'm being serious when I say talking to her is your best option. It will ease things. It doesn't have to be long at all. Until you feel like the atmosphere is less tense between you two."

"I guess.. I'll think about it." I toss the last rock of mine. My body felt more relaxed for sure after getting everything out even if some of it was anger. I felt that Jaehyun and I became a bit more closer especially since we haven't been able to catch up with each other.

"So.. now it's your turn." I shoot him a smirk.

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A/N: this was quite long. I hope everyone enjoyed it!