Also known as "I Had A Rough Night and am Self Projecting".
Anyway.
This was written in like 15 minutes and barely edited.
It's probably trash.
Oh well.
Here you go.

~TH~

Noise. Noise everywhere. Noise on the streets. Noise in the bunkroom. Noise in every room. Noise everywhere. 

It was overwhelming. It wasn’t even unusual. The boys were always loud so why did he suddenly find it so incredibly unbearable?

Race flinched as one of the younger kids let out a shrill laugh as he ran from one of the older boys chasing him. Everyone was so loud. They were having fun. Race wanted to have fun. He wanted to join in with all of the laughs and shouts, but he couldn’t. It was like something was holding his heart. Something was pulling it down. Something was squeezing it and shaking it and somehow making his ears become ultra-sensitive. 

A buzzing had settled in the back of his brain. It was like he had a headache, but his head didn’t actually hurt that bad. It was just… loud. So many voices at once. So many things clawing for his attention. 

He pressed the palm of his hand into his ears, trying to take deep breaths. 

He needed out. 

In the chaos, no one noticed him leave. Good. He didn’t want to bother anyone, he just needed to be left alone.

Race went downstairs, sitting on one of the old chairs. He closed his eyes, letting the silence wash over him. His brain was still buzzing. His heart was still pounding. But it was quiet. It lasted about five minutes.  He jumped as he heard a humour filled scream and pounding of feet. They were coming downstairs. Why? Weren’t they happy making ridiculous noises upstairs? 

He couldn’t handle it. He felt like he was going to burst into tears at any given second. He just wanted them to STOP TALKING. Not even that. Just stop SCREAMING. Stop being so loud. Stop making his breathing become harder to control. 

He pushed away, going back upstairs. It was still loud. They had just spread out. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t just ignore it. He’d been doing that for hours. He’d been sitting on his bed trying to just mentally block out the noise but it wouldn’t work. Now he was going to go mad. He was going to scream or cry or something. He couldn’t just stay trapped with all of the noise! Why couldn’t people just SHUT UP!

He didn’t know what to do. The window. It had to be quiet out there. Or at least more quiet. There had to be less voices, less screaming.

He slipped through the window. It was just getting dark, the sun still up, but slowly going to sleep. What Race wanted to be doing at the moment. He climbed to the top. Jack’s penthouse. He wasn’t up there. Neither was Charlie. They were both having fun downstairs. 

That was part of the problem. Race WANTED to be having fun. He wanted so bad to be able to handle the noise. He wanted to enjoy the time with his friends. Time he would never get back. Time when they were all happy and together. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t handle the noises. The voices. 

He pressed his back against the wall, ducking his head between his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut. He just wanted it to all go away.

The noise was gone, but he still couldn’t breathe right. He dug his finger nails into his forearm. He just needed to breathe. Just breathe. Breathe. BREATHE. WHY COULDN’T HE BE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND JUST BREATHE???

He gasped, unable to correct his oxygen flow. He squeezed his eyes tighter and concentrated hard. He forced himself to breathe slowly. Forced himself to adjust to the world around him. 

He would be fine. 
He would be good.
If the buzzing in the back of his brain would just go away.

Eventually, his breathing evened out, but he didn’t move.

A few minutes later, he heard someone coming. He looked up, noticing for the first time that it was dark.

“Race?” 

He jumped to his feet just as Jack climbed onto the roof. 

“There you are! We couldn’t find ya.” Then he looked at him. “You okay?”

Was he? No. Not really. “Yeah, yeah. Jus’ kind have a headache. Thought the stars might take it away.”

Jack laughed, “Well, did it?”

No. He felt some better, but he still felt…. Strange. He couldn’t explain it. He felt on edge and like anything could set him off.  “Yeah. I think I’ll head back down now. Try to get some sleep.” He also felt like NO ONE WAS ALLOWED TO KNOW. Not that they wouldn’t be understanding. They might even try to be quieter or leave him alone. But he just couldn’t. He was Racetrack Higgins! No one could know that he sometimes couldn’t breathe because people were talking! How stupid was that? If he thought it was, surely they would think that too.

“You don’ have to if you don’ want. It’s definitely nice up here.”

“Yeah, it is, but, I, uh, I think I should go back down.”

“Okay.” Jack studied him. 

“You sure you okay?”

“I’m fine. Really. See ya in the morning.”

Race wasted no time disappearing down the ladder. He passed Crutchie on the landing. They both smiled and went there separate ways. Nothing unusual. Just Race being anti-social. They probable all hated him for it. They probably wondered why he hated having fun. Why he had to be so boring. 

Race crawled into bed, feeling only slightly better. He crammed his head underneath the nearly flat pillow and pressed down as the noises got louder. 

He would be fine. 

Really he would be.

~TH~

I’m struggling tonight.

Anyway.

Let me know what you think.

God bless,
Jamie