oops

well

I guess crying is selfish now and it's my goddamned fault mom can't even fucking get help.

sorry.

don't be like me. not at all.
don't even think of showing an emotion around my mom because you'll either be labeled as being an asshole or being selfish. even if she likes you if you show emotions you'll probably get yelled at or I'll get yelled at for being friends with you.

oh an heaven forbid I do something fun that will get me away from this goddamned house and keep a couple friendships strong.
(I just got told by my sister that I had to fucking quit KCC. Yeah yeah, most times I don't particularly want to go but it's because I have been having raging headaches at and after school for no reason and I can hardly function. Yeah mom, I know your mental health is just as important, I get it. but you're taking away something that I have been in since 3rd grade. I actually made friends this year (i have been trying to for the five years I have been in it), and I'll have to leave them and I hate that.. I already don't have that many friends because they have started hating me.. Oh, and just forget about Alexia's birthday. not like my best friend even fucking matters. And she's someone you actually approve of, too. but, you know, not like it even matters anymore. nothing does, if I'm being honest.)

whatever. 

I'm so fucking done right now..

I don't even care anymore. 

I'm so sorry for even bothering you..

I love you all.
stay alive for me, even if it ends up that I can't stay alive for you.. 
Please. 

(note about the song: I actually normally hate this song.. Literally. I would skip it on Spotify and in playlists for this album. The only reason it's on here right now is because the song title was relatable, and I wanted to see if the lyrics were similarly relatable (they are, if you haven't noticed). just thought I should add that in here.. sorry..)