A/N: What? Another update?? In the same week???

Inspired from the newly released song

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   They were arguing again. It seemed like all they ever did now. She was so tired of it. Couldn’t they see that was what half of their problems were before, and now… now that he was gone… that’s what they should be focused on right? I mean they were, but they were focusing on the past and what they could have done. How they failed their son. At least that’s what Zoe heard her Mom questioning once when she wasn’t aware. They were so focused on that pain from the past that they weren’t focusing on the child they actually had left. She was affected too.
   
   But that was okay. She wouldn’t let them see. She would hide it. Mask it so they wouldn’t know. They just wouldn’t understand, and Zoe didn’t want to bother them when they were too wrapped up in grieving now. Maybe that’s what she should be doing. That was what she was supposed to be doing but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do that. It wasn’t like she was very close to him to begin with. Maybe before… but then things changed. Suddenly another raised voice followed by an accusation. Never ending.
   
   Zoe quickly walked by the bedroom down the hall, looking down the whole time until she was safely in her own room. She closed the door behind her and just stood there for a second before gently sighing. She knew everyone at school viewed her differently now. They pitied her, she’s the girl who’s brother killed himself and ‘oh wow that must be a huge shock to her since her family is so perfect.’ Yeah well her ‘perfect’ little life was ruined for awhile now. They were The Murphys: a loving mother, a hardworking dad, a good daughter, a good son… such nice siblings. That’s what it looked like.
   
   It was much different in reality. The Murphys: a mom who was too focused on keeping herself occupied with other things besides her family, a dad who was in denial, a girl trying to survive, and a brother who pushed everyone he knew away until it was too late. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried. She wanted to help him, but he always shut her out. To be honest, she had become afraid of the brother she used to love so much… hating to be the victim of his outbursts, and managing to avoid them whenever she could.
   
   Zoe settled for sitting on her bed, not wanting to get too absorbed in her thoughts. She let her eyes wander around the room, until they landed on her guitar she used to practice for jazz band at school. She stood up and found herself walking to it and holding it. The girl gently traced her hands across the smooth wood and figured practicing her next solo would be a good way to take her mind off of all of this. Moving back to sit, Zoe started strumming some chords to warm up. She was happy to have been given a small solo in this upcoming performance, and didn’t want anyone to think she was incapable of doing it since this terrible thing happened.
   
   Her hands froze for a second and she stopped playing the little tune she’d done. Zoe remembered it almost like a distant memory. That was the tune that he’d said he actually liked. In those brief moments of time when he would acknowledge her...
   
   “Can you not play so loud? It’s pretty annoying.”
   
   “You’re annoying. Besides, you’ve never complained before.”
   
   “Well just keep it down okay?”
   
   “Okay… but do you at least like it?”
   
   Silence.
  
   “... I think it sounds fine. I like it. Now leave me alone, and please keep it down.” As he left and she continued playing, she could have sworn there was a small smile there.
   
   Zoe found herself smiling at the memory before giving the guitar another strum. She didn’t dare play those notes again however, settling for a simpler tune to play instead. The chords were almost like her life in a way. They were out of order and didn’t really make anything, but to anyone on the outside looking in it sounded like a decent song.

   “When it’s just you, and some song that you don’t know how to play…” She hummed along to it getting lost in the music and paused a moment to get her journal. Now Zoe wasn’t normally one to write songs, but whenever she had something in her head she just had to get it down.
   
   She found the journal, a blue one with faded stars etched on its cover, and returned to the guitar to write down her feelings. Zoe spent she wasn’t sure how long exactly, just writing words and strumming along to them. It just sort of came out of her, words flowing so freely without a care if the people below could hear her. As she reached what would be the final verse her voice suddenly caught in her throat and she had to stop. She wasn’t quite sure what it was that triggered the sudden emotions, actually surprising herself by them.
   
   The girl became aware of the sudden silence filling the house. It almost felt foreign. One of her parents most likely left the house to get some space, and who knows what the other was doing. Something was missing, anyone could tell, and that bothered Zoe more than anything. The reality of the situation didn’t make breathing any easier, but she managed to find a way to keep it together. One of these days she would grieve for Connor… but today was not that day.