Me: Hey, guys! Happy Sunday! Welcome to another episode of "Ask Musical Characters".  Laurens, if you will?

Laurens: A-yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, what time is it?!

Everyone: SHOWTIME!!!!

Me: Today's request is from SamBam260.

Catherine of Aragon: Huh? A reaction? That's new.

Usnavi: I'm excited for a change of pace!

Hamilton: Yep. So what song will we be reacting to? 

Me: Well, you guys know the movie "Mean Girls"?

Everyone: Yeah?

Philip: I love that movie! Theo and I watched it on our first date!

Hamilton: You're dating Theodosia BURR?!

Philip: Um...

Me: (Under my breath) Well I ship it!

Hamilton: We'll talk about this when we get home, young man!

Burr: I'm gonna have to talk to my daughter...

Me: Well, back to the topic. "Mean Girls" became a musical back in 2018.

Heather C.: Whatever. The Plastics are like rip-offs of us!

Me: Shut up, Heather! Anyway, the song we will be reacting to is called "Revenge Party". It takes place after Cady sees Regina stealing Aaron back right in front of her. She goes to Janis and Damian to tell them, and the three of them plot to take Regina down.

Heather C.: Pathetic. Veronica, if you did that, I would drop you so fast, it would make your head spin.

Me: Heather, to the timeout corner.

Veronica: (Drags Heather to the timeout corner) Good riddance!

J.D.: You said it!

King George: She was a nuisance.

Me: Yep. Anyway, let's get on with the song!

https://youtu.be/Yj9nQbcMBgk

[JANIS, spoken:]
Now you know, Caddy, Regina George is not your friend
We are your friends

J.D.: Wait, Veronica, she sounds just like you!

Veronica: She actually does!

And we're gonna make her pay

Vanessa: Well, that's one way to put it!

[JANIS, sung:]
You know what friends do?
They've got your back
And they're fun to be around

[DAMIAN:]
Woah, woah, woah

[JANIS:]
When someone hurts you
Then they attack
And grind your foe into the ground

[DAMIAN:]
Woah, woah, woah

[JANIS:]
Imagine a party
With dresses and cake
And singing and dancing and cake

Daniela: Wow, she must REALLY like cake.

And there's a magic act
That saws Regina in half
And this time it will take

Sonny: (Sarcastically) That's not unsettling at all! Estoy disgustado! (Translation: I'm disgusted.)

[DAMIAN:]
Now that's a party

[JANIS:]
A Revenge Party
A party that ends
With somebody's head on a spike

Katherine Howard and Anne Boleyn: (Put their hands around their necks)

[DAMIAN:]
Woah, woah, woah

[BOTH:]
It's a Revenge Party
With your two best friends
It's like a party with revenge is what it's like

[JANIS, spoken:]
For this to work
You're gonna have to pretend like you still like them
Can you do it?

[CADY, spoken:]

Yes! Hey, girl

[GRETCHEN, spoken:]
Hey... Regina wanted me to tell you that she tried to talk to Aaron, but he just wanted her back and that's not Regina's fault

Lafayette: (Sarcastically) Yeah, I'm buying that COMPLETELY!

[CADY, spoken:]
I get it, I just hope I can still have lunch with you guys
[GRETCHEN, spoken:]
Aw, of course

[CADY, JANIS & DAMIAN:]
It's a Revenge Party
A party that ends
With entrails all over the lawn

Hamilsquad: (Shudder) Thanks for bringing THAT image back from the war!

Laurens: Yep!

It's a revenge party with your two best friends

[CADY:]
And then I end up with Aaron when she's gone

[JANIS & DAMIAN:]
Yes, Cady!

[CADY:]
I end up with Aaron when she's gone

[STUDENTS:]
What's Regina doing?
What's Regina wearing?
Is she dating Aaron?
Regina, Regina
She has everything
She gets everything
Regina, Regina, Regina

Burr: They sure sound salty.

Hamilton: YOU'RE one to talk.

[JANIS, spoken:]
Next, we take away Regina's only achievement, being a hot person

[REGINA, spoken:]
What is that?
[CADY, spoken:]
Ugh, I'm so fat and disgusting
I use these Kälteen diet bars when I need to lose weight

Heather M.: Ha! Little does Regina know...

[REGINA, spoken:]
I need to lose three pounds
Bring me a whole box

[CADY, JANIS & DAMIAN:]
A revenge party
A party that ends
With somebody crushed and alone
[JANIS:]
And ugly crying
[CADY, JANIS & DAMIAN:]
A revenge party with your two best friends
It's like a party with revenge, it's what we're throwin'

[STUDENTS:]
What's Regina eating?
God, look at her figure
Did her boobs get bigger?

Angelica: (Gasps) Why is that so important?!

Me: That's what high school kids care about, I guess...

Eliza: I'm appalled.

Regina, Regina
She has everything
She gets everything
Regina, Regina, Regina

[JANIS, spoken:]
We got to go harder
If we make Gretchen Wieners think Regina is mad at her
[CADY, spoken:]
I won't do that, Gretchen is fragile

Heather M.: Poor Gretchen...

