Warning!!!! Mentions of severe self harm in this chapter!!

•°•°•°•

When I got back to Grandma's I immediately went downstairs. She was used to this, so she didn't question it. Amidst all of the boxes of Disney movies, was a table with circuit boards and electronics sitting on it. I always fiddle with them when I'm frustrated. I want to understand circuitry and how it works and how to fix it. It probably stems from my dad's faulty airbag.

As I tinkered, I thought about Grant's betrayal and the mean words he said to me and about me.

"You're a freak!"

"MURDERER"

"She should just do everyone a favor and get rid of herself!"

My hands stilled on my work as I considered his words. Tears fell down my cheeks as I couldn't help but think he's right. Nobody would miss me. Grandma probably just thinks I'm a burden. And it's not like I haven't thought about doing it before.

Blinded, in a cloud of guilt and rage, I rummaged through my grandma's stored belongings until I found a rope that would do the trick. I looped it around an exposed beam and tied it, then pulled over my desk chair and stood on it.

Just do it already, I told myself. You heard Grant. Nobody's gonna miss me anyway.

With that, I closed my eyes and let gravity take me. As I began to fall, I heard my mother's voice screaming "NO!" My eyes shot open as my full weight landed on the rope.

No no no!! I can't do this anymore! My hands grasped at my neck but I couldn't pull the rope away. I just have to hope Grandma can help me.

I focused my dwindling energy to send my voice upstairs, praying she could hear it. "Help me!" I made it scream.

I know I haven't done this in a while, but it might be my only chance. I focused on the straining rope and forced my voice to scream with all it's might. After another second of struggling, I heard the door to the basement open and my grandmother began walking down the stairs. Her eyes met mine the second she got far enough down to see me. A flashback appeared in my mind of my mother's shocked expression stuck on her face as she died. Her large blue eyes widened in fear. I knew I had my mother's eyes and it was like Grandma was watching her own daughter die. I couldn't do that to her. I just couldn't.

The next second seemed to take a thousand. The rope finally snapped and I began falling as Grandma rushed down the stairs, but moved too fast and tripped. We both fell for so long, yet when I hit the ground, the moment felt too short. I started coughing so hard, my vision went foggy. I fought to get oxygen back into my lungs as I blindly ran to the bottom of the stairs.

Grandma wasn't moving and there was a pool of blood coming from her head. I ran over to my desk and, still coughing, called an ambulance. I didn't want to use my quirk again, but I had to to help Grandma, so I used it to tell them the address, then hung up.

In what seemed like no time at all, they were down the stairs, helping Grandma into a gurney while another EMT examined my throat.

We were both sent to the hospital.

Grandma was still alive.

But barely. There was severe bruising and broken bones and even some internal bleeding.

My quirk had saved me, but it hurt her. How could I have been so selfish? Of course she would have missed me! What had I done?

After I was fully examined by a doctor and a psychologist, they permitted me to see her. It wasn't good. They had cut her open and tried to fix everything, but they doubted she would pull through.

What do they mean? Of course she's going to pull through! She has to! She's my best friend and I have no one else!

I sat with her until the next day when the door opened to reveal a man I had met only a few times.

"Meg! Hey! Are you alright?" Uncle Mic shouted in Japanese. I've discovered that this man's voice starts loud and only gets louder.

"Well, they don't think I can recover. I don't think this will get me down, but what do I know," she replied in Japanese before coughing into a tissue. She pulled it away to reveal a fresh bloodstain. A nurse rushed in, but Grandma waved her off.

"I need you to take her back to Japan with you," she gestured towards me.

"Umm excuse me, but what?!?" I signed forcefully.

"You have to learn how to use your quirk. I don't know what happened back there, but I definitely have an idea." I looked away as she spoke, but she grabbed my hand and made me look at her. "You don't have to live in fear of your quirk. If you are scared of hurting people with it, then learn how you can help them. Mic can teach you." She squeezed my hand as a tear fell down her cheek.

"I'll do everything I can!" He said, but I refused to look away from Grandma.

"I'd like to hear my daughter sing one last time, if you would be okay doing that."

"What do you mean?!? One last time? This won't be the last time, I swear it won't!"

She groaned as she reached up to put her hand on my cheek. "Please."

I leaned into her touch as I focused on my mother's voice and filled the room with it.

"Flower gleam and glow,
Let your power shine,
Make the clock reverse,
Bring back what once was mine,
Heal what had been hurt,
Change the fates' design,
Save what has been lost,
Bring back what once was mine,"

I looked into Grandma's eyes through my tears.

"What once was mine."

She closed her eyes and her hand fell.

I began bawling as the nurse walked over behind me and put her hand on my back.

"Don't worry, she's only sleeping. There's a whole lot more fight in this woman than the doctors realize. She just needs rest. You can come visit again tomorrow morning."

I took a shakey breath and nodded. She's not gone. Not yet at least. I leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Mic stood and guided me out. "Hey, so...uhh...we're gonna stop off at your place for you to pack your things and then we're going to leave tomorrow afternoon. I can help if you want."

