Once Gabe had left with his new "friend", Ryan had pretty much packed up his empty food packets and thrown them into the bin before heading to the exits, leaving Brendon with a shocked expression, still sitting for maybe five seconds before he bolted after his friend. Ryan was half way to the exit by the time Brendon had caught up to him. He'd grabbed his arm and pulled him, making Ryan stop and look at Brendon. Ryan shook Brendon off.

Ryan was confused and a little pissed. So Gabe has been ignoring me for some new fucker he met? Why? What Ryan couldn't figure out is why Gabe was suddenly ignoring him. He just didn't understand anything anymore.

His life had fallen to pieces in only a few short months and he couldn't figure out why. His life had done a 180* in only a few weeks and well, it put Ryan on edge.

He skipped band practises to go and hang out with Brendon at playgrounds. That didn't earn him any points with Mr Weekes or their band captain, Ryland.

'Hey, Ryan, calm down.' Brendon grabbed onto Ryan's shoulder and pulled him out the doors of the shopping centre. Ryan just gulped in air. He'd be unaware that he'd been having a panic attack until Brendon had touched him. He hunched forward, eyes closed and counted up to random numbers and back down. HE couldn't breathe and he was about to cry.

'Just...' Ryan sat down on the bench and Brendon stood right beside the chair. Just fuck off, Brendon. Ryan felt kind of claustrophobic and angry. He just wanted to be left alone. 'Leave me alone, okay? I'll be fine. Just back off please.' Ryan stood up, pushing away Brendon's hand before dashing off.

His head was spinning and Ryan knew he was on the verge of breaking down in tears or something. He felt lost, off. Everything was fucked. Maybe Alice In Wonderland lost. All he wanted to do now was kill himself. Maybe it would be for the best.

He got honked by a car, running across the crossing. Ryan just flipped them off and waited in the shade. He stopped by a tree and leaned against it, typed a message to Gabe, wanting to hit send. He really did. He wasn't in the best place anymore. Maybe he's decided your unstable ass is the worst. Maybe he doesn't want to be around you because you're a fuck up.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he hit send and watched the message go through and he felt like a fucking idiot. Why would he message Gabe? Why the fuck would he want to talk to me? I mean, he probably hates me now. He's got a new best friend or lover, whatever they are and I'm nothing to him.

Ryro: Gabe?

Ryan sighed, pocketed his phone and tried to figure out the way to his place. Fuck it. I'm just going to have a drink. His phone kept buzzing away.

He spent a while trying to get home. He had no idea where he was going and Brendon kept trying to text him. Finally having enough, he power saved his phone and slipped it away.

Once he got home, he frowned at his dad on the couch, beer in hand, staring at their shitty TV. He didn't even say hi. No fucking point. He just sighed and headed to the kitchen, trailing his hands on the wall. The paint was chipping and they were bare.

When his mum left, she took all the photos that his family had off the walls. Every photo up until Ryan was five she had taken. She'd only taken the ones with him in them and left the ones with Ryan's dad in any photo behind. Of course, those photos are nowhere to be seen now, ten years later. His dad had destroyed them a few days after his mum walked out on them.

He'd been out drinking and Ryan was left at preschool for an hour after everyone else had left. Ryan had waited patiently by the school gates, his teacher watching him pick at the grass. Miss Kelly, her name was, had eventually tried calling Ryan's home number and no one had picked up. Ryan had the hope that his mum was going to pick him up, like she said. She promised him she'd be back for him and he'd believed her.

4:30 rolled around and still no one had come to pick little Ryan up. And he still sat quietly, playing with the grass. Panic was slowly rising inside him but he knew his mum would come and pick him up and take him away, like she promised.

Eventually though, his dad's car came speeding around the corner and parked out the front. Ryan's dad got out of the car, smelling like alcohol and shouted for him to get his ass in the car. Miss Kelly had watched Ryan jump up from the ground, a small, confused smile on his little face and he sprinted over to the car, running as fast as his baby legs would carry him. Miss Kelly was worried about him, her lip pulled between her teeth. His dad scared her, how did he not scare the boy?

Still, she waved him off as he closed the door, his little, chubby hand waving back at her.

When they got home, Ryan's dad had stormed inside, taking the baseball bat Ryan used to play baseball with. He slammed the door shut and scared little Ryan, his tiny face scrunching up in confusion as to why his dad had taken the bat inside and why he was mad.

Ryan ran inside to find his dad smashing the left over photos his mum had left behind with the bat, shouting and swearing and cursing her. Ryan hid behind the couch, too scared to move, silent tears pouring down his little face. Glass flew everywhere and the photos ripped. And all Ryan could do was watch his dad scoop the remains up in a bag and tip the glass in the bin, keeping the photos. He tore them up, grabbed a lighter from the basket on the bench. He then lit the corner of a small photo before chucking it into the bin, the rest of the shredded photos with it. Ryan was too scared to move. This wasn't the first time his dad was drunk and mad. The last time he was like this, his mum had come to protect him and he wished she'd hurry and up grab him, take him away. Now, he had to deal with it on his own.