Anna of Cleves: You said it!

Philip: Just YOU wait a few moments later.

[JANIS, spoken:]
Exactly, and if we crack her open she'll spill something we can use
[CADY, spoken:]
Shh, here she comes
[REGINA, spoken:]
Stop pulling it down, your hair looks sexy pushed back
Cady, would you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?
[CADY, spoken:]
Your hair looks sexy pushed back
[AARON, spoken:]
Um, thanks
I'll see you in Calc

Jane Seymour: What's "calc"?

Sonny: It's short for "calculus".

[JANIS:]
At every party, there might be a lull
Where the energy dips

Hamilton: Yeah! It's when everyone gets hungover from the booze!

[DAMIAN:]
Woah, woah, woah
You might be thinking it's late we should go
And they ran out of chips

[CADY:]
No, no, no
I can't even watch when she touches his hair
And I've watched a snake eat a cow

Jefferson: Is that even possible?

Madison: I don't know... but I don't want to see if it is.

Usnavi: I wouldn't, either.

Regina needs to be toppled
Sorry, Gretchen, I swear we'll get our party now
One candy cane, please

[CADY, DAMIAN & JANIS:]
A revenge party!
A party that ends with lions in a Roman arena

[STUDENTS:]
She has everything
She gets everything
Regina, Regina, Regina

[DAMIAN, spoken:]
Ho, ho, ho
Candy cane gram for Shane Oman

[STUDENTS:]
She has everything

[DAMIAN, spoken:]
And one for Caddy Heron

[STUDENTS:]
She gets everything

[DAMIAN, spoken:]
Four for Glen Coco, you go, Glen Coco!

Everyone: (Applauds because that line is ICONIC AS HECK!)

[STUDENTS:]
Glen Coco, Glen Coco, Glen Coco

[DAMIAN, spoken:]
And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye

Catherine of Aragon: Poor girl...

Catherine Parr: I feel bad for her.

[GRETCHEN, spoken:]
Who sent that?

[CADY, spoken:]
Aw, it's from...

[STUDENTS:]
Regina! Regina! Regina!

[CADY, spoken:]
Thanks for being such a great best friend

[GRETCHEN, spoken:]
Caulk! Caulk! Caulk! I mean cute. I mean, gimme it. I mean... okay, well, if you and Regina are best friends now, you can be in charge of keeping all her secrets. For example, she bought you those high heel shoes just to make fun of you 'cause she knew you wouldn't be able to walk in them. And she's not really blonde, her natural color is dark blond. Also, she totally cheats on Aaron.

Eliza: Well, who does THAT remind us of, huh?! 

Everyone: (Points to Alex)

Every Thursday she says she has SAT Prep but really, she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the North Shore Lion's Costume

King George: (About to throw up) Well, there goes my lunch.

[CADY, spoken:]
She makes him wear the costume?

[GRETCHEN, spoken:]
NO, THEY'RE BOTH IN THE COSTUME!

Nina: Well, thanks for putting THAT image in my head!

Benny: That's just... BEYOND unsettling.

King George: (Rushes to the restroom)

Me: Georgie in the bathroom... wait, wrong musical.

And I never told anyone because I'm such a good friend

[JANIS, CADY, DAMIAN (STUDENTS):]
It's a Revenge Party
A party that ends
With somebody's head on the spike
A Revenge Party (She gets everything)
With your two best friends (She gets everything)
It's like a party with revenge is what it's like (She gets everything)
A party with revenge is what it's like (She gets everything)
A party with revenge is what it's like (She gets everything)
A party with reveeeeeenge is what it's like!

Me: So, how did you guys like the song?

Katherine Howard: It was upbeat! I liked it!

Anne Boleyn: Yeah, except for the "head on a spike" part. That brought back too many memories...

Philip: I think it went well with the movie, too!

Eliza: But the part where they all ask about Regina's "figure" was appalling. Why would they want to know if her...chest got bigger?

Me: Like I said... high school is when they pay attention to all that stuff.

Nina: Yep. I may be in college now, but senior year of high school was a nightmare.

Veronica: You said it, Nina! I couldn't agree more.

Burr: Not my style of music, but... it was okay.

Mulligan: It makes me want to throw a rager! Lafayette, Laurens, and Hamilton, meet me at the bar tonight!

Carla: It makes me want to just get up and dance.

Jefferson: Eh, there are better songs.

Philip: (Slyly putting his hand on the doorknob out of the studio) Well.. (talks fast) that's all the time we have for "Ask Musical Characters"! See you next time! Bye! (Runs out the door)

Hamilton: (Runs after him) PHILIP HAMILTON! YOU GET BACK HERE, YOUNG MAN!!!!

Me: Bye! Feel free to request stuff in the comments!

[A/N: I'm thinking of expanding this to dares. If you want to dare the characters, feel free to do so in the comments!]