After fifteen minutes, I arrive at the dance studio and glance up at the cloudy sky, wondering if it'll rain tonight. I didn't bring a jacket. Hopefully, it won't start until I'm home. 

I open the wooden door of the building, hearing excited chatter from the 6 and 7 year olds whose class just finished. They bunch up in the hallway, making it harder for me to get through. 

"Hey!" One of the kids calls out. I ignore it, figuring they're talking to someone else. "Hey you!! Miss?!?" 

I feel a tug on my shirt and look down to see the owner of the voice, a spindly brown haired girl looking up at me with a big smile. 

"Weren't you in the sports festival, Miss?"

I blink at her a few times before realization washes over me. It was televised. I nod, giving her a small smile. 

"What? I don't remember her," a girl with long pink hair pipes up. Suddenly the whole class is debating about who I am. 

"She's one of the first years!"

"Isn't she in the hero course?"

"She was on a team with that giant octopus guy in the cavalry battle!"

"Woah, didn't she nearly get crushed by that robot when the ice guy made it fall?"

"Well…" the first girl speaks up again, turning back to me with a bright smile. "Why don't we ask her about it?"

I gesture for them to wait as I sling my bag off my shoulder and fumble around in it to find my whiteboard and marker. They all stare at me confused as I write on it, then turn it around so they can see. "Yup, that's me!" I wrote. 

"What? Why are you using that?" One kid asks. 

"I'm mute, so I use this and sign language," I write my reply. 

"Woah, really?!?" Some kids speak up. I nod, giving a soft smile at their wide eyes. 

"What's going on out here? Why are there so many people?" A girl with flaming orange hair walks out of the rehearsal space, white cane in hand, her pale grey eyes glancing around blankly. 

"It's one of the students from the sports festival! She doesn't speak though, so have fun talking with her, Lazy Eyes!" One of the girls speaks up, taunting the blind girl. Some of the others snicker at the girl's hurt expression.

"Hey! Stop it!" The brown haired girl cries, rushing over to her side. "Leave her alone!"

"Whatever," the bully smirks and walks away, most of the other girls following her out to the front hall. 

"It's okay," the kind girl says, giving the orange haired one a hug. I crouch down and put a hand on her shoulder. 

"I need to go," she says quietly, pulling away from us. "Nice to meet you."

With that, she makes her way down the hallway. The other girl glances up at me as I stand. "I hate what those girls do to her. That's why I'm gonna be a hero! So they'll know not to mess with her!" She clenches her fist and gives me a blinding smile. 

I grin softly in return, writing, "I'm sure you'll be a great hero," and showing it to her. 

"Thanks!!" She chirps before running after her classmates. 

Man, she reminds me of Kirishima. 

I sigh, placing the whiteboard back in my bag and going to the bathroom to change into my practice clothes. When I walk out of the stall, I take to the mirror, forcing my curls into a tight bun. After I deem my appearance satisfactory, I head to class. 

"Hey Yamada!!" A girl named Akari shouts as I walk through the door, my head snapping up at the sound of my name. I see my classmates all crowding around me, cheering me on about the sports festival. 

I haven't really gotten to know these people, yet they're all being supportive of me. Even though I was the last one to join their class. A heartwarming feeling creeps into my chest and I smile widely at them. 

"You so should've ended up in the final competition!" A girl with caramel skin named Ronnie who speaks with an American accent insists as I put down my stuff. I shrug, putting on my pointe shoes. "That girl with the vines really screwed you guys over huh?"

I cock my head to the side, unsure what she has to do with our team not getting into the finals. 

"You guys were in second when she took advantage of that shadow thing going crazy to take your team's headbands and it looked like she knocked you off, but I guess the ref either didn't see it, or it didn't count as a foul because you didn't actually land on the ground. Who knows, I guess."

I stare blankly at her as I stand, taking in what she just told me. That doesn't seem like her. She seemed so…enlightened during her fight, insisting she wasn't an assassin. Would she really do something so underhanded like that? I guess even if I did hit the ground, it wouldn't be a foul because I wasn't the main rider. It was just Mineta who couldn't hit the ground. Ugh I can't believe we were that far ahead!

She seems to sense my frustration and places a hand on my shoulder, bringing my attention back to her. "Hey, but don't worry about it too much. You'll have a chance to get her back next year, right?"

Her golden eyes flash with admiration as I nod and we move to the bars as our teacher calls us to begin warmups. 

Thunder shakes the building as we carry out rehearsal. All hope of returning home before the rain is gone when the first few spatters on the roof become pounding sheets of torrential downpour. I watch our teacher sigh as the lights flicker and the speakers stop projecting music momentarily before turning back on again. 

