For analysis of the ending and reference to spoilers, read the bits at the end of the 2 posts in italics.
Written: December, 2021
This musical is my current obsession- it is about the turmoils of being gay in a disapproving environment, how this can impact relationships and your mental state and touches on several important topics (albeit also important trigger warnings) which will be listed at the end of this and the next post dedicated to this because I wouldn't want to spoil it right here.
The protagonist, Peter, has come to terms with being gay and his struggle revolves around acting straight and the possibility of coming out to everyone else- particularly his mother. His boyfriend on the other hand, Jason, is still struggling with internally and then further externally acknowledging his sexuality but appears to have no problems with acting the role of a straight man to everyone else. He is the popular kid- the boys want to be him and the girls want to be with him, basically.
I'd like to note, it really hits home for me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, even though I have never been to homophobic Catholic boarding school, because I can see and relate to both Peter and Jason's points of view regarding coming out and accepting myself. It took me years to acknowledge I knew something was off about how I internally felt in correlation with how I lived my life and presented to everyone else, because I was afraid that acknowledging it would make it true or would prove I was delusional or something. So, I buried my feelings into my subconscious and convinced myself I wasn't having those feelings and my instincts are untrustworthy; relating to Jason (it really hits home and is very hard to deal with, especially at the moment- Me, March 2022). On the other hand, when I did start coming to terms with myself, I felt (and currently feel) overwhelmingly guilty for not telling people- particularly my parents- and it can be so desperately hard to keep myself from outing myself to my parents because I had no idea how they would react; relating to Peter.
The 2 scenarios are both very real and justifiable on Peter and Jason's part- it just stemmed from different inclinations and different situations. Some people would take a fake, suffocating identity than publicly (and even privately) acknowledge they are something they've been raised to hate, and some people feel more guilty about not telling people their identity than actually being that identity no matter how much they hate it. It really depends on you- your personality and circumstances and relationships.
Jason and Peter are very different people in this aspect: Jason is an overachiever with...quite bad parents and thus has so much more to be scared about in terms of coming out than Peter- he could potentially lose everything, get beaten up and disowned for being gay; whereas Peter has fewer stakes in the matter, while his stakes are certainly real. Peter, on the other hand, feels like Jason doesn't save enough time for him because he's so invested in his popularity and not appearing at all gay to anyone- so Jason takes him for granted and they aren't able to have an actual dating life. This frustrates Peter and, alongside his guilt surrounding pretending to be straight, leads him to want to publicly come out with Jason.
Continued on the next post! Please read ahead, the next part is about how Peter and Jason's relationship functions.
Trigger Warnings: Teen pregnancy, drug abuse, LGBT suicide, fatphobia, abusive parents, etc.
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