mentions of suicide pls be careful

"Its been nearly a year now."
Thomas stared at the wall, his phone to his ear.
"Yeah." He mumbled.
"How are you?"
Thomas ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm fine, Hercules."
"You don't sound very fine."
"For god sakes- would you please just... leave me alone?"
"Thomas, you haven't accepted anyone's help. You've been alone for so long-"
"Oh! Look at that. Got to go, Hurc." Thomas lied, hanging up the phone. He threw it across the room, and cringed at the horrid sound of cracking.
Whatever.
Nothing mattered anymore.
Its been so long. Most people would be able to get over it in a year, right? A year is long enough for normal people to weep, and get on with their lives?
Apparently not.
Thomas rose from his seat, and walked into the kitchen, grabbing some sort of alcohol to get his mind to stop screaming.

A beer, maybe two later, Thomas was crying.
Tears rolling down his cheeks as he helplessly sobbed into his hands, a beer bottle smashed on the ground, out of a sudden burst of hot anger.
He didn't want to remember.
Yet, he didn't want to forget.
Thomas scanned the room, his eyes still wet and puffy. What did the therapist say to do? Notice little things around the room?
Thomas didn't think it would help, but he desperately didn't want to have another panic attack.
He was back at his parents house in Virginia, in his old childhood room. Holes in the walls from sudden anger, and wanting to kick something, or Thomas trying to bash his head in.
Papers littered around the room, a massive stack of them on his desk, coupons and letters cluttered it. A book sat on top of it all.
A scrapbook.
The scrapbook.
Thomas picked it up and flipped through it.
James was a nerd, Thomas thought.
"Who even makes scrapbooks anymore?" He mumbled to himself, smiling softly through tears as he looked though the book of memories.
"Day at the beach!"
Thomas chuckled at the ridiculous photo, Thomas striking a dramatic pose in his shark swimsuit, and James smiling, an excessive amount of sunscreen covered on his face.
Thomas flipped the page.
He smiled at the brightly coloured photo, with Thomas and James wearing over sized glasses and at least ten beaded necklaces.
"Pride parade!!"
Thomas choked back tears, thinking of the memory. It was one of the best moments of his life. He made so many friends, and had so much fun, he could almost hear the crowds laughing and singing.
He flipped through the album, and let out a quick breath when he got to the very last page of the book.
The only page he contributed to the album.

"Never forget."

A copy of James' suicide note.

Thomas took a shaky breath, and opened it, for the seemingly thousandth time.

"This is James Madison, 2016, March 26th. This is my last day of life. Whoever may be reading this, I would like to apologize for my sudden absence. Its not my life that was bad, it was my brain that was sick. Sick beyond healing.
Thomas, if this is you reading, please remember that this is not your fault. Don't do anything stupid once you see this. I still love you. I just hate myself. I'll be with you, darling. I always will be. I love you, Thomas.
I don't have much in life, but put  all of my life savings to charity.
Goodbye."

James died from blood loss later that night.

"Why'd you do it, James?" Thomas whispered, clutching the note tightly.
"I could have helped you.."
"I could have done something, but you always seemed so fine."
"I could have told you I loved you more.."
"I could have..."
"I..."

Tears fell harshly onto the note, as Thomas curled up into a ball on the floor, unable to move or speak.

"Why would you leave me, James?"

His voice was a croaked whisper.

"I loved you so much."

"I still do."

Thomas Jefferson took his life on April 8th, 2017. There was a short note, explaining to send his money to the same charity James sent his. He said nothing about his family, on why he did it. All he left the world with was one scraped message.

"I'll see you soon, James."

I know this is rushed and badly done, but this is just a issue that hits close to home. To all the people that are going through some rough times, and are pondering suicide, please don't go through with it. Whoever you may be, you're better than that. Life is hard. I know that. And I'm not going to lie to you and say that it's going to get better, because it might not. You have to make it better for yourself. Seek out help, go to a therapist. Please, just don't resort to hurting yourself.

Suicide prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255

Kids help phone: 1-800-668-6868

Please stay safe. I love you all.