"Keep going, guys!" She insists, not allowing the small hiccup in the electrical system to affect our rehearsal. 

That is, until the power goes out completely. I hear groans from everybody as she goes to grab her phone. 

"I guess that means class is cancelled unless anyone has any ideas," the teacher sighs, glancing at the screen that illuminates her face. 

Suddenly, a soft, golden light fills the room. I turn to see Ronnie extending her arms, eyes glowing, as little orbs of light emerge from her fingertips. They float up to the ceiling, casting their warm glow over all of us. I look over at her, amazed and she gives me a big grin. 

"Maybe someone could play music off their phone?" Akari suggests, stepping forward. 

"There's no wifi, though. And even so, it wouldn't be loud enough," our teacher argues. 

Silently, I step forward with my hand raised. When she notices me, I pat my chest, signaling I can help with that. 

"Oh that's right!" Akari squeals. "You have a noise related quirk, right?"

I nod and go back to my position for the beginning of the song we were on, signaling for the teacher to continue. With a wary glance, she tells the rest of the dancers to do the same. 

Focusing on all the speakers, I illuse music, trusting that I have heard the songs enough to have fully memorized them. Thankfully, we get through the rest of the dance without a hitch. 

"I would suggest that we continue, but I think it would be better for everyone to get home before this storm gets too bad," our teacher states. "But good work today and thank you for your patience and improvisation while we dealt with the power outage. Let's do some quick cool downs. Don't forget to do some more when you get home and please take care of yourselves. Today's rehearsal was definitely unexpected."

With that, she leads us through a few cool downs before letting us go. I immediately change out of my shoes and into fresh socks with my black converse, putting on my fuzzy sweats over my rehearsal clothes, hoping they won't get soaked through before I make it home. 

I pick up my bag and walk out of the classroom in the group of all the other dancers. 

"Hey, Yamada! Hold up!" One of the boys calls out to me from behind. I think his name is Touma. I turn and wait for him to catch up. "That was really cool what you and Ronnie did back there!" He shoots me a bright smile, rubbing the back of his head. I grin in thanks as he tousels his navy blue curls. I stare into his lavender eyes for a moment before looking away uncomfortably. 

"Oh, right! Umm…" he stutters over his words fumbling back to the classroom. "You should…I mean we should get going...not together, but…you get it, right?"

He runs back into the class, face a bright shade of red. I nod, confused as to what just happened before turning and walking the rest of the length of the hallway. 

I push open the wooden front doors to be met with the dark, clouded sky and a wall of rain. The cold wind whips at me as I let the door close, pulling my hood up and wrapping myself tighter in my hoodie. 

"Ey, Raggedy Ann! Get under the fucking umbrella!!" A voice calls out from behind me. I turn to see Bakugo angrily stomping behind me, holding a large black umbrella. With a grateful sigh, I run to his side, hiding from the rain. 

"What're you doing here?" I sign, making sure he can see me as we walk down the street. 

"Shitty Hair sent me to pick you up," he growls.

"And you listened?" I raise an eyebrow at him with a small smile. 

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, MUTE!!!" He reaches out and tugs on my hair. I slap him away as he starts walking faster. I jog to keep up. "It's not like we could trust Dunce Face, Raccoon Eyes, or Captain Office Supplies to get you back safely," he mumbles just loud enough for me to hear him. 

I snort at his nickname for Sero. That's a new one. 

"What? You think I should've just left you to get yourself back? If you had gotten sick, it would've been MY fault. Then those idiots wouldn't let me hear the end of it."

I feel myself smile. Even if it's for a selfish reason, the gesture is nice. I look up at a street sign to see we're walking in the opposite direction of the station. That's when his words replay in my mind. 

Get yourself back.

Back?

Does that mean?

I nudge him so he'll look at me. "What do you mean back? I need to get home."

He scowls and shakes his head. "If I brought you to your house, it'd be our luck that I would get stuck there for the night. And there's no way in HELL I'm doing that. No, we're going back."

I sigh, knowing my options are to either go back to Kirishima's house and probably have to stay the night with a bunch of friends, or go by myself back to my house in the pouring rain and risk getting sick or jumped on the way back. At least Kirishima's house is close and warm. 

"Fine," I sign before crossing my arms and huffing. 

"You want me to leave you to go back by yourself? Cause I will!" He growls at me, getting pissed off with my attitude. I clench my jaw, getting equally irritated. I shake my head. "Then why are you being such a whiny bitch?!?"

My resolve to remain calm snaps. I haven't felt anger like this coursing through my veins towards anyone but myself since the incident with Kati. Not even Grant. I shoot Bakugo the harshest glare I can manage, not blinking as I stare him down. My mind seems to think for itself, all rational thought gone. 