I shook my head as the tears kept falling.

"That's alright! I get it. It can be hard to leave home, but she believes this is for the best. We've been planning this for a while, but given the circumstances, we decided we had to take action."

When I made no response, he continued, "Look! I even taught myself sign language so we could communicate!"

I looked over in shock while he signed, "people thought it was too quiet for me, but it's for my favorite niece, so of course I would do it!"

I was impressed to say the least. "Thank you," I signed quickly.

He smiled at me. "Hey, you're welcome! Now let's get you home! I'll start cooking something up while you get your stuff all packed!"

After signing a few papers and clarifying that he was, indeed, my uncle, we left the hospital, got onto a bus and left for home. I bet they'll want me to call Japan home now. I can't believe this.

I looked over at the man next to me. I couldn't help but see his similarity to Dad. He has the same blonde hair, though Dad's was always shorter and more tamed. He has the same nose and smile as Dad that I had inherited. It's something I missed seeing.

Mic had barely aged since the funeral when I had last seen him. I guessed that's when he and Grandma had started talking about sending me away. I couldn't help but feel betrayed, but I understood where they were coming from. I needed control. It was something I had never really had.

So when we got home, I grudgingly grabbed boxes and luggage and packed everything I thought I needed.

At 6, Mic called me down for dinner. I trudged down the stairs to see him setting the table. I recognized my favorite dish immediately.

"Yakisoba!!" I signed excitedly.

"Yeah I figured you would like it!"

I hadn't had soba since the accident. It was Dad's specialty. Grandma and I tried to make it once, but it failed horribly, so I had gone without for so long. I began crying as soon as I started eating. It tasted exactly like Dad's.

Mic took my hand and held it silently. Everyone knew him as being the loud guy. I feel like every time I've seen him, he's been quiet. But I guess most of those times had been somber and he knew to be quiet. Even he had restraint. What was wrong with me?? Why couldn't I learn restraint?

After a moment, he pulled out a laptop and pulled up our flight information. We had to sleep on the plane. How was I going to be able to do that when I had never been on a plane before?

"We can pick up something to help you sleep on the plane if you want," he said, noticing how bad my hands were shaking.

"Yes, please," I signed. I wasn't just scared, I was terrified.

All too soon, my stuff was packed and it was sent to Mic's address in Musutafu. I boarded the plane with Mic and my single duffle bag of necessities. He handed me the cap off the pill bottle with two small pills in it. I grabbed my water bottle and swallowed them. I said a silent prayer to Mom and Dad before the plane took off. The medicine finally kicked in and I fell asleep.

When the plane landed, I was jolted awake. Mic looked over at me with a smile. It was so infectious, that I warily reciprocated. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I took in the place I was supposed to call home for who knows how long. It looked...big. There were so many buildings and they were all clumped together. There must be so many people. My little Midwestern heart couldn't imagine it.

Mic took me back to his house which looked like one of those mansions up on the hills of LA. I didn't want to know what kind of crazy parties he held here as I walked across the living room dance floor. Yeah, he had a dance floor in his living room, as well as a DJ booth and club lighting fixtures. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be spending much time there.

He showed me to my room which had a sleek, white bed, a desk, a few beanbags, a mirror, and two doors which I assumed went to my closet and bathroom.

The new school year wouldn't be starting for another month or so, so I would have time to settle in and make the space mine. Until then, I was stuck with one pitiful bag of stuff in this giant room that was mine now, I guess.

"We can go shopping later for other things you need! Just make yourself at home!" He hopped out of the room and left me to unpack. I know he was trying to lighten the mood, but it still wasn't right yet.

I walked over to the full length mirror in the corner and took in my appearance. I was 5'3" and still growing. I was skeletally thin due to my recent lack of appetite, so my clothes pretty much hung off of me. My curly red hair was going everywhere from all the stress. I ran my finger along the scar on my neck. Why did I do this? Look where I am because of my selfishness. Because I overreacted about a boy. Because I couldn't let Dad handle the problem. I turned to the side and looked down, trying to hide the scar. It sort of worked. I could still see it though, but if my hair was down and I let it cover the sides of my face, there was enough of a shadow that people would either have to be really observant or look harder. I guess I have to get used to looking out of the tops of my eyes.

I looked at myself that way and surprisingly smiled. I didn't look half bad this way. The angle made my eyes look even larger than they already were. It made a cute pout that I decided I liked and for a moment, I felt mildly okay in this situation. Of course it would be an adjustment, but maybe I could really fit in here and be able to help with my quirk. The smile I saw was one of late nights when I was sick. The soft eyes were those of calming when I hurt myself. I saw my parents in me every day. Maybe this would honor their memory. They did try to save me. Maybe I can learn to not screw it up again.

"Koto?" Mic knocked on my door. I walked over and opened it, wondering why he was being so quiet again. My heart dropped as I reached for the handle. Grandma.

I flung the door open and he was standing there, pale, with a worrisome look on his face and I just knew it.

I had killed my own grandmother too.