Of course, she never did come and collect him. She left him to suffer through the shit his dad put him through and Ryan resented her for it.

Even now, he felt so much anger just looking at the bare, paint-peeling walls. His house was nothing but a collection of fuck-ups, ruined memories and broken pieces. Much like his family.

He opened the fridge, grabbed one of his dad's beers and walked to his room, clutching the head of the bottle tightly. He shut the door quietly behind him, leaning against it. With a small sigh, he popped the lid of the bottle before taking a swig of it, sliding down the door until he was sitting behind the door.

***

Keltie slammed him into a wall before Ryan could even react, her face red with anger and her arm tight against his windpipe. Joe and Ryland stood behind her, same expressions.

'Where the fuck were you, Ross?' Keltie hissed, letting her grip go but grabbing onto his shirt instead.

'What?' Ryan stuttered, his head spinning. He was slightly hungover after having a few drinks of beer, slipping down to the kitchen after he finished the first beer.

'We had a fucking concert on Sunday. Where the fuck were you, Ryan?' Keltie asked, furious. Ryan must've had a confused look on his face as Ryland frowned and pulled Keltie away from Ryan.

'Ry, do you not remember? We had a band performance?' Ryland stated but it came out as more of a question.

'I don't...' Ryan admitted, feeling slightly embarrassed. He was slipping. Flute was his life, how did he not remember he had a performance? Because you're too busy messing around with Brendon.

'Well, Mr Weekes wants to see you today, during lunch or something.' Joe snapped, scowling at Ryan like he was the worst thing in the world. At the moment, he probably was. He'd left Joe and Keltie to carry the parts of the flutes alone. It wouldn't have been easy since they had different parts and all three of them had solos during one of their pieces.

'Okay. I'll go see him.' Ryan mumbled and clutched at his head. He had a minor headache and he wanted to go home.

Joe and Keltie walked off, glaring at Ryan. Ryan sighed and leaned against the wall, looking at Ryland who was frowning at him in concern.

'You alright? You look off.' Ryland asked and Ryan nodded, catching sight of Gabe chatting to the boy he saw uptown. He despised him. Ryan had no idea what his name was but he absolutely despised him.

'Uh yeah, I'm fine, Ryland. I'll go see Mr Weekes. I'm okay.' He said distractedly, shrugging off Ryland's concern and headed to class, ignoring Gabe and walking over to Brendon, a small smile on his face.

***

Ryan knocked on the door to the music room, hoping that Mr Weekes wasn't in and that he'll be in the staff room. Brendon stood behind Ryan, playing with his wristbands and humming a tune Ryan guessed was his music for ensemble.

'Come in!' Mr Weekes' voice was slightly muffled and Ryan took a deep breath and opened the door, walking inside. Mr Weekes looked up at Ryan in surprise and was slightly more surprised to see Brendon behind him.

'Hello, Ross. Uh, is it Urie?' Mr Weekes said, confused.

'Ryland said you wanted to see me? Also Brendon's here because well, he's my friend.' Ryan's voice trailed off during his last sentence and Mr Weekes nodded.

'Ah. Well, I wanted to see you about this weekend. How come you weren't at the performance?' The teacher asked and Ryan sent Brendon outside before taking a seat.

'I forgot about it.'

'That's not like you, Ryan. What's been happening lately? You haven't been yourself. You've been skipping lessons and practise, not showing up to concerts and I've noticed your playing isn't up to its usual standard.' Mr Weekes noted, raising an eyebrow and Ryan took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

'I've got a lot on my mind. I'm sorry.' Ryan said, feeling like a small child who'd been scolded for taking a biscuit out of the jar.

'Okay. Just try and get your head back into your music, okay? You're an amazing student, I don't want to see your talent go to waste.' Mr Weekes said and turned back to the music book as Ryan stood up, walking quickly to the door. Brendon was leaning against the wall, fiddling with his wristbands again.

'Let's go.' Ryan mumbled, walking ahead of Brendon to make it seem like they weren't hanging together. Ryan glanced at Brendon, who smiled slightly. Ryan slowed his pace before ducking behind L Block and waited for Brendon.

'Why are we here?' Brendon asked, frowning slightly. Ryan quickly looked around, making sure no one could see them then grabbed Brendon's hand, pulling him closer.

'I want to tell you something. Close your eyes.' Ryan whispered and waited for Brendon to close his eyes. Once Brendon had shut his eyes tightly, Ryan took a deep breath before he kissed him, pulling Brendon closer.

____

Hey whats up?

I hope you enjoy this chapter !! I kinda do. It's not my favourite but hey, its something!!

And for those of you who don't read my rant book it was my birthday a few weeks ago. I'm now a year closer to my death :,). Also I'm now 14. Yikes

Also, hopefully there should be another story coming out later this week (or maybe tonight if i don't fall asleep) called Childish Heart so keep an eye out for that. I'll probably put an announcement in here but yeah. 

Vote, comment if you liked this at all !!

Also please point out my mistakes as I tend not to proof read my work that often.

Keep Kissing,
Riley xx