What will make him angriest? Ah, I know. 

Right in his ear, I illuse his own harsh voice, speaking my own words, "Why are you being such an insufferable jackass?!?" 

His eyes widen before narrowing back into their deep glare, staring back at me. "How dare you use my voice, Mute! Fuck off!"

"I can literally do whatever the fuck I want and you can't fucking stop me!" I abruptly shove him away from me. The umbrella goes with him and I find myself in the rain once more.

What am I doing?!? What am I DOING?!?

"You know it, too," I continue to illuse and I hear him growl in anger, his free hand sparking. "You KNOW you can't stop anything I do! You said it yourself! I'm mute! But no matter how you try to restrain me or how hard you hit me, I won't stop!"

What am I saying?!? Stop! Stop! Stop!

"You will have to beat the living breath out of me before you can even BEGIN to think you have control over ANYTHING I do!!" I use his voice to shout. 

He walks in front of me and stops me in my tracks, glaring down at me, his face red with anger. "Then why don't you just kill yourself and get it done faster?" He spits at me. 

Don't retaliate. Just walk inside. I try to calm myself down, but my brain seems to have other plans, clouded by anger. 

"DON'T YOU THINK," I send a quick right hook to his face which he nimbly dodges, taking a step back. "I ALREADY," I take another step forward, throwing a left hook which he also dodges. "FUCKING," another right hook. He puts his hands up to retaliate. "TRIED THAT?!?!?!?!?!" I illuse the last words straight to his gut, flinging him back a few feet. 

He stumbles to regain his balance, but he doesn't put his hands back up to fight. I stare at the ground, numbly recognizing his gaze on me, though I can't meet it. My whole body rings with emotion that I can't even put my finger on. 

My body is numb. My brain is numb. My heart is numb. 

I can't feel a thing. 

I can't even force tears to come out of my eyes, even though I know I shouldn't hold them in. They just won't come. It's like a grief that can't be spoken. 

I tried to kill myself. And he so lightly suggests I do it again. 

My legs move forward, though I know I have no control over them anymore. My eyes roam the houses lining the street, searching for the red door. It's like I'm sitting back while somebody else is in control of my body. Where they make all the decisions and all I feel is numbness. 

I hear footsteps splashing behind me. "Yamada-" his voice calls out, but I cut him off.

I don't even bother turning around to illuse his voice. "One word to anyone and you'll be dead too."

The footsteps pause for a moment before continuing behind me. I reach the door and knock, rubbing my arms on the porch, grateful to finally be out of the rain. 

"Hey! Looks like Bakugo found you!" Kirishima's bright voice greets me as he opens the door. All the lights inside are off, so I assume the power is out here as well. My body acts for me, putting a small smile on my face as I nod and enter. 

I take off my shoes as I hear laughter coming from the family room. A soft warm light flickers and I can only assume they lit a candle or something. 

"Man, you're soaked!" Kirishima exclaims. "Dude I thought I told you to share the umbrella!!" I turn to see Bakugo enter behind me. The soft light flickers over his features as he takes off his jacket, the smell of fresh rain permeating the air. His red eyes look down at me, half glaring, half contemplating, though they don't seem to hold any real resentment. 

The smile remains on my face, but I feel my eyes narrowing into a dangerous glare to match his. He merely grunts in reply to our friend as he takes off his shoes and returns to the living room. 

"C'mon upstairs! I'll get you a towel!" Kirishima chirps. I warily climb the stairs, careful not to drip water on the floor. 

He leads me into the dark bathroom and slides open the door to a linen closet. A fluffy brown towel is tossed at me which I catch with my face, stumbling back with a bit of forced laughter. 

Why am I laughing? This feeling of not being in control...why is it making me project that I'm fine? Maybe all the guilt and sadness I've been feeling was lifted off me when I lost it out there. Maybe this is what it feels like to not overthink everything. But…why would that make me feel so numb? I guess numb is better than the sadness. 

Maybe letting myself lose control until I fix my thoughts will be okay. Maybe it's what I need. 

Maybe it's normal. 

I'm faintly aware of Kirishima telling me that there is still hot water, so I can take a shower and get out of my wet clothes. He leaves the room, closing the door behind him as I take out my phone and turn on the flashlight, placing it so the light illuminates the whole room. 

Doing a few more stretches to relax my muscles, as requested by my teacher, I glance at myself in the mirror, taking off my choker and placing it on the counter. I eye my scar with distaste as I peel the wet clothes from my body.

You're an idiot.

I turn on the water and step into the shower, kneading my tense shoulders in the hot water. I wash myself very quickly, careful not to waste the hot water. My body mechanically carries out my usual routine. Eventually, I step out of the shower, patting myself dry with the fluffy towel, though I pay no real attention to it. 

I change quickly into the dry clothes I had on before and tie my wet hair into two tight french braids, the plaits reaching my mid-back. Considering I don't have my stuff to do my usual hair regime, I have to settle for this method. Why are curls so high maintenance? 

I return the choker to my neck, careful to not make the same mistake as last night, accidentally letting Todoroki see my scar. Even this numb version of myself still doesn't want anyone to know. That must mean keeping it hidden is the right choice. 

Packing my wet clothes into a trash bag I found in the cabinets, I place them in my bag, checking to make sure nothing in there got soaked which, thankfully, it didn't. I open the door, using my phone's flashlight to guide myself down the stairs. 

"Hey, so the candle burned out," Kirishima says when I make my way into the living room, everyone squinting at the bright light from my flashlight. 

"You should probably save your battery. We don't know how long we'll be here," Sero says from the floor. I find myself turning off the light, plunging the room in darkness. "Your eyes will adjust to the dark soon enough."

"I say if we need to charge our phones, we just shove the cord in Pikachu's mouth," Bakugo growls from what I can assume is the couch. I feel myself giggle with the rest of the group, but don't know if I actually found it funny. 

I close my eyes that have still not adjusted to the dark, thinking screw it. I activate Echolocation, just making faint white noise that nobody can hear, yet I know they can all feel it. Using the information about my surroundings, I easily walk over to the only open seat, between Mina (I can tell because of her shape and horns) and Bakugo (I can tell because of the way he is sitting, slouching with his legs crossed). 

Of course nobody would try to sit next to him, so now I'm forced to. 

The sounds of confusion from my friends registers, but I don't explain until my eyes open again and the air surrounding us returns to normal. 

"That was me, so calm down," I illuse my usual speaking voice, my mother's, just in front of my face. Bakugo tenses, but the rest of the group screams bloody murder. "It's Yamada, fricken chill!!"

"Oh my… How did… But you ju…" Mina gasps next to me, unable to fully process. "HUH?!?"

"It's called Echolocation. It helps me see in the dark." My illused voice says in a cheerful tone. 

"Woah, that's so cool!!" Kaminari's voice says from somewhere on the floor. 

I find my thoughts wandering as we sit in the dark, blocking out the majority of their conversation. 

Did I really just use Echolocation so casually? Well it's not exactly a secret. It does have its advantages for being in the dark, but it shouldn't be used so carelessly after the effects of my quirk at the festival took a toll on me. 

"Don't you think I already fucking tried that?"

Why would I say that? Why would I say ANYTHING to him? HIM! Bakugo of all people. He's probably never had a true ounce of feeling in him ever. 

So what if I found him crying that day? It was probably because his stupid little ego was shattered. Spoiled brat was probably always put on a pedestal. 

I could beat him if I tried. I could destroy him. Wipe that sick grin off his face. Make him feel the pain I felt, but make him feel it worse. He would stand no chance in a fight against me. He better know that.

"Yamada!!" Mina shouts right in my ear. I blink in shock, only now realizing my fingernails are cutting into my own arms, drawing blood. I hold pressure over the cuts and hum in questioning. "Do you wanna play Would You Rather?"

"Sure!" I illuse the voice happier than I feel. My hands shake, like they're itching to punch something or rip something to shreds. I can't get my eyes to try to focus on anything, they just stare blankly ahead of me. For some reason, I feel the need to bite down on something until this feeling passes, so I shove my knuckles into my mouth, biting hard, though I only feel a dull pain. I can only hope that if people's eyes adjust, they will only think I'm sitting like this in concentration. 

The rest of the group begins the game and I register answering a few of the questions, though I don't actually think about them. The answers just come tumbling out with explanations that sound thought out. I can't stop thinking about what was going through my head before. 

Whatever this feeling is, I don't think it's good.

------Author's Note------

Hey guys!

I know this chapter might've been a bit confusing, but Koto is struggling and doesn't know how to properly deal with her emotions. She may have opened up to her friends, but that doesn't make dealing with this any easier for her.

If you're ever feeling lost like her, reach out. People love you and are willing to listen. And if you feel like you are alone and truly have nobody, I'm always here.

That being said, I hope you guys are staying safe and sane in the midst of all that's happening in our world.

I'm almost done with this semester of college, but my engineering final is gonna kill me. My professor hasn't been great about the whole online teaching situation.

I'm excited for summer to start! It'll give me so much more time to write!

Stay safe! I appreciate all